To be honest...
I've just come back from a week at the in-laws' and haven't read most of this week's contributions so far (although I plan to do so tomorrow when at work), but there's a sizeable current so far in favour of interpreting the question as "My current partner is a psycho, should I dump him/her?". Not that I'm in any way embittered or at an impasse as to what to do now, but I'm going to run with that current. Or swim in it. Or use electrodes to pass it through my cranium, or whatever else it is one does with currents.

My current girlfriend:

- forced me to give up my cat because she "couldn't sleep" when he was in the flat, despite the fact that cats take an average of seven calendar days to get to know someone new and learn to be quiet at night. She knew full well that I loved that cat, and that cats are the only animals I’ve ever had as pets and ever will have as pets;
- had me spend three hours traipsing around a major European capital city because she couldn’t decide where she wanted to eat that evening, and when she finally decided on a pizza place, tried to make me get up and go somewhere else because she'd changed her mind. I said words to the effect of “You have got to be fucking kidding", and we stayed put;
- changed, and changes, her mind all the goddamned time, at the very last minute. I’d booked us two tickets to see the Christmas market in Strasbourg – famed throughout Europe – and she told me the night before we were due to leave that she didn't want to go after all. Result: I ended up with two train tickets for which I couldn't be reimbursed, owing to the route in question being served by some regional company that didn’t do refunds. Interesting factual aside: before being with her, I had never missed a(n important) train in my life. Since being with her, I have missed three trains and one plane, costing me upwards of one thousand pounds;
- wrote to my mum, two weeks before she was due to visit us, to criticise her and tell her how disappointed she was with the way she’d handled a particular situation (which has nothing to do with the present question and is a very long story in its own right). My mum, who is retired, had originally planned to stay with her but ended up booking a hotel instead, adding hundreds of pounds to the cost of her stay;
- threatened to dump me because I had spoken to her with my right hand clenched in a fist shape rather than open three hours previously, and deprived me of sleep for most of a night talking about the implications that had for her;
- reacted to the news that I was breaking off the engagement (because I was sick of her bullshit) by putting both her hands through a plate-glass window, cutting herself copiously in the process and necessitating a visit to A&E;
- actually, I’m going to leave it there. There's a lot, lot more to tell, but it's late and I'm tired, and I'm curious to see what the reactions will be based on this alone. In mitigation, I do love her, but she drives me fucking bonkers.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:00, 45 replies)

it's a good job you only go for cats
if you had a bunny, she'd boil it.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:07, closed)

That says it all.
Even though she's stricto sensu an animal rights fetishist, somehow my proverbial bunny has already been boiled.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:12, closed)

if someone has mental or emotional problems
often the best thing to do is either accept them as they are or dump them.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:22, closed)

Hmm.
I can't really accept her, try as I might. She's making so many efforts to conform to the sort of woman I need, but there's still a hell of a long way to go.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:31, closed)

there's always going to be some compromise in a relationship
if there isn't, the relationship will generally prove to be dull and unfulfilling. the question is where to draw the line.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:46, closed)

Sounds like she is in need of therapy
Is she something of a drama queen, likes to be centre of attention, hates it when you want her to do something for you.

Harming herself because you dumped her sounds like an attempt to make you care for her.

Diagnosis: She has mental health problems or maturity problems, probably a bit of both. Therapy could make her a better and easier person to live with, but you would probably miss the nutter that originally attracted you to her. Been there, know how it infuriates and then rips out your heart.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:19, closed)

Very perceptive.
It wasn't the nutter that originally attracted me to her, though; it was the non-nutty part. You're right, though: she has both mental health issues and maturity problems. Her mother has maturity problems, and she's 68.

Basically she's completely paranoid about the concept that I might not be 100% devoted to her, and petrified at the thought of losing me. She's already tried the therapy route, but there's always something about her that says "I know best, no matter what anybody else might say." This does not exactly make it easy to get one's point across, as you might imagine.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:28, closed)

you'd think if she were petrified of losing you
she'd stop acting like a nutjob and driving you away.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 9:29, closed)

this

(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 9:49, closed)

Logic sez you're right.
However, I think at least half of her nutjobbery is a direct consequence of her being petrified of losing me.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 12:30, closed)

you can convince yourself that she is being mental for whatever reason you like
but it still doesn't alter the fact that she is behaving like a stupid cow and you'd be better off without her, and more than likely she'd be better off without you too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 15:14, closed)

She sounds mental
Run for the hills.

I charge by the hour for any further advice.

EDIT: All women are mental, but that usually goes without saying. Means it's worse if you actually DO say it.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:24, closed)

How much do you charge?
I have some chickens that you're welcome to sniff.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:29, closed)

It's
a deal.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Sun 7 Aug 2011, 23:38, closed)

Sounds like you're an idiot.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Aug 2011, 7:59, closed)

You don't love her.
You're scared of being single.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 8:33, closed)

Based on the evidence both of these could be true.
Not the way I feel, though. It is possible to love someone for their qualities (and she does have plenty of good qualities) whilst simultaneously being infuriated by them.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 9:07, closed)

In the very nicest way
Grow a pair & ditch the bitch.
She is clearly a person who doesn't deserve to have "SANE" stamped in mirror/reverse letters on her forehead. It sounds like she will do whatever she can to manipulate you to do exactly what is her whim *at that moment*. So unless the sex is fucking MAGIC (& unless you're a sex addict then it does eventually get old) or you are into masochism (seriously if that's your thing then enjoy it as much as she seems to) then she clearly enjoys having you as a doormat.
FTR: I've had my bunny-boiler - I ended-up deciding that that was the universe telling me exactly what a "healthy relationship" wasn't. The break-up wasn't pretty (mostly on my part) but she eventually got the message.
BTW: After you break up, you don't want to be friends, be clear on that or you may end up having a "friendly-fuck" & then you're back in the loop.
EDIT: Whatever you do, DO YOUR BEST NOT TO IMPREGNATE this woman as then she will have something to hold over you forever. Trust me I have a quite a few mates who are all very good [single/remarried] dads who don't regret having their kids at all but who will attest to that piece of advice.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Aug 2011, 10:45, closed)

^What he said.
You might love her, but you've got to love yourself more. And any woman that forces you to get rid of a much-loved pet is clearly a cunt of the highest order.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 11:56, closed)

There are lots of things you can say in situations like this, but I think Dan Savage's words are the most apposite.
Dump the motherfucker already.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Mon 8 Aug 2011, 10:55, closed)

^This
is exactly what I was going to say. It's not a healthy relationship - DTMFA.
(TuftyBee should have been working on, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 12:39, closed)

this can only end in her dying of an attention-seeking suicide attempt, and therefore ruining your entire life rather than just this bit.
drug her, blindolfd her, drive her into the woods a hundred miles away and leave her there.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 11:30, closed)

If you're wondering if you should dump her
I think you may have already answered your own question.
( MatJ LOOK, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 12:19, closed)

Ha, I was waiting for someone to say this :-).

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 12:33, closed)

You're still with her?
She must be a good cook.

Or have a fanny like a baby whale's blowhole
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 12:37, closed)

what, salty?

(dyllon nice beaver., Mon 8 Aug 2011, 16:53, closed)

Wet, Fishy and bigger than you expected?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 16:56, closed)

Huh, huh, huh
You said "blowhole", heh, heh, heh.

But yes, she is a good cook and she's amazing in the sack.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 18:52, closed)

My Grandad had some sage advice when it came to picking life-partners.
1 - you may end up sharing genetic material with them, genetic material for which you will share responsibility for for the term of your natural...
2- they may be responsible for your care in your dotage. Conversely you may have to look after them.
3 - you will wake up next to this person for the next 50-60 odd years (depending on your age etc.), if you can't stand their ugly mug today; it will not improve with age!
If any of these criteria aren't met then as he said to me - "have fun, don't take it too seriously and always wear a johnnie."
He and my step-gran were married for 50 odd years, they both had kids & dead spouses by the end of the war so it was a convenient marriage. I know they didn't "love" each other but I don't think he was ever unhappy with his choice.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Aug 2011, 22:54, closed)

really
come on you know it's not right get the hell out while you still have your sanity. It's that sort of treatment that grinds you down so you don't have time to to worry about anything apart from what's going to set off the next tantrum.
Do you really, honestly love her still?
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 13:56, closed)

Man the fuck up.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 8 Aug 2011, 15:34, closed)

1. Grow a pair
2. Get shot of her
3. Buy a new cat
4. Have sex with cat?
(This part is optional and depends on your relationship with cats.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 16:01, closed)

Oh come on, you already know what you have to do
DUMP THE BITCH.
( Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 17:13, closed)

Cats
Anyone who tries to come between a human and its cat deserves a slow death.
(Odinsdottir wants to tell you about her cats, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 17:44, closed)

Leave her.
She's either mentally ill and needs time off and therapy or she's a pathetic, manipulative litte cunt. Either way you are both better served by you leaving her.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 18:03, closed)

What I find surprising is is that you're not defending her at all.
Perhaps it's just the way I work. I love my partner and I am always really quick to defend him. Even if I've instigated the criticism by complaining (which, to be fair, I hardly ever do) I still always jump to defend whatever annoying thing he's done or quality he has that I had been complaining about. Okay, there are some issues with your partner that affect your relationship but the relationship is fine? You said earlier that she tries to mold herself into your idea of a good partner but falls short. So she's trying right? Are you? She sounds like someone who needs her partner to be understanding and patient. If you can't accept her then isn't it best to break it off? She'll be happier for it. Either that or help her.
(Smysha Tra la la!, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 19:40, closed)

the problem is you
You booked a holiday (to Strasbourg), then she decided she didn't want to go. Simple solution: go on your own. Have a nice time. The simplest thing to do is usually the right thing to do.

The problem with someone like this (and I speak from experience) is that they suck you in to their self-created drama. The trick is to remember that you are the sane one, and therefore it's best for you to do things on your terms. But you need to be strong. The fact you were willing to give up your cat just because you were told to suggests that you aren't.

That sounds harsh but this is strangers on the internet talking. No need for you to be upset, no need for you to take any advice from me at all. Good luck.
(slowly play it cool, Trig, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 20:07, closed)

I'm not fundamentally opposed to going on holiday on my own.
I've done so in the past, even when I was with her (technically it was a business trip but I could have taken her with me if I'd wanted to). It was more the fact that she doesn't have a problem with changing her mind at the very last minute, even if a considerable amount of money is involved. I've lost count of the number of times we've been supposed to go to a particular restaurant, or to see a particular film, or go to a particular park or whatever, only to change at the last minute and do something else instead.

The fact that I wasn't strong enough in the past led to me leaving: in the end, my inner self took so many blows that it ended up screaming "Stop this bullshit immediately". My departure was a huge metaphorical slap in the face for her and she did take a long, hard look at her own behaviour, but there are certain things that still haven't changed and I'm beginning to realise they're never going to change.

Don't worry, it doesn't sound that harsh at all: my experience with this woman has made me more flameproof than the space shuttle ;-).

Edit: @ Smysha - my original post comes across as a rant and pretty harsh on her but I do recognise the huge efforts she's made, and I support her in those efforts. My behaviour has not always been perfect either and I've made efforts as well; what I'm really wondering is whether it's possible for us to be sufficiently reconciled as people.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 12:47, closed)

From what you said,
what she actually doesn't have a problem with is changing her mind at the last minute when it's not her who has to pay the consequences. You booked and paid for the train/airline tickets, you lost the money. What did she lose?

"Dump her" sounds a lot easier than it is, but I'm afraid based on what you've said about her, it's the only solution. And the pain and anguish for both of you will be over sooner if it happens sooner.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 14:44, closed)

Bizarrely,
she doesn't seem to mind changing her mind at the last minute even if she does have to pay. The concept of booking train tickets a reasonable length of time in advance in order to get a decent price and thus save money, for example, is completely alien to her. Going to Berlin on 25 December? OK, let's get the tickets on the 24th.

Part of the problem is the fact that she has a different notion of the value of money to most of us: both her parents are loaded, and her grandfather was seriously rich, so despite her unspectacular school career and series of very modestly-paying jobs she bought her own flat in cash in her early twenties.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 8:38, closed)

So:
Cons) she's crazy
she makes you miserable
you're staying with her so that she won't cut herself

Pros) she can cook
she will have sex with you

Solution: Learn to cook, you lazy arse.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 20:18, closed)

& practise wanking?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Aug 2011, 22:07, closed)

I can cook.
I was the chief cook in my previous relationship, and can be quite a dab hand when I put my mind to it (is that too much of a mixed metaphor?). I can never be bothered to cook when I'm on my own, though, with the exception of basic things like pasta and rice dishes. Coq au vin for one is not happening.

Anyone know if there's any truth to the rumour that the better a dancer a woman is, the better she is in bed? I've never really carried out a scientific study on it.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 12:50, closed)

You could make a nice fruit loaf with all those currents
Add sultanas and cinnamon. Light brown sugar too.

About a tablespoon of MTFU probably wouldn't go amiss either.
(square go, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 23:34, closed)

DTMFA

(ubergeekian, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 10:17, closed)