I can't help the feeling
that an insufficient amount of Cock Tuesday references have been posted today.

Tonight I am having a BBQ, I had one last Sunday too and burnt my thumb quite badly. When did you last injure yourself in the course of your domestic duties?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:56, archived)

COCK
Where is Spermulus?
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:56, archived)

If you've all bullied Wormulus off the board because a girl said so I'll be very upset with you all.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)

He'll be back
I'm sure he's just doing some work or getting a haircut or something.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)

That can't be right
How can you get upset with us, that would be all kinds of wrong.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)

You're taking everything I say too seriously again!
..and why haven't you changed your name like I requested?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)

Also, did you attend this b4shomgh?!1 thing at the weekend?

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

No I didn't
I was getting drunk with offline people.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

Yeah!
That's better!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

I saw the photos from that.
They were all in some shithole of a "garden" in some down-and-out shanty. Few of them could handle the alcohol. There's a video montage of the whole thing on /links somewhere.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

I best stay clear of this misery you speak of, DT.
Thanks for the warning.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

I blame you
for making me take you seriously too much.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

I don't know what happened. I miss his inane commentary.
Gasps - was it your fault?
( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)

Probably.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

I have it on good authority that this is the reason.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6192617
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

That's boringly unconspiricy-theory-ish
I say he's been kidnapped by a roaming band of Off Topicers, who want to keep him in case he wins next week's QOTW
( Theoban What of it, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

OH DOUBLE R!
You're always a champion of intelligence!
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

*taps nose*
*eyeholes in newspaper*
*russian femme fatale party*
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:12, archived)

YES!!!

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

When you burnt your thumb:
Did you like it, or not?
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:56, archived)

I wasn't overly
enamoured by the occurrence.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

So it's fair to say that you didn't like it?

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

I think that
would be the reasonable conclusion to draw.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

Hello, my name is Al the Geordie. I had a BBQ on a Sunday, and somehow burnt my thumb. I didn't like it.

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:59, archived)

But your name is Dave?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:00, archived)

Is Wormulus still banned?
If so that's why
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

No he's not
he posted last night
(beckyjsbx WOOP WOOP, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)

I think he's being 'encouraged' to actually do some work while he's at work.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)

I once sprained my arse cooking an elk on the spitroast.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

You were spitroasting an elk and you sprained your arse?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

that's not spitroasting, chb you dirty bastard

( thealternativefact, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

I NO!

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)

Was that not clear enough?
I had to have it in plaster for a month.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:59, archived)

I got some chemical burns on my hands from oven cleaner.
horrible stuff.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

Not in a long while, which is surprising with my track record.
I keep bashing off doors, though. Stupid shit balance.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:57, archived)

I'm sure some reference to being too fat to fit through doors
would be appropriate here. But I wouldn't stoop that low. My beer gut gets in the way too much.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

I was expecting it, to be fair.
I have scarred eardrums, I just fall to the side sometimes for no reason when getting up. Even when sober.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)

did you clean them too hard
with cotton buds?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)

No, about three years ago I had chronic ear infections for about eight months.
With all the hoovering out and cleaning they did, they are now scarred a bit.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)

Earsex

( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)

I was chopping onions but I accidentally stabbed myself in the eye with an apple corer

( Theoban What of it, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

There should be some sort
of warning notice on apple corers. I lost three friends that way.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:59, archived)

You'll just be sitting there, minding your own business and WHOOPS! Corer in the eye
Tragedy
( Theoban What of it, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:59, archived)

damn straight

(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:00, archived)

I can see through to your brains, dude

( Malaka omdz, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:00, archived)

There's a hole in my head and I made it just for you

( Theoban What of it, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

I wonder if...
nah, never mind
( Malaka omdz, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

The true meaning of the word 'mindfuck'

( Theoban What of it, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

Would you have popped one into Daniella Westbrook's nose if you had a chance?

( Malaka omdz, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

I would've squidged it up there using the back end of a pencil to jam it right in

( Theoban What of it, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

If it wouldn't go you could put it in soft, and then get her to..
Fuck, what is wrong with me
( Malaka omdz, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

A few years ago I broke my leg by running into a brick bbq

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

I stubbed my toe on a great many things yesterday
walked into a cabinet, fell over some boxes, strained my back a bit... I'm very clumsy.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 14:58, archived)

In the last week at work, I have managed to get a cut on the tip of 8 out of 10 fingers
This means I have to wear latex gloves all day, and my hands stink of condoms by the end
( Malaka omdz, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:00, archived)

Gone for pastures new
he said to say hi to you all though
(beckyjsbx WOOP WOOP, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:00, archived)

I burned my arm getting some fairy cakes out of the oven.
/Domestic Goddess blog
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)

I AM GOING TO MAKE TETRIS MINI CAKES for the mister's birthday.
like fondant fancies, but TETRONIMO SHAPED
( sleepybinky, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)

OH WOW

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)

AWESOME BINKY

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)

oooh, coolios
now I have a CLEAN OVEN I will be doing so much baking.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

But then it will become a dirty oven
And you will need to move again!
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

NO NO ME ME MARRY ME!!

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

Did you lick your fingers suggestively
before dropping cream on your cleavage?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)

christ

( Malaka omdz, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)

whilst sucking off the cameraman
and taking a volley from his custard cannon to the tits and seductively talking about hot sauce?

anyone? no? oh, just me then
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

Oh great, now you've done it.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

Yes
just you. Filth.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

No.
I shouted and swore an awful lot.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

I cut my thumbtip half off yesterday
and cut my knuckle open on a bacon slicer a week ago. Other than that, I'm mostly whole.
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)

Wash it out with vinegar to disinfect it, quick

( Malaka omdz, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)

i grated my finger this morning whilst washing up a cheesegrater

( sleepybinky, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:01, archived)

Did you say "Oh, that's just grate!"
and then fall around laughing?
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:02, archived)

I AM NOW.

( sleepybinky, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

I drilled my hand being lazy and putting up a new outdoor light onehanded.
careless really. Still.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:03, archived)

Oooof
How far in did it go?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

not really at all.
bounced the chuck off the webbing between my thumb and forefinger so a large chunk of that got ripped out.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

Ah , right, cool.
Did it bleed lots?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

fair to middling amounts


I hope you're not getting a wide-on
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

Of course not!
Did you film it?
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

Right the way through?
or just a fleshwound?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

fleshwound
it was the chuck, not the bit. Even I'm not fuckwitted enough to put a drillbit through my hand, no matter how lazy I'm being ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

I cut my beak on a broken rib.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:04, archived)

I hurt my hand at the bash, but I don't know how.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:05, archived)

Fisting Wormulus in the toilets?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

He wishes.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:06, archived)

Did you punch Wormulus?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)

It both looks and feels like I punched somebody, but I know I didn't.
I didn't actually speak to him, I saw him once but then he was gone.

I did press myself up against SIX /talkers though. Hurrah.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

Oh I read your name as madam marlboro, sorry.
Maybe somebody punched your hand.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:08, archived)

Because I'm me and not her?
Sad face.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:09, archived)

Noooo
B3tans are odd, though. God knows what happened to you.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:10, archived)

Chomp happened to me a bit, pissed as he was.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:11, archived)

I was carried around by Dave Draws quite a bit
the perils of being a shortie
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:15, archived)

He's lovely, though. It could have been worse.
You should have hid behind me, I'm not scared of him.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:17, archived)

ah no he's lovely
and has a fantastic boobie-mole tattoo.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:19, archived)

He very much does.
You were lovely to meet, lady.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:21, archived)

she's a proper pocket-sized lovely, isn't she?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:24, archived)

I wish more people were as nice as Spangles.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:26, archived)

Plenty are.
Like me. Ask anyone.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:35, archived)

aw I forget to scroll down and everyone gets all lovely.
It was a pleasure to meet you, Captain, even if only briefly.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:43, archived)

That sounds really sinister.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:16, archived)

Nah, I'm more sinister than he is.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:18, archived)

I stabbed myself in the leg about 6 months ago.
I was cooking dinner and dropped the knife awkwardly
( WHARRGARBL, Tue 2 Jun 2009, 15:07, archived)