quickie
Irish priest, english vicar and scottish minister on a ship, ship starts to sink so vicar jumps up and shouts "save the children" the minister jumps to his feet and screams "aw fuck the children" the priest stands up and says"have we time?"
( Dill, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 14:14, Reply)

Whats the definition of self destrucion?
An epileptic leper.

Ok so the rest aren't really sick as such but they're some of my favourites.

Whats the definition of honesty?
A pregnant woman paying for two on the bus.

Whats the definition of a cheap skate?
The bus driver who claims it might be twins.

Whats the definition of innocence?
Nuns working in a condom factory thinking they're making sleeping bags for worms.
(Quiet, you!, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 14:10, Reply)

Makes me wretch...
Jack and Jill went up the hill
so Jack could lick Jill's fanny.
All he got was a mouthful of cum
'cos Jill's a fucking tranny.
(JonnyMX, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 14:07, Reply)

All aboard for the train to hell...
What do you call two somalians floating down a river?

A drifter (remember the bar?)

What do you call a somalian standing on a snow topped mountain?

A 99.
(Quiet, you!, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 14:05, Reply)

probably millions of these
What's worse than having Michael Jackson babysit your kids?

Having Ian Huntley give them a bath.
(Quiet, you!, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 14:02, Reply)

I am going to suffer the fires of eternal damnation for this I just know it
What's pink and goes red at the touch of a button?
A baby in a blender.

What's green and smelly?
Same baby three weeks later.

What's blue and orange and sits at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with deflated armbands.

What's worse than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.

What's worse than a dead baby in a clown suit?
A pile of dead babies in clown suits.
(Quiet, you!, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 14:01, Reply)

what do you get when you put a baby in a blender
an erection
( Vultan the real one I threw my little yellow shoe, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 13:59, Reply)

whats the worst thing about fucking a 3 year old?
Cleaning the blood off your clown outfit

Just saw my other hitler joke on another page, dammit!!
(Heinemeister, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 13:26, Reply)

another...
whats the record for getting people into a Volkwagon?

1940 Germany, 2 germans in the front seats, 2 in the back seats and 3 million jews in the ashtray.

Probably already been posted!!!
(Heinemeister, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 13:22, Reply)

joke
whats green and hangs on your veranda?

Its my nigger and I can paint him any colour I like!!
(Heinemeister, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 13:20, Reply)

a couple of jokes...
what's blue and doesn't fit?
a dead epileptic


what's the differece between a paedophile and a greyhound?
the greyhound will wait for hares/hairs


oh, and i just remembered...

how did the black girl know her mother was on her period?
her brother's cock tasted funny


what's black and white and red all over?
an interracial couple in a car crash
(OuEstMonPantalon, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 13:15, Reply)

Quit bitching about repetition
There's been almost 1000 entries in 24 hours, who the fuck has time to read through the entire of it?

Your mum.
(Daveh, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 12:55, Reply)

Not very good but...
Whats Jewish for "fuck you"?

"Trust me".
(Wrecked Tums, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 12:39, Reply)

Spastic goes to an ice cream van
The man in the van asks him what flavour he'd like.

"doesn't matter, I'm just going to drop the fucker anyway"
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 12:27, Reply)

Deeply sorry
These may come over as a tad racist but there really is no other way to tell them, here goes:

What do you call a Paki that doesn't smell? Asif

What do you call a Lesbian Paki?
Mingita (Minge eater)

What do you call a Paki in a Karaoke bar?
Gerupta Singe

Did you hear about the Paki that fucked a Princess?
He burnt his dick on the exhaust pipe.

How many Essex girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they all screw in Cortinas.

What's the difference between a piece of toast and French men?
You can make soldiers out of a piece of toast.

How does Victoria Beckham screw in a light bulb?
Holds it in the socket as the world revolves round her.

That's all for now, What time's the next train to Hell?
(Lord of my Ring, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 12:25, Reply)

Emailed this joke to Keith Chegwin once. No, really!
What`s green and hairy and goes up and down?

Your mother.
(widdy, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 12:19, Reply)

Man walks into a bar, and says
"Argh, Fark, that hurt... shit, I'm bleeding..."
(BurningFeetMan, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 11:13, Reply)

As it's 9/11 ...
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
New Yorkers. 110 stories in 15 seconds.

WTC - What Trade Center?

What music was playing in the lifts of the WTC?
"Jump" and "It's Rainging Men"
(Speccy, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 10:29, Reply)

Why did the chicken cross the road
It was stuck on my cock.
( badbadger, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 10:28, Reply)

Hillsborough
What do Liverpool and the North Pole have in common?
They're both minus 95.
(Speccy, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 10:21, Reply)

What's the differance between Hitler and Puala Radcliffe
Hitler actually tried to finish a race!
( The Ginja Ninja, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 10:11, Reply)

not very good, actually
What goes "fuck, fuck, fuck"?

A very rude chicken.
(Tiny Clanger and his vibrating badger of DOOM, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 9:54, Reply)

Q&A
Got a Few...

Q: How do you tell if a black woman's pregnant?
A: Shove a banana up her cunt and if i comes back half eaten you know there's a monkey on the way!

Q: Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A: Stephen Hawkings in a house fire!

Q: Whats knee-height, brown and bumps into tables?
A: Jordans Baby!

Lightening Bolt For One!!!
(grantn, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 9:26, Reply)

I went to the hairdresser the other day
And I asked her for a number one. She pissed on me.
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 8:34, Reply)

More bad bar jokes
What's better than winning the special olympics?
Not being retarded.

What's a 1 foot high, pink and dances?
A baby on a bbq grill!

What's funnier than a dead baby in a clown suit?
A dead baby in clown suit sitting next to a retarded kid.

What do elephants uses for tampons?
Sheep

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3, one to screw it in, one to get me a beer and one to suck my cock
(La Chockita, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 4:41, Reply)

Whats 12 inches long and sits on the floor at the bottom of michael jacksons bed?
his latest boyfriends trousers!
(Mrt1977, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 3:42, Reply)

What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't come all over an apple before I eat it.

(I don't care if it's been done, it's my favourite dead baby joke.)
(give to ian, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 3:42, Reply)

jamie bulger
a policeman knocks the door of jamie bulger's mum and says "does your son ever do drugs or drink alcohol?"

no she replies, why do you ask?

the policeman relpies "well, we have just found him stoned and half cut down at the railway"

---------------


jamie bulger's mum goes onto the bus and says "one and two halfs to the town centre please"
(Mrt1977, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 3:39, Reply)

What's the worst thing about the "fucking 20 x year olds" joke?
There's 20 of them.
( SqueakyG, Sat 11 Sep 2004, 3:25, Reply)