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What was the last thing you built with your actual hands?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:51, archived)
kitchen

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:54, archived)
+A hair-by-hair reproduction of Lord
+er's moustache
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:05, archived)
to tickle my bumhole with

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:09, archived)
Your bumhole needs YOU

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:11, archived)
and he kneads his bumhole

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:25, archived)
A cardboard model.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:56, archived)
So she was pretty but a bit two-dimensional?

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:57, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7900250
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:59, archived)
Not sure how I got through my teenage years without a concealed musician doing a few seconds of furious bass slapping every time a person finished a conversation with something a bit funny.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:05, archived)
I bought a bass guitar pretty much so I could provide my own post-gag slap-jingle.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:16, archived)
My one-man-band kit with duck caller and swannee whistle provides all the incidental music a modern man about town could need.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:23, archived)

I knew you sounded familiar!
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:28, archived)
Not clicking that in case it's bob dylan

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:55, archived)
She's a 34-26-32 4c x 0c.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:09, archived)
A bed, I think.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:57, archived)
you THINK?
Well I'm not convinced
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:06, archived)
I MEAN I MIGHT HAVE BUILT SOMETHING SINCE THEN THAT I CAN'T THINK OF RIGHT NOW, MISTER STROPPY BUMFACE.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:17, archived)
don't take that tone of voice with me young man
young old
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:29, archived)
I built this city

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:57, archived)
The only Romulan thing about you is your Star Trek haircut mate

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:06, archived)
I don't understand
is this some nerd thing?
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:07, archived)
Romulus & Reemus.
Well mint.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:08, archived)
This made me laugh.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:17, archived)
Was it the juxtaposition between the classical and the terminally lowbrow?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:27, archived)
these are not builder's hands

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 10:57, archived)
^PERFUMED PANCE^

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:00, archived)
i'm not a builder, soz

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:00, archived)
BEHOLD, MONGY, DESTROYER OF WORLDS
and hearts
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:01, archived)
i'm currently upgrading my dark elixir storage but there is a little fat bloke doing that

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:07, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7901708
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:11, archived)
“They would not spotlight a man’s enlarged erect penis for us all to see with our children.”
www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/14318576.Woman_blasts_watch_retailer_for_displaying__vile__mannequin_at_Bluewater_shopping_centre
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:46, archived)
lol gusset

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:49, archived)
My children and I stop at every shop window to discuss the effectiveness of the display.
No, really, we do. They certainly don't go around shopping centres being utterly disinterested in anything that isn't food or toys.

All the mannequins at the Anne Summers shop have their gussets on display, too.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:51, archived)
Ms + 42 = bitter spinster

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:53, archived)
More than likely.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:57, archived)
Childless women are always best placed to decide what would offend children

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:58, archived)
she's a parish councillor, she knows about moral values

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:06, archived)
lol
oh dear
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:03, archived)
this one's brilliant!
www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/14315481.Could_this_be_the_stingiest_sale_in_London__Lee_Green_shop_advertises_discount_of____up_to_1____/?ref=mr&lp=18

“I studied advertising – but then I realised it was evil.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:06, archived)
Dazza posts on B3ta sometimes

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:13, archived)
I bet the woman in question is a fat mess with mewling sprogs hanging off her unkempt leg hair

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:06, archived)
Phwoar!

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:14, archived)
Probably some Lego.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:07, archived)
was it more pointless cash in star wars shit, or actual proper lego?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:09, archived)
I thought you could only buy pointless cash in lego now

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:11, archived)
you're prolly right
Technic's still keeping it real though
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:12, archived)
They're still settling big buckets of bricks,
and there's always the Pick'n'Mix.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:14, archived)
big buckets are pointless
no-one needs that many green bricks
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:22, archived)
You're impossible to please.
Maybe all the bricks should be white, then you could paint them as needed.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:25, archived)
remember those t-shirts that changed colour when they got hot?
maybe Lego could make bricks like that
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:26, archived)
So it's one colour whilst you're holding it, but another once you've finished building?
Sounds stupid.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:28, archived)
I got a Nexo Knights freebie from the Lego Shop, last week.
It's a cardboard box with a flag in it. No idea what I'm supposed to do with it.
Aside from that, the only Lego considered to be mine, are Ecto1, the Delorean, and Lex Luthor's battle suit. And maybe a tiny plane.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:12, archived)
+'s

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:10, archived)
Please, don't do that.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:24, archived)
My under the stairs guitar cupboard, I think

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:08, archived)
oh, so your guitars are like you?
IN THE CLOSET!
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:13, archived)
y

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:17, archived)
My mate's PC probably
Or one of these, because I'm such a fucking sad cunt
(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:09, archived)

b3ta.com/search/links?q=you+fucking+virgins
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:13, archived)
Wow, 2015 was a bad year for fucking virgins

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:19, archived)
I built a place for jesus in my heart

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:13, archived)
what tools did you use?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:14, archived)
Cockring and a ballsack stretcher.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:25, archived)
Pop your ribcage for the Lord!
Jesus wants me for a host!
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:16, archived)
This city.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:24, archived)
Shut up, MONO!

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:26, archived)
you've got a spaz haircut and all

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:27, archived)
a flat-pack bookcase

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:31, archived)
for all your flat-pack books

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:34, archived)
is this a Black Books reference?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:45, archived)
Not intentionally

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:45, archived)
is it ash black to go with the rest of your 80s tastes?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:35, archived)
no
bit of a silly assumption to make as flat-pack furniture has been a fairly common thing to own for decades. it explains the rise in popularity of stores like ikea throughout the last 20 years
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:12, archived)
flatpack furniture forms only a tiny part of Ikea's revenue
unlike MFI, which was almost completely flatpack and then went bankrupt.

My point was simply that you like 80s stuff. No need to go full autism about it.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:31, archived)
haha, i'm glad you identified it as such
i wrote that post in the signature grrrmachine style.
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:35, archived)
wasn't a very good imitation though was it
It's about 12 lines too short for a start.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:37, archived)
yeah, i got bored

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:46, archived)
you can get flat-pack books now?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:35, archived)


(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:37, archived)
I know, I was hoping no one had noticed

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:40, archived)
Wait a minute
there's a bookshop right next to where you live. Why aren't you just storing your books there? Hmm. Bit suspicious.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:38, archived)
have you seen the guy that runs it? he looks like a serial killer

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:06, archived)
knows his fucking books though

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:07, archived)
ooh
i didn't know he sold fucking books. are they in a separate section behind a beaded curtain?
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:13, archived)
Do you feel good about that?
Because you shouldn't
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:16, archived)
i feel powerful, and sexy

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:33, archived)
A nursery

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:32, archived)
what's in your nursery then?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:35, archived)
a baby

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:37, archived)
Wonder when he'll take cuttings?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:38, archived)
This, plus the matching toy box
www.mothercare.com/Mothercare-Bloomsbury-3-piece-Furniture-Set---Ivory/psF8599,default,pd.html
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:47, archived)
fucking hell
that much for three bits of flatpack?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:51, archived)
It's all coming out of the 'college' fund too

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:03, archived)
I think we got it for a bit less at the time

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:17, archived)
I do hope "a bit" means "a thousand pounds"

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:32, archived)
FUCK ME
You realise that in the blink of an eye, all of this will be surplus to requirement and utterly worthless? Bloody hell.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:00, archived)
oh no, second hand furniture splattered with another infant's bodily excretions goes for strong money on eBay

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:08, archived)
It does?
And to think that the British Heart Foundation turn stuff down if it has the slightest stain on it.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:10, archived)
By the time they're past the shitting their keks stage you will have entirely forgotten how much money you wasted on baby kit.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:21, archived)
good point
I'd better set up a spreadsheet
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:41, archived)
We got a second hand changing table off eBay.
The previous owner had built it from scratch. We sold it on when we were done with it.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:32, archived)
Well the wardrobe is full size so should be good for the forseeable future, the changing dresser turns into a normal dresser when you take the top off and the sides come off the cot so you can use it until they're 4.
Plus we'll probably have another baby at some point so it will get used again.

What's thirteen hundred quid anyway? mongy couldn't even get a half decent watch for that.
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:22, archived)
Ignore the proles, lord toucan. Politics of envy innit.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:25, archived)
Next time imma get this one just to upset them more.
www.dragonsofwaltonstreet.com/873/Dragons-Nursery-Set

£6,075.50 fully tricked out and covered in pictures of benjamin bunny so you can't even pass it off as normal furniture afterwards.
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:44, archived)
How am I getting dragged into this?

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:48, archived)
I think he's jealous of your watches

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:51, archived)
he should take the fucksocks approach and stick his fingers in his ears and shout 'I DONT BELIEVE YOU ' again and again

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:54, archived)
You sleep in a cot and shit your keks.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:51, archived)
well why couldn't he just say that then

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:55, archived)
he's obsessed with you

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:53, archived)
I know it's very unfair, you should gaz... oh haha.

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:58, archived)
hey, can i interest you in some magic beans?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:36, archived)
I don't think you can interest anyone.

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:53, archived)
OOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo! Handbageddon!

(blah di blah di blah blah, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:57, archived)
My desk, two days ago.
Then my chair, and prior to that, my bed.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Thu 3 Mar 2016, 11:47, archived)
you definitely did that in the right order

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:01, archived)
Yeh that was my thinking.
You can stand up to work, but you can't sleep on an unbuilt chair.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:17, archived)
can't, or won't?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Thu 3 Mar 2016, 12:36, archived)