Being a boring old twat.....
I usually sleep in my own bed.

BUT - went to a gig the other week and a girl on our row slept all the way through the gig. We were watching Motorhead. Respect!
(Buxomwench, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 8:13, Reply)

Being a beer "enthusiast" there's not many places I haven't slept.
On top of the freezer in the garage, under a rush mat in the hallway,in more than one ditch, numerous benches, restaurants, pubs, the bar of a very posh hotel, blah blah.
Once I woke up in the rain on a bridge, surrounded by empty cider bottles. Staggering back to the tent I was sharing with 2 mates I discovered my sleeping bag missing. Soaked through, I had to lie there shivering, face pressed against the cold, wet tent side, listening to my mates snoring happily. Later a fellow camper handed my sleeping bag back telling me he'd found it on the bridge so I'd obviously planned to sleep there at some point.
Ah, teenage memories, deep deep joy.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 5:41, Reply)

It started off as a typical drunken night of carousing at a friend's house.
Then suddenly everyone got naked.

I have dim memories of posing for pictures absolutely starkers with my male and female friends, combined with furious scribblings with a permanent marker over various body parts. There was also some anatomy comparison. At one point everyone, ladies included, lined up against the railing of the porch (it was January), and pissed off the railing to the ground two stories below.

I woke up in the morning on the couch buck naked, hungover, and with a treasure map scribbled in permanent marker all over my torso. The "X" was marked over my left breast. Suddenly now very confused I tiptoed through the house to find all of my friends with CDCs on various parts of their anatomy, also naked, and slumped over furniture.

After everyone woke up we all ate breakfast and never spoke of it again.

I never did find the treasure.
(Avacado Platypus, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 4:05, Reply)

Years ago, after a messy breakup I decided to go out and get as pissed as I could.
Unfortunately, it being around Christmas most of my friends were interstate and the rest were holed up with their families.

As such, I decided to go on a pub crawl by myself.

Long story short, I woke up in an alley with a stray cat on my face, under a piece of corrugated iron I was using for a blanket.
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 4:03, Reply)

Thai toilet
Has to be a Thai hotel toilet, as I'd locked my keys in the room & the twat of a security guard wouldn't let me in. Taking a swing at him wasn't one of my better ideas, as I didn't see the other two behind me. Only reason I wasn't dredged out of the bay the next day is because they knew I was good mates with the hotel manager. Place was miles away from anywhere, so I sneaked back in the side way (after some light bruising and spitting out most of the blood,) and crashed in there. My 'so called mate' the manager thought it was hilarious when I staggered into reception the next day & showed me how to open the door with a credit card.. Git.
( Sunburn Go on.... It's character building!, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 3:33, Reply)

Last night in my hometown...
...before hurling myself into the big city. My erstwhile colleagues decided to take me out and show me a good time...in those days I considered not the terrors of mixing red bull with vodka. Suffice to say, I have no idea how much I drank that night, and I woke up in a graveyard, minus my coat, wondering how the hell I got there. The walk home was one of shame, as I had become the lost staggering half-blind drunkard that a more sober me has passed before.
(Shining Love Pig, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:58, Reply)

My better half's dad, back in his drinkier days
was on an important business thing in New York, which turned into a blackout sesh.
He woke up the next morning face down in a street in the Bronx, wallet and keys lying conspicuously to either side of him, totally untouched. Staggered up, re-packed, fucked off. Quickly.
He assumed, post-hangover, that he was such an obvious target that he was too obvious a target to actually become a target. A cunning, paranoia-utilising survival plan, or a jammy fucking escape?
The second, I reckon.
(doran, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:49, Reply)

How I lost my protest virginity.
When I was sweet 16, due to an awful bunch of circumstances, I found myself starting uni while in a sharehouse where I was scared to fall asleep. Never mind the typical b3tan "they've shaved my eyebrows off lolz I'll kill the pricks", I was a young girl in a testosterone-fuelled nightmare from hell where the drinking game of choice of my housemates and their boofhead friends was to sit and rate my tits if I dared to venture into the loungeroom. It actually progressed beyond that at one point and I won't go into the details here.

So I found myself literally phobic of sleeping, crashing on friends couches for two or three hours at a time in a desperate bid to stay away from my house while I found somewhere new.

In the middle of this, I had the opportunity to go to my first protest ever, which was exciting as I had dewy-eyed visions of Vietnam-era hijinks and fun when I decided to go to uni in the first place. So off we toddled to make the government feel our wrath for locking up hundreds of refugees for years on end.

The downside was that it was in the middle of a desert in South Australia, a two-day bus trip away. With other smelly students, anarchic twats, and some idiotic movie starring 'THE ROCK' on repeat as it was sooooo ironic to rip the shit out of it.

I worked out on the trip that I had slept around 15 hours in two weeks at this point. I dozed off on the bus with my head between my knees, something which I had perfected while working the markets with my stepdad a few years previous. With a big pile of blonde hair at the time, everyone thought I looked hilarious and spent so much time ripping the piss that I kept waking up, thus defeating the purpose of my endeavour. At one point I woke up and started screaming at them, only to find that they *had* in fact moved on to something else now, and I had dreamed the ongoing mockery. Got some funny looks after that.

The big tamale was to come when we arrived there. As a properly-leftist kind of a set-up, I perused the 'massage tent', where you could rub sweaty hippies with oil in exchange for a backrub of your own, before wandering off to the 'autonomous wom*n's space' which was designed to be some kind of Gaia-loving, utero-centric peace enclave. Score, methinks. If I'm going to be able to relax anywhere after all this time, it'll be somewhere where any bloke who walks in will have to pay with the wrath of a hundred militant-lesbian harpies for desecrating their space. Bonus!

So I wander in, and despite the tent not having any furniture spare a couple of sad old cushions, found myself nodding off. When next I woke, the air felt different, as though it were charged and crackly. The sun was going down and the dust had been stirred, and through my sleep-caked eyes I could see a bit of bustling activity going on.

I flagged down some girl walking past, who seemed a bit out of it, and asked what was happening.

"Oh" quoth she "we stormed the fences and broke a bunch of refugees out. Now the police are searching tents".

Aha, I think, this mad bint has some choice drugs. I'll have to remember her face for later.

Nope. I wander out, the police are running through the camp in full riot gear, cracking scones and pulling tents apart. It took me over an hour to find my tent in the confusion, and my mates had put a refugee in there seeing as I couldn't be found to put it to a vote. Thanks guys!

Funnily enough, we didn't get caught, but that is one of the weirdest things I have ever woken up to.

Other highlights of that trip mostly came about from a hurried ingestion of all of the pot to hand (a weeks supply for a bunch of hippy uni students in the desert, you work it out) resulting in my mate nearly burning the tent down while refilling his Zippo inside the bloody thing (and burning his arm quite badly in the process), and me deciding that flashing my tits at all the police cars that came by in the evening would be a fabulously subversive way to overthrow the conservative regime. I even convinced some other idiots that it would work, and I have never seen that many U-turns in one small space before.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:32, Reply)

Completely and utterly trashed out of my mind
Whilst at a now demolished RAF training base, for some particular reason, I decided, with another lad, to climb up one of the radar towers that were used for training, and have jolly good fun urinating off the side. With glee, I found the hatch had been left unlocked (noone gave a shit anymore as the base was closing). So, on the tower framework about 40 foot in the air with a big old rotating radar dish (obviously switched off) and the other lad, somewhat inebriated, like me, but looking rather green (who said the Welsh can handle their beer?)
Obviously, Stu vomits over the side of the Watchman tower, and I laugh at his dizzy attempts to climb back down the tower (which, if he had slipped, would of ended up dead!) to retreat back to the accomodation block.
So, theres me, 40 foot up, and decided to spark up a fag, and have a sit down while smoking and take in the lovely pretty twinkly lights in the darkness of this rather shitty RAF base.

Oh dear. Guess who falls asleep up there?

Bear in mind for one second, if you please, that the Watchman radar system is a Air Traffic Control radar, and this one kicks out roughly 10 kW of S band microwave energy.

Oh yes, the output power is over 15 times the power of your average microwave oven.

Cue then, the morning, and a strange clunking noise waking me up. Its the radar head, jolting from side to side. Fuck, fuckity fuck. How the hell had this happened? (Hatch open, therefore safety interlock switch will not allow power to be applied).
The rather distinct steam being exhaled from breathing out had caught the eye of a Tech who was on the way for a early bash in the Gym.
He decides to grab the night crew, and they rewire the interlocking circuit to apply power to the main rotating motor.

Then sliding down the ladder faster than you can imagine, literally shitting myself open to be greeted by the aforementioned Tech pissing himself laughing, and threatening to be given a dose of the fucking TWT if you pull that stunt again!

Slept in lots of other strange places, but, thats the most surreal of them all.
Apologies for Length? None, none at all.
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:17, Reply)

flat
During freshman year of college, I slept on the top bunk.

Which was 50 cm from the ceiling. Our room was arranged oddly.

I only woke up suddenly and bashed my head once though. It really wasn't a problem for a skinny claustrophile like me, though changing the sheets was tricky. I figure if I ever join the military, I'll aim for crew on a submarine.
(+3 Baroque Vambrace of Icthyology, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:10, Reply)

The curb at an unknown intersection
So I starts the night in pretty good spirits. It's just a small bbq with some friends and a couple of friends of friends, I began drinking at a steady not too dangerous pace which got me into one of the most pleasant states of drunkenness I've experienced. Not a hint of nausea and I'd yet to say anything stupid, matter of fact I'd go so far as to say it made me a little wittier. Anyway roundabouts midnight people begin to leave so I follow suit, I say goodbye and close the front door to my friends house.

Then I woke up in a ditch near the curb of an intersection somewhere at around about 3-4 am, in the suburb I was in, everything looks exactly the same including intersections. So I mistakenly believed myself to be outside my friends house. Realising that it was VERY cold and that something in the grass I was lying in had seen fit to bite me 4-5 times on the same arm, I threw up and decided to spend the night in my car. Only, where was my car? After about 15 minutes of searching I began yelling at the top of my lungs "WHO WOULD STEAL THIS SHITTY CAR?" then I called the parents for a ride, as it was in fact my mother's car it was an awkward phone call. "I'm on an intersection somewhere, I think I'm outside my friend's house...Your car's been stolen, can you give me a ride home?" It wasn't until my mum tried to find me at my friends house that I realised that the reason I couldn't find the car was because I was SEVERAL kilometres from where I thought I was and had to explain to my mum on the phone that I didn't know how, but somehow I was a long way from where she was. Then I got home and puked for a good hour. Apparantly my friends were with me for part of the walk home and I assured them with quite a jolly tone that I could find my way and not to worry although I certainly don't recall this, it would seem I was wrong in any case. I've since heard as well that sitting in the vehicle while drunk, can as long as I have the keys cause me to be arrested for drink driving even if I wasn't even driving nor planning to any time soon, so maybe its all for the best.
(StumpsForArms&NoEyebrows, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:10, Reply)

Couch...
Slept on a couch at a big big house party last year. Woulda been normal if people haddnt had been coving me with pizza topping (pepperoni on the eyes and crust in my mouth) and then pouring drinks over my body. Woke up very confused, threw up 3 times in 20 mins then slept on the kitchen floor!
(Golden_guns247, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:09, Reply)

Suppose most people have done these before too...
So I'll keep it short.

Next door neighbour's hedge,
Gravel on my own front garden,
A tutor's flat (that was a bit wrong, no?),
Museum gardens under a bench...

Err... okay, that was a bit pants.
( cuntmuffin, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 2:02, Reply)

Always involving drink
Went to a massive party in Derby when I went to stay with a friend when I was 15. One whole bottle of Bacardi to myself later and I got chatting to some rather lovely lass who was very very keen. However, I was pissed. And passed out. Outside on the drive. In a puddle of my own sick.

Yet I woke up on the staircase indoors with my head stuck between the bannisters, only to see my mate copping off with the lass from earlier.

Bollocks.
(A Good Egg, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 1:39, Reply)

In a giant closet
in the mansion of an Indian millionaire's daughter after she gave me a handy
( intesvensk can't recall when I last checked the newsletter, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 1:32, Reply)

Driving...
Tired after a long day at work, heading home. Heater on, fuggy car, shite on the radio.

I hear a 'bump' and realise I've hit something.

Pulling over sharpish, I see there's a pretty woman on the other side of the road, rubbing her bum.

Sounds funny, but I'd hit her with my offside wing mirror. She was standing in the middle of the road waiting to cross. I never saw her.

She thought someone had 'slapped her bum' driving past. She was really good about it. I was ready to face the Wrath of Plod, and fair enough.

When I got home, I stood next to the car close enough to be hit by my mirror.

It scared me shitless.

My front wing must have been only a couple of inches from her.

I was doing 28ish in a 30 zone. I don't think she knows how close I came to killing her.

Length? Six inches makes a massive difference.
(TwoFourAlpha, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 1:08, Reply)

On the sofa at home
Not entirely rare? The electrician hammering the metal sheathing into the wall less than a metre away might have disagreed.

[Apologies for length, but it wouldn't have been all that good in the next room.]
(Pyranwolf, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 1:02, Reply)

Maybe not the strangest...
...but definitely one of the more uncomfortable...

It started out OK, me in bed with 2 gals. Unfortunately, I was really tired, and as I was 'just friends', I just turned over and tried to get some sleep as I was smashed and had to drive home on the morrow. Didn't stop the friend with vomit-breath snuggling right up to me though... and then the other girl went home and a guy got in...

So there I was, a girl with vomit breath who was completely trashed and on the other side a guy I barely knew reciting Little Britain with the voice and everything - both before and after he fell asleep.

I wouldn't have minded if I got a reasonable sleep, but no, he hogged most of the covers and I fell off the side twice into what has to be the coldest night on record.

When I woke up the first thing I noticed was that the girl had stuff in her teeth and looked plain unsavory.

There, that completes my tale of woe. No apologies for length. Not that anybody got to see it, thank god.
(satellite blows, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 0:31, Reply)

In a Self-Made Cocoon
After a hard night of beer, and campfire toast, camping in some words quite a while from here, I realised I had to get home. No problem, I thought, I'll walk the three/four miles to the nearest town, where my friends Grandma lives, where we can get toast and drinks and then get a lift to where I live, another ten miles or so down the road. So we did, it all went well. But upon arriving in my home town, I realised my family weren't in. So, knackered, I did what any good lad would do. I went to Grandma's. But she wasn't in either. I was cold, tired, and it had just started to rain. So I took out my sleeping bag. I took out my coat. I climbed inside the sleeping bag, in my coat, head first, and wriggled in for warmth. In my Grandma's back yard. I promptly fell asleep. I woke up nearly three hours later to find I was being kicked by my brother. Turns out the whole family was out with Grandma.


[A joke about a length joke]
( Mr. Jack cracked the elite b3ta inner circle on, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 0:08, Reply)

There are a couple...
...apart from Slough.

At college, I went to a 'classy' party at a club above megabowl, after several straight JD's I go to the bog, only to then be woken by bouncers kicking the door open, and assisting me out, as 'the club closed an hour ago' - think I was about 3 hours lost...I then found my mates outside, still waiting for taxi, and promptly fell asleesp on a bridge, which in't that strange me thinks...

But, the best one, by far, is the time, shortly after breaking up with the ex, the real headfu*k stupid c*** who robbed me blind (another story). Was at a mates house for the weekend, and had to have words with my best mate who had a reputation as a proper p***head, and a C*** to boot, as they had a new flatmate and wanted to make a good impression. The good news for them is that he behaved himself. The bad news for them, is that thinking I'ddone such a good job telling him to behave himself, I had 'one too many.' To cut a, probably, long story short, I woke up in the morning with my face on the carpet, my feet were halfway up the stairs (i'm tall, and my legs/feet are still attached), with my head surrounded by what can only be described as 'pure black' - something which had come out of my body, which was the purest black I think I have ever seen, no idea what it was, i think i had been drinking bacardi (wtf?). I have clear memory of lying there seemingly paralysed having a conversation with aforementioned new flatmate, unable to move, or really speak, with people going up and down stairs over me.

Still, the carpet - a good few years on - still has black stains, even after my mate cleared up my deposits (poor guy!), and I don't often get asked back. Still, sleeping at that angle has to be good once in a while....

click i like this, make me feel good....

Incidentally, , brie is nice.
(What's your favourite cheese?, Sat 30 Dec 2006, 0:05, Reply)

misty rum-colored memories
Right before blacking out, I'd chugged a good few mouthfuls of vodka since someone at a party asked me to, on a dare. I've since learned to try to limit my alcohol intake to less than what will fit in my mouth.

Anyway when I woke up I was in a (very gay) neighborhood in New York, standing up, but leaning up against a car on the street. Nothing particularly strange about this, but right at my feet was a dirty, dirty mattress, in a pile of garbage, that I'm sure I must have slept on.

My ass also hurt a little. I really hope I just fell on something.
(MR KEARNS, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 23:28, Reply)

Actually...
thinking about it, reading festival. I went walkabout, and woke up at 3 am next to a half naked swedish guy who'd befriended me and provided me with drugs and drinkies during my booze fuled ravings.

I also slept through most of Muse, but somehow managed to eat some nice bangers and mash. Well tasty.

Then I went out and made friends with someone else, who gave me drugs. Then we made friends with some police men and gave them our drugs.
(snafle my bijingo please, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 23:21, Reply)

let me see....
strangest would have to be either:

under the duty officer's desk at Liverpool Street train station on the night of the 7th July 2005.
Having spent 8 hours stuck in a tube train (we were in the train behind the Aldgate bomb train), overheated (even after smashing all the windows of the tube - the little hammers provided on the walls are shite, hiking boots are far more effective!), pissed off and without water, light or news of what the hell was happening, we were finally rescued and walked the 3/4 mile or so to Liverpool st station.
Of course, all train services were suspended, and the 'phone networks were down, so i had no way of getting home to scummy sunny Ipswich.
So I was told to kip in the police station till the morning, when national rail services would resume. Thing is there were lots of us, so we drew straws for cell beds/chairs/tables etc.
I lost, and ended up under the duty officer's desk


~Also~

In the seat of an F3 racing car, whilst it was in the team's 40ton transporter lorry ,being taken from the prep garage to Brands Hatch. The seat was comfy (made to fit my arse&back, natch) and i was tired. Nuff said.
( Ralph farts in your general direction, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 23:18, Reply)

In a train tunnel, while dressed as the grim reaper
Being a scout I often get up to quite odd things but this has to be one of the weirdest.

As part of a competition I spent an evening rolling around in mud, dressed as a crocodile while younger scouts attempted to capture me. Then back to a hut at about 3, plenty of time to sit around not sleeping.

After all the younger scouts and sensible adults had awoken and fucked off, locking up the hut we had to find somewhere to wait for an hour and a half until out lift arrived; after wandering through a car boot sale at 9 o'clock on a sunday morning covered in mud, wearing hike boots and shorts (this was the last weekend in october) we found the pick-up point which was the car park of a sports centre where we promptly fell asleep in the doorway.

Once the lift arrived we embarked upon our journey to a place where we had been talked into helping with a ghost train. After getting dressed as various shit characters we made our way to the tunnel. On arrival out came the sleeping bags into which we crawled and hap a quick nap before the first train of the day, whose passengers we 'scared' after which we had another nap. Repeated the routine all day. I didn't even win the 'who can make the most little kids cry' competition (came second with 9)

I can't be arsed to make a joke about my cock so make up your own.
(madsporkmurderer, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 23:09, Reply)

early shower
I woke up bollock naked in my bathroom after a night out, with my mum banging the door from outside.

I had to wear a towel and pretend I was having a shower at 4am.
( Regger, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 23:09, Reply)

There's only a few million people there....
I went to Hyde Park one day many years ago and there was some sort of rally. Being nosey, I went and had a squiz. Somehow I ended up getting into a blue with some twat protester with a blue mohawk and enough steel hanging off his skin to attach an annex to.

Anyways, I departed the scene and headed off on a pub crawl. Suitably pissed many hours later, I managed to pick up some punky looking chick and headed back to hers. No idea where as I was well off my tits. After trading bodily fluids we fell asleep in the bed.

At about 4am there was a load of banging and crashing and I woke up to find one very pissed off boyfriend (apparently) standing over the bed calling me unsavoury names, abusing the hell out of this chick, and getting ready to kill me.

Bugger me if it wasn't the twat with a blue mohawk and enough steel hanging off his skin to attach an annex to.

Oops. But still, what are the odds of that in a small town like London? It was worth a few bruises just to get the story.

Awkward mornings are better than boring evenings anyway, so meh. Blouse that he was.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 23:06, Reply)

Well
I went to a party, 20 miles or so away from home. I got bored, so I decided to drink everything I could find, including vinegar. According to later reports I was alternating between drinking, air guitar (to whatever the latest lesbian pop group is), passing out and vomiting.

The surpirse was waking up under the sofa at home, with the cat on my chest. Seriously confused me.
(snafle my bijingo please, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 23:03, Reply)

Last week - Christmas party
I slept in the toilet cubicle during the party after too much alcohol. Then I tried to get home and slept in the train station and missed the last train. So, I went to the toilets in the train station and slept there to avoid the cold from being kicked out.

Got found by a cleaner and kicked out.

So, I slept against a wall outside the station standing up and got told to move on. I found a McDonalds and slept in there, till I was told to buy something so I slept in their toilets.

Got kicked out and slept in a bus stop till the train station opened at 5am.

Finally, slept in the toilet on the train as I didn't have a ticket.
( Regger, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 22:47, Reply)

Last New Year
Woke up on Calais beach, strange seeing as I live in Manchester, and only took £20 out with me the night before.
(Mr Torture Oh no! Not the BEEEEEEEEEEES!, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 22:35, Reply)

When I was a young 'un
(I was about 9, I think) My family, I forget how and why, found ourselves on a train in Germany. We had legitimate tickets, but no reserved seating. But we took a more or less empty table and sat around it, hoping that the people who had reserved it for a stop a long way away would forget, or something. As the journey wore on the train filled up neatly and we awiated the ominous stop in trepidation. Eventually it came, and sure enough we were ousted. We managed to secure 2 seats in another carriage, but there being 5 of us, this was less than ideal. My parents took the chairs and left the three children to fend for ourselves. I found myself in the little space for luggage between two sets of chairs. After playing a fantastic game where I stuck my hand through the gap to the chairs going "wibblewibblewibble" with the two German women trying to catch it before I pulled it back in, I curled up and took a nap. I woke up with a suitcase being rammed into my side and a German man who was either angry, confused or apologetic (not speaking German it was tricky to know what his feelings were, really)
(Dromedary, Fri 29 Dec 2006, 22:29, Reply)