Let's talk about sects, baby.
If you were setting up a religion, what daft things would you make your followers do?
And what would you ban?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:23, archived)

I'd ban people from being racist.

( SuperMatt, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:24, archived)

Why, are you black or something?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:28, archived)

I'd ban anal sex
then rape them all up the trumper
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:25, archived)

This isn't a new religion, it's catholicism.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/3621338
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

deleting threads

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:26, archived)

*tries to resist temptation*

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

i fucking love a good bit of deletion

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

I'd make them eat the vegetables I don't want to eat,
and tell them they'll make me healthy by proxy
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

Wednesdays are holy, being the middle of the week, and therefore on Wednesdays we shall eat only badger
I would ban blinking, in order to encourage use of the blessed eyedrops
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:27, archived)

Wicca'd may get jealous.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:28, archived)

and all women must carry a spatula in their belts
this is very important and without which nothing else would make any sense
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

Everybody will be called Steve Malkmus
They will be banned calling each other Steve Malkmus
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:28, archived)

Would everybody have holy pictures of the Coronation Street poofter?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

Probably
STOP PICKING ON ME!
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

I would declare Davina McColl as a witch
and burn her. All hymns would contain the words 'norks' and 'clunge' and it would be law to listen to a nice tune whislt having sex. I would call this new religion the Rhythm Methodists.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:29, archived)

what about whistling a nice tune whislt having sex

(TheFallGuy doesn't it?!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:30, archived)

Now you see that can be a bit off putting.
She may think the rubber is squeaking against her volvo.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

no blow jobs allowed

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:32, archived)

You'd need a list of approved nice tunes.
And somebody new to advertise hair dye for old ladies.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

Artists not making the list would include David Gray.
"What about Babylon though?"
All your Gray mum!
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:33, archived)

I'd like to pop her one
Can I have a go before the flamy death thing?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:32, archived)

Feel free.
If she objects, just tell her I said it would be OK.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:34, archived)

It's all win!

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:36, archived)

Dance, clunge, wherever you may be.
For you are the norks in the setti.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:40, archived)

I'm really curious about 3guys1hammer, but really don't want to see it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:31, archived)

SexFace is ok now.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:32, archived)

Yah', found him, thank's mate =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:38, archived)

Is that the Russian teenagers providing death by hammer?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:34, archived)

I think so.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:38, archived)

every day i get a new reason to abandon society and become a hermit

( spacefish bong!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:13, archived)

Ukrainians.
Do Not Watch.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)

really, just fucking don't
leave it to the chanwankers to geet their gore-jollies over
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:37, archived)

Yah', that's what I reckon.
The last thing on the internet that I found so-sick-i'm-not-going-to-watch was when that guy (Bingly?bently?b-something) was beheaded.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:39, archived)

Just what did you expect from a beheading video?
Good times?
Forum banter?
Kittens?
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:41, archived)

they could have done some sort of song and dance number at the end, that would have been good

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:46, archived)

Bigley - The Director's Cut.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:48, archived)

I quite like OK GO's choreography, they should definatly try the treadmill thing.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:48, archived)

Go and read it on ED, if you can tolerate the reading about it and the animated GIFs there's a link to the video.
encyclopediadramatica.com/3Guys1Hammer NOT SAFE FOR WORK, seriously, just... dont fucking click it.
( TonyUNDERSCORE from the Internet, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:25, archived)

Someone sent me that link.
Seriously nasty. Don't bother.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:39, archived)

It's pretty harsh stuff.
I sort of wish I hadn't seen it.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:06, archived)

I sort of wish someone would do that to Wormulus

( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:10, archived)

I sort of not so secretly hope he dies.
Not in a bad way or anything, I just wish death upon him and that.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:12, archived)

Wishing someone death is like waiting for the fairies to plough your fields.
You've got to go out there and make it happen.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:19, archived)

weekly buck raking in special checked and denim robes
I'd ban anyone called john and deer
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:33, archived)

Even the lawnmowers?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:33, archived)

I'd rather have gazelles

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:56, archived)

I'll always have Paris.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:02, archived)

i'd make the choir sing through vocoders, and the congregation dance the robot
i would make farting a deadly sin, and you would have to shout out "praise the lord" every time your arse betrayed you
( spacefish bong!, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:38, archived)

All good.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:40, archived)

:(

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:29, archived)

I'd set up two religions
One based on the colour Green, and the other the colour Orange. I would then let them beat each other up over football and marching and stuff that happened hundreds of years ago but for some odd reason they can't let it fucking go and.... and....

oh.

hang on.
( TBL I posted this on, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:56, archived)

You.
Calendar.
September 3.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 13:58, archived)

Closing time, and make fags free for all.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:28, archived)

Next Saturday, Dublin, my birthday party.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)

I have a wedding reception that day, sowee!

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:36, archived)

Fuck that, I'm sure your friends will be getting married again next year.
Whereas my birthday... erm, wait.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:38, archived)

Well, it is their second reception.
I didn't get to the first one, though.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:40, archived)

I wouldn't make them do daft things,
I'd make them do sensible things. I get the impression that this would be the far more difficult way to go about it.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:28, archived)

I'd ban conspicuous consumption.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:31, archived)

People would have to hide while they're eating?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:31, archived)

they'd have to eat with their mouths closed, at least.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:32, archived)

I would make them worship a non-existant being
and would ban all other religions





/It's what all the other sucessfull religions do
( CanonCaliber A big bore, Sun 5 Jul 2009, 14:34, archived)