Kids with cancer make me feel nice
I ply them with booze a trillion times
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson
I am a paedo.
(_, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 23:15, Reply)

Evita "Oh what a circus"
Renamed for the "other" Princess of Hearts

"Oh what a circus, oh what a show,
The world has gone to town
Over a dead princess, they called Diana
They've all gone crazy
It's good for the country in a roundabout way,
It made the front page of all, the worlds papers today

Oh what an exit, that's how to go
When your chased by photographers
Get crushed in a tunnel, somewhere in France
When your driver's drunk as an assssss"

Sorry.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 22:59, Reply)

Song?
SONG?

WERE MAKING A FUCKING MUSICAL

"Penis! the musical" (all rights reserved to bruce... not me) including such hits as "Penis Christ superstar" and "At the end of the Penis"


any ideas... send em to [email protected]
( Iananan Formerly known as el-rodente, not that you care, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 22:54, Reply)

hey you!! thief!! person (stephenjwz)
Us geordies sing that to the smogs(boro)
your sister is your mother
your brother is your father
there all shagging each other
the smoggy family

And there's another version but instead of smoggy its scouser


Theyre all inbred motherfuckers in smogland
(just_steve, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 22:11, Reply)

neighbours
I sang: 'neighbours, pick a snot and taste the flavours'
They sang: 'neighbours, pick a snot and eat the flavours'
i knew i was right
(just_steve, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 22:06, Reply)

'My Bum Will Go On'?
Titanic. Song. Someone probaly did a better version, but I shall chime in with my immature 11year old verse.

'Once more, you opened my drawers... and you're here, in my bum, and my bum will go on and oooooooooon...'
*sing in best Celine Dion impression.Then vomit. *
(ZooLurker is an angry chick with a mullet!, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 21:38, Reply)

kinda off topic a bit..
but have a repoast from ages ago..I made it to celebrate the mishead lyrics of Metallica's "one"

go to www.xiiiclothing.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/landonew.html

link html's nto working for me..might be teh beer
(Balphaus, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 20:59, Reply)

Singing along to Andrew WK's seminal classic 'I Get Wet'
replacing every single word of every single song on the album with the word 'party'.
(Moo Lefty Drinking From His Own Udders since, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 20:57, Reply)

Smitten
And who can forget the Atomic Kitten classic, with the new lyrics of 'You can fill my hole again...'
(MrJelly, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 20:51, Reply)

Baby duck?
Not terribly well known, The Calling have a track 'Unstoppable', it contains the line

"You became my favorite drug"

But if you listen carefully, the singer is actually saying

"You became my baby duck"

(listen here, careful as it starts in the middle of the song with "...became my..." www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/clipserve/B00005K9T9001001/1/103-9702372-0643823)
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 20:39, Reply)

Northumberland, about 1979-80 (I was eightish)
1. Don't know the name of the tune, but can still hum it.

I'm only a poor little spacker
JR buggers me
His wife is a cunt
His mother's a drunk
And his brother lives under the sea.*

* reference to a children's programme in which someone looking like Bobby Ewing lived under the water. Strange contrast to the rest of the song.

2. More of a Limerick

Diarrhoea, sniff sniff
Diarrhoea, sniff sniff
Some people think its funny
But its really very runny


3. One of many ...

Jingle bells
Batman smells
Robin flew away

The batmobile
Has lost a wheel
on the M1 motorway
(woodchopper likes chopping wood, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 19:59, Reply)

Children love making up thier own words
My all time favourite was English country garden, often a few of us would sing err alternative words, but one day assembly opened to a rousing chorus of

"Pull down your pants and suffocate the ants, in a english country garden"

que entire hall breaking into laughter, teachers included

We did have the alternative lyrics for most of the song, but alas lost in time.
(Spoonlord, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 19:16, Reply)

my saints fan mates favour:
your sister is your mother
your brother is your father
there all shagging each other
the pompey family

when they're not using the already posted anti scouser ones (I'm a liverpool fan, though I'm from hampshire so they don't bother me much).
(stv318uk, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 19:15, Reply)

"New York, New york"
"Start treading on poos,
I'm thieving from gays,
I want to breath a fart a bit,
New York, New York,
I want to wake up with a midget who never sleeeeps"

.....a rough recollection of something i 'wrote' to the famous tune when i was a wee bairn.
( Kung_Fu_Russ ran out of amusing signatures on, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 18:58, Reply)

My scouse friend ruined my ability to enjoy
a lovely bit of classical music. Now whenever I hear "Spring" from Vivaldi's 4 seasons (a favourite in supermarkets and weddings everywhere) I now have to sing the new experimental lyrics...

"Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Child Porn!
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Child Porn!
Child Porn! Child Porn! Child Porn! Child Porn!...
repeat under your breath forever.
(BadKittyDirtyKitty, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 18:06, Reply)

A few snippets.
From a hated Bon Jovi hit single.

Oh, we're halfway there
Oh, we're living off welfare
Take this check, go spend it somewhere
Oh, we're ripping off welfare

Credit must be given to a performer I only know as Uncle Dirty: send a missive to me at felis_concolor(at)hellokitty(dot)com if you know where I might obtain vintage vinyl performances (or maybe even the odd CD release) of his work or possibly an MP3 archive for my enjoyment, now more than twenty years after I first heard this snippet from a popular Christmas carol.

Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle to and fro
Look at all the little children (huskies? it's been 20 years) eating yellow snow, oh!
Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle left and right
Oh what fun it is when we play jingle balls all night

Slashing through your gash
In a one horse open sleigh
My parents say you're trash
But I think you're okay

Please, pleasepleaseplease may someone know where I can obtain some Uncle Dirty archives.

And replace Metallica's "Exit light enter night" with "Amstel Light sure tastes right" to add a proper corporate flavor.
( Felis Concolor, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 18:05, Reply)

Reh hot chilli peppers
I was at my aunties house about 2 years ago watching their sky TV, we were on the music channels and Californication by the Chilli's came on, when it got to the chorus my 10 year old cousin chimed in with "Jesus can't afford a kitchen". when I spoke to my Auntie about it later, apparently he'd been singing that for 3 weeks and not one of them had the heart to tell him the real lyrics were "Dream of Californication". The image of the lord Christ pricing up that fitted pine kitchen in MFI still amuses me to this day.
(Resonance, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 17:18, Reply)

Oooh...also
Me and a friend once re-named every Simon and Garfunkel song to be about birds.

Classics included Pidge over Troubled Waters, Ceseagullia, I am a Rook and Bye Bye Dove. Mrs Robinson and El Condor Pasa didn't even need changing...
(the joe factory what makes joes, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 16:53, Reply)

Jezuz christ
Superstar, came 'round the corner on a Yamaha
pulled a skid
killed a kid
knocked his knackers on a dustbin lid
(baboon, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 16:49, Reply)

Jennifer Paige - Crush
A girl on our bus had a bit of a moustache, so we used to sing "it's just a little tache (tache)" we didn't make up any more tho, shame.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Mon 31 Jan 2005, 16:46, Reply)

My mate Alfie's sister
Thinks the chorus of Bowie classic "Suffragette City" goes "Don't lean on my man with your california chicken".

Disgusting, yet appetising. I might just take that up, and I'd hope Bowie follows suit.
(the joe factory what makes joes, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 16:44, Reply)

Van Halen - jump
Real words "might as well jump!"
My girlfriends- "Maxwell house!"
(tumshee, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 16:12, Reply)

Peace, Perfect Peace, is the gift of heroin
The real words to the hymn being, "...is the gift of Christ our Lord"

Why, aged 7, we found it funny to be singing about smack I dunno. Where I grew up wasn't THAT rough.
( rob, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 16:06, Reply)

Christina Aguilerararara
Only the one line from "dirty"

ladies fellas
Drop your guts
( hairy les, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 16:06, Reply)

Blink 182 - I miss you
Always gets sung 'I fist you'.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 15:52, Reply)

Noit has ordered a Nintendo DS while drunk....
"My mate's brother was convinced
that the line "get the cool (nananananana) get the cool sunshine" from Gorillaz 19-2000 song was actually
"get the cool shoe-shine".

Not so much funny as utterly fucking bizarre."

....it is 'shoe shine'. Those are the real lyrics.
(sky blue sam, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 15:14, Reply)

Escape...
My roommate and I sing to each other:

If you like penis coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoghurt
If you have half a brain...

A vast improvement on a crap song.
(emgee, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 15:05, Reply)

Childish but fun
To be sung to the chorus of Venus, the bit that goes "I'm Your Venus, I'm you Fire... (preferably the Bananarama one...that was always the best):
I'm your penis,
You're my willy
Don't be silly

Of course, there was always the classic song:
Get Down On It
Suck My Helmet,
Please Don't Bite It
Just Excite It

Which is all very well except we were all 10 year old girls...

My mum would be so ashamed.

For the record, my bf wants to create a hybrid tribute group for Bananarama and Nirvana and call it Nirvanarama...
(Modster2k, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 15:03, Reply)

sugababes
i worked in a cinema a while back-and whilst cleaning up after the showing they were playing the sugababes round round
i could have sworn they were saying
"round round baby round round take a night on me i dont need no man-get my dicks for free"
dirty bitches
(minister of evil, Mon 31 Jan 2005, 14:53, Reply)