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FUCKING BASTARD BOLLOCKS
I want to break lots of things RIGHT NOW. But that would be silly. I thought I'd come here and TELL THE INTERNET that I'm fucked off with my mp3 player being a fucking bollocks.

And I've got silver hands from where I've smudged my writing on my randomburn inlays. Balls.

Make things better for me please.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:18, archived)
I've had wine.
You should have wine, and a walk around the block.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:20, archived)
I've had beer
and grief from technology and stationary
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:22, archived)
<s>a</s> e
/Grief from Neptune.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:23, archived)
Yeah well
I'm angry, I'm allowed a mis spelling here and there.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:24, archived)
The angriness will subside with a walk around the block.
Why does nobody ever listen to me?
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:25, archived)
I'm in my pyjamas and slippers.
This is not suitable outdoors attire unless you're a mental patient.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:26, archived)
might be worth getting dressed
to stamp around the block, unless it's raining over there.
maybe get your own back on the mp3 player by pricing up its replacement online?
(and metallic ink's never a good idea in my books - first it gets on my hands, then it ends up on my face when I lean on my hands)
(I helped save b3ta! evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:29, archived)
But metallic ink is all futuristic and robotty

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:30, archived)
my face
certainly looked a touch robotty afterwards :P
(I helped save b3ta! evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:33, archived)
*does robot movements*

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:33, archived)
There are no more humans
Finally, robotic beings rule the world
The humans are dead
The humans are dead
We used poisonous gases
And we poisoned their asses
The humans are dead (he's right they are dead)
The humans are dead (look at that one it's dead)
It had to be done (I'll just confirm that they're dead)
So that we could have fun (affirmative, I poked one, it was dead)
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:40, archived)
I *heart* FoTC

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:40, archived)
Me too! I have the first couple of episodes of series 2 on sky + to watch at some point

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:43, archived)
Oh, I'll best stop doing this.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:36, archived)
Obviously it doesn't apply to you

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:36, archived)
*continues doing this*

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:39, archived)
Apparently my old man arrested a bloke wandering around in his pyjamas
ranting, raving, and holding aloft a manky bathroom towel.

When apprehended, he bawled "I KNOW! I KNOW THE WAY! THE SPITAL PROPE HAS SHOWN ME THE WAY!" and he brandished the stained and threadbare towel, refusing to yield, until he was slammed over the bonnet of the car, handcuffed, and carted off for a medical.

Whilst there, the doctors wrenched away the towel from his fingers. The man sobbed, gnashed his teeth, threw a fit, and had to be sedated, for fear that he would be seperated from his Spital Prope. During his peaceful slumber, the coppers examined the towel and saw two worn holes where "Ho" and "rty" would have sandwiched the sacred "spital Prope" moniker inked in clear type across the top edge.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:36, archived)
feel free to copy this all over /qotw at a suitable time.

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:37, archived)
pffft
I still have silver balls for you
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:37, archived)
you mean you shove steel love eggs up your chuff because I arouse you so

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:38, archived)
That too
if you like
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:39, archived)
i don't believe a word of this
on the grounds that it's too funny to be true
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:08, archived)
This, many times over
A bit of fresh air and burnt energy, you'll be sound.
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:18, archived)
why not take a rifle and really show those mp3 player makers what for

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:20, archived)
I might just do that

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:25, archived)
I'm using COMPUTERS to make my inlays.

Less Silverage.

p.s. I'm making 10 copies and I'm planning on sending you a copy for being so lovely and organising everything. WARNING: CONTAINS STINA NORDENSTAM
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:21, archived)
I like to handwrite things.
It's fun because people can't read my writing.

Edit: from earlier www.b3ta.com/talk/6164027

And thanks :D
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:22, archived)
Can I just make a public request for everyone to MAKE IT OBVIOUS WHO THE SENDER IS.

Just receiving an anonymous CD with no tracklisting is Poo.
(I helped save b3ta! Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:24, archived)
HELLO GORGEOUS
I might just do my playlist now.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:21, archived)
hm, not bad. well done, itunes.

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:23, archived)
YAY.
Mine is 18 random Elbow tracks :p
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:24, archived)
haha
:)

I've got a nice mix, I think. I added two that I just like at the end, to make up space.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:31, archived)
I've not even burnt my CDs yet. I shall do so at the weekend.
I'm going to provide gifts for my recipients. One "large" gift and a few little things.
(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:22, archived)
Daww
you're a sweetie
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:25, archived)
It's essentially an apology for the dire music :D

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:29, archived)
I'm sending sweets with mine

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:27, archived)
Don't forget your organiser

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:28, archived)
*taps nose*
*clicky fingers*
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:31, archived)
Sweets!?
You're making my CD look like shit, now :(
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:34, archived)
Haha!
I'm sending plectrums, obscene doodles and anything else that takes my fancy.
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:06, archived)
I'm sending sweets, stationery and the odd PC game/DVD/Book

(I helped save b3ta! WHARRGARBL, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:28, archived)
Oooh!
I hope I'm on your list!
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 21 May 2009, 1:03, archived)
Binky put sweets, pencils and a pencil sharpener in with mine last year. It were cracking.
I had to take all the exciting extras out of mine because the scary lady at the Ufficio Postale told me 'thick packages DO NOT go to England'.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:41, archived)
She sounds rubbish.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:43, archived)
I got one from cr3
I'm certain he sent me half his office stationery, and I think he might have even sent a CD too.
(I helped save b3ta! lazygamer VS tittybiscuits, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:23, archived)
I could email you a pic of my knackers if that helps?
Or you could watch Toy Dolls on youtube
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:22, archived)
No thanks.
No grandad scroats for me.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:25, archived)
Lesbian

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:26, archived)
You want me

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:27, archived)
Less than you want me

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:35, archived)
Whatever, Sean

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:36, archived)
pffft

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:36, archived)
AND YOU CAN FUCK OFF AN' ALL

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:42, archived)
CUNT

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:42, archived)
i'm on holiday
it's pretty good
(I helped save b3ta! scott,, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:23, archived)
Good man yourself

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:25, archived)
Ooh! That reminds me, I need to get some CD jewel cases before i can send mine

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:25, archived)
Go and buy some jewel cases
/helpful
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:26, archived)
<s>CD jewel cases</s> envelopes.
Come on now. You're meant to be northern.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:27, archived)
Ha!

(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:27, archived)
Yeah.
THANKS
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:27, archived)
You're fucking welcome.
Cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:57, archived)
I'll not pull the plug out and you can have second go in my bath water if you like?
I went to Lush today and bought fragrant treats.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:27, archived)
No thanks lady.
As I'm sure it's lovely and fragrant, just no.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:28, archived)
Just pop your 'jamas on and get FF to read you a story and stroke your hair.

(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:29, archived)
He's in bed already.
I've had to restore my bastard ipod
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:30, archived)
ouch.
/had nasty nasty itunes decide to scrub 32 gig of nicely organised and playlisted musics. all backed up, but the id3 tags were all over the shop :(
(I helped save b3ta! evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:32, archived)
Fuggeddabowdit.
Come snuggle with me. My boyfriend's off having fun and I'm doing stupid finals stupid revision and stupid stupid stupids.
(I helped save b3ta! LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:39, archived)
You're a bit far away, love.
And I'm in my pyjamas now... But thanks for the thought :)

*snuggles and loves*
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:41, archived)
You should have gone for the diplomatic option
Explaining to your mp3 player how selfish it is in the sober morning light is a far more rational and mature approach
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:28, archived)
Probably
but anger and rage is much more fun
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:29, archived)
Great banter.
I'm going to bed. Good night folks.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Wed 20 May 2009, 23:29, archived)
g'night neptune
*tucks in*
(I helped save b3ta! evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:31, archived)
i just heard a car bomb went off in bagdad killing lots of people
nothing good about that..
but when they said it occurred in a mainly shi'ite area.. i had to laugh
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Wed 20 May 2009, 23:35, archived)
I failed to find three caches I was looking for.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:37, archived)
cor, I haven't done that for a while
I found 2/3 last time
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:39, archived)
I knew the locations, I just failed to locate the tiny buggers.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:41, archived)
blimey. I've not been out geocaching in years.
I think it might be time to line some up - looks like there are now more caches in my local area than there used to be in the entire county :D
(I helped save b3ta! evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:43, archived)
I'm annoying Karl on Facebook.
I should be in bed. I cannot be fucking bothered with work anymore.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:41, archived)
have you not Officially Resigned yet?
I always lose all interest after I've resigned, it's like I can't even be arsed pretending to care any more
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:07, archived)
rofl
resigned ejaculated
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:15, archived)
hello sexy
get a grip, there's a good internet user
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Wed 20 May 2009, 23:53, archived)

randomburn inlays.

i'm a wee bit tiddly. and i'm going to design my randomburn covers tomorrow if the DEDICATED RANDOMBURN LAPTOP will do as it's told

that's right, the DEDICATED RANDOMBURN LAPTOP. thrilling stuff
(I helped save b3ta! spacefish bong!, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:06, archived)
your life must be a non-stop rollercoaster ride of excitement!

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:17, archived)
ooohhh yes!!!
next stop the wild laptop ride at chessington world of adventures!
(I helped save b3ta! skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 21 May 2009, 0:41, archived)
p.s. i am aware that i am on talk and prolly going to get flamed because i don't pop by often
therefore have an otter playong with a stone
www.pbase.com/nickviv/magicmoments
(I helped save b3ta! skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 21 May 2009, 0:44, archived)
i got dumped by my girlfriend then had to work a fucking 13 hour day,
in the rain on a building site. shifted 20 tonnes of stone with a shovel and a wheel barrow. Then got in a car crash on the way back. wish it wasn't true but it was.
(I helped save b3ta! skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 21 May 2009, 0:35, archived)
any way have this for emergency cheer up material
how about a cup of kitten?
www.dailypets.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/kittens-cups.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 21 May 2009, 0:38, archived)
Good day then

(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:49, archived)
hmmmm.
one of the better ones./sarcasm blog
(I helped save b3ta! skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 21 May 2009, 0:51, archived)
At least you weren't subjected to the awful torture of having to wite a dissertation or complete some exams you knew you had to do several years in advance.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 21 May 2009, 1:03, archived)
been there, had to do it with maths and media and communicaions
hope it goes well for you!
(I helped save b3ta! skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 21 May 2009, 1:13, archived)
Some cunt has ironed my new printed shirt.
Those bastards, doing my ironing.
(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 21 May 2009, 0:49, archived)