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alright kids, tell me your problems, i will solve them

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:27, archived)
Should I stay or should I go?
If I go there will be trouble, but if I stay it will be double. I'm so confused mongy.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:31, archived)
turn around bright eyes

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:33, archived)
turn around 360 degrees and walk away

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:38, archived)
Alright fuckface?
I tagged a pic of you on lolbookface. Had any haggis yet?
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:41, archived)
I like haggis.
Spicy and tasty.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:43, archived)
I had a haggis supper at lunchtime in Moffat
And have spent the evening drinking Tennent's lager and pretending to be interested in watching the golf with my dad and chatting to Edith Bowman's cousin.
Good times!
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:44, archived)
Woah, you're like also famous.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)
You may touch me...now.

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:50, archived)
*touches you on the hand*
I feel all the better for having basked in your glow.

saying that, I once met Sid Wadell.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:54, archived)
JOSSY'S GIANTS!

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:07, archived)
Damn right.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:10, archived)
sid went to cambridge didn't he? good lad

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:08, archived)
Not sure but he had loads of entertaining stories.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:11, archived)
yeah he did, amazing what a good education can do

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:14, archived)
Super T?
I bet it was you Scotch wannabe.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)
I wish!
That's tomorrow evening's entertainment.
Sat at the bus stop with a purple tin, shouting at passers-by.
It's amazing how soon one assimilates with the natives
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:50, archived)
But... but... tennants is SHITE.
Try Brew dog. Brewed where I live. In fact. My sister was sacked from there just last week. Haha.
Punk IPA is meant to be fantastic.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:53, archived)
It is, I bought a couple packs a few weeks ago. Bleddy good stuff.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:56, archived)
10 minute walk from my house... never tried any of them.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:57, archived)
Meh, I can get that from my local Tesco in Blackpool!
I'm currently living the dream sipping a nice single malt and considering going to bed.
I'm impressed that the place has wi-fi, but O2 signal is shite :(
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)
Which malt?
Where's mine?

Can you not get Tennants in Blackpool?
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:01, archived)
Probably in the Jaggy Thistle
but then again, I'd have to deal with Scottish people in Blackpool, which is a whole different ball game to Scottish people in Scotland. :)

EDIT - Singleton's of Dufftown :)
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:06, archived)
Oh aye. I drove past there a month or two ago.
Never tried it though. There are half a dozen within 1-2 hours from me.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:08, archived)
Every now and then I fall apart.

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:40, archived)
Hoots mon!

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:41, archived)
Gone native have you?

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:51, archived)
Aye :)

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:01, archived)
Pity you are too far South to get a buttery (rowie) for your breakfast.

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:02, archived)
I'm all about the lorne on morning rolls in the morning. Oh yes!

(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:07, archived)
YES

(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:11, archived)
Sad Times today, proper gutting...
b3ta.com/talk/7220447

Seeing the daughter tomo to just be there for her, like she was when my Dad had the same thing. The wife/son are in the states so she's with her aunty but tomo she's going to my Ma's and I couldn't think about what to do/say so I made a tart-ta-tan thing so when they have people over they have a little something.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:35, archived)
nah, i don't get this, looks like shit

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:39, archived)
Donno where you're going with this one, whatcha mean?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:43, archived)
i do not care one bit i suppose

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:56, archived)
bad times

(arseboon dilbaro arseboon dilbaro, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:40, archived)
Yup

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:43, archived)
I want to see the Senna film on monday but don't really want to go on my own.
I know people going to cinemas on their own is frowned upon but as this is a motoring film it might be different. I can probably take the missus along but there could be a chance I'll cry and I cannot allow her to see that I actually have emotions.

What to do, Chops?
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:39, archived)
I'll go.
Evening internet
(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:40, archived)
fuck off

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:41, archived)
Thank fuck you're here Mongy.

(I helped save b3ta! Frisbee TeaBoy, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)
dont go to see a film about a wanker

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:40, archived)
Has your girlfriend expressed an opinion on going to see this film?
Would it make a difference if she does?
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:41, archived)
She likes F1 so wouldn't have a problem with going.
It's all a moot point now anyway. www.b3ta.com/talk/7220571
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:43, archived)
He's just grumpy because he hasn't spent the day at the races.

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)
I went pictures on me tod for the first time when the latest x-man came out a few weeks ago.
I loved it, it felt quite empowering getting over a personal social anxiety, it was no big deal, the cab on the way there did the old "Don't you have any girl/friends?" thing, but screw them, I used to work there, they're pricks.

Only thing I didn't like was they ran out of the fizzy slush puppy which was one of the reason why I went, but I totally digged it and will be doing it a lot more.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:45, archived)
I'd be too tempted to have a crafty wank if I went on my own though and it would distract me from the film.
Cool, didn't know they did fizzy slush puppies.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:48, archived)
While you watch Ayrton Senna on his way to his premature death?

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:50, archived)
Or do you mean if you were watching X-men?

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:50, archived)
Whichever is less sick to be honest.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:57, archived)
It's well lush, comes in pink or blue, I think its made by Tango these days but they used do them at Quazar when I was a kid.
It's a sad time when you do the popcorn willy trick and there is no one there to help so you just have to do it yourself and then you wonder why you bought the popcorn in the first place.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:53, archived)
I don't really like popcorn so I'm more likely to try that trick in a bag of Krax.
I think the stuff is called Krax. Is it? I don't really like eating at the cinema though. Then again I did share some nachos last time I went.
(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:03, archived)
Donno what Krax is, don't have a clue.
I think next time I go I won't eat, or maybe just take a tube of wine gums or something. Too expensive.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:23, archived)
No problems.
Royal Ascot was good. Apart from the rain yesterday.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:42, archived)
Any bets come in?

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:47, archived)
Immortal Verse yesterday and Fox Hunt today.
Some bits and pieces for place money. It's not been a bad couple of days. It didn't want to be after the Epsom disaster.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:49, archived)
Oh Mongy. Where do I start?
Why do I hate shopping and chocolate so much? I can't possibly be female with such an affliction.. WAH!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Neddy shucking chit funt, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:42, archived)
I like shopping and chocolate, yet have a penis.
The world order is restored
(I helped save b3ta! mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:44, archived)
I like chocolate and penises,
but not at the same time.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:46, archived)
I also enjoy the acts of chocolate eating and goods/services purchasing.
We must be like twins.
(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:46, archived)
And not while I'm shopping.

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:47, archived)
yeah, you are gay, we get it, no need to ram it and that shit

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:54, archived)
You're all gay
fuck off. Bum fuckers.
(I helped save b3ta! Neddy shucking chit funt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:04, archived)
Nice one.
There's nothing this board needs more than a dose of homophobia.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:09, archived)
it would be better off for it, and some racism, place is stale, i try and keep up the misogyny but, fuck you gaylord

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:19, archived)
I didn't say there was anything wrong with the brown love now did I?
You're reading too much into it gay
(I helped save b3ta! Neddy shucking chit funt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:36, archived)
I have a burning desire.

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:44, archived)

Dear Uncle Mongy,

My problem is that I just laughed until I was doing that silent shaking thing reading the online farting competition thread lower down the page, does this make me a weirdo? Will the other girls in the lower sixth still speak to me?

Yours, Worried Bros Fan xxx
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:44, archived)
yeah, i dunno, wat
               _/o
               \_)\_
                \_ \)
                  )/
                 (_\

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:57, archived)

top agonying, would ask again
(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)
My left nostril is slightly congested

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:52, archived)
i hope you die before sunrise

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:55, archived)
Why, Mongy?
Why?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:57, archived)
look, i dont like you and you dont like me, let us just leave each other alone on this forum and move onwards

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)
Can't we put it all behind us, start again?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:03, archived)
i very much doubt it, never needed one before

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:04, archived)
FINE

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:07, archived)
Mine too!
Omg!
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:55, archived)
kinell!
Otrivine for supper. Yo shitlegs, I sold someone a ticket to Cov today AND told them where to stay. Have a word with the mayor about my commission. Ta.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:00, archived)
Cruel cunt.
Out of curiosity, where did you tell them to stay?
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:03, archived)
Britannia
Ugly outside, nice inside. Good business hotel.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:05, archived)
Blimey.

(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:08, archived)
Why are you bliming?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:12, archived)
The poor fucker is already having to stop in Coventry and you've sent him to a shithole opposite the bus station and with a nice view of the ring road.
Still, it's handy for the bingo and the red light district is just across the car park.
(I helped save b3ta! Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:22, archived)
It's ok for £50 b&b
And you're never going to see wildebeest sweeping majestically...etc. It's Cov.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:25, archived)
i'd just go for the bingo, cheaper and still get loving

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:25, archived)
Woah, it's bingo night? you haven't gazzed me my card yet.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:28, archived)
bingo died, last time i had about 4 players

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:34, archived)
I just sneezed and my face exploded.
Snot flew everywhere and my eyes started streaming.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:58, archived)
I think you've been shot

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:06, archived)
If only I didn't know you're not making this up.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:07, archived)
If I'd even had a bit of warning the sneeze was coming.
But no, it was instant and powerful.
(I helped save b3ta! Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:20, archived)
everything is fine
Thanks for asking
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 18 Jun 2011, 23:59, archived)
your really shit, will you become funny or are you here to get facebook friends?

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:02, archived)
i'm here
From there I hadn't made a plan. But I do fucking LOVE Facebook. X
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:07, archived)
IN DENIAL

(I helped save b3ta! vladimir, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:03, archived)
i've never been to egypt
Badum tish.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:08, archived)
frozen waitrose garlic baguettes are inferior to morrison's which are inferior to tescos
I thought I should inform everyone

too little garlic butter, though they are the only garlic baguette I have encountered that will break cleanly across the cuts without taking a piece of the adjoining cell with it
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:10, archived)
make your own garlic butter and buy a fucking baguette
You picky cunt. Could you do better? Could you?
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:12, archived)
why would I do that when I can just buy it frozen windy pig
why do you want to fuck over the families of the cutters and the butterers, why do you hate the working class so?
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:17, archived)
i don't hate them
I just feel that by making their life as hard as possible I'm challenging them to do better and in my own liitle way improving society one povvo at a time.
(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:25, archived)
I've been saying that on here for YEARS glued eel!

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:15, archived)
it's people like windy pig that are the problem, they think they can do everything themselves
you can't be a doctor and a mechanic and a pilot and a garlic bread baker
(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:19, archived)
i think you can, unless you are a women/black/poof

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:21, archived)
come back and say that when your appendix scar is full of garlic butter

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:23, archived)
is your remit presumptuous?

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:29, archived)
can that go into frozen bread?

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:33, archived)
It's those types that destroyed britains industry.

(I helped save b3ta! Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:26, archived)
Alright then
I've been working for hours and have just stopped because I realised it's way past midnight.

I am knackered but can't go to bed because I know when I close my eyes I will see spreadsheets.

In the grand scheme of things, I know it's not a massive problem like, you know, world hunger and stuff, but it's annoying.

Also, good evening, Mr Chops.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:14, archived)
looks like a statement , do you have a problem?

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:17, archived)
I was skirting around the issue and hoped you would notice the subtle undertones
I have this embarrassing itch.
(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:22, archived)
beyond my remit

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:26, archived)
You're a bit rubbish at this Marjorie Proops business

(I helped save b3ta! Flowerpot No longer has the vapours thanks to DTH, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:33, archived)
bit rough, i'm doing my best

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:35, archived)
I've run out of tabs

(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Sun 19 Jun 2011, 0:35, archived)