Last day of GCSEs
A group of friends and i decide to have a ceremonial "burning of the uniform" somewhere, so wandered around to the local park. There just so happened to be one of those baby buggy things (kinda like a plastic ring which the baby can sit/walk in etc) so we thought that we might as well place everything in there, add a bit of lighter fluid to get it going and its all sorted.

we quickly went to the other side of the park when the flames started to get 5 feet high.

police/fire engines, plastic puddle on floor, good laugh, didnt get caught :D ace day

5ft when on the floor, s'abiggun...
(front_2_back is further inland from the coast than anyone else, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 12:36, Reply)

work experience
There's a work experience kid here at the moment. He's just done his A levels and all he talks about is drinking - like he's discovered an entire Narnia of fun that no one knows about but him. He says he could never stop drinking because then he'd become normal.

Normal? He's a fat speccy cunt who went to a public school and who thinks wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt makes him a rebel. He'll no doubt be off to Oxbridge in a few months - where he'll be crrraazzzeee and jump of a bridge while trippin' on Red Bull, or stay up all night doing an important essay because he was too thick and lazy to get it done in good time.

Christ, I fucking hate kids. I hated myself when I was one. People don't become fully human until they're about 25.
(frankspencer, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 12:33, Reply)

Watchless
I spent a year without wearing a watch as I "didn't want to be constrained by time".

What a tosser!
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 12:05, Reply)

For a wee while
I went round at school proclaiming I was Edwin Woodworm, the Liquidizer. The funny thing was that all sorts of people seemed to be taken in by it. Ah well, comme ci, comme ca.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 12:05, Reply)

it appears we have not changed the world so far...
once, in a massive fit of rage i went upstairs and drew a massive goats head with a pentagram on its head on the inside of my cupboard door. Chinagraph pencil and 5B pencil.

for years later i got a weird chill and thought it was this little piece of satan i had brought to life.

About a year back, my parents moved house and had to remove the cupboard - and i was discovered. 15 years later. And they said nothing.

Bah. That was the best i had too.
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Fri 20 Jul 2007, 12:00, Reply)

mustard
At sixth form we used to go to a big cafe in Hereford where you could get cheap coffee and smoke and they didn't mind hordes of hippies/goths/punks lingering around while we waited for our buses

One of the freaks that used to tag along with us was always trying to impress us, but weirdly:

As well as salt and pepper, there were little dishes of wholegrain mustard for the 'proper' customers laid out on the tables

One night he came back from the gents giggling to himself carrying one of these dishes, plonked it down and buzzed off...

dirty little bstard had only w@nk3d in it...shocking...hmm...yeah...funny...hmm....

They took the mustard away after that night

he was the only one of us that went to public school too - the rest of us being peasants....so there you go....
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:56, Reply)

Wednesday night
Carling Academy in Brum.

Went to see The Reverend And The Makers.

They made no provision for smoking. If you went out you had to repay to get back in...

Bollox to this I started a revolution in the blokes bogs. People were coming in and joining me.

About 10 of us you could cut the air with a knife.

Then the bouncer walked in it was like being at school ....funny

Everyone dropped their butts at once and denied any wrong doing.

I turned turkey and pretended to be queing for the urinal.

Wankers
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:50, Reply)

As a teenager
I did a number of ridiculous things. these included:
Sniffing an entire can of Dettox room spray 'for a dare'
Snorting pencil sharpenings
Breaking all the doors and the windows in one part of our already shit school
Saying deliberately offensive things in front of old people
Eating dog food
Eating cat food
Eating fish food
Drinking fish tank water (got the runs from that one)
Never flushing the toilet after me (ooh, rebellious or what?!!)
Playing Eminem at full volume outside churches

When I look back at these things, i feel a confusing mixture of pride and shame. it was good to be young, but pencil sharpenings? what the fuck was I thinking?!
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:40, Reply)

The Banger
take 6 or 7 milk bottles.......place them in a circle around a central one.

Fill the outer ones with something flammable.

Drop a banger into the centre bottle.

Retire to a safe distance.

The effect is bloody amazing. Pity we did it on a park that was built on a housing estate within earshot of one of our mates parents.

A good 10 seconds of explosion and flames and glass shrapnel.

A good hour an half all sweeping it up whilst getting ears bashed by said mates parents...

Ive got loads of stories like this....

*shame*
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:39, Reply)

I was kicked out of home for painting
a picture of a sad waif holding a kitten.

Signed,
Arnold Picasso.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:34, Reply)

Thirst
I once decided to leave home after a screaming argument with the parents.

However, they outwitted me. I arrived downstairs having packed my bag (where I was going I don't know), to find the doors locked!

Cunningly, I filled up three bowls full of water and began to scream at the dog to drink them all. Dog looked confused and wandered off.

'What the hell are you doing?' asked Mum.

'If the dog drinks all the water,' I yelled through tears, 'you'll have to let her out to go toilet and then I CAN ESCAPE.'
(Waspard has your wank bank account details, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:32, Reply)

Damn those man-made fibres
(First post in a loooong time)
In the days of fanfold paper printers, I always had a lot of the perforated strips of paper that you had to tear off the sides. One day I tried attaching one of these to the ceiling with blu-tac so it hung down like a streamer, then I set light to the bottom - very pretty. Small mark on the ceiling, but no big deal, it burned out too quickly to do any real damage. I did this a few times. Then I had an even better idea: I had a worn-out school tie that I didn't need any more, so I attached it to the ceiling in the same way and set fire to it.
Big mistake: man-made fibres = nasty poisonous smoky goodness. An entire corridor of students come out going 'what the fuck?'. Teacher comes storming in: 'What happened here?'. 'I accidentally set fire to my tie, sir'.
Fortunately he didn't think to look up and see the accidental blu-tack and burn mark on the ceiling...
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:24, Reply)

my hair aka the afro-mullet
Throughout my teens, my shoulder length hair was in a style of my own creation. I called it the afro-mullet, basicly an afro* that's having a party at the back.

this wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't wearing this 'style' when I had pictures taken for my driving licence and passport. the the latter wont expire until 2014 and the former wont expire until 2057.

woo.

*my hair is unnaturally curly
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:14, Reply)

I'm glad.....
that my teenager isn't into doing 'shocking' things - he's pretty mature for his age, probably due to having been brought up by ME - I was always the immature one, he always had to be the man of the house - once protecting me from my evil ex who was beating me up - with his skateboard (bless him) - evil ex didn't come back to the house after that...luckily that is well in the past and now we have slimtallgoth who is a babe and gentle creature, lots of hugs and love :D

I was a stupid, idiotic, know it all - I'm glad it was due to my upbringing and not my genes LOL

He does hate Emos and Chavs tho...they make him ggrrrr
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:08, Reply)

Not really a rebel.....
...just a teenager.
Age 15/16 I was in a folk group (yes, I know) and we had a habit of practising songs whenever/wherever. The best time was with all four of us dangling from a climbing frame in the park, singing loudly in 4 part harmony. We also wandered around in fancy dress, for no particular reason.

Then there were the parties - one time the driver was so drunk (this was before drink driving was outlawed) we spent the whole 15 mile journey home giving instructions - ie 'slow down, slow down. stop.' 'turn right' etc. Another time aged 17 (still living at home) phoned my parents late at night to say I was staying the night, but its ok - they're all gay! They were and I was.
Ah, the innocence of youth!
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 11:00, Reply)

when at school I went on a protest about the abolishon of student grants to Newcastle city centre!
at Grey's Monument, I drew an angry face and wrote "FUCK THE TORIES!" in a speech bubble.... IN CHALK... on the side of the monument...

I was told the next week (in detention) that I would be prosecuted for vandalism...

I laughed at him and said "I would offer to wash it off.... but it rained yesterday!"

what a bunch of cocksprouts!
( likeajackhammer, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:34, Reply)

Not being a rock rebel
When I was about 11 I bought my first real album, Appetite For Destruction by Guns N Roses on tape. Being a complete scaredey cat I had to listen to it on my walkman 'cos I was worried my folks would hear the naughty American rockers singing naughty swear words and I might get told off.

I also hid the tape box in case they saw the naughty picture on the inside of the box. I might have got told off for that too.

Three years later when all those nasty teenage boy hormones had kicked in it was a different matter. I stopped hiding the box, take that parents!
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:27, Reply)

Also at school
We got any number of warnings for attempting to set each others hair on fire with lighters and deoderant. But who didnt to be honest.
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:23, Reply)

Is it just me
Or do these stories make you want to run off and get a vasectomy.
(frankspencer, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:18, Reply)

I :
I blew up my neighbour with a banger. I placed the banger inside a Kinder Egg plastic-toy-holder with the fuse poking out of the top, and the word 'BOMB' written on the side in marker. Typical ACME style. I lit it, it blew up so quickly I didn't even get past my ear when throwing it, cue me getting shredded, melted plastic cutting my neck and face and my neighbour being ever so slightly deaf for about a week. He grassed me up to his parents despite the fact he wasn't even hurt, wanker. He later went on to kill a couple of people driving recklessly. My fault? Meh...
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:10, Reply)

Aged 16...
Finished my last GCSE exam at half 11 and was in the pub with my mates by 12. It being that kind of provincial country town we were allowed to stay despite wearing the school uniform of the rather posh private school the 3 of us attended.

At about 4 in the afternoon and being somewhat the worse for wear, and with one of our number departing for a 6th form on the other side of the country, we decided to celebrate our friendship in the traditional manly way by getting drunken tattoos. The fact that this was probably grounds for immediate expulsion from our strait-laced school was just a bonus. Unsurprisingly though when we got to the local (only) tattoo place in town we were told in no uncertain terms to fuck off.

Unfortunately this was not enough to turn us off the idea and thusly on the way home Dan raised the idea of prison tats which he'd got from the latest edition of FHM...

Long story short Dan now has a burn scar on his right forearm in the form of a slightly misshapen star. Ally and me having seen the immense amount of pain he'd been in, and the fact that we were both pissing ourselves with laughter the entire time, chickened out. Dan called us both fuckwits and then we got a coupla bottles of cider and went to the park.

Interestingly, 6 years on Dan now has 9 piercings in a variety of agonising positions but no tats.
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:08, Reply)

Skid Row AND Love/Hate
Yes... it was the same LP!

i also used to hammer Love/Hate's "Don't Fuck with me" in an attempt to intimidate the parents. My Dad just stopped me watching 'Headbangers Ball' on MTV. fascist.
(TheManofScience, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:07, Reply)

Shutting the fuck up
I once decided to not speak for a year.

My dad allowed it, despite finding it confusing and a bit upsetting (which, years later, I feel like an arse about). My mum, ever the practical one, secretly set herself to breaking me.

I lasted one month, carrying a notebook with me everywhere and so on. My mum eventually waited til I was really tired and playing on a computer, therefore distracted, and yelled from the other room "Paul, do you want a cup of tea?".


I was undone by my own loud "Yes".
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:07, Reply)

TheManofScience
I was playing Get The F*ck Out from the Slave To The Grind LP, that's vinyl kids (showing my age here).

I also used to play Get The Funk Out by Extreme (I know I know) to confuse my mum, "What did he say?!" she'd scream, "It's funk mum, funk!" oh what a crazy kid I was eh?
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 10:04, Reply)

Abefroman's post just reminded me...
I used to drive through the mean streets of Ashtead (small, leafy, nice little village in Surrey) listening to "I'm Black and I'm proud" by the almighty James Brown, at full volume in my Fiesta XR2i.

I am not Black.
But I am proud!

*Raises fist*
Say it loud...!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 9:59, Reply)

Strongbad reminded me...
...of our favourite game when returning to school after spending lunchtime in town.

We'd all buy a can of cold, fizzy drink (Coke was best) then head back to school via the narrow footbridge over the canal. We'd wait there until we spied some old granny on her way to the shop, neck the drink and then freak her out by burping at her, as loud and as long as we could manage. When performed in unison (by half a dozen of us) it was a wonder to behold.

Still brings a smile to my face as I remember their disgusted/scared/confused reactions. Hurray for abusing defenceless old people!
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 9:57, Reply)

Abefroman
was it the single that came with the big Skid Row poster?

i did the exact same thing. i played it repeatedly. all night.
(TheManofScience, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 9:57, Reply)

Let's rock
Playing Get The F*ck Out by Skid Row at top volume on the record player in my bedroom. It could be heard at the other end of the street.

*headbangs*
( abefroman skating on the thin life of modern life on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 9:32, Reply)

Those were the days
Back in the days of real chemistry teaching, I found the delights of "vigorous exothermic reactions".
Having made my "vigorously exothermic device" I found the ideal place for it, a 6" pipe which ran under the school pond which was a 3' square concrete affair, shunned by all aquatic life due to the cleaners regularly tipping their mop buckets full of bleachy water into it. With the delay set at approximately 10 minutes I waited, watching from my chemistry lesson, for the gout of flames from the pipe I was expecting.


There was a deep thud, felt through the floors of the whole school followed by a VERY loud bang as the whole pond blasted off into the air, over the chemistry block, over the main hall, over the swimming pool and landed on the all-weather pitch, some 150 yards away. I was impressed, my teachers and the bomb squad less so.

This was merely one of the incidents that prompted my headmaster to brand me "a charming, witty and erudite thug" in my final report.






Git.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 9:03, Reply)

I decided to shock my parents, teachers, and society

by pretending to be into S&M.

I spent several of my high school years dressing in a kinky 'schoolboy' costume. They must have been pretty freaked out, because nobody ever said anything!
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Jul 2007, 8:10, Reply)