So.
I'm a yank going to London for the first time this weekend.

Keeping in mind that I'm the type of person that enjoys this website, do you guys have any suggestions for things I should do?
(Mreek, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:15, archived)

Yeah.
Stay in the USA, London's shit.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Thu 21 May 2009, 23:16, archived)

Find an internet cafe.
Come on b3ta. Stay there until it's time to go home again.
(MooCow_Byter, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:16, archived)

Head up to Euston station and go to Manchester instead.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:16, archived)

He's a tourist
Not a suicide bomber.
( Lord Gnome, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:18, archived)

Well.
I am Arab. You never know.

Also, I am not a man, as far as I am aware.
(Mreek, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:26, archived)

now you just want the pandertron to be fired up dont you?

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

I checked the profile, I think it's actually the singer from Whitesnake

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:32, archived)

Now THIS, THIS is panderbaiting.
b3ta.com/questions/impulsebuys/post427590
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:42, archived)

Oh look, BGB is being self-righteous, opinionated and generally unable to shut up.
What a surprise.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:47, archived)

Hove you considerd checking out some of the local traditions?
An old london tradition is that anyone who inhabits on of the ancient cottages within the original boundary walls of london, must offer a meal to a traveller. Its hard to find them now, but they still exist. to stop the residents being always bothered by tourists, its done on a sort of rota basis, but the local policemen usually know which cottage is taking visitors that day, you would be advised to take a carrier bag to bring away any food gifts you might get. Just say to any passing policeman that "you fancy doing a spot of cottaging" and doe h know of a good place, show him your bag to demonstrate you ae serious about it, and he's shure to help you out.
(flipper is going to die in a bizarre gardenning accident, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:33, archived)

Fair enough
Manchester it is then. You need to declare it on your ticket as you are booked in. "Visiting attractions?" then head to London with your camera. "Likely to explode 30 lbs of high explosive under a burqa?" The North's your destination.
( Lord Gnome, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:50, archived)

fuck off, we don't want him here

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:18, archived)

I'm coming to Manchester on saturday.
OH YES.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:36, archived)

Me too. Possibly.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Thu 21 May 2009, 23:37, archived)

fuck off, we don't want you here either

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:38, archived)

If you're going up the M62,
and stop off for a bite to eat near Morley in the early evening, you may well see me.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:39, archived)

Hang around Brixton tube station at about 4am waving your phone and wallet around.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:17, archived)

bring Syncubus with you
for entertaining in-flight conversation
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:17, archived)

Haha fuck

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:18, archived)

whatever you do
do not buy any of the tourist tat.

its vulger.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:17, archived)

Don't make any sudden movements.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Thu 21 May 2009, 23:17, archived)

Go to Koko club, ti's quite good.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:17, archived)

Visit the Tate Modern
And go west afterwards, taking in some of the local hostelries until you arrive back near somewhere you can get to your hotel easily from.
( Lord Gnome, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:17, archived)

run into a tube station with a backpack on
and look very nervous.
( TBL I posted this on, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:18, archived)

thats sauf americans
not narth
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

Ask in as many stores as possible for a Baby P punchbag.
It's this year's must-have.
( nick the greek, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:19, archived)

wheres maddie book?
the sharon matthews hide and seek book.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

dont say how everything is quaint and how things are so much bigger in the states
swagger
look confused when people talk to you in accents other than Hugh Grants
prepare to be ripped off
mind the gap.
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:20, archived)

This is what happens when I go to thatLondon.

( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:23, archived)

well to be fair
you are weird :)
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

True.
And very naive, supervision is advisable when I leave the house.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:28, archived)

to be fair, that is because of the court order.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

Have you been here long,
or have you just reappeared from nowhere? I recognise the username.
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

Reappeared, but I'm off to bed now.
I was addicted to b3ta about 2 years - 18 months ago.
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:39, archived)

hello EJ EJ EJ!
can you tell that Mono feller that he was right about early bays?
i missed out on this one because i couldn't get to look at it before the auction ended :(
cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&item=120419754796
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

Hello My lovely.
Oh she's lovely. Mono'sgone to bed, but I'll let him know as I'm following him soon. Keep looking, the right one will be out there for you..
( WebWench Like a winch, but more curvy, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

Well
Covent Garden, Camden Market (camden town tube stop), The natural history museum and the Science museum (both free, South Kensington tube stop). I spose the London eye, bit of a rip off but you are a tourist and it i a good view if the weather's good. THe big parks like Hyde Park and St James's park adn Regents park are nice. Soho's pretty cool. Leicester Square needs seeing, and there are some good shows in the west end.
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

I loved going on the Eye, touristy or not :)

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

Oh it's definitely a good experience
just a bit expensive, especially for us stedenty types!
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:25, archived)

go and try out for the olympics in 2012
we have a handy ticket barrier system on the tube which is doubling as practise for the Hurdles.
If you manage to clear it, there's a fair chance you'll get a shot at the big time...

...Or is that 'shot at big time'?
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

FUCK THE QUEEN

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

she loved it when I knighted her with my own pork sword
before the police chased me off
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:23, archived)

YEAH

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

That's why I think Prince Philip deserves respect.

( Lord Gnome, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:53, archived)

You should check out a comedy club
If only the people of /talk knew of such a place
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

ooh ooh! i know!
ask me!

comedy at the edward, it's the latest thing
( spacefish bong!, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:25, archived)

is that the one that piston is at?

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:26, archived)

are you putting your arm up in the air and pushing it further up with your other arm?
i like to think you are

every time I drive past this place i do a snigger. probably because it is one of the shittest pubs in blackpool
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:29, archived)

Likewise, whever I go to/from Dewsbury on the bus,
I pass a similarly-named pub in Ossett and invariably smirk to myself.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:32, archived)

i'm struggling to stay in my seat, my hand is so enthusiastically raised!

( spacefish bong!, Fri 22 May 2009, 0:10, archived)

If you're going to be still there on the following Saturday
turn up at the London bash. Although you may prefer to pretend you don't know what it is.
( The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 21 May 2009, 23:27, archived)

start sniping people from the top of big ben

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

go to the top of the eiffel tower, the view's fantastic
or go see the leaning tower of pisa

or you could stick around for the main street electrical parade
( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:36, archived)

The Eifel tower is OK, but ..
Its a bit of a walk from London Bridge to get there, you'd be better off having a look around Stratford (just north of West Ham, maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=stratford+london&ie=UTF8&split=0&gl=uk&ei=JNgVSomDL-CrjAf524X8DA&t=h&z=12&iwloc=A) which is famous for being Shakespears birthplace and has a variety of related exhibits such as Anne Hathaways cottage.
(flipper is going to die in a bizarre gardenning accident, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

She was brilliant in The Devil Wears Prada.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 21 May 2009, 23:46, archived)

Rape a badger

( Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:37, archived)

Kick a swan's head off.
The Queen hates swans, and will chuck you a tenner for any that you kill.

Or a fiver if you manage a light maiming.
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 21 May 2009, 23:42, archived)

if she draws a number and smiley face on a bit of paper that counts as legal tender

( Lightguy hail satan, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

The tate modern is free and very good,
go to that.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:49, archived)

keep a note of what you eat

( scott,, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:50, archived)

...because
when you leave the country any discrepancy between that and the amount you excrete is surgically removed on departure.
( Lord Gnome, Thu 21 May 2009, 23:52, archived)

i'll want to see all receipts

( scott,, Fri 22 May 2009, 0:07, archived)

try this
londonist.com/
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Thu 21 May 2009, 23:54, archived)