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FATTIES!
Update me on current internet truths.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:49, archived)
I slept most of the day.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:49, archived)
I'm going to the shop now.

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)
top news

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
Get us some snacky goods.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
Cornetto

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
Nah, I was thinking more pies and stuff.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)
20 B&H and the Auto Trader please

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
That's such a bloke order

(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)
20 embassy
and razzle?
(I helped save b3ta! DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)
That too.
but more pervy.
(I helped save b3ta! The Cat's Mother Not a People Person., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)
*slaps arse*
Put yer knickers on and make us a cup of tea, I'm parched!
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:04, archived)
Monnnkkkkkfiiiissshhhhh

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:06, archived)
MONKFISH

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:07, archived)
Monkfish piss

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)
Monkpish

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
Sean Connery?

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:19, archived)
Yesh indeed

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:21, archived)
tennish?

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:25, archived)
Half pasht i think

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:28, archived)
can you get me some cigs?
anything but menthol
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:01, archived)
:(
I smoke menthols.
(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:12, archived)
it's okay, i'm a girl and i'm smoking a hamlet cigar
so it kind of cancels itself out
(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:14, archived)
ok, i take it all back,
do you have a webcam?
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:17, archived)
ha ha! nice try!

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:20, archived)
no i, uh,
look are you having difficulty with the whole concept of /talk? i'm sure someone must have written an faq you could reference
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:25, archived)
I do like the occasional hamlet after enough drinks.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:22, archived)
Said Hamlet to Ophelia
I'll do a sketch of thee,
what kind of pencil shall I use
2B or not 2B?

/spike milligan
(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:27, archived)
I love you BILL DOOR

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:30, archived)
:)

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:30, archived)
You're going on the list with glued eel, FoldsFive, derek monte and gilgamesh

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:33, archived)
is this a good thing?

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:35, archived)
yes, but keep the phone number of a relative or next of kin to hand

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:36, archived)
UM
list?

Where is this fabled list?
(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:35, archived)
It's a special list.
Kept in his head.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:47, archived)
I NO
lol!11!
(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)
Rofflecopters

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:51, archived)
YOUR NAME VILL ALSO GO ON ZE LIST!
VOT IS IT?
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:52, archived)
Don't tell him Wildheart Baby

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:53, archived)
*FIVES FOR NOT GETTING THE QUOTE WRONG*

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)
*stupid boys it*

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 23:02, archived)
Cough
Is this list exhaustive?
(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:48, archived)
No it just needs a quick sit down.
/dad joke.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
*adds Bill Door to list to buy a drink for*

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:43, archived)
*buuuurp*
Coffee please to keep me awake, ta
(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:45, archived)
*handsover a quintuple esspresso*

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:48, archived)
SHITLIVER
*cough splutter*
(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
he's not a fan of me, at all
that's got to be worth something too
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:45, archived)
I'll send you out a coke and a bag of crisps
ok?

;)
(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:47, archived)
Oh?
Well you can have the paper bag full of doom and kittens.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:49, archived)
we're all going to say nasty things about you while you're away
then we'll delete the posts before you get back
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)
:(((((((

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:42, archived)
Nordbird is a horrible misogynist.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:49, archived)
Who?

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)
OJ Simpson in Police Squad

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)
Cigarette?

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)
I know.

(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)
LOLOL!11

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
The one daring to criticise Jade Goody (the most saintly, angelic person who ever lived)
a thread or two down the page.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)
i think you scared her off

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
Good.
This is no place for such awful right-wing bastards.

P.S. look ladies, I'm really sensitive! Please have sex with me.

Edit: she was female? Damn it, I totally took the wrong approach there. I should have defended every single word to the death and poured nothing but the harshest criticism on her uninformed, misogynistic detractors.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
Right wing? Ha ha! FUCK RIGHT OFF!!
Awful, yeah. I'll grant you that.
(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)
no no no
you're doing it all wrong
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:05, archived)
oh, which secret internet code have i broken now?

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:06, archived)
of dancing to the tune of the bored and fickle

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)
You're a bit thick, yeah?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)
clearly, yeah!

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:19, archived)
Righto, duly noted.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:27, archived)
You just reminded me actually
who was the nob that posted his IQ on here as some kind of top trumps thing? Riversomething?
/shit memory for a lurker
(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:40, archived)
Riverghost.
But it doesn't matter anyway, as I have an IQ of 186.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:44, archived)
*186 FIVES*

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:47, archived)
Dude!
Are you the other Emeritus Professor here?
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)
she was right-wing?
where was that
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:02, archived)
When the army of virginal non-believers,
who are virgins and will never touch a girl in their lives, spread lots of malicious internet rumours to that tune.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:08, archived)
god damn them
why can't they just have sex :(
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
i am slightly drunk

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:50, archived)
I decided to have a week away from b3ta. It was most refreshing.
I got lots of manly stuff done, watched cricket, saw old friends offline.
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:50, archived)
Oh hai

(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:50, archived)
hai! didja miss me?

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)
I did.
I was wondering where you were. Not enough to go find you, obviously.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
yay for cricket

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)
*lofts a six into the car park*

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)
and yet you came back

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)
i thought i'd left the iron on

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)
it can happen

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)
it so can :(

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)
It's happened to everyone, honest.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:18, archived)
Welcome back.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)
Sounds like a good week.

(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:01, archived)
I've put big brother on
so I can see how shit everyone will be this year, and gauge my rage towards this summer's headlines.
I'm already raging.
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)
They've just put in a Pakistani Muslim
TERRORIST!
(I helped save b3ta! SuperMatt, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)
why are you raging?
i really wanted to watch it but i've no access to a tv right now
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)
Me too
Yet for some reason I am unable to switch it off.
(I helped save b3ta! Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)
People are all well shit.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:51, archived)
and cunts
people are cunts
(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)
i feel
your pain brother
(I helped save b3ta! DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
[notes your age]
[prepares response]

It's your fault you find people shit, you should lighten up and stop being so bitter!
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)
You're wrong.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
[gets my internet bride to fall out with you]
[wages a bloodthirsty internet war]
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)
THIS is what I come here for.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:03, archived)
I'm reading Hagar of the Pawn-Shop. For free. Online.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)
I see David Carradine's karked it
looks like he was trying a Bangkok stranglewank and overdid it a bit

anyone who doesn't like Turkish Delight is a fat wanker
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:52, archived)
I fucking love Turkish Delight
I might go get some now.
(I helped save b3ta! Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)
I bet you just sit there all night stuffing your face with turkish delight washed down with chocolate frijj, reading Jackie Collins novels and buying 9 carat silver-plated shite off QVC
that's your life that is
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)
yeah, welcome to several threads ago

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:54, archived)
I wasn't talking to you, blue-namer

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:55, archived)
you're missing out
my profile is a thing of wonder
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
I'm really hoping that Bangkok Stranglewank is either
a) a Sky News reporter
b) a third rate pub covers band
c) the title of an old punk fanzine
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
Jazz musician

(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:59, archived)
I'm now hearing Jools Holland mumbling...
"LDDZZ N GNNLMN...BANGKOK STRANGLEWANK"
*waves arm in general direction of disinterested looking man with trumpet
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:28, archived)
I'm a fat wanker then.
You should tell baldmonkey this.
(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)
stranglewank
I'm loving that.
(I helped save b3ta! DrPoppers Touched by his noodly appendage, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
I heard this earlier, oh well.
Turkish delight is top quality sweet.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
Four months of Big Brother threads.
I bet you're the one who keeps recommissioning it.
(I helped save b3ta! JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)
I'm making ikea furniture as we speak
well, type.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:53, archived)
are you in the flat above me?
2 hours of banging...
(I helped save b3ta! Derek Monte subthread killer: qu'est-ce que c'est, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:57, archived)
I just put some biscuits in the oven.

(I helped save b3ta! Bats, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:56, archived)
that was a bit silly. you should put them in your mouth.

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
But they were just biscuit dough.
Dough is hard to dunk in coffee and makes me do a :( face.
(I helped save b3ta! Bats, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:06, archived)
I bought some jeans.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)
There's nothing sadder than a man who can't get sponsored for charity.

(I helped save b3ta! ArthurTheRat, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:00, archived)
yes there is
this
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:09, archived)
HOLY CRAPTARD!

(I helped save b3ta! BILL DOOR - MOON-MASTER, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:13, archived)
Wow.
Just wow.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:19, archived)
she's got some talent
i wonder why she wastes it on b3ta
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:20, archived)
This is a different well.
What did you do with the real well?
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:24, archived)
i bet she's swapped accounts again

(I helped save b3ta! rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:26, archived)
i've always been a supporter of her work

(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:27, archived)
You always seem really critical.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:42, archived)
criticism where it's due is all
i don't jump on bandwagons, if something is good i call it as it is
(I helped save b3ta! well, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:44, archived)
I've just bought 8 cans of SCRUMPY

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:11, archived)
I went out for an awesome meal.
I had roast beef and yorkshire puddings, for dessert I had a hot chocolate fudge cake with cream.

And, I'm still hungry.
(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:25, archived)
I've just got back from the cricket.
SSG and I are bitterly disappointed, Glamorgan are rubbish (sbwriel).
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:40, archived)
Oh JMG :(
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8084086.stm

The fact that their voters are too stupid to unfold a piece of paper, and therefore they voted for the BNP instead tells me all I need to know about the UKIP and their supporters :(
(I helped save b3ta! Wicca'd Witch needs ideas for a new sig on..., Thu 4 Jun 2009, 22:50, archived)