Sure, the Germans are OK except for their sense of humour
Which is only equalled to the American comprehension of irony or the French take on personal hygiene. In any case they can go stick their bollocks up their smelly garlicy arses 'cos we got the games. Ner ner ni ner ner!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:19, Reply)

woo, frist prost, and all that.
while in switzerland in the mid 1980s, i overheard an american couple looking at one of the mountains.

the woman said to the man "is that an alp?"
he replied "i think so, cross it off the list."

i can't imagine what their post-holiday writeup they inflicted on their friends and relatives must have been like.
( fross Read your email on, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:19, Reply)

Maybe people should read before they post urban legends
All the 'stupid yank' stories are beginning to run together. It is now getting like:

I was in the US and got stopped by a Yank. He asked me where I was from.
"England."
"Oh, what language do they speak there?" he replied. He then said he has a cousin who lives in Loogabarooga. Then he said he saw some nice castles but they had been built too close to airports.

Please stop. I'm having an allergic reaction to all this bullshit.

The worst thing I've heard a Yank say is when I was at the bar and a Yank and his fat wife saunter in and he asks for a beer, then obnoxiously adds:
"Can it be cold, I can't understand how you can drink it warm."
I had to resist the urge to punch him. I don't know where the hell this warm beer stereotype comes from. Most of my life has been spent in bars and I've never had a warm beer.
(HealdPK, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:16, Reply)

My Father
was over in the states, and one night at a party was asked where he lived, he told the person and that it was 60 miles east of Birmingham.

No it isn't she said which rather boggled the old mans head. He pointed out that he should know where he lived and how far it was from Brum.

The woman went and got out an atlas to show him that it was the same distance from his house to Birmingham as it was between New York and Chicago. No Idea about different maps being different scales
(ceebs, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:16, Reply)

Germans in Amsterdam
Once, I was asked by Germans where they could find the Judenviertel (Jewish Quarter) in Amsterdam. I had to explain to them that there was no Jewish Quarter anymore, and nearly started to explain them why.

Ruder still: Germans asking for the Anne Frank house should be replied to with a friendly "Damals haben sie es gefunden, es werd ihnen heute auch wieder gelingen!" (You found it then, you will succeed today).

Traditionally, whenever Germans ask for directions, they expect "immer gerade aus und dan um die ecke" (straight on, and then around the corner).

be friendly to Germans. They need it.
(Dr Slurkie Slurkie, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:13, Reply)

"Mr. Tea " (2 posts below) you have a good point -
BUT at the end of the day the huge wealth of anecdotal evidence speaks for itself

in my humble opinion the very backward insular media americans are exposed to breeds the over pampered arrogant pig headedness that so many have found evidence of here

yes we've all known intelligent humble cultured americans , but they are very rare , most I've met unfortunately fit the stereotype and many here seem to agree

EDIT: Mr Tea of course Brits are idiots too - but american insular pigheadedness is a problem in itself with US public opinion backing up and providing impetus for their foreign policy and environmental issues - ignorance and arrogance are dangerous bedfellows
(Betty Bo Bibster, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:12, Reply)

Germans demand tea.
I went round to a mate's house recently and we were startled to find a German family sitting on his garden furniture asking for tea. The door had been left on the catch and I guess they just assumed it was a cafe.
(Nick_Toznost, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:12, Reply)

Mor tourist related shinnanagans
I just got a call from my mate and was telling him about this question. His PC has gone down AGAIN. Still the cockhead had to buy it from PC World, still. He was telling me that once he was in Cambridge and a particularly horrid American fat family were being overloud. The fat kid was grizzling and stamping his feet. "I wanny soda mommy, mommy I wanna soda" He kept on and on. By now my mate wanted to punch the little fat shit right in the facehole when his mother trying to quieten the spoilt little munchkin turned and asked my mate, "Where can I buy a soda round here?" My mate told her to go to Macays, go upstairs and it is on the second shelf along the first isle on the left. Thing is, my mate works there. It is a huge ironmonger type place and those were the exact directions to the Caustic Soda. Ha Ha. King Herod had the right idea.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:07, Reply)

Another American
Whilst at the zoo, I overheard an American woman, who after sitting on a wet bench, shouted out "Gee, I just wet ma Fanny."

The horny Bitch.
(The-paranoid-android, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:07, Reply)

Sandwich
I live in Sandwich, Kent. It's been a market town for 1500 years. There's a golf course nearby so we get a lot of Americans over here. I have had several of them asking me why the town is named after a certain popular snack. "were they made here?" and suchlike.
(Nick_Toznost, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:04, Reply)

Martello Tower
An American tourist asked me why they built a Martello tower (a Napoleonic fort) in the middle of a car park.
(Nick_Toznost, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 16:00, Reply)

I used to have an office near Baker Street and every day some tourist or
another would ask where Madame Toussauds was, over a five year period I guess I sent nearly a thousand of them towards Edgeware Road and Paddington.
(Chopper3, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:55, Reply)

Stupid American Number 342349#
Are The Spartans still at war with the Athenians ..
(Chance1234 up for parole on, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:54, Reply)

Warwick University
A friend of mine lived in Warwick and eventually got sick of American tourists asking him where the University was.

So he just started telling them to go down the hill, keep walking until you hit the roundabout, turn left and just keep going - then standing back satisfied as he watched them commence their 12-mile walk to Coventry, which is where Warwick University is.
(><(((">, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:50, Reply)

I have just been to Morocco and entered via a Spanish town
called "Ceuta". I pronounced it about 10 different ways and was met by puzzled looks or amusement every time.

"Zoze Eeenglish fooles!"
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:37, Reply)

Screwing with the tourists
I live in a well known tourist town in the south west of ireland, and I work as a bouncer here, so I have a lot of interaction with the tourists here. But last wednesday me and some of the guys I work with were out on the beer and we met a group of girls from California.

Whatever way the conversation went, one of the girls ended up holding up her hand to me and going "Hi-Five", so deciding I would string her along a bit, I said "What?" and started waving my hand at her with a perplexed look on my face. She then proceded to slap my hand. So I went "Arghhhhh, SHE HIT ME!".

I then had the joy of her apoligising, hand on heart, for assaulting a poor irishman ignorant of the fine Americian Custom of 'Hi-Five', while every Irish person in the pub was in stitches laughing.
(I know it's not something I have strictly heard a tourist say, so here is another one)

About two or three months ago, I had this Australian girl approach me when I was working (Now it is quite easy to tell I'm a bouncer, white shirt, black pants, radio headset, nametag with 'security' written all over it, first aid pack, etc) and say "Sorry mate, but I don't suppose you would know where I could get some pills around here would you?". So I said "Sure thing, I know just the guy, follow me." And took her to the head doorman, who promptly closed the door behind her.
(oeb, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:37, Reply)

WTF?
Receptionist at hotel in Houston, Texas, Jan 2004:

'Are you guys from England?'

Yes..

'Id like to go there one day, but I'm not comfortable going somewhere that they dont speak the same language as me.. What language do they speak in England??'


Police Offcer in Los Angeles who has pulled us over after watching us partake in some rather 'unusual' rental car driving in a carpark, that involved lots of spinning, handbrake turns etc.

'So where are you guys from?' Sweden?

No, we're English.

'Well I dont know how you guys drive back home in Germany???'

And best of all, the chef in a Las Vegas hotel who couldnt prepare me a breakfast pancake even though I spoke slowly and surely and pointed at the ingredients I wanted in it. He just stood there looking blankly at me until after several attempts to make myself understood, I realized the problem and substituted the word 'raspberry' with 'RAAAAAZZZZZBERRY.' I finally got my pankcake!!
(hoathenfold, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:34, Reply)

Canadian stoopidity
Asked by a Canadian girl I met on a boat cruise in Oz, upon telling her I was a Londoner: 'Wow, so do you, like, know the Queen?'

And they say the Americans are idiots!
(DustyMonkey, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:34, Reply)

grockles
as we call them often leave their brains at home and for those who don't know I live near the sunny seaside resort of Weymouth where all the un-employable seem to holiday.
When driving past one thick as ships bunstand I yelled "use the crossing" as he nearly stepped out infront of me.
"I don't know where it is" he replied as I then stopped at the pedestrian crossings red lights about 10 meters down the road :@
( SiX and his hat, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:30, Reply)

Stupid Americans?
I was walking along the Mall in Washington, DC (I was an officer in the Marines at the time and stationed there) and heading towards the Lincoln Memorial. As I got closer a couple asked me what the memorial was to (I figured everyone knew who Abraham Lincoln was) and I said, as cheerily as I could in my UN-fat American southern drawl "That'd be Abraham Lincoln, the Great Emancipator." The woman smiled and said "That’s where we are from! Lincoln England! I wonder if he is what they named the town after?! He seemed like a great man, with the exception of his opinions on slavery of course."

I tipped my cap and proceeded on my way.

So see, not ALL Americans are dolts and not all Brits are witty and intellectual. Ya buncha poofs.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!

PS(If you all don’t like McDonalds, how the hell do they stay in business? I mean, from the way you all make it sound, English people are predominantly brilliant with only a few chavs around for humor so surely they can’t be making any money at McDonalds!)
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:27, Reply)

My best pal
has travelled the world many times, and has alwyas been one of those arsey travellers who go on about wanting to experience local cultures and get off the beaten track. *sigh*

When we first visited Bangkok as fresh young 19 year olds we met a chap frying insects on the street. Elle decided she would try one. She gestured to the man with her fingers, trying to ask if she could just stick the whole body in her gob. The vendor (presumably assuming she was asking whether she could eat it) nodded happily. So she ate the cicada whole, crunchy wings and legs and all. Nearly choked, didn't enjoy it, but no doubt felt very authentic.

The guy looked at her in horror, picked one up, and slowly and deliberately peeled off all the wings, shell, legs and ate the tiny morsel of flesh that remained. Must have thought Elle was a complete twat :)
( Dekazer, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:19, Reply)

It was me...
I got on a tram in Den Haag and asked for a ticket
to Schvenigen.

The nice tramdriveress is probably still laughing.

In my head she is, at any rate.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:15, Reply)

...and another thing about americans
I see alot defending the fact they should put it down to not knowing the local customs, bullshit!....it's the pig headedness, lack of discretion or respect, when dealing with the fact they don't know the local customs, that pisses people off about americans - like sulky adolescents they seem completely unaware of how disrespectful and TACTLESS they behave
(Betty Bo Bibster, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:12, Reply)

Americans
In Burger King in Leicester Square with a mate (probably RainbowFaerie) and we watched for aaaages while an obese American argued with the counter staff over the size of a large XL Bacon Double Cheeseburger meal. He had to be dragged out of the shop because he kept threatening to attack the staff.

The bloke behind the counter was brilliant though, he kept giving the deadpan response of "but that IS a large sir" whilst obviously muttering under his breath "greedy cunt."

Aaah, Americans, where would we be without 'em
(I R Advertiser How can you live like this you're out of control?, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:07, Reply)

driverchris:
"Loughborough
Hmmmm, WTF are all these American tourists supposed to be going there for?

I smell porky pies."

Naah, mate. That'll be nearby Melton Mowbray...
(bez_lightyear, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:06, Reply)

...
and I opened my eyes, and my mum had left a loogaburooga in my cup of tea...
(And I don't agree with that in the workplace, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 15:03, Reply)

word of advice to the whinging americans here
maybe if you didn't act loud, immature, spoilt, ‘brattish’ and just generally pig ignorant to anywhere outside the over indulged comfort zone you call a country, people would have better things to say about you

AMEN

or better still burn your passports and stay home

anti american? moi? DAMN RIGHT!
(Betty Bo Bibster, Fri 8 Jul 2005, 14:58, Reply)