If your happy and you know it clap your hands....
It's not unusual to have fun with anyone,
It's not unusual to take your sister up the bum.
And when you come home form the pub feeling randy,
it's not unusual - to give your sister ten pence for a hand shandy.

Comedy genius.

Also

We're in Caernarvon now,
Whoooa, whoa we're in Caernarvon, now.

To the tune of "We're in the army now."
(ThatFineLine, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 18:55, Reply)

Agadoo
Aga-doo-doo-doo
Push Pineapple, Shake a tree
To the left - to the right
Jump up and down and have a shite
Come and dance, every shite, let's have a whole vasectomy

It was not until many years later that i discovered what that fabled word meant...
( bloojam Is back(ish) in bl3ck, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 18:50, Reply)

Back again
Here is how I mangled Tubthumping:

I get stuffed up!
I blow my nose again
You ain't never gonna keep me home
I get stuffed up!
I blow my nose again
You ain't never gonna keep me home

Sneezing the night away
Sneezing the night away

He takes a sinus pill, he takes an allergy pill
He takes an advil pill, he takes a tums pill
He takes a pill to relieve him of his headache
He takes a pill to relieve him of his stomache ache

Don't cry to me, ask your doctor...

And then you sing it again. And again and again until your mom tells you to stop.
(dragonrose, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 16:52, Reply)

Counter melodies
Whenever I hear "Rock DJ", I have to sing "Tasty, tasty, very very tasty" in the style of the old cerial adverts.

Whenever I listen to "Vertigo" by U2, of course "vertigo" is replaced with "Birmingham", but it is then followed by "you dont really love me, you just keep me hangin' on"
(davidbachman2028, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 16:39, Reply)

Lyrical butchery
Heres some of my favourites:
In "Two Become One" by the spice girls, I changed it to "Two become Three" and the "be a bit wiser..." bit to "should have been a bit wiser, should have put it on, should have put it on".
(davidbachman2028, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 16:33, Reply)

Picture it ...
Christmas 1992, St Machar Academy, Aberdeen. Last day of school - Final School assembly of the year.

We always had to sing nonsense religious tunes "of the season" before we could feck off home at 3pm. This particular year tho "Sing hosannah ..." became "Sing ye wanker, sing ye wanker, sing ye wanker yer a fuckin' prick". Sung by the whole entire balcony - teachers included. Everyone was pissing themselves laughing afterwards. The heedie wisna too chuffed.
(fudge the return of the man with the cat on his head, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 16:26, Reply)

Stupid mate from school
Used to sing along to the police classic 'Message in a bathtub' and the absolutely awesome Madness song 'One step Behind' (Which he was at least)
(ceebs, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 15:08, Reply)

A song my mum used to listen too was Crush by Jennifer Paige
me and my brother sang
"It's just a little thrush
It makes me itch every time we touch
Its just an itchy minge
And you will itch too if I sleep with you"
How witty we were
( Pope George-Ringo quick Alter Boy, to the Popemobile, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 14:33, Reply)

Milk,
Milk,
Lemonade,
'Round the corner chocolate's made
( Laughing Boy, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 14:21, Reply)

One more...
to the tune of "tie me kangaroo down"

"Bestiality's best, boys
besitality's best
bestiality's best, boys
bestialitys best."

It then goes on to include such verses as "stick your pole in a mole" and "intercourse with a horse".
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 12:35, Reply)

My mate's brother was convinced
that the line "get the cool (nananananana) get the cool sunshine" from Gorillaz 19-2000 song was actually
"get the cool shoe-shine".

Not so much funny as utterly fucking bizarre.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 12:33, Reply)

Jamiroquai
"Futures, made of, homosexuality" - drunken mate from school. We now sing it all the time.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 12:26, Reply)

alternative words to copa cobana
written for my friends hannah, how everyone thought was a man

His name has Ha-nn-ah
He was a chick-boy
With dried semen in his hair
And his bits tucked under there
He did sucky sucky, for ten dollar
He wore a gag, as he liked to holla
To him it wasn’t a chore, to be a dirty whore
he had many STD’s and his ass was sore

At the copa, copa-co hannah
Not feminine in any kind of manner
At the copa, copa-co hannnnnnah
Rope and some lashings will stop him from thrashing
At the copa, give it a shove.

Copa-co-hannah,

(trumpet)

Then now hannah
she’d had the sex change.
on the shelf behind the bar
she kept her penis in a jar
but all those hormones, they made her queasy
men all kept coming, as no one was so easy
And now she had a hole, she could meet her goal
Without even touching the sides, fuck a telegraph pole

At the copa, copa co hannah
To enter you’ll need a route planner
At the copa, copa co hannah
It is best if she sucks it, cos she’s like a bucket
At the copa, wear a glove

Middle 8 copa co hannah etc etc

And now she’s hannah
She works on helpdesk
Reminising of her tepid past
From the pain within her arse
And from her colleagues, there’s only one wish
Is that she shut her legs and rid the smell of fish
It did not work her plan, she’s changed from a man
And to top it off she’s a lesbi-an

At the copa, copa co hannah
Wearing dungerees and handy with a spanner
At the copa, copa co hannah
Go sailing on a barge, on her river of discharge
At the copa,, run away love!!
(starbrightboy, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 11:55, Reply)

ITS TEQUILA!
OH RIBENA!
It makes me happy!
OH RIBENA!
It makes me happy, yeah yeah

*shkaes head in disapointment*

foolish mother
(Attention Whore, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 11:30, Reply)

when chumbawumba was still popular, i was quite young
my friend and i used to sing along going "pissing the night away! just pissing the niiiiiiiight away!" thinking that the actual lyrics were kissing the night away. we thought that we were hilarius.

i just recently learned that the song actually goes pissing the night away.

does it count if you think you're singing the wrong words but are actually singing the right ones?
(sponch!, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 8:53, Reply)

i don't know why i'm admitting to this but...
the first time i heard fortress europe on need for speed underground i thought it was saying

"twenty-twenty-two,a ---------------*
robochrist controlling the buddha"

I'm still not sure what it really is...
*no clue WHAT this is
(That guy with a hat., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 8:27, Reply)

"my hat it has 3 corners"
A friend's version: "My ass it has 3 corners,
3 corners has my ass,
my ass it has 3 corners,
and my man ain't down with that."
(Luna loves you., Sun 30 Jan 2005, 6:54, Reply)

he's got the whole world in his pants
he's got the whole wide world in his pants
he's got the whole world in his pants
he's got the whole world in his pants.
EVERYBODY!

Bon Jovi: Half way there.

Woah, we're half way the-ere
Woah, I have no pubic Hai-r
etc.

Natasha Bedingfield:

These curds are my own..
From my fart flow.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.

Threw some curds together...
Cobination ci-vil war...
(davey_binbag, Sun 30 Jan 2005, 2:57, Reply)

madonna
like a burgess
touching for a very good time
( abandonnship, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 23:44, Reply)

From 'Who Built The Ark' (Old School Hymn)
A line of the song is 'who made hyenas laugh?'.
Being a young child, I assumed that 'hyenas' was someone like a great discover or something, maybe greek. heh.
(KingLawrence 4 GASH, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 22:12, Reply)

nuff said.
Down at the bottom of the garden,
with all the birds and the bees,
there lives a lot of little people,
they're called GYPSIES!!!!
(Ash_Pow is now available in extra medium, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 21:25, Reply)

Wham!
"Club Tropicanas drinks are free,
there's enough for everyone.
All thats missing is the sea,
but you can still sun tan"

Surely some mistake? These could not be penned by internationally acclaimed singer/song writer George Michael? It must have been Ridgely!

(with credit to TMWE)
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 21:18, Reply)

yet another to the tune of my bonny lies over the ocean.
My one skin lies under my two skin.
My two skin lies under my three.
My three skin lies under my four skin
So peel back my four skin for me, for me.

Peel back,
Peel back
Peel back my four skin for me, for me.
Peel back,
Peel back
Oh peel back my four skin for me.
(randy the gnome, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 20:53, Reply)

And another one...
Sund to the tune of "Winter WOnderland"

Killing dogs
cause we like it
Killing cats
for the fuck o'it
Ran under my car
It didn't get far,
Killing people's pets just for fun!

In the meadow we can cornhole hamsters (hamsters!)
Dont' forget to bring the masking tape
(masking tape!)
If we run out we can get some more pets,
Down at the SPCA.

Later on, we'll retire
Roasting dogs by the fire
We're not chinese,
we just do what we please,
Killing people's pets just for fun.
( Art101 You all have an unhealthy and morbid fascination, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 20:42, Reply)

Sung to the Crhistmas song: "We 3 Kings"
Me and a buddy recorded a few songs for a Christmas party, printed songsheets for everyone and actually got everyone to sing this:

We threee queens
Are dying of Aids,
We won't live to see Christmas day,
It got started when Bruce farted,
Then he came in my face,

Ohhh
You should kill us 'cause we're queers
Put a shotgun in our ears
Take a knif and end our life
Because there is not a cure...

Disclaimer: We're actually very tolerant, but have very sick senses of humour.
( Art101 You all have an unhealthy and morbid fascination, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 20:39, Reply)

tatu and billy talent
to the tune of tatu's "all the things she said"

all the clit she licked
all the clit she licked
and she gave me head
and she gave me head

this is not my muff (oh oh)
this is not my muff...

father, looking at me
can you cure my vd?

cant remember the rest of the words but it was invented whilst drunk and walking past dudley zoo.

to the tune of billy talents "try honesty"

chorus: fucking my father
why did i bother?
try anal sex!
try anal sex!

sorry about length xxx
(pimmel, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 20:32, Reply)

Outkast - Hey Ya
about 2:47 in to the track
"Shake it, sh-shake it, shake it (oo-ho)
Shake it, sh-shake it, shake it (oo-ho)
Shake it like a Polaroid DIVA"

Embarrassingly, it was me that got this wrong and ended up in an agruement at work! I like to think of a polaroid diva as some sort of "readers wife"!!
Nice mental image!
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 20:04, Reply)

Paul Young
"every time you go away...
...you take a piece of meat with you."
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 19:56, Reply)

To the travel-out jingle on BBC Radio London
you can sing "PISS FLAPS ON TOAST!"
After a while it is hard to stop.

( collapsibletank procreates, Sat 29 Jan 2005, 19:51, Reply)