Joggers
Getting frustrated because you're trying to run along the South Bank of the Thames at 3 in the afternoon on a scorching Bank Holiday Monday and there's loads of people in your way?

Jog somewhere else then, you twats, what do you fucking expect?
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Tue 1 Sep 2009, 12:53, Reply)

this
b3ta.com/questions/technohacks/post506521
( weaver., Sun 30 Aug 2009, 4:19, Reply)

Can't think of any top tips?

(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 22:11, Reply)

In to fencing?
Its best to use a mineral foi.........

oh fuck it
( Peej, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 18:40, Reply)

Food turning rancid?
Simply throw it away and buy some more.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 15:01, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Lining a pan with foil?
Best to use a mineral foil, not a food-based foil, as it can turn rancid....
( Peej, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 11:14, Reply)

Don't like washing pans?
Line the pan with some foil first - just throw the foil away when you're done, no cleanup needed!

Use the foil as the plate for extra bachelor points!
(convider, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 7:04, Reply)

Hungry
And can't be bother to cook. Eat something else.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Thu 27 Aug 2009, 17:34, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Boiled egg in 40 seconds
Open the egg and put it in a mug, discard the shell.

Add a tiny bit of olive oil and salt and pepper (as much as you want)

Put it in the microwave for 40 seconds.

Done!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 13:24, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Are you a comedian?
Visits www.sickipedia.org and borrow a few jokes off the public
(Biff..., Thu 27 Aug 2009, 11:15, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Can't open a jar?
Wrap an elastic band around the rim of the lid, and hey presto! Extra grip for your feeble arms to open the jar.

Or smash it with a hammer, your choice
(BlazingToast is burning down the house. With pure, hot funk, Wed 26 Aug 2009, 15:10, Reply)

Tired of doing the dishes?
Simply develop anorexia.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Wed 26 Aug 2009, 12:38, Reply)

doing a load of washing ?
Allways walk back upstairs before you turn on the machine to find that sock that you haave invaribly dropped.
(welgar, Wed 26 Aug 2009, 12:02, Reply)

NEVER give peas a chance.
Especially whirled peas. They are bad. Trust me.

Love,
Linda Blair
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Tue 25 Aug 2009, 17:45, Reply)

Ladies!
Try flashing your breasts at workmen in the street when asked.

This cunning double bluff will leave them so stunned they may never bother you, or anyone else, again.

Sincerely,
A. Workman
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 25 Aug 2009, 15:46, Reply)

Huggies baby wipes
When ever so slightly drunken, and you use the above to give yourself a proper wipe, make sure you grab the right wipes because Flash ones may get your arse 99.9% clean of germs but they don't half sting your ring!
(Kip, Tue 25 Aug 2009, 12:27, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Women
If, when walking along the street, you see a man conspicuously looking anywhere and everywhere except at your tits, it's because he has been looking at your tits but thinks you might have noticed.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 24 Aug 2009, 11:17, Reply)

Olive oil?
Best to use a mineral oil, not a food-based oil, as it can turn rancid....
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 21:09, Reply)

Bored of your old records?
Simply stop listening to them.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 22 Aug 2009, 11:24, Reply)

bedroom tip
have someone frantically rub olive oil into the end of your penis to prevent it becoming flaccid.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 23:22, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Kitchen Tip
Massage olive oil into your wooden cooking board to stop it drying out and cracking. Do this about once a month or so.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 18:18, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Office tip
If you don't really like your job, dont bother getting another one - get an unusual instrument such as a hang drum or a contrabass saxophone and go busking. People will give you money just because they've never seen one, even if you're shit!
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Fri 21 Aug 2009, 11:07, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Quentin Tarantino fan?
Looking forward to Ingloruouious Bazdaz?

Stott yourself in the face with a frying pan, cunt.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 20 Aug 2009, 1:21, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Life tip.
You know that big rectangular thing on the edge of your house? Yeah, it's called a door. Perhaps you could get off your computers and open this contraction.... and discover the outside world... ooooooh
(silent.riot.147, Wed 19 Aug 2009, 17:31, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Office tip
If you don't really like your job, dont bother getting another one - get your own office you can do what ever you like in there.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Wed 19 Aug 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Doing a school/university project/essay etc.?
Don't cut and paste from the Internet.

Have consideration for other users and copy and paste instead.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 19 Aug 2009, 10:23, Reply)

Sick of the cat leaving fluff everywhere, have no sellotape, and do not have access to oncology hardware?
Simple. Keep animals out of the house, they don't belong there!*


*Except the 3 little pigs
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Wed 19 Aug 2009, 10:09, Reply)

Sick of the cat leaving fluff everywhere but have no sellotape and work in the oncology department?
Then smuggle your cat into the hospital when you're next giving someone radiotherapy and hey presto, all of your cat's fluff will fall out. This has the added advantages of giving the poor patient something to cuddle during treatment and gives you plenty of opportunities for bald pussy jokes.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 18:06, Reply)

Sick of the cat leaving fluff everywhere?
Simply get a roll of sellotape and then wrap it around the cat.

Job done.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 14:51, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Friday afternoons at work... if the boss is in...
Attempt to look busy by frowning and striding purposefully around your office/other place of work with a piece of paper in your hand.

You can ocassionally change this piece of paper for an empty box/file/etc., be creative.

One word of warning, though; do not carry around a BLANK piece of paper, then it becomes obvious that you're slacking.
(Lucoire tutted and shook her head in disbelief on, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 13:43, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)