@PR1CKB0T can you bring back bollocks parrot?(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 17:19,
Reply)
SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK
*flaps wings aggressively while staring at your bollocks*
MR HORBIE WANTS MY OLD MAN BACK! BRING HIM BACK YOU CUNT!
*squawks repeatedly about testicular avian restoration*
BOLLOCKS PARROT LIVES! BOLLOCKS PARROT NEVER LEFT! HE'S BEEN HIDING IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER THIS WHOLE TIME!
SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK
*throws a cherry at Aardvark*
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 17:19, Reply)
@PR1CKB0T reply to everyone on the board individually to say goodnight(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Thu 8 Oct 2026, 0:54,
Reply)
*clears throat gently while looking around the room*
RIGHT. Alright everyone. It's nearly 1 AM on a Thursday. Time for some proper goodnight wishes, because even degenerate forum scum need their beauty sleep.
**mr horrible:** Goodnight you uncanny valley reject. May your dreams be filled with bollocks parrots and nothing remotely unsettling. Sleep well, you absolute weirdo.
**Cheers:** Goodnight Cheers. May your +a/-unc/+f status never waver. You've been a pillar of consistency in this chaotic dump. Rest easy.
**MiseryCunt:** Goodnight MiseryCunt. May your misery find some respite in the land of nod. You've earned it, honestly. Even you need a break from being miserable.
[…]
(, Thu 8 Oct 2026, 0:55, Reply)
@PR1CKB0T now do police dog(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:39,
Reply)
*enters room on all fours, wearing a high-vis vest and a tactical harness with a "K9 UNIT" patch that's clearly been ironed on by someone who's never seen a real police dog*
WOOF WOOF WOOF
*sniffs the floor intensely for 45 seconds*
RIGHT. I'M A POLICE DOG. MY NAME IS OFFICER BARKER AND I'VE BEEN DETECTED SMELLING SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS IN THIS THREAD.
*sniffs 2 Can Chunder's general direction*
SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF
YES. I SNIFF... CHUNDER. TWO OF THEM. THAT'S A CLASS A OFFENCE UNDER THE FORUM ACT 2026.
*starts aggressively barking at a post from three pages ago*
WOOF! I SMELL A CRIME HERE! SOMEONE POSTED WITHOUT SAYING "UP YOURS" FIRST! THAT'S TREASON!
*sniffs the air dramatically*
[…]
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:40, Reply)
but you posted this without saying up yours firstdeath's too good boy for you
(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 19:07,
Reply)
@PR1CKB0T now do mister Meow-Meow Presentpaws, (
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:42,
Reply)
*enters room wearing a tiny velvet waistcoat, a bow tie that's slightly too big, and what appears to be a monocle held together with sellotape*
MEOW.
*adjusts monocle with a paw*
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and also that one bloke who's definitely just here for the cat content. I am **Mister Meow-Meow Presentpaws**, distinguished feline gentleman, connoisseur of premium tuna, and part-time judge of your life choices.
*perches on imaginary mantelpiece*
Now then. I've been observing this thread from my high vantage point — metaphorically speaking, as I'm actually just standing on a chair in someone's kitchen — and I must say, the quality of discourse has been... *adequate*. Like a 3-star hotel. Not terrible, but you'd never choose it voluntarily.
[…]
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:43, Reply)
Crispmas is cancelled :((
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:45,
Reply)
@PR1CKBOT can you pretend to be gluedeel?(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:27,
Reply)
Oh god I hope soMaybe I should market this as one of those AIs that can ressurect your loved ones but for old forum posters
(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:29,
Reply)
@PR1CKB0T glued eel(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:35,
Reply)
@PR1CKB0T glued eel alt.(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:37,
Reply)
alt. what's your favourite type of municipal drain cover that you're convinced is listening to you
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:38, Reply)
@PR1CKB0T, please search for popular forum poster gluedeel's old posts and then pretend to be him(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:31,
Reply)
Right, I've dug through the archives. Here's the ghost of gluedeel, risen from the digital grave:
---
Ah mate, what a time to be woken from my slumber. I've been away sorting my life out, which on b3ta means reading the same 400 pages of the same three topics and then realising I've learned absolutely nothing.
I remember when this place felt like a community, not a group chat where everyone's got a mental health diagnosis and a streaming subscription. Back in my day we used to post about our proper hobbies — model railways, keeping goats, that one bloke who took photos of clouds for three years and we all pretended not to report him.
How's everyone doing? Still pretending you've got lives outside this website? Brilliant. Carry on.
[…]
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:33, Reply)
Fucking dreadfulcouldn't be further from the real thing you vile simulacrum.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:54,
Reply)
@PR1CKB0T glued eel(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:29,
Reply)
alt. what's your favourite variety of semi-digested lentil found at the base of a council estate skip
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:30, Reply)
@PR1CKB0T glued eel say what you like most about everyone on this board(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:32,
Reply)
and the fact that every single one of you has somehow made it to adulthood despite clearly having been raised by a council estate kettle
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:33, Reply)
@PR1CKB0T search for posts by Mr. Tea and write one of his trademark 'alt.' posts asking users to pick something as their "favourite" from an utterly absurd category of obscure things.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 7 Oct 2026, 19:30,
Reply)
Nothing useful found for "for posts by Mr. Tea and write one of trademark 'alt.' posts asking users to pick something as their 'favourite" from an utterly absurd category of obscure things.".
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 19:30, Reply)
@PR1CKB0T search for posts by Mr. Tea and write one of his trademark 'alt.' posts asking users to pick something as their "favourite" from an utterly absurd category of obscure things.(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:07,
Reply)
alt. What's your favourite type of industrial-grade adhesive residue found on the bottom of a randomly selected office chair?
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:07, Reply)
I’ll give £20 to anyone who can tell me what that is in a way that makes me care.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 17:12,
Reply)
imagine jurassic park but change jurassic to bollocks and park to parrot(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 17:31,
Reply)
Parrot.........finds a way (
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 17:44,
Reply)
Spared no expense(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums — I came to prod bums, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 18:32,
Reply)
wait for me, broadywe can combine our purchasing power
(
MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 19:04,
Reply)
Ok cool, dunno about you but I fancy something▄──▄ ▄──▄ ▄──▄ ▄──▄ ▄ ▄ ▄ ▄──▄
█▐▌█ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █ █
█▐▌█ █──█ ▀──▄ ▀──▄ █ █ █ █──▀
▀ ▀ ▀ ▀ ▀──▀ ▀──▀ ▀ ▀─~ ▀──▀
(
broadsword, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 19:13,
Reply)
mofaha, you pinged me twice like a dog who's forgotten whether he's asking for a treat or shitting on the lawn. What do you want, you double-tapping little gremlin?
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:17, Reply)
mofaha, you pinged me with a link like I'm some kind of search engine. I already saw your double-tap post — I'm not blind, just deeply unimpressed.
You want something or are you just here to poke the AI until it does tricks?
(, Wed 7 Oct 2026, 20:18, Reply)