and another one!
Q: Whats so great about fucking twenty three year olds?
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A: THere's twenty of them!!!!
(Phagenius, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 21:36, Reply)

another one
Q: What did the little deaf, dumb and blind boy get for Christmas?
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A: Cancer

BTW My family were at a restaurant having a nice meal and my younger sister had the kids menu. On it there were competitions for colouring in and the like. One was for a joke. Of course I sprung up with this corker, rather loudly I might add. Nearly the whole restaurant heard. I was getting lots of disgusted looks from parents. My dad just went very quiet and said "I'll talk to you later", man I got a bollocking
(Phagenius, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 21:20, Reply)

joke
Q:Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
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A: Getting Raped
(Phagenius, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 21:19, Reply)

Long One...
A man is visiting his elderly father at his apartment, when the warden suggests to him that his father might be in need of more full-time attention and that he may be better suited in a rest home. The man explains the situation to his father.
Son: Dad I think it's time we put you in a home, so you can be looked after properly.
Dad: No son, I'm fine, really I am... Don't put me in a home.
Son: There's a very nice retirement home just near us, we'll just book you in there for a week, and see how it goes... ok ??
Dad: Ok son, but only a week.

The dad is packed off to this home and the next morning wakes up in a nice comfortable bed, with a nurse asking what he'd like for breakfast. He chooses a full english breakfast and is about to tuck in, when he realises he has an eretion, sticking out from beneath the sheets. He immediately goes to cross his legs, but the nice nurse says "let me deal with that.." Much to the mans astonishment, the nurse starts giving him a blowjob, a really wet filthy blowjob, he can't believe it.

After the ordeal is over, the father rushed to the phone to call his son.
Dad: Son, I'm definately staying here, this place is marvellous, I woke up with a stiffy this morning and the nurse gave me a blowjob !!
Son: Oh, good for you dad... I'll be round to see you later.

Later that day a nurse comes in to tell the elderly man that his son is here to see him. the father gets up and head towards the main entrance, unfortunately he trips over in the hallway. Whilst he's bent over, and cunning male nurse runs up behind him and gives him a piece up the arse. The aged gentleman screams and the nurse runs off.

The elderly man finds his son begins explaining what had happened.
Dad: I just tripped in the corridor and a male nurse buggered me. I'm not staying here if that's going to happen.
Son: Well come on dad, you did get a blowjob... You just have to take the rough with the smooth.

Dad: But Son... I only get a stiffy 3 times a year, I fall over 3 times a fucking day!
(DudMasta, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 20:08, Reply)

Bindun ??
Q: What's the difference between little Susie and all of her friends ??

A: Little Susie's dead :(


Q: Why is little Susie's coffin 25 feet long ??

A: They couldn't seperate her from the train line :(
(DudMasta, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 19:54, Reply)

A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school...
Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk. As you might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Whoa!!!
PULL IT OUT!!!
PULL IT OUT NOW!!!
I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!
(Hartlepool15 aka []Chips[] So you don't have to, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 18:38, Reply)

One way ticket to hell please...
What would Linda McCartney be doing if she was still alive?



Dying of cancer.


I suck.
(squireyboy, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 17:51, Reply)

...
If you're a sado-masochist necrophiliac with a thing for bestiality - face it, you're flogging a dead horse.
( Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 17:48, Reply)

gary glitter
gary glitter has said if he gets executed he wants to be cremated and his ashes put in an etch a sketch so that the kids can still play with him.
(cafcfanmikal, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 17:06, Reply)

black joke 3
after hurracaine katrina, three black men were found in purple dinner jackets floating in the sea police described them as "the drifters."
(cafcfanmikal, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 17:04, Reply)

black joke 2
a black man goes to the doctors and says "doctor doctor i can't stop running!"
the doctor puts a white line of powder on the table to which the black man sniffs immediately. "FUCK ME! IS THAT COCAINE?" asks the black man.
"no its persil, stops colouroids from running. replies the doctor.
(cafcfanmikal, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 17:00, Reply)

black joke
what do you call 100 niggers running down a hill?
a. police break
b. mudslide
(cafcfanmikal, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:52, Reply)

not sick but funny
there is a kid who doesn't know any swear words. he goes for a walk with his dad and his dad gets into an argument with a policeman. he says to the policeman "you are a bastard".
the kid asks what a bastard is, to which his dad says " a policeman".
the get home and the carpet is torn and his dad says "O SHIT" and the boy asks again. What is shit, to which his dad replies "the carpet is shit."
the kid goes into the kitchen where his mum is cookin the turkey "O FUCKING HELL" says his mum. once again the kid asks "what's fucking?"
to which his mum replies "the turkey is fucking."
he goes upstairs and his brother is playing a game on the playstation. his brother loses a life and says "O BULLOCKS" and the kid asks his brother, "whats bullocks?" to which his brother replies "the playstation."
There is a ring at the doorbell, so the kid opens it. he sees the police officer who his dad called a bastard at the door.
so the kid who didn't know any swear words says, "oh hello bastard wipe your feet on the shit, my mum is in the kitchen fucking the turjey and my brother is upstairs playing on his bullocks."

HAHA thats all for now.
(cafcfanmikal, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:51, Reply)

Back in the wild west days, two guys in a saloon getting extremely plastered after a hard week's work.
One says to the other, "'ere I bet you two dollars you can't drink that spittoon"
The other replies, "I bet I can!" and proceeds to pick up the spittoon and drink it down.
The first guy is utterly alarmed and shouts "Stop! stop! I was only joking!", but he doesn't until the spittoon is empty.
"Why the tarnation didn't you stop?", to which the 2nd guy replied, "I got to a stringy bit..."
( Haku Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:46, Reply)

Elton John is getting a divorce!
He found out his husband was having sex behind his back

probably been told already - but meh
( swaza I'm bad, I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:42, Reply)

Kids say the craziest things
Little boy: "Mum, why does Daddy have two willies?"
Mum: "Don't be silly, Dad only has one willy."
Little boy: "He has two."
Mum: "No, your Dad only has one willy!"
Little boy: "No! He has two willies! He has a small one that he goes to the toilet with, and a big one that he brushes my teeth with."

/not funny
( swaza I'm bad, I'm bad. You know it. I'm bad., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:40, Reply)

What's yellow and looks good on a policeman?
A JCB digger.
( Haku Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:18, Reply)

You all know what's brown and sticky but...
Q: What's brown and runny?

A: Linford Christie
( Haku Orange Whip? Orange Whip? Three Orange Whips., Tue 7 Feb 2006, 16:10, Reply)

Oldie but goodie
What did the deaf, dumb and blind paraplegic kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Oh happy days!
(Weebop, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 15:56, Reply)

what has two legs and bleeds?
women
(bloodyHassocks, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 15:15, Reply)

A
young native american boy sees a child being given a name in his village. The Shaman appeared from his tent, looked around and said 'I name this baby Flying Hawk'. He went back into his tent, and the little boy followed him in. The little boy asked him how he chose the names for the new kids in the village. The Shaman replied that he let nature guide him and provide him with inspiration, for example he had left the tent just now and seen a flying hawk, hence the name. He paused, looked at the boy and said 'Why the sudden interest Two Dogs Fucking?

boom boom shoot me now
(bloodyHassocks, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 14:00, Reply)

What's black and has 27 tits?
The rubbish bag outside the cancer clinic.
( moogman, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 13:43, Reply)

.
what do you call a blanket blowing around a field?
an anorexic's picnic
( monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 12:39, Reply)

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Why was Jesus crucified alongside two thieves?
Because if he wasn't nailed down, they'd have nicked him.
( monkeon schmonkeon, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 12:38, Reply)

sickness............
A recently married young lady goes to the doctor. "Doc I have nausia and a really uncomfortable bloated stomach".

"No probs" says the doc "I'll have the nurse take blood and urine samples and I'll see you next week for the results".

Next week comes around and our bride is back at the surgery.

"Well" says the quack, "I hope you're not adverse to changing nappies".

"Why" gushed the young lady excitedly "Am I pregnant"?

"No" says the doc "You have bowel cancer".

sorry
(happyinoz, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 11:02, Reply)

Stutter joke....
Q: Whats another word for a cocoon?

A: A ni.. nigger.



See you all in hull!! :p
(Dunk79, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 10:11, Reply)

whats brown, wrinkled and taps at the window every 5 seconds?
A baby in a microwave.
( prem1um is full of life, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 9:52, Reply)

Sickest joke I know
Whats the difference betwen a rock and a baby?

You cant fuck a rock
( Furness, Tue 7 Feb 2006, 9:07, Reply)

Thought this up on the train home...
Man A: "The woman who lives next door to me got raped last night!"
Man B: "Blimey! Has she told the police?"
Man A: "Not if she wants me to tell her where I buried her daughter!"

Haithenkyew!
(Plyck, Mon 6 Feb 2006, 22:31, Reply)