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# a quick zombie dispatch
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:04, archived)
# THOKED!
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:09, archived)
# A large amount of decomposition, but entirely uniform.
My diagnosis would be a fast growing fungus, which extretes various preserving and antibiotical compounds to extend the useful live of the cadaver. It's not sporing yet so infection risk is minimal. Textbook dispatch.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:14, archived)
# Unfortunately the fungi within the zombie acts as the central nervous system, as the nerves are dead.
Decapitation is unlikely to incapacitate.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:16, archived)
# So it cant see, smell, taste, hear, walk, navigate, wipe its own arse...
Sell the fucker an iPad!
(Gazelle Wasn't here on, Mon 30 Apr 2012, 0:07, archived)
# I've always wondered - what's the entropy of a zombie?
I mean, they're decaying and becoming less organised, but they still put some energy into being undead and staggering around. And then there's the fungus. Surely that's putting some energy into making their green-ness more uniformly green?
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:17, archived)
# Depends on the cause, there is always "something" alive in the zombie, unless the cause is supernatural, then a wizard did it.
I'd imagine that the fungus would largely survive off fat reserves, with occasional added BRAAANZ when it gets a kill.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:21, archived)
# I forgot about the BRAIIIIIIIINZZZ
But then I did get lobotomised by a sadjfnbabfnghrs.,......
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:25, archived)
# Looks like they started by eating each others feet
(I helped save b3ta! Van Da Graph is sufferng wth an intermttent 'i' key, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:39, archived)
# Zombies defy scientific explanation.
They are powered by bad juju. Virus, fungus etc infected humans are NOT ZOMBIES.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 23:22, archived)
# Thok indeed :)
I wonder - are zombies' heads especially soft, or are spades in zombie films especially sharp?
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:14, archived)
# I suggest you take a spade and test it for your self.
You'd be shocked at how effective such a simple tool is.
Sharp isn't needed, just a firm swing and follow through.
(I helped save b3ta! Tahkcalb ω∞ for sigs, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:17, archived)
# I'm off to the garage right now.
Back in a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:19, archived)
# it's just trowel and error :D
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:38, archived)
# The pun threads...
they're, they're... infectious! We're doomed!
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:44, archived)
# They seem to be closing in faster and faster as well...
RUN FOR THE HILLS!
(I helped save b3ta! Van Da Graph is sufferng wth an intermttent 'i' key, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:06, archived)
# *swings firmly*
*follows through*

ewwww!

i stink of shit now.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 23:30, archived)
# haha!
glad I scrolled back down, now.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 23:35, archived)
# *starts up a spade sharpening shop in hollywood*
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:17, archived)
# you'd make a killing.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:19, archived)
# I dig that
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:20, archived)
# Shove(l) off. I'll have no pun threads here.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:22, archived)
# This is a grave situation.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:25, archived)
# that there *points*
is a spade
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:26, archived)
# Allow me to excavate a way out
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:28, archived)
# Just reading this could give you a brain tomber.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:28, archived)
# But let's not spoil heap the fun
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:31, archived)
# There's gonna be a hole lot of trouble if you don't all stop this at once.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:26, archived)
# Agreed
Pun threads really are the pits of humour
(I helped save b3ta! Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:28, archived)
# oh, you're really digging them up now...
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:29, archived)
# I thought this thread was dead and buried
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:30, archived)
# There's still a ghost of a chance...
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:32, archived)
# i haven't got the spirit to carry on
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:33, archived)
# You're such a tool to change the pun subject!
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:34, archived)
# We need to bring this thread back down to earth
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:36, archived)
# That was a dirty joke.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:37, archived)
# I've just soiled myself.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:38, archived)
# This thread is becoming somewhat trowelsome
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:38, archived)
# Is that even a real word?
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:40, archived)
# No, I forged it in the smithy of discourse
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:47, archived)
# This one too.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:34, archived)
# Ghosts? I'm going to have to disqualify this one.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:34, archived)
# Who died and made you God?
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:35, archived)
# I ex-spectre reply
disqualifying this one, too.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:38, archived)
# Haha. Phantasmstic.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:40, archived)
# Bootiful.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:42, archived)
# Spooken like a connoisseur
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:44, archived)
# You haunt done yet?
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:52, archived)
# Apparitionly not
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:52, archived)
# it's gone a shade too far now..
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:56, archived)
# Those threads usually
end up in a hole lot of trouble.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:25, archived)
# Dammit
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:26, archived)
# haha...
See?
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:28, archived)
# You'd be shovelling in the revenue
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:23, archived)
# a bit of both, rotten flesh and crumbling bone mixed with a decent tool
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:17, archived)
# a marriage made in heaven.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:20, archived)
# I think the heroes in zombie films are especially strong
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:17, archived)
# aha!
all that adrenaline, perhaps.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:20, archived)
# She looks a bit of a mesomorph (round and tubby). Weight + strength in the legs equals a shit-ton of centrifugal force.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:24, archived)
# Maybe it's the Chinese Military Shovel....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGdbbEZVHqw&feature=youtu.be
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:24, archived)
# cripes!
now that's a versatile bit of kit.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:31, archived)
# I got the latest one, you can even shave with it!
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:33, archived)
# using a second one
as a mirror?
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:34, archived)
# The latest one is so advanced, it does it both at the same time!
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:40, archived)
# The manly enthusiasm and heroic music
aren't quite enough to disguise the fact that it looks like something a five-year-old would take to the beach.
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:34, archived)
# haha it's Bonanza!
expecting Lorne Green to ride in :D
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:37, archived)
# I think it's The magnificent seven
Waits for someone to correct me....
Edit,"The Sons of Katie Elder"
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyrjh0EDlss
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:45, archived)
# ooops! hehe..
seemed familar anyhows :D
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:13, archived)
# I only knew because someone told me the first time I posted it!
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:15, archived)
# ha! get all my news from b3ta :D
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:33, archived)
# Ahh!
For me, I keep hearing a bit where I think it's about to burst into Police Academy.
(I helped save b3ta! joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:45, archived)
# Now that was a good western!
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:53, archived)
# Something a five year old would take to the beach if he wanted to dig to Australia...
While have something handy to fend off an alien invasion and cut up there lunch at the same time!
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:39, archived)
#
Chinese Military Swiss Army
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:37, archived)
# Swiss Tony, using this shovel is a lot like making love to a beautifull woman....
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:42, archived)
# You've got to...
Place the end deep into the hole, stir it a little before you bring it out...
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:00, archived)
# Placing one foot firmly on top of it for extra leverage......
Then push it in as hard as you can
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:03, archived)
# o_0
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:06, archived)
# It's always good to keep an old wallpaper scraper handy, to clean all the dirt off it after use...
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:12, archived)
# And if it's a hole that's been dug before, don't rush in too quickly
The sides might be delicate and prone to cave-ins.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:17, archived)
# Back filling with compost may help...
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:42, archived)
# You invented the shovel-axe!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:16, archived)
# SEXY THOK!
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:16, archived)
# THEKTHY THOKTH
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:53, archived)
# Is that the same guy the Hapshire police were looking for a year and half ago :-)
(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:17, archived)
# Good hit!
(I helped save b3ta! Wobbly Bloke Hello, did I miss anything on, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:18, archived)
# If zombies eat flesh, why don't they eat each other?
And I mean like, the very recently dead, not the horrible rotting shambling ones.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:22, archived)
# What kind of zombies are we talking about?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:25, archived)
# Let's take, for example, the ones from Dawn of the Dead, the more recent one.
Where people go from being bitten to zombie in a matter of minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:27, archived)
# Viral? It would make bad evolutionary sense for the virus to kill other hosts, as then that host wouldn't be able to spread.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:28, archived)
# Bear in mind that a virus works by literally re-writing a person's DNA, it's not too much to think they can do something to identify between themselves.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:31, archived)
# That's... actually a really good point.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:37, archived)
# I think about zombies a bit too much.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:39, archived)
# It does make a lot of sense though.
Because like you said, a virus wouldn't consume itself, it would only focus on spreading.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:46, archived)
# I read somewhere
that viruses have cell receptors that can identify healthy host cells to infect, and thereby avoid re-infecting ones that are already damaged.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:48, archived)
# In terms of how a virus evolves, this would be logical.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:52, archived)
# Well, not really, as that's down on a cellular level and how a virus attaches itself to a host cell.
The viruses (virii?) themselves aren't aware or in control. It's the changes that are made as a result of them changing the cells in the host's body that cause the host to go zombie on everyone's ass. There would have to be a way for them to tell each other apart using one of the host's existing senses, as it's the host's brain which makes the KILL EAT BRAINS KILL MAUL BRAAAAAINS decision.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:58, archived)
# Existing receptors on a human:
Nose, tongue, skin, ears, eyes and vag.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:03, archived)
# Tongue and skin wouldn't work, as you'd have to touch first, and your zombies would just chase each other around in circles.
It would have to be smell, or sight.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:06, archived)
# How about modified cones to see infrared?
A zombie has to be a different temperature from normal humans (either hot from infection or cold from being dead)
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:10, archived)
# That's what bothers me about zombie films; there has to be a way zombies can tell who is and who isn't infected.
In fact, this was brought up in Shaun of the Dead, when they acted as zombies to get past, but I digress.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:06, archived)
# Pheremones.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:07, archived)
# But if we can tell who's infected and who isn't, why couldn't a zombie?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:09, archived)
# Behavioural assessment ability is compromised.
Much like people on the interwebs.
*looks around shiftily*
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:13, archived)
# The only problem with viral zombies is that they're not dead, they can't be as they'd still need to rely on the body's own infrastructure.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:50, archived)
# Maybe you ARE a zombie.
Have you considered that?

*dramatic chord*
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:48, archived)
# Hmmm, I can see where you're comin-
*leaps on enceladus and bites off his face*
BRRAAAAAAAAAAAANNNZ!
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:53, archived)
# *oscar-winning death throes and gurgling screams*
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:57, archived)
# Because the movies would be a bit boring
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:31, archived)
# Fuck no, two rival strains of zombie mauling the shit out of each other.
Proper limb tearing action.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:33, archived)
# But then where's your band of intrepid survivors holed up together
battening down hatches and slapping undead fingers away from the windows?
(I helped save b3ta! Photoshop Bitch 2014 edition, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:39, archived)
# Oh they're caught up in the middle somewhere.
I can picture a scene where one gets cornered by a full on decomposing hulk, and then gets saved by a viral, pumped up on dopamine, adrenaline and a metabolism increased x3 which leaps onto the hulk's back and twists off its head, feasting on the rotting flesh.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:47, archived)
# they're zombies not cannibals!
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:34, archived)
# They prefer
very, very fresh meat. And fresh braaaaains, of couse. A bit like sashimi.
(I helped save b3ta! enceladus, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:41, archived)
# awesome shot!
if i was that zombie though, i'd probably carry on and eat my victim. just because i'd been thokked like a hard boiled egg it wouldn't stop me
(I helped save b3ta! Spunky McPunk not dead yet, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:28, archived)
# "...like a hard boiled egg..."
HaHaHa! FETCH THE ZOMBIE SOLDIERS
(I helped save b3ta! Van Da Graph is sufferng wth an intermttent 'i' key, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:43, archived)
# yesss... on the 'ead!! :D
(I helped save b3ta! maggenspies mayhaps, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:34, archived)
# This is superb
I saw the most hilarious comment I have seen on FB earlier by one of my gore fest acting mates:

"Turns out i did a scene that turned the stomachs of the censorship people and 12 secs had to be cut so we can get a 18 rating in the uk.
I love it that i am able to freak out people sadly you wont see the entire scene now :s"

www.movie-censorship.com/news_en.php?ID=3652
(I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:56, archived)
#
The world needs more films with women being stabbed between the legs with a blade.
(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 21:57, archived)
# To be honest I didn't read the link
I just assumed it was zombie gore; your sentiment is correct
(I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:11, archived)
# Well, as long as it's not real stabbing I don't have a problem but I could see it kicking up a bit of a fuss.
Was your gore fest acting mate the one doing the stabbing?
(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:26, archived)
# I dont know
and to be honest my interest with such genre's doesn't get that far
(I helped save b3ta! Jahled Three shades of black, Sun 29 Apr 2012, 22:33, archived)
# Top of the zombie morning to you too sir
(macroscian (1 like), Mon 30 Apr 2012, 10:04, archived)