Yet another Jeasus Christ Super Star
Jeasus Christ,
Super Star,
Riding in on a Yamaha.

Did a skid,
Killed a kid,
and smashed his nuts on a dustbin lid.


go to hell. Do not pass go or collect £200
(timberwolf0122 is turkey volume guessing man! Guessing the volumes in terms of turkeys since, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 9:53, Reply)

Whilst driving back from Vegas one day,
the theme tune for Arthur comes on the radio (you know, the one about the moon and New York City, you know it's crazy, but it's true)
Well, in the 2nd verse, as they're singing;
"Arthur he does as he pleases, all of his life he's missed his chances", the hubby at the time pipes up with;
"Arthur he does as he pleases, all of his life he's messed his trousers".........listen to it, you know you'll hear that!

Also, on "Hole in My Shoe" by Neil from the Young Ones, the line;
"And the dew on the grass, had soaked through my shirt" turns into
"And the jew on the cross, had soaked through my ass"

Oh, and the best one ever;
Credence Clearwater, Bad Moon Rising
"There's a bathroom on the right"
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 9:44, Reply)

Oh Granny!
Here's one from the old uni days to the tune of Tom Jones's Delilah.



I saw the white of her thighs as I pulled down her panties.
I saw the crystalline juice from last night on her pubes.
She was my Granny,
distended fanny and wasted fallopian tubes.

Chorus

Why, why, why, my Granny,
My, my, my, my Granny.
Eighty-four,
an octogenarian whore,
forgive me my Granny I just couldn't take any more.

Chomping away on my tool night and day I was happy.
With my meat in her gums she was content.
Then she got lockjaw,
I felt my hands round her throat and she sucked no more.

Chorus
(tribal_tiger, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 9:44, Reply)

Richard and Judy
A couple of years ago Judy of Richard and Judy's top few off at some awards ceremony. The next day I came up with this little ditty, sung to the tune of Michael Finnigan.

There was a bird called Judy Finnigan,
her Breasts popped out,
she stuck them in again,
her husbands been stealing gin again,
Poor old Judy Finnigan, Begin again.

For the record I would like to point out Richard was cleared of stealing spirits, he simply walked out the shop without paying for them, a mistake any fuckwit could make.
(comedyprimate, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 9:41, Reply)

A guy I shared a house with in college.....
..had tonnes of tunes that he sang his own words to but seeing as I was stoned and/or drunk for the majority of it I can only remember one of them

Sang to the tune of "You can't start A fire" -- the boss in a Navan accent(that info is useless unless you are from Ireland or know anyone with a Navan accent--Eg Tommy Tiernan, Hector)

Waking up in the morning
after a hard night out in Naas
I take a look in the mirror
and see the signs of a very knackered face

I can't start me tractor
I can't start me tractor without the key
this ones for hire
sure fuck it lads sure we'll never bale the hay.

there are about five more verses but...look above^
(We Love You Jimi!, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 8:42, Reply)

There is a song that has been with me since the day I joined and will remain with me until the day I die:
"For we have a reputation,
For seducing little boys,
For raping old age pensioners,
And for breaking Tonka toys.

We are the arseholes of the Army,
We are the ones you'll never see.

We are the low down, foul mouthed Ba-astards.
We are the boys from Shiny E.

SHINY E (shiny e)
SHINY E (shiny e)

We are the low down, foul mouthed Ba-astards.
We are the boys from Shiny E."

Sung to the tune of "The Halls of Montezuma".

Oh and I spent many years believing that Stealers Wheel started 'stuck in the middle with you' with the line:

"Well I don't know why a kid needs a knife,"
( Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 8:02, Reply)

Rugby chant
At the Hong Kong Sevens, there is always a good repartee between the English fans and the French. My personal faves are the following (both to the tune of "she'll be coming round the mountain");

France Vs Argentina, the English sing;"We'll give you back the falklands if you win"

France Vs Scotland; "We'll give you back your country if you win"

Also; The French national rugby anthem is "Allez le Bleu", so when France play England in the 7s World Cup this March, listen out for 20,000 English blokes singing "Allez le blanc". While not having the impact of "Hands up if you hate the French" it seems to wind them up just as much.
(Freegan Bikefascist, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 7:49, Reply)

it's not quite the same.....but
being a silly teenager, some of my friends play the "Penis Game". The object of the Penis Game, for anyone who doesn't know it well, is to scream "penis" louder than the person before you. Har har har. Well once some friends and I were in a car and we were hyper so someone suggested it, and then my friend Jordan said "I'll start!" and screams "FETUS!" at the top of her lungs.

It was weird. There is definitely no "Fetus Game".
( Funtastic Pony Magic, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 7:45, Reply)

ahhh.. I remember 1990....
..for all the little Metal fans I knew singing along with the Anthrax cover of 'Got the time'

"CHICKENS IN MY HEAD! CHICKENS IN MY HEEEEEAD!'
(MissusVroom, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 5:37, Reply)

eiffel 65
I'm Blue
In Aberdeen I will die
In Aberdeen I will die
etc etc
(crayongirl, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 5:29, Reply)

britney
my friend and I once tried to change the words to '...Baby One More Time' to be an homage to Baden Powell, founder of the boy scouts. We got as far as 'oh Baden, Baden, I wanted to be a scout...but I am just a giii-rl'.

then we got stuck.

fun while it lasted though!
(crayongirl, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 5:27, Reply)

How about...
...taking any popular/well known song and changing random words for shit/bum/gay/ass/wank/cock/fuck etc!

I bet nobody thought of that eh?
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 3:00, Reply)

Mr. Stoner
I changed the lyrics of Ozzy's 'Mr. Crowley' into a song about my dad, called 'Mr. Stoner'.
I don't remember all the words, but the first bit goes:

Mr. Stoner
Don't drop that bong on my bed
Mr. Stoner
You are such a pot head

Our band at the time used to warm up with this little number.
( Hosehead, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:48, Reply)

I'm sure,
"Fuck, I'm hungry!" was the words to a runrig tune (but the song was in Gaelic) - cant remember for the life of me what it was called :$
(fudge the return of the man with the cat on his head, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:42, Reply)

Tony Danza??
A friend of mine spent the majority of her life believing that in Elton John's song "Hold me closer tiny dancer", he was, in fact saying, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza".
i found this incredibly amusing, especially considering that this managed to last until her early teens before she was corrected.
(iank, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:40, Reply)

Stairway ...
And there's a wine bar down the road ...
(fudge the return of the man with the cat on his head, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:38, Reply)

Tina Turner
What's gloves got to do, got to do with it? What's gloves but a can of white emulsion?
(fudge the return of the man with the cat on his head, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:37, Reply)

eiffel 65
The bad taste qotw reminded me of this. Eiffel 65's Blue. The lines
I'm blue Da Ba Dee Da Ba Da (repeat endlessly)
become
I'm blue I was beat up and died, I was beat up and died (repeat endlessly)
no wonder he turned blue

btw I can't remember who's fault this was
(evil_beetle, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:30, Reply)

Misheard lyrics
I got a couple. One day, the family and I were on a road trip listening to the great hits of Paul Simon, in particular the song that goes "Kodachrome, they give us those nice bright colours" etc. to which my father misheard as "Vodaphone" hilarity ensued when the song ended and he goes "Wow, that's a really old song, just goes to show how far Vodafone has come over the years..."

Instant classic..

Mind you, I can't really be paying out on him too much, when I was a kid, I thought U2's hit "Discotheque" was "Disco-the-queue".
(kyouraku, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:26, Reply)

More about Bohemian Rhapsody
Until I actually looked up the lyrics, I thought that one bit of Boho Rhapsody, right before the guitar kicks in, went:
Mama Mia let me go/
Beazelbub/
Had a devil put inside of meee..

(instead of "aside for". Changes the meaning somewhat, yes?)
(fantastic german, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:23, Reply)

Favourite Corporate Anthem
KPMG, we're gay as can be
The gayest team in history
We go for the ass
On top of our class
It's a total fucking mystery

The time is now
To be quite gay
And take it up the back way
Cuz you know we like it that way
Cuz we're completely gay

One rear entry
Wank energy
Wank happily
On MTV
We'll come by the end of the day
Cuz we're completely gay
(meetb3ta, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 2:14, Reply)

Beastie Boys
Intergalactic


it pretty much repeats 'Im having a big shit' all the way through it from the very start.
( Steerable_forehead Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 1:58, Reply)

MORE FROM THE EX GF
Freestylers (push up)
i love it when you feel like getting nasty
became
i love it when you feel like sid and nancy
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 1:26, Reply)

bobby paradise
what about the ballad of john and ringo ??
or
back in the A.R.S.E
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 1:01, Reply)

ex gf
constant source of amusement.......

Good Charlotte, (girls and boys)
girls dont like boys girls like cars and money became
girls dont like boys girls like carl and mikey

Tism (greg the stop sign)
greg the stop sign
became
READ the stop sign

Gwen stefani (what you waiting for)
osaka tokyo
became
i suck a turkey roll

more to come when i can remember them
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 0:50, Reply)

Changed by remix
Not stictly on topic, but I was supprised to find that, when singing the original version of the hit 'Sway', the song does not begin "When marimba rhythm starts to play" as it does in the remix. The original words are "When calypso rhythm starts...". Apparently, starting the song with the words "when ca... when ca... when calypso" wasn't acceptable...
(karaken12, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 0:43, Reply)

I cant remember the words but...
does anyone remember spitting image? they did a song at the end of every episode but there was one that was to the tune of a hyme we sang every sun at church. Needless to say I got through out
( Bamboo Steamer, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 0:41, Reply)

Ocean Colour Scene
A beautiful combination of mishearing and being damn stupid made my friend morph 'Day We Caught The Train' into 'David Caught The Bus'.

I always thought it sounded like a great premise for a Country & Western song.
(crayongirl, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 0:41, Reply)

family classic
elton john's "tiny dancer" is hilarious if you sing either:
"hold me close and tie me down, sir"
or
"hold me closer, tony danza"*

*may only be funny if you're American
(KnitWit, Fri 28 Jan 2005, 0:23, Reply)