There was this one time...
Her name was Jennifer, we'd been workmates since we were at school and then both worked near each other for a few years after that so we regularly had lunch or caught up for after work drinks.

Jen was a pale, slim and that almost blonde ginge. Attractive, but not really my type. But fuck me did she have a vicious sense of humour. Not unlike myself.
We occasionally came across each other socially and when we did it was always a hoot but nothing ever really happened beyond a few drunken, slurred "I luv ya mate"s.

One night Jen came over to mine after breaking up with her bf a few weeks prior. I was single at the time and all of my house-mates were out for the evening. We had a nice meal - I cooked carbonara from memory and then we plonked on the couch talking.

"I'd love a neck rub" she said. It wasn't the 1st time and hey the beers were hitting the spot for me. After a while she lifted her blouse up and asked me to continue on her back.
Eyebrows raised but what the hell. I wasn't brave or keen enouhg at this point to tell her that to do it properly I'd need to undo her bra. After a while she turned around (now just in her bra) and offered to return the favour. I got the cushions off the couch, put down a towel, got some baby oil, lay down on my tummy, took my shirt off and told her to go to town.

For a 5', skinny, pale thing she had some nice strong fingers. I was almost dozing off when she piped up "My turn." Off came her bra with very little self-consciousness and after she lay down I straddled her (now I noticed) pert bum and started rubbing baby oil into her back with great gusto.
I had to address the elephant in the room eventually - "Umm, Jen I got a raging hardon. Sorry but you know, biology etc.". "I know." she purred. Then she rolled over and we kissed - it just seemed to happen.

"I think we need to take this out of the lounge-room" I said. She said "I don't mind what we do tonight but nothing penetrative." OK. I tidied the lounge up and walked into my bedroom finding her naked on the bed. "Leave your boxers on" she told me as I got undressed.
We kissed and then I fondled her small pert boobs and then sucked on the ripe little nubbins. She laid right back, I put a pillow under the small of her back, spread her lips and then then started slurping, sucking & licking.
I must have felt her shudder about 4 times before I tried to push a couple of fingers into her to really finish her off (there is a rough spot just behind the pubic mound on the inside of a ladies vajizzle that for every woman I have touched has made them buck their hips like a bronco - particularly whilst sucking on their engorged clit - call it a g-spot, whatever, I just know it fucking works). She stopped me so I climbed on top of her and ground against her wettness with the tip and shaft of my cock behind my [silk] boxers. We just rolled around for hours like that. I think that was one of the best frottage experiences I have ever had.

After a while we rolled over and dozed, then we had a shower where we slowly washed each other quite carefully - the way one partner gives the other a bed bath when they're crook.

Not once did she touch my cock in a randy manner, I didn't even cum that night (trust me it didn't take me long to knock 1 out afterwards).
My wanking fantasy: if only my cock had slipped completely out of the top or between the "pee-hole" fold of my boxers and I'd been able to 'inadvertently' thrust myself into Jen's ripe, wet ted.

We had lunch at work a couple of days later with nary a mention of that night. I ended up in her bed a couple of months later where I again treated her to some very enjoyable mouth & tongue entertainment. But that was all.

About 6 mths. later she rang me - we'd both taken different jobs and drifted apart and she told me - "I want you to come over and fuck me senseless". "Sorry", I told her "I'm kinda busy.", she asked me if I had someone there with me. I told her yes. She asked me if it was someone special, I replied in the positive...
That someone special is gonna be home from work in an hour or so and our daughter is itching to show her the library books we got today.

Haven't seen, nor heard from Jen since. Oh the times I've had imagining.

Length: Well the old fella was well and truly poking out the top of my boxers.
TBH If I were single & she rang me today. I'd probably say no.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 25 Aug 2012, 7:48, 10 replies)

The fire reflected in mmps moistened eyes as the World Atomic and Nuclear Knowledge Bank burned.
He wasn't looking at that though, he was focussed entirely on his injured shedformer buddy. Shedulus heaved in huge breaths as a flymo tumbled out of the gaping wound in his chest.
"You can't die! You just can't!" young mmps wailed to his injured friend and lover.
"I'm sorry," Shedulus struggled to say, "looks like... you neeed to... continue this fight... without me."
"NO!" mmps cried out and rested his head on the massive wooden chest. "No," he whispered. "I love you, you can't die."
An odd light passed across Shedulus eyes and he lifted his hand slowly to the young man's face. "I know...."
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sat 25 Aug 2012, 7:43, 5 replies)

Madeline McCann...
...not sure if she looks more or less hot in that "digitally enhanced" photo that was printed in the papers recently.

(Yes, that's right... I'm BAAAAAACK!!! Lock up your daughters!)
(RabidRodent I'm the person your mother warned you about, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 18:23, 31 replies)

Given this week's subject I'm just relieved SpankyHanky doesn't post any longer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 17:17, 18 replies)

Still does it for me
In John Lewis trailing around after gf, for some reason she's dragged me over to the shaving section and is insisting I buy something effective. Of course, just to spice things up, I complain that she's hardly the cleanest shaved either.
Which is how I found myself browsing depilators. Horrible little things that rip your hairs out from the roots. Anyways, a helpful assistant comes over; pretty 20 something girl, long hair, slim, in a lovely uniform which was somehow both conservative, but very suggestive of the shapes underneath.
We (gf & I) are totally lost in this world of strange hair removal devices so, sensing an opportunity for some fun, I ask the assistant if she could advise. She looks around a little furtively; we are standing in the middle of the shop, but there's no one else near.
She leans in imperceptibly and tells us that she likes to keep well trimmed.
She likes a Brazilian. Do we...?
Yes yes, we know what that is.
But she prefers to wax.
It's quicker than the depilators which she finds too painful.
A few more words and we leave.

Christ; I had the raging horn.
I still do whenever I think about the time a pretty stranger described herself to me in the middle of a shop and I had to keep perfect, perfect composure.
(badmiker, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 17:15, 8 replies)

I remember when...
Nude-y Time = Rude-y Time.

*sigh*
(Roddimus_Prime Should be revising, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 16:35, Reply)

Suburban Raver
I don't get to go clubbing much now that I'm old and have kids, but by crikey I love a bit of chemically enhanced flailing now and again, so it's a bonus when me and the missus get invited to house parties by a group of school Mums.
At one such front room knees up, I was greeted by the sight of a gorgeous blonde writhing around on the 'dancefloor' in tight leather hotpants and tiny top. After a bit of investigation it turned out that she was Russian, off her tits and in the middle of a mid-thirties sexual renaissance. "Please don't fuck her, she's my brother's wife" implored one bloke. I promised to do my best, but as I was there with the wife I was sure it wouldn't be difficult to keep my promise.
"Kristina" (Names changed to protect the innocent) seemed to have different plans and constantly kept hitting on me, outrageously. As I was standing there with one arm around wifey and the other around her best friend, she would try and drag me onto the dance floor "Dance with me, I vant you!" she kept saying, trying to kiss the three of us (Girls definitely not impressed).
Ordinarily I would have spirited her away and banged her stupid but she'd started to annoy me by this time by a) being unreachable due to presence of aforementioned wife and b) wriggling around on top of the DJ's records (didn't bother the DJ, whose eyes were on stalks). It was with great pleasure that I hit her with the immortal line "Sorry Love, I'll have to turn you down. I'll tell you what though, you ARE fucking hot!" to which she answered "I know. I show you!" and tottered back into the middle of the room, did some more writhing and showed me her tits.

Later, I found a pal in the garden wistfully staring into space after having had a quick fumble with her (punching well above his considerable weight), we both agreed that it was a night whose memories would live for ever in our respective banks.

No apologies for length, said another mate who audibly spent the rest of the night doing what every bloke at the party wished they could.
(whatfun?, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 16:05, 7 replies)

I keep my money at NatWest in Bury St Edmunds.
They're not very good.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 16:00, 1 reply)

If you're not wet/spaffing dust after THIS, you're probably dead.
b3ta.com/talk/6879373
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 15:56, 1 reply)

my primary school teacher
Who used to wear a low cut top."miss can u help me again please"
(pony182, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 15:15, 3 replies)

Mushybees when he's all dressed up.

(waxdart hello., Fri 24 Aug 2012, 14:39, 1 reply)

All those past woman who aint the Mrs.
The count doesn't have to be high, just different.
Thankfully as my libido slowly dies along with my soul I'm less controlled and bothered by the whole thing. Kinda boring mind you.
(waxdart hello., Fri 24 Aug 2012, 14:32, Reply)

It started with a shed, in the back of the garden
In fact, that's a lie. A shed would involve having to leave the house.
Honda Accord
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 14:25, 2 replies)

No-one will believe this, but have it anyway
Once there was a girl, 19 years old, and a confirmed lesbian since early, fumbling disappointments with spotty teenage boys. However, she had had a massive row and break up with her long-term girlfriend, and had gone out on the town with her (straight) best friends. I don't know if it was encouragement from the mates, a desire for revenge on the GF, personal doubts or a kind of inverted bi-curiousity, but for whatever reason, she felt like seeing "how the other half live", and cross the great divide.

I worked all this out later. All I know is that while dancing - well, throwing myself around in sweaty, drug-addled spastic twitches, anyway - I found myself in the company of a friendly, chatty couple and their quieter but devastatingy cute, doe-eyed friend.

Even more remarkable, for the first and only time in my life, I seemed to be able to communicate purely by dancing. We were moving as one, synergising in a way I find hard to understand even now, and even allowing for the empathy-enhancing chemicals. To my delight, after the club chucked out and we actually began to chat on the stroll along the sea-front back to their shared house, we continued to spark off each other, to connect and communicate effortlessly.

I didn't actually make it home for several more days; days (and nights) that will keep me warm in the lonely moments for the rest of my life. The fact that this gorgeous, teenage goddess, at the perfect age when gravity is merely a word between "gravel" and "gravy", would even talk to a 35-year-old geek like me, let alone shag me senseless for days on end, was and still is a revelation.

OK, so it didn't last beyond that time, and when I bumped into her about a year later she told me she'd gone back to her ex girlfriend. But, as the films say, they can't take that memory away from me. Nor the moment when, collapsing in a sweaty, panting glow, she said to me "Blimey, I didn't know men knew how to do that..."

Ok, let the doubters begin. Personally I think the nature of this QOTW is that people will naturally select those moments when, unbelievably, everything went right, just for a change, and it will naturally sound like wishful thinking and fantasy. Isn't that the point?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 13:58, 20 replies)

A recent one
There are many happy memories in my bank but this is the most recent one (about a month ago):

There's a local girl who I must admit I was head over heels in love with. Alas the feeling wasn't mutual and although we got close and spent lots of time together, she wasn't ready for a relationship and just wanted us to be friends. Being friends for us included getting drunk together and staying at one another's houses, sharing the same bed.

This girl is 40 years old (two years younger than me), extraordinarily pretty and with a lovely body; especially her legs. She's a lovely girl and we make one another laugh: all ingredients which added up to me falling in love with her.

We shared a bed at least half a dozen times and on one occasion I awoke in the morning and instinctively put my arm around her and put my hand on her tummy. She asked me to move my hand, so I did: up to her tits. I asked her if this was okay and she said it was; she was just sensitive about her belly. Then I asked her if she was okay touching her legs. "Yes" she said; "In fact any part of my body except my tummy."

So I moved my hand onto her backside, then around the front. I really thought I was chancing my arm here but I had a raging horn and couldn't help it. Then she said, "If you're going to stick your cock in me, don't think that means we're together. We're just friends." And then it happened: just a functional bit of thrusting to clear away the cobwebs, as it had been a while for us both.

Friends with benefits.
( <>Dog www.stevelaker.blog, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 13:15, 28 replies)

All of the experiences with all of everyone's mums who I have fucked on here.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 12:46, 14 replies)

A girl at works tit fell out once.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 12:24, 9 replies)

Ok, you ASKED for this.
SHEDULUS glanced across at GARAGETRON, it had been a long battle and no clear victor had emerged. Beads of sweat stood out on GARAGETRON's moustache, SHEDULUS found himself aroused despite everything, even his love for his fiance GAZEBOBOT forgotten in the gravitic pull of his sudden lust for GARAGETRON.
GARAGETRON noticed SHEDULUS' growing extension and found his pumps rising in response. "SHEDULUS" he growled. "I'm going to pump you so hard you'll come off your foundations."
"Do me GARAGETRON" replied SHEDULUS. "Make me your conservatory, Do me til my creosote peels."
Rounding the corner GAZEBOBOT gasped in shock at the sight before her. Quickly she drew back, her windows scarred forever by the view that she could NEVER unsee.
GARAGETRON had spotted GAZEBOBOT out of the corner of his sensor, the knowledge that she was watching only aroused him more.
to be continued.
All characters ^tm&^c mark morrisons prison shoes
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 24 Aug 2012, 11:48, 3 replies)

I was to find out afterwards that she had a significant reputation as a prick-tease, but
Over a bottle of wine she told me she loved anal, and really wanted to have a threesome with another girl.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 11:43, Reply)

Allow me to summarise

My stories on this subject break down into two types:

1. stuff that did actually happen that I enjoyed and like to remember but that I'm not going to tell you about because you won't believe them and you'll slag me off for "making them up" (e.g. first two dates with last but one g/f... looking back I find it hard to believe they actually happened as they did, they went so well).

2. stuff that *nearly* happened to me and that I really wish had in fact panned out, but that I'm not going to tell you about because (a) it's usually tragic (b) you'll slag me off for making it up and (c) you'll slag me off for thinking it was "nearly" instead of "no chance, pal" - which in some cases may have been true, but I still like to think of them as "coulda shoulda" opportunities.
(SonofRojBlake, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 11:22, 17 replies)

Madeline Smith...
First, there's those eyes...
Next, that mouth...
Then... well it all gets a bit messy after that.
(minimalist ..., Fri 24 Aug 2012, 10:48, 6 replies)

We got 14 consecutive correct answers
But only ended up with £600
(brush_em, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I was pretty well raw by the time they got the amends to the Digital Economy Act through.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Same company, Different receptionist.
A rather uninhibited 19 year old lass, part time Ann-summers rep to boot, I'll call her Liz for that was her name.

One day I heard some raucous laughter coming from the reception next door so had to go and have a nosy. Val our matronly company secretary (think Hattie Jacques) was cackling away at the holiday photo's that Liz had just gotten developed.

"Look at his hairy arse! Is that the bloke you brought back to your room?" *cackle*
"Oooh, you've got nothing on in this one!" *cackle*
"Who's that? She's naked?" *cackle*

Cheekily asking whether I could have a look I was politely told,"Not bloodly likely." and was sent away.

About 1/2 an hour later Liz's printer mysteriously *cough* stopped working so I had to go and sort it out.

Sitting there on her desk was the envelope with the photo's in it. Did my horny 19-year-old self show respect and restraint? Did it hell.

I was flicking through those photos like a bank robber counting his cash, looking for the golden photo.

Bingo! There was Liz in her apartment bollock naked, hairy snatch and poached egg tits on show. Followed by one of her mate equally bollock naked. The only downer was the hairy arse shot of some bloke she met (and later married - who says holiday romances never work?)

I felt quite bad about the invasion of privacy, but only after stripping several layers of skin from my wee-man in the gents toilet.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 9:08, 1 reply)

"Don't Look!"
Lying in a hammock one summer's afternoon with my then girlfriend, her extremely attractive younger sister was goofing around and fell into the pool in her clothes. Much laughter was had. And naturally, a wet T-shirt was too. I shall treasure this moment, I thought to myself, hoping my analytical leer was not too obvious.

"Oh no," cried the mother, coming to the door and handing her a towel, "you're not dripping all over the carpet! Put this on."

This being a rather unihibited household of three sisters and divorced mother, it occurred to me that I might finally glimpse some of the domestic nudism my girlfriend had told me about when we'd discussed modesty in our respective homes. The domestic nudism that had gripped my mind for months. Ohyesohyesohyesohyesohyesohyes...

"Ladyfingers, close your eyes!" shouted the sister and my girlfriend in near unison.

"Yeah, yeah," I said. Yeah, right, I thought, trembling slightly as I raised a hand with fingers just far apart enough to permanently etch a snapshot of my girlfriend's nubile young sister disrobing, cold and wet, onto my optic nerve for the rest of my reproductive life.
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Fri 24 Aug 2012, 7:35, Reply)