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So, the other day,
I go to brush my teeth. My dad was in the bathroom a few minutes before me. Upon turning the tap I feel something sticky on it.

I won't beat around the bush, it was semen.

My dad's semen.

My dad's cold, post-wank semen.

I know my dad watches porn, but I found out in the worst way that he also still masturbates. What's the worst way you've found something unpleasant out?
(I helped save b3ta! B.T., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
tapwanking?

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:42, archived)
I presume he was washing his hands post wank.
There's a box of fucking tissues in the living room! :(
(I helped save b3ta! B.T., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
is it in any way abnormal to have a box of tissues in the living room?
they're for blowing your nose.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:45, archived)

nose load
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
I don't like to imagine my great aunt Irene doing that.

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
Each to their own
I'm sure she could make a healthy income on the internet from people who aren't so square.
(I helped save b3ta! Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
Dont repress her
she is a sexual being, she has a right to frot her mess of hair and spam while watching Eammon Holmes on the telly.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
Not at all
But why couldn't he just use a tissue? Rather than taint our taps with his spaff?!
(I helped save b3ta! B.T., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
Maybe he thought someone else had claimed them.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 17:06, archived)
Reading b3ta
I found out that your dad is aroused by sticking a toothbrush up his shitter.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
surely the worst way would have been for him to come in your eye.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
Nah
bursting in on him pounding away at the side of your newborn baby's crib.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
Or waking up to see him, stark naked,
hunched double in the squat position, looming over you, sweat glistening from every pore, his hand pounding away at his love meat which is aimed at your face like a loaded shotgun. You make eye contact, and with a devilish grin he yells, "MORNING SON! BREAKFAST'S UP!" and then darkness.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
up your arse
would be even worse?
(Goatse not a comedy account, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
*boik*

(I helped save b3ta! moohalaa, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
So, starting a sentence with "So".

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
Walked in on my parents enough times.
Hey, they still love each other. Hurrah for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:43, archived)
How many times is enough?

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
They're prolific.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
yeah but when it's all strapons and scat
it really is a little too much
(Goatse not a comedy account, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:44, archived)
I found out my dad trawls dating sites for old japanese women.
So, yeah, not much love there...
(I helped save b3ta! B.T., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
You don't love your dad because he fancies Japaneses?
You fucking racist.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
He can love who he wants
But he's a hypocrites. He considers japanese people, black people, asian people, etc. etc. to be subhuman animals.

Yet all his porn is interracial.
(I helped save b3ta! B.T., Tue 12 May 2009, 16:52, archived)
So in his eyes it's beastiality?
This gets better!
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
Not that I think this at all
but I don't think vibrators are people. Maybe that's how he looks at it. They're purely objects.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 17:05, archived)
More than once
is just voyeurism surely
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
Yeah, I chose for them to have sex in the living room right by the front door.
I enforced it.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
That's just a bit strange
Unless you can't afford a draught excluder, in which case it's quite sensible.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
I've had sex in my living room tonnes of times.
I'm not overly bothered by them, to be honest, and it was a long time ago.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:51, archived)
They were doing it by the front door while you did it in the living room?
Now that really is a bit strange.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
I have my own living room in an entirely different building now.
I'm 24, I don't live with my bloody parents.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
I think you're in danger
of taking my replies too seriously. I was simply trying to make humorous comments about your parents humping. I wasn't trying to annoy you.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 12 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
so was I....

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
When you say "several times"
Do you mean "several times in the space of one minute" ?
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
In the space of one girldom.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
You think they'd have the decency to do it in their own bed by now.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
You would.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
"Ohhh mum, *sad face*, I'm supposed to eat of that !"

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
at least he didn't spunk on your toothbrush

(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:45, archived)
His mum already does a full on squirtatic mimsy gush on it so it would defeat the point

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:46, archived)
SQUIRTLE!

(I helped save b3ta! TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Tue 12 May 2009, 17:11, archived)
OR DID HE?

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:47, archived)
If your Dad was to just beat around the bush
this kind of thing wouldn't happen.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:48, archived)
Maybe he'd just seen the advert for Swine Flu
And wanted to blow it, bin it and wash it.

Or whatever.

Oinkment, blah, blah, blah.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:49, archived)
Wait, how did it get on the tap?
Was he looking in the mirror at the time while purched on tip toes?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:50, archived)
Tap dancing
All the kids are doing it nowadays.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 12 May 2009, 16:54, archived)