OUT OF MY WAY FAT INTERNET!
Hello Chubsters. JMG here.


I'm quite drunk and in spite of this I'm heading off to DURHAM tomorrow to DRINK and be OFFLINE.
How will you, the internet cope?


Most prominent complaint wins the heart bypass.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:39, archived)

they're getting scared about ghosts, down there

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

In all fairness, the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man DID fight off the ghosts in Ghostbusters.
This is just a McContinuation.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:42, archived)

It's VODKA TIME
I have very little to complain about recently. As a fervent internet user, this is very disturbing to me.

Are you looking forward to Sunday's events?
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

Anxiety and such.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:43, archived)

One of my brothers is a Newcastle fan
We'll be watching the game together, and I hope to be drinking his salty tears by the end of the night. John Carew's due another hat-trick I think.
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:03, archived)

ANOTHER?!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 0:05, archived)

Oh yes
He does like playing against Newcastle, and he's in brilliant form at the moment
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:08, archived)

HE IS?!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 0:12, archived)

My ex-girlfriend fell down the stairs and cut her head open
I was there, I called 999, I explained what happened. We got in the ambulance and I was distraught. I didn't push her, no no no, that's not something I'd do. But I did tell them the wrong blood type so she'd know what rejection REALLY feels like.

In other news I sometimes steal jokes off Radio 4 and post them on the internet because nobody listens to radio fucking four.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:43, archived)

And if you think that's shit you best hide this thread.
Because it's all downhill from here.

The other day I was on a train and my mum called me up, I said I'm on a train, she said, eurostar? I said I've been on Trisha but I'm no Graham Norton. Mind you. Jokes aside I don't mind the eurostar. It's murder on the orient express.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

Fucking hell internet, tell me some better jokes.

( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

Why hang out with receptors of old?
I see no use for this.
Unless she hadn't handed over your laundry, etc.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

Fucking hell. You're a Geordie, you should just talk out loud, that makes me laugh usually.
Even better if you tell a joke. Ant & Dec, they get a lot of stick, but you youtube wonky donkey and tell me you don't piss yourself laughing. You do that and I'll call you a liar. A bald liar who lives with his mum./
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:46, archived)

HAS THE INTERNET HAD SOME FORM OF MUSCLE RELAXANT?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:47, archived)

I'm fed up of being the second best ginger on this website. I want Easty killed.
I don't care about Rob, he's fucking shit in comparison to me, what's he ever done, online.

Don't fuck around, JMG, prove you're a man and wallop a bisexual.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:48, archived)

EASTY'S A FRUIT AND NUT?!
I was not aware of this.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:55, archived)

I keep a handy list, it's called "Reid's LGBT list" and it's written in pink fucking highlighter
Moohalaa is such a horrendous gay I drew a fucking unicorn next to his name. But I shouldn't have. He'll probably kill it because that's what you do on World of Warcraft, you kill unicorns, that's what.

I can't name any others.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:58, archived)

That MCQ, I've heard he's an admirer of the man poultry
He never fucking turns up no more though. What am I supposed to do, look like some billy no mates by naming people who fucking hide from the likes of us these days and the shitness we've become?
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:13, archived)

You're the second best ginger?
I think not.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:57, archived)

You're top of my list of people who happen to be ginger.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:22, archived)

I'm the best ginger ever
it's not open to debate.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:35, archived)

I listen to Radio fucking 4

( in vino veritas, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

Middle class. That's what you are. That's what I probably am now. I was a fucking cockney before I found radio 4.
Fucking iplayer.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:47, archived)

I am extremely middle class
raised on The Archers theme tune and gin and tonics before dinner.

Enjoying Radio 4 is the least of my middle class attributes :)
( in vino veritas, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:06, archived)

I bet you make your own bread.

( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:15, archived)

Durham, eh?
Don't get mistaken for a student and thus get charged £3.50 per pint.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

I've wrangled many the cheap drink in Durham before by prodding the bar and putting on my full Geordie.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:46, archived)

Good work there.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:00, archived)

I'm going to bed now JMG
Nighty night
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

*Chest bonk*
Sleep well good T.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:46, archived)

MykeyBoy must have posted

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:47, archived)

I can't sit around all day and wait for Chubby McChickenburger to finish all his posting.
Plus we're safe.
He can't see any of this. He's above all of this.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:48, archived)

The only thing he's above is salad.
And if he's on an escalator facing somebody, talking to them, his gut is over their shoes.

Fat jokes, on the fucking internet. I'm bored as shit. Tell me a fucking joke or something.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:52, archived)

I feel like I'm in the disadvantaged 1.5% of internet users
:(((((
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:53, archived)

I like Durham.
I helped build a bridge there. It hasn't even fallen down yet.
( Druid, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:48, archived)

Fucking hell.
Anyone mentions Durham and it's all 'OOOHH I BUILT A BRIDGE THERE'. SHUT UP ABOUT THAT FUCKING BRIDGE.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:49, archived)

It's a bugger when you've
got a thyroid problem.
More like a PIEroid problem HAHAHA
( Druid, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:51, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/6169265
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:52, archived)

OH WHEEEELY?
That's where I got the idea from, you daft stumbly-wumbly.
My plan to get drunk has failed. I've managed two cans of beer and I'm tired :(
( Druid, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:53, archived)

ALRIGHT!
I'm shattered. We had a curry and watched telly. It's been very exciting.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:55, archived)

I don't think we can keep this lifestyle up for much longer without hitting the Charlie.
Do you want to watch the last games and results on Sunday, and see Geordies weeping tears of sadness into their prison tops?
( Druid, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:57, archived)

Dunno what I'm doing yet.
I need to chat with my ma.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:00, archived)

pffft, prison tops.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 1:00, archived)

I just bit my cheek while eating
I am obviously so fat I have started eating myself
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:54, archived)

OH MY GOOD ROCKING CHUM!
Put down the lard and pick up the fanny!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 22 May 2009, 23:56, archived)

Please take a laptop so you can be here
We'll be lost without your dominating threads :(
( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 22 May 2009, 23:57, archived)

Some Dolecam action would go down a treat too

( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:06, archived)

He's spending his Giro on getting drunk.
I anticipate wobbling from some!
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:07, archived)

I bet JMG nights out
just end up like this
( Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:11, archived)

Haha, yes

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:18, archived)

JMG does not own a laptop.
:(
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 0:06, archived)

Could I have a heart to be bypassed.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:14, archived)

JMG.
I have a new, and magnificent hat. What are your thoughts?
Share your hat-related anecdotes with us, your poor unenlightened Internet dogsbodies.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:16, archived)

HATS = YES!
I once managed to throw a hat in a spinning formation away and towards a random location well away from me one night in a bar.
In a wonderful moment of time and motion collaboration, it landed spot on a policeman's helmet.


10 points JMG!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 0:19, archived)

For the record.
Plastic cowboy hat.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Sat 23 May 2009, 0:20, archived)

Good work there, fella.
My new hat is 100% cotton twill, and is vastly becoming.
It has already attracted the attention of more than one offline women.
I'm counting this as a win.
( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Sat 23 May 2009, 0:25, archived)

I'm pissed and armed with a keyboard!
WATCH OUT, E-WOMEN!
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 23 May 2009, 0:17, archived)