whilst on the rock and roll
orange squash in pubs - classier than tap water
( harryfreeze Ignore, Hide, I like this!, Reply, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 20:11, Reply)

Ah, the joys of being a student...
For the past month or two i've been living off single cheeseburgers from burger king... mainly because 40 quid has to last me a week..

Also i've been smoking rollups made from the contents of ashtrays or scabbing fags off mates.

This should be continuing til January when the college get off their arse and pay 136 squid into my bank account. Good thing is that it only has to last me a month...
(Squeak Endut! Hoch Hech!, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 20:03, Reply)

Poor, Poor Pitiful Me
Being a philosphic sort of person in a Philistine sort of country, I have had to find many non-traditional ways to support my own self:

1. Collecting other people's garbage and making "art" out of it for gullible tourists - biggish money if you have the artiste's slovenly, bitter superiority act down.

2. Saving the ashes and smoking them a second time. The high isn't great, but it more than kills the pain from the incipient Black Lung Disease it causes, so it's a plus.

3. Several guys who grew their own would gladly get a straight guy wasted to get into his pants, so I played straight. Not difficult, just odd.

4. Friends would bring ALL their not-quite foods to one kitchen, and a ghastly looking feast would ensue. Always edible, with enough booze.

5. Money could always be gotten from Mr. " ", who had certain needs others didn't really enjoy satisfying. Suffice to say he would bend over and my hands would be warmed. And messy.
(meatybrain, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 19:58, Reply)

Asked a tramp for any spare change
And its not as if he could say he had none.. it was siting in a hat infront of him.

Needed money for fags and was only 20p short. The tramp kindly obliged and was reembursed with not one, but two of mayfair's finest ciggies.
(Lex0r, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 19:52, Reply)

End
of term at uni. Nobody has any money at all.
"Hey," says my mate. "I've just found out how to get all the money out of a leccy meter! Do you want me to do yours?"
"Woo" says my other mate. "Go for it!"
"All right!" says the first mate, and vanishes downstairs to the hall. There is an absolutely fucking unholy racket which suddenly makes other mate wonder precisely what method is involved in this 'getting all the money out of a leccy meter' lark.
So downstairs he goes to find first mate standing there with a coal hammer in his hand, about five quid in 50p coins at his feet and a million fragments of what had once been the leccy meter scattered around the hallway.
(And yes, he did subsequently get arrested for it and only avoided jail by paying to have the meter replaced.)
Oh and there was always the old favourite of blagging into gigs (I was mates with the ents secretary) then, when the lights went up and everyone was leaving, checking the floor just in front of the bar for dropped change - and I used to be able to pick up fifteen or twenty quid on a good night...
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Fri 8 Oct 2004, 19:20, Reply)

Just remembered one!
my mate once made me a birthday dinner. We were both VERY poor but she sprung for a very expensive pink fleecy jumper (my birthday is in January) meaning she had no money left, for a month *guilt* . My birthday dinner was super noodles on waffles and a mini pizza with a candle on. It tasted great, wax and all!
NB- not a birthday candle, a BIG church candle that covered about 80% of said pizza and melted on in the time it took us to stop laughing.
(carpediem, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 19:11, Reply)

My first flat.
It was the main social area for "the group", there were about 50 of us, all into our various drugs and dealing. My flat had one HOOGE room that everyone chilled in, the door was always on the catch an everyone just came in, made a spliff an passed it round. As we used to get rancidly off our titties in there frequently (and it was impossible to hoover with so many people in all the time) there were normally little finds of a pill or piece of weed daily. I decided to clean, kicked everyone out, and gutted the place. On my travels around the giant room I found 14 grams of cocaine, still bagged, 2 and about 3/4 9-bars of marijuana, more than a hundred pills and various brands of acid tabs as well as the usual decks of 20 ciggies and rolled up notes. I put all the drugs in paper bags in a hat and charged anyone who dared a tenner for a "lucky dip". Made many pennies that month. Ah the joys of being poor.
Apologies for length.
(carpediem, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:50, Reply)

I busked once
when I'd run out of beer/tapas money in Barcelona.
I made a sign saying 'Talentless, please help' in English and Catalan, then sang a medley of comic verse.
After 45 minutes a bloke started being sleazy at me so I scarpered, but I'd got the equivalent of fifteen pounds - a far better rate of pay than my current job in academic science.

edit: I should probably mention that I can't actually sing very well.
( MissPrism, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:28, Reply)

The Peir
there is a nightclub in wigan called the peir
and on a wednesday night, it was student night, they used to give out free half pint vouchers (1 per person) - unfortunatly!!!, i knew one of the bar staff, and he'd let me constantly give in reems and reems of these, so i could get mashed for free

i'd take one home and scan it, then print a sheet on card. Students - resourceful as ever!

also on one occasion, a few of my less poor mates, kept getting their pints stolen, but "minesweepers" (people who drink the dregs of what's availalbe - left or unattended)
one mate decided we'll get revenge, by filling a pint glas with piss and ice cubes - then topping it up with a bit of lager - we all sat waiting to see who drank it
- and boy did we laugh when it got drank


(names withheld to protect aforementioned people aside from peter mason that theiving skanky wanker)
(VashTheStampede http://www.b3ta.com/features/howtopoachanegg/, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:27, Reply)

Oats
A guy at work went to Edinburgh University. One of his flatmates decided food was too expensive so he bought about 25 bushels of rolled oats at the start of the year and ate nothing but porridge until February. Then he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Scotland's first case of scurvy in the 20th century.
(rogerzilla, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:20, Reply)

Hungry
I went to a swimming competition when I was in the Cub Scouts and, after winning the "treading water" competition (what an athletic feat) felt a bit peckish. Sadly I had no money whatsoever so I spent half an hour scrabbling around under all the vending machines in the place. I managed to find 12p which I instantly converted into Refreshers and Flying Saucers. Then I was very, very thirsty.
(rogerzilla, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:14, Reply)

Hopeful....
A student friend of mine had 20 quid to last him 3 weeks till the end of term so he bought 20 scratch cards.

He won a quid.

Chump
(Fat_Baz_turd, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 18:02, Reply)

When my wife ran off with all the money...
I waited until 9 p.m. or so (when the local shops closed for the night), and then went door-to-door borrowing cat food from the neighbours. I claimed my cat was hungry, and had forgotten to buy cat food.

I then split the "good stuff" with my kitty. See, I was too proud to admit my wife had cleaned out the bank account, and I had no food in the house. It took three days of hunger, but I did sink that low.

After that, I resorted to stealing from co-worker's lunch boxes until I got paid from my job (about a week and a half later). I think they suspected, but no one said anything.
(i.am.jamie, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:54, Reply)

when i was a skint student
in the third year i lived on poached eggs on toast. and every now and then i would make the foulest garlic and fish pasta thing imaginable and chow down on it.

i also managed to rack up huge amounts of debt using the tesco trick with my debit card, where you go into tesco's, buy some fags (about £2.50) and then ask for £10 cashback. the great thing is that you can get cashback even if you're overdrawn on your overdraft. the bad thing is when the bank finally catches up with you...

my only employment in three years at uni was two hours handing out flyers outside a nightclub. £25 for two hours work wasn't bad, but then they told me they didn't want me to go back.
( krang, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:53, Reply)

My Dad is a Geordie......
.....and when he was wee he told me that his mum used to take him into the butchers and ask if they had any scrag ends for the dog.....only for my Dad to pipe up 'but Mam, we haven't got a dog!'
That and going into a chippy and asking for a bag of batter........
(Foxy McClumpha, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:42, Reply)

Not very Christian
My mum used to collect money for Chrsitian Aid. Drop the envelopes round the estate and then go round a week later to collect them up. When i was skint, i used to nick them. I basically took food directly out of the mouths of starving African children in order to finance my addiction to soft-core pornography.
(inactionman, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:18, Reply)

scienists have been into a morgue and found out palmistry is real
All the people who died of natural causes (aka not hit by a car, more like cancer or some other disease) all had highly similar hands. In other words their hands had the life line very short or somewhat.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:14, Reply)

For a bet, I liked a dogs face for half a pack of cigarettes.
I no longer smoke nor do I lick dog's faces*.





*Yes, I know you read that as feaces.
( Your Mum, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:14, Reply)

Bad mummy
When I'm broke I frequently nick money from my kids piggy bank....always with the intention of putting it back.

Don't think I ever have though.

Good thing they can't count yet...

Oh well - 10 years from now they'll be stealing tenners from my purse - little buggers
(Peelmytangerines, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:09, Reply)

When I was younger...
I was out of money, so I invented this bullshit mysticism stuff.

And called it palmistry.
(fogbat, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:06, Reply)

One other thing.
My mum is really into palmistry.

She had a look at my hand last night. Turns out I've got these lines stretching towards me next to middle and pinkie finger which mean I will never be short of money, or if I am, then I shall be able to easily obtain some.

Seems true at the mo. I can find coins much more easily than any of my friends. Most I ever found in a week was about £1.50, when I was a little lass of 2-3 old ladies randomly gave me money (most given to me was a £5 note), last week my music teacher gave me 10p that she found on the floor (?) and my dad is rich.

So, hah!
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:04, Reply)

Peelmytangerines reminded me of something.
When ever we go to drayton manor. To save dosh I just nick all the complementary milk to save on money. No-one's ever asked why we carry round milk in our pockets.

I like the vinegar as well, but not straight after milk. I eat the sugar as well, sometimes mixed with milk, don't like ketchup, brown sauce or mustard though. Though pepper is nice. In moderate amounts.

Edit: Oh and in a draw at home, we have years of old sauces and condiments. We use the sugar when we run out. I don't trust the other ones, except the lemon handwipes.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 17:00, Reply)

Really Stupid - but I married him anyway
My husband - who at the time was just my mate - went to Atlantic City on a gambling trip once.

Anyway, he not only lost all the money he came with, but all the money his parents had oh-so-stupidly put into his account for his last year at Uni.

When it was time to go back to Uni, he just went and bummed around Montreal for the year as he couldn't afford his fees. He never graduated and to this day his parents don't know he didn't do his final year.

I don't let him near any Casinos now 'cos he's whipped - and crap at cards.
(Peelmytangerines, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 16:58, Reply)

When I was 7 or 8
I wanted to get my mum a box of chocs for her birthday. She sent me off with some spare change since my mam can be nice. Plus I was 7. I added up all my monet but I didn't have enough for a box of quality street. So I sat down and cried.


People gave me money when they saw how sad I was.


Ended up with about £3+ and got my mum the Box of Chocs.

Now, when people see old pictures of I, they say "What happened?"

Pffft.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 16:58, Reply)

Dangerous but lucrative
Once when I was about 18 and at 'Canada's Wonderland' - a massive amusement park with excellent rides, my friend and I were broke and hungry.

Ignoring the warning signs, we snuck though the fence under one of the rides and forraged through the grass collecting the change that fell out of people's pockets as they were flipped upside-down. We also had to pick through some rather gruesome items too, false teeth and condoms stick in my memory.

Anyway, we found about $20.00 - enough for some hotdogs and funnel cake.

Next week we read a story in the paper about someone who did that and got kicked in the head by someone on the ride. (It was one of those rides where your legs hang down). Anyway, he died, and the girl who kicked him broke her leg really badly.
(Peelmytangerines, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 16:51, Reply)

A great man once said...

Grass will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no grass.
(Steve The Monkey, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 16:41, Reply)

shame
Once living off potatoes ran out of salt-unthinkable to eat them without, so got some roaad grit (the stuff they put on when its icy) and distilled it -voila free salt for me spuds. Also knew best spots for fag butts-bus stops and tube station entrances.
(jimpugh, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 16:18, Reply)

The ongoing shame of poverty...
Post-university, pre-getting a job, I spent a year living on scabbed rollies from my housemate and occasional bowls of plain pasta. If I ate, it was a good day.

I'd love to look back and laugh, but now the council have caught up with me about some unpaid council tax and demanded a sizeable monthly payment, so I'm back on the plain pasta...
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:52, Reply)

Ahhh
I get paid monthly, and a shit wage as well i might add.

almost at the end of EVERY month i'd be too skint to buy any baccy. luckily for me i'm lazy and don't empty ashtrays.

yay for month old, used tobaco!

Also, as any good student does, i sell crap on ebay, giving it a shit background saying it's haunted or some other bullshit.
( Snorty McBumhole YouTube.com/MinistryOfGeeks, Fri 8 Oct 2004, 15:47, Reply)