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Headlines on the Times Sport website:
"United fans warned about dangers of ‘Stab City’"
Bet they wish they'd booked to go to Candyapple City now.
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:52, archived)
Alright, you fat cunt?

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:54, archived)
NOT BAD THANKS.
How's minimum?
(I helped save b3ta! Malchick, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:56, archived)
Not bad.
Surprisingly chipper for a Wednesday.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:58, archived)
Can I have some smoked cod, curry chips and onion rings?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:00, archived)
I want this bad
you terrible person
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:02, archived)
Wait your turn in the queue.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:03, archived)
I'm not A chipper
you crazy Irish.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:05, archived)
My mistake.
Egg fried rice and duck in a black bean sauce.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:09, archived)
I'd like a Hawaiian and an Americano.
What? You're not a pizza place?

I thought this was a brothel
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:10, archived)
I like this post, it contains just enough lol, crazy and whacky
and the fact that it's from Malchick means that he'll disappear in a few minutes making us wonder why we bothred.

I am very pleased with this style of shit news link - Not actually including a link to the shit news story the poster is making an hilarious comment about.

Good job all round
4/5 would read again
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:55, archived)
Please to be reviewing all posts in this format today
They can go in the newsletter
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:58, archived)
This post leaves me cold
No real clarity of intention or content.

Must try harder
1/5
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:00, archived)
Dear Wormulus,
I'm thinking of parting my hair.
Would you recommend left or right?

Regards,
Kaol.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:05, archived)
Let all your hair flop over the front of your head
then flick your head back.

Whichever way the most hair goes - this is the way you should push or comb the rest.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:07, archived)
Y'see,
That's the kinda pro-advice that I wouldn't be able to get anywhere else.
Thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:08, archived)
A word of warning.
Do not use a mirror to see which side looks best.
It is actually the opposite of what everyone else sees.

Use a webcam instead.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:09, archived)
SIDEPARTING KING

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:11, archived)
The only thing you are king of is homosexuality

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:14, archived)
This is your homepage
www.jewtube.com/video/2156/JERRY-SEINFELDS-1ST-STAND-UP-ON-TV
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:16, archived)
And you're my Court Jester, with ballbags dangling from your multi-dibble hat. You swing them into your mouth for lols and you enjoy it.

p.s. I'm busy at work today so can't have epic cussing matches today dude :( Can't show these gripplings how to do it properly...
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:17, archived)
YOU MOTHERFUCKER.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:17, archived)
yup :)

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:18, archived)
What the hell is
A "grippling"?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:19, archived)
A spastic with a strong grip.
Down's are elites in the Grippling tree.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:22, archived)
Ah, I see.
I resent that.
Although the concept of Mong-Strength fills me with glee.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:24, archived)
It's not a concept.
The giant red octopus has the world's second strongest grip. It used to have the first until David Belamy discovered otherwise whilst escorting a Down's child by the hand when an Ice Cream van drove past. They also charge like wailing, snot covered Bulls when they see something yellow.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:28, archived)
I've fallen for those damn
Mirror tricks before.
Now I smash every reflective surface I see, in a futile, bellowing rage.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:11, archived)
Dear Kaol
I would recommend mannning the fuck up.

Best Wishes
xx
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:08, archived)
Dear Al,
I would recommend sucking my balls.
Twice daily.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:09, archived)
childish insult fight!
GO GO GO!
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:10, archived)
Kaol
once had sex with a penguin.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:12, archived)
No.
It was ym.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:12, archived)
You big gay.
My heart's just not in it.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:12, archived)
This headline worries me a bit: Girl 'traumatised' by gang rape
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/8058181.stm

Usually when people 'write' things in 'quotes' it implies 'that' there is doubt.
My guess is she's fine with it.
(thediscokingpin, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:55, archived)
Under the picture:
"The girl's mobile phone was stolen by one of her attackers"

OH SHIT, HER PHONE? NOW I'M REALLY CONCERNED!
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:56, archived)
All that poor credit!

(thediscokingpin, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:56, archived)
HOLY SHIT!!
What Network Was It!?
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:14, archived)
Most people reading that probably had difficulty
understanding why she used a phone box.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:58, archived)
I'll admit here, that I didn't really read the story
Just saw the caption under the picture.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:58, archived)
You're very SHOUTY today.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:00, archived)
There is a bridge in the picture
nothing else.

Are we really expected to believe that the bridge raped a girl?
Come on! pleeeeeease
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:01, archived)
This post contains two examples of
italic text, the first demonstrates a good grasp of the idiom. However, this appears to have gone to the posters head as the second use is entirely unwarranted, indeed I expected the term LOL or OMG to appear shortly afterwards.

Not bad, but room for improvement 3/5
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:04, archived)
You're a fine one for immitating my memes
I bet you fancy me.

AND WITH GOOD CAUSE
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:08, archived)
But until I copy it
it isn't a meme, it's just you posting stuff.

I complete you, and you know it.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:11, archived)
Nobody copied Cock Tuesday for the first year or so.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:13, archived)
Don't worry
lots of people think it's really cool now. In fact, I saw a Cock Tuesday T-Shirt in Primark the other day.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:16, archived)
If it actually became bigger than this site
I would be really upset, because I wouldn't be getting the attention.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:17, archived)
Gang rape by scousers is every girl's secret knicker-fizzing fantasy
I bet she begged them and they weren't even that keen.
She bribed them with her phone.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:59, archived)
Well it's an odd rebranding choice for Rome if nothing else

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:55, archived)
Yes....
yes.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:56, archived)
The headlines for The Polo Times is always just a various sort of nasal gwuff and cheer.
"Pff RAR!"

"Hiphoo FNAR!"

"What ho FNEE!"

The backpage comic is just a posh person gluffing at a peasant and trying to put horseshoes on them.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 11:58, archived)
My curry was nice last night.
/practices
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:01, archived)
Uug! OooOoOO! *swings from branches and throws a tyre*

I want some now. This isn't fair. I've got a crap sandwich for lunch.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:07, archived)
*soothes*
Soon, Gumsy. Soon.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:12, archived)
I bet you said this with a evil villan cackle afterwards.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:14, archived)
That's what I do after everything I say.

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:24, archived)
Gluffing?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:01, archived)
It's onomatopoeic.

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:05, archived)
It could still refer to several distinct phenomena.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:10, archived)
They're going to Limerick?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:00, archived)
Ive read lots of news today, because it's the only thing you're really allowed to do other than work
But I certainly did not read about the football. Yukky football.
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 20 May 2009, 12:07, archived)