Wearing out the b3ta website
Clicking the "I like this" link below ten times in a row makes the b3ta website show a secret message about wear and tear.......
( Fr_Jerry_McGwier looked over both shoulders at, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 13:48, Reply)

Charlie Chaplin
Came third in a left handed polar bear who can lick their elbow contest, sponsored by the "Duck Quack" Echo. Paul from "The Wonder Years" came second, dressed as Marilyn Manson wearing banana aglets, and a POSH dog (with a very clean anus)was looking up at them both at the time. The whole thing took half an hour, which left Isaac Newton the pig just enough time to finish ejaculating into a yellow NYLON cheese.

Or something like that anyway.
( BobbyParadise, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 13:57, Reply)

There is no word
in the english dictionary for
( Zak McFlimby Twibbling @McFlimby, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 15:04, Reply)

Some facts about the 1500s
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of thehouse had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't
throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.
It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This
posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings
could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and
a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy
beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would
get slippery in the winter when wet , so they spread thresh (straw) on
floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they adding more
thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A
piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh
hold."

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that
always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat
the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then
start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.
When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.
It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They
would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and
"chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content
caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of
the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper
crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone
walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for
burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days
and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and
see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a
"bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out
of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they
realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."
(Chanticleer, kept, awkwardly, pausing, on, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 2:46, Reply)

Not Useless Information
If you're ever tempted to push a Smint down your Japs Eye a word of advice.

Don't. Just don't.

Legless
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 15:46, Reply)

St. John's Wood
is the only station on the London Underground whose name contains none of the letters of the word 'mackerel'.
( Newington, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 15:15, Reply)

Statues!
Ifyou see a statue of someone on a horse, look at its legs:

If all 4 are on the ground, the person just died (but was cool enough for a statue)

If one front leg is up, they died from wounds sustained in battle

If both front legs are up, they died during a battle

If both back legs are up, they died in a freak rodeo accident

if one back leg is up, they died urinating

If the horse has no legs on the ground, they died in a hover-horse collision

If the horse is actually a camel, then youre in egypt.

If the statue is not covered in pigeon-shit and 'GAZ! IM ME' then its brand new.
(Attention Whore, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 17:42, Reply)

Due
to the time dilation effect in the Einstein rules of relativity,if you travelled faster than the speed of light away from Earth and then returned 10 years later - Ant and Deck would still be on fucking ITV all the fucking time.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sun 20 Mar 2005, 21:37, Reply)

koala bears may spontaneously combust when isolated from their group
due to a build up of eucylyptus oil on the tops of their heads, they cannot reach this area to clean it and rely on other koalas to groom them, hence when isolated for a long time the oil builds up and in extreme heat can ignite and explode the koala, this has been blamed for many bush fires
( Dill, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 18:26, Reply)

the sanskrit word for war
literally translates as "wanting more cows". kinda puts it all in perspective dontcha think?
( eponymous Oh!, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 15:16, Reply)

Crisps:
No type of crisps produced (to date) ever taste like the flavour as described on the packet.

'scampi & lemon' flavour Nik-Naks came close, and would have succeeded if they'd have named them 'whores fanny' flavour.
(nappy rash, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 13:31, Reply)

A
duck's quack can't jump but invented the catflap which has a 30 minute orgasm and is an anagram of Hull City who don't have knees which is the longest word you can write with 6 toes. so now you know.


40 odd pages of facts summarised for your viewing ease
( Ryan T Who are the brain police?, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 1:00, Reply)

Christmas Trees
if you took all the christmas trees in England and placed them in Wembly stadium, it would be pretty hard to play football.
( slippery doctore, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 13:03, Reply)

Don't bother counting em.
In this sentence, the word and occurs twice, the word eight occurs twice, the word four occurs twice, the word fourteen occurs four times, the word in occurs twice, the word seven occurs twice, the word the occurs fourteen times, the word this occurs twice, the word times occurs seven times, the word twice occurs eight times and the word word occurs fourteen times.
( miamistu snagglery, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 12:18, Reply)

Did you know
that if you laid everyone in China from end to end, you'd be late for work.
( Weetobix, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 17:21, Reply)

Fact
There are three league football teams with swear words in their name: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and Fucking Manchester United. Ahaha. True. Google it if you don't believe me.
(donksta, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 0:00, Reply)

useless
9/11 actually happened on 11/9!
(peelypotato, Sun 20 Mar 2005, 6:45, Reply)

Facts from My Website!
• Contrary to popular opinion, oven chips are not good for you. Despite the manufacturer's attempts to persuade you that they're practically a health food, the reason oven chips cook in the oven whereas normal chips don't, is that Mr McCain soaks the oven chips in fat before putting them in the flimsy plastic bag. And this is in some way better than you soaking it in fat yourself, at home, among friends. I mean at least I know where my fat came from.
• It's possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.
• If you take some dried grasshoppers, powder them and roll them into a cigarette, and then smoke that cigarette, you can simulate the effects of not having any marijuana.
• Beer makes an amusing, and effective, substitute for lemonade at tiny children's birthday parties. Watch your child's friends' parents' faces as your child starts becoming aggressive, chanting football slogans and vomiting over the furniture, and its tiny friends get into a vicious fight with Newcastle Brown bottles over whether or not one of them is 'a poof'.
• Custard powder (indeed any fine, dry powder such as coffee whitener or cement) forms a highly inflammable and explosive suspension in air. Holding a jar high in the air and gently tapping some out, while holding a burning lighter underneath, is a great way to amuse your friends at parties. It's also a great way to lose your eyebrows, hair, the paint off your ceiling, and frequently your ceiling.
• Those aren't really Helen Mirren's legs in that banal British Airways advert. And yes, I am concentrating in the area in front of your legs Helen, I'm a girl. (Submitted by Ruth)
• Dropping a laser printer toner cartridge from the top deck of King's Mall Car Park in Hammersmith is a good way to make your mark. In this case, a large circular mark about thirty feet across.
• Irritating market research operatives, religious cultists and other people who approach you in the street can be easily killed by means of a simple home-made flamethrower. This can be constructed by the laybeing in less than an hour using a tin of petrol, a bicycle pump, a candle and a length of garden hose.
• Ethernet cable makes an amusing, and fatal, substitute for bungee rope.
• The word 'yes' in Italian means 'no' in English. This has foxed intrepid travellers for centuries.
• You can quickly drive human beings to homicide and madness by the simple expedient of sitting behind them on a train popping bubble wrap continuously for forty minutes.
• Safeway Savers Sausage contain up to 320% of the European Community's recommended daily allowance of lard.
• Breakfast cereals only contain vitamins and iron because the manufacturers literally pour great vats of nutrient into the packets before shipping them. It's all a bit futile really; you might as well pour a tub of multi-vitamins over your chips and say 'Look everyone! Chips are good for you, no they are, they're full of vitamins!".
• Childrens' Wendy houses are not practical dwelling places for a family of fully-grown adults. Seriously. Give it a go.
• Most things that look like wood nowadays simply aren't. It's quite literally a thin veneer.
• Internet router programming has been shown to cause vomiting and premature death in laboratory children.
• The word 'frisnit' is not in the standard UNIX spell-checking dictionary. Try it if you don't believe me.
• You can get a lot of shit out of a Pekinese.
• The Spring/Summer 2003 Index Catalogue is full of overpriced tat.
• The standard playing speed of the average cassette tape is 1 and 7/8ths of an inch per second.
• A beermat can be a surprisingly effective weapon, if you're drunk enough. The key thing here is to hone it to a killing edge, then use it to slice the victim's cheek open.
• You can hurt yourself if you run with chainsaws.
• Salman Rushdie devised the slogan "Naughty But Nice". (If only he'd stopped at that.)
• Mike Nesmith out of the Monkees' mum invented Sno-Paque (not Tippex - sorry Mike Nesmith's mum). No, honestly!
• Salman Rushdie invented the slogan 'Go to work on an egg'.
• You can remain alive for up to 13 seconds after having your head cut off.
• Wee Jimmy Krankie off of TV's The Krankies is not in fact a small boy. It's a WOMAN dressed up.
• Toffee Crisp chocolate bars contain 2.1g of protein. Like, if you're stuffing your face with a great lardy Toffee Crisp you give a flying shite about how much protein it contains.
• Remember children can choke on peanuts. (Warning on the back of a packet of peanuts)
• Regional television tends towards the slightly amateurish and embarrassing.
• You can hurt yourself if you run with scissors.
• Motor racing's Murray Walker invented the phrase "A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play". Apparently.
• Betamax is better than VHS.
• The hexadecimal machine language for the 80x86 assembler instruction TEST Byte Ptr [BX+01B3],02 is as follows:
• F687B30102
• Gerbils are illegal in California.
• Every single human on the planet has more than 6.0 * 10^19 (60 octillion or 60,000,000,000,000,000,000) hemoglobin molecules. Each of those is made up of 574 amino acids, each of which are connected in a special order.
• In 1983, a Japanese artist, Tadahiko Ogawa, made a copy of the Mona Lisa completely out of ordinary toast.
• Gloucestershire airport in England used to blast Tina Turner songs on the runways to scare birds away.
• The spray WD-40 got its name because there were forty attempts needed before the creation of the “water displacing” substance.
• In only eight minutes, the Space Shuttle can accelerate to a speed of 27,000 kilometres per hour.
• Coconuts kill more people in the world than sharks do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.
• 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 equals 12,345,678,987,654,321.
• In the game Monopoly, the most money you can lose in one travel around the board (normal game rules, going to jail only once) is $26,040. The most money you can lose in one turn is $5070.
• A donkey will sink in quicksand but a mule won't.
• According to British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offence. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
• Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
• In Athens, Greece, a driver's license can be taken away by law if the driver is deemed either unbathed or poorly dressed.
• In England during Queen Victoria's reign, it was illegal to be a homosexual but not a lesbian. The reason being that when the Queen was approving the law she wouldn't believe that women would do that.
• In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.
• In the UK, there is no act of parliament making it illegal to commit murder. Murder is only illegal due to legal precedent.
• It is against the law to stare at the mayor of Paris.
• It is illegal in Sweden to train a seal to balance a ball on its nose.
• It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California.
• 50,000 of the cells in your body will die and be replaced with new cells all while you have been reading this sentence.
• A person at rest generates as much heat as a 100-watt light bulb.
• A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.
• A Sphygmomanometer measures blood pressure.
• Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
• Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
• By the age of 60, the human eye has absorbed the same amount of light produced in an atomic blast.
• During menstruation, the sensitivity of a woman's middle finger is reduced.
• Human beings cannot taste or smell a substance that is not soluble.
• If someone punches you in the nose hard, it will hurt.
• If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create an atomic bomb.
• If you lock you knees while standing long enough, you will pass out.
• In Michagan, USA, a man legally owns his wife's hair.
• Melting an ice cube in your mouth burns 3 calories.
• Mr. Spock's blood is green.
• On average, a man will only speak 2000 words over the course of a day while a woman will speak 7000 words in the same amount of time.
• Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
• Over 2,500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.
• Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
• Several well documented instances have been reported of extremely obese people flushing aircraft toilets whilst still sitting on them. The vacuum action of these toilets sucked the rectum inside out.
• The best recorded distance for projectile vomiting is 27 feet.
• The city morgue in the Bronx, New York gets so busy sometimes that the next of kin have to take a number for body identification.
• The study of nose picking is called rhinotillexomania.
• X goes first in Tic Tac Toe.
• There are 22 stars surrounding the mountain on the Paramount Pictures logo.
• If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am, you will arrive in Honolulu at approximately 4:30pm the previous day.
• One legend claims stealing someone's shadow (by measuring it against a wall and driving a nail through its head) can turn the victim into a vampire.
• One year contains 31,557,600 seconds.
• Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a microwave in the building.
• In Sweden, while prostitution is legal, it is illegal for anyone to use the services of a prostitute.In Sweden, while prostitution is legal, it is illegal for anyone to use the services of a prostitute.
• It is illegal to frown at cows in Bladworth, Saskatchewan.
• It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland.
• Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the U.S. since 1916 when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high freight rates.
• The youngest Pope was 11 years old.
• 43% of all statistics are completely useless.
• 4/3rds of all people don't understand fractions.
• A woman invented the dishwasher.
• In 1936, American track star Jesse Owens beat a race horse over a 100-yard course. The horse was given a head start.
• The only bone not broken so far during any ski accident is one located in the inner ear.
• Three consective strikes in bowling is called a turkey.
• A Duracell MN1203 battery has 4.5v in it.

All from my website which is at www.crazyadproductions.co.uk/pages/social/just_stupid.htm
(KevAkas, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 14:49, Reply)

Dogs and arses
The reason dogs sniff each other's arses is quite simple. Back in the day when dogs ruled the world, they would have a weekly meeting in the town hall. Before they sat down, every dog would take off its arse and hang it up, collecting it on the way out. However, the last meeting they had was interrupted when the humans took control of the world. News spread, and in the ensuing panic, the dogs were forced to pick up which ever arse was closest, and since then have been trying to find their own arse by sniffing each other's.

Also, there is no definitive word in Welsh for yes or no.
( rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 9:11, Reply)

Put your left leg in...
In the final verse of revelations in the new testament it was revealed that the hokie cokie really was what it was all about.
However the vatican suppressed the knowledge.
( I could eat the scabs off a dead dog That was a brand new hat, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 18:31, Reply)

Brain science
If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be so simple, we couldn't
( biggus_richus, Thu 17 Mar 2005, 15:27, Reply)

Mr Beadle
Jeremy Beadle has a small cock, but on the other hand he doesn't really
(grimmmy, Wed 23 Mar 2005, 19:43, Reply)

Bestial
The 'International Bestialists Association's motto is "In Dog We Thrust"*.



*apparently
(Reply, Tue 22 Mar 2005, 18:07, Reply)

Stuff
ABBA was named after it's founding members; Alan, Brenda, Bill and Aunty Mary(Thanks, Vic and Bob).

Fish can breathe air, but because they're snobs, they'd rather die than do so.

Bram Stoker invented haggis.

Marilyn Manson once hugged a puppy live on stage.

Rope is made of rat pubes.

Blood is actually jam that has been chemically altered by the body.

Emily Bronte invented haggis.

Monkeys share 33% of their jeans with other monkeys. Not their new ones, just the ones that have got a bit of wear around the crotch.

100% of these facts are more factual than 90% of the 'facts' posted this week.
That is all.
(TheCastrator, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 17:37, Reply)

Fascinating fact
Badgers are actually an illusion caused by light refraction in car headlights so don't worry if you run one over - it was all a trick of the light you can hose off later.
(Guineapiggy Fuzzeh!, Mon 21 Mar 2005, 2:49, Reply)

Aibohphobia
The fear of pallindromes.
( Roman Totale, Sun 20 Mar 2005, 2:11, Reply)

Niagara Falls are SWITCHED OFF after 10pm
Yep. Crazy. Don't believe me?

Check picture and text at this website (bottom): www.ianrowland.com/Travels/EdgeOfAllegiance/EdgeOfAllegNiagara.htm

Offical site confirms it too (bottom): www.infoniagara.com/other/fast_facts/index.html

Mental.
(slink, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 18:34, Reply)

If the Chinese population were to be lined up round the equator.....
most of them would have wet feet.
(randy the gnome, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 17:17, Reply)

pitates arrrrrr!!!!!
pirates wore eye patches because with this eye covered it would become hyper sensative thus making pirates able to navigate the seven seas at night arrrrrr

also theres a place in austria called 'fucking'
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 13:52, Reply)

Poop
there is such a thing as a scale for rating poo - it is called the Bristol Stool Scale - it rates poo's from 1-7:

excuse the pic on a reply page but i think it's warranted.



apparently, from a medical perspective, a 4 is ideal.
( harryfreeze Ignore, Hide, I like this!, Reply, Fri 18 Mar 2005, 12:24, Reply)