I have no idea how I found B3ta
But I know that it was 2002 0r 3. I lurked for a very very long time, and introduced it to my best mate. She met her husband here. That's her story though, not mine.
(foodlovesme, Mon 19 Sep 2011, 5:30, 2 replies)

Working in a very dull corporate finance job
Tomsk sent me, amongst other things, a flash game where you were God and you could smite stuff. Dr Phil talked me into joining in on the board, thence meeting internet weirdos, which has been the basic course of my life since.
(Amerella, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Phallic Logos
Found a link for the "Phallic Logo" awards, been here since.
(kitescreech still here, Sun 18 Sep 2011, 8:35, Reply)

I remember it so well
I'm only really a b3ta newbie, having a lifespan of but four-and-a-half years, but at that time it was blessed relief from living with an awkward girlfriend and her bloody fish tank.

Suzie was a crazy lady, no doubt; she was a professional singer, but given to the most frightening trips of rage. I used to get screamed at on a weekly basis. Best I could do was take it with a blank face and retreat upstairs, leaving her to her fish.

This wasn't any old little goldfish tank, oh no. It was a 'freshwater aquarium', basically a huge trough that took up virtually one side of the lounge. The breadth of a river, it required hours of daily work to keep it spick and span, and had veritable shoals of freshwater fish swimming about in it. The whole contraption was bloody impressive, but also bloody expensive: you needed monitors for salinity, temperature, pH and dissolved oxygen. They were all linked to a laptop with graphs and everything being constantly updated. I had no idea that fish could be digitised.

And when one died? That was the worst. Not only did we have to have a small memorial service in the garden, but we had to sterilise the whole tank in case any diseases had been passed into the water. We lost a Golden Tench one Friday and it cost us nearly the entire weekend, what with the burial, sterilisation and having to go out and buy a replacement.

A very odd business, shopping for fish. We went around to what looked like a normal semi-detached house where the door was opened by this enormous Jamaican bloke with dreads down to his elbows. He looked like the weightlifting version of Cool Runnings (Cool Liftings? I don't know...). We were led into the back garden, which had no grass, no patio, just rows upon rows of giant artificial ponds. After Suzie had selected her fish, it was loaded carefully into a Poly tank (no 'bags from the fairground here'), and we dropped the new tench in carefully in to meet its fellows.

Two days later, there were lots and lots of little black blobs all around the bottom of the Freshwater Aquarium. It seemed that the new fish was really itching to meet all her boy chums and had laid a job-lot of eggs for them. Now, I didn't know this but apparently female fish are supposed to be sold sterile unless otherwise requested. Suzie went nuts. Phone calls to the suddenly-elusive Jamaican gent went unanswered, and she eventually spent a small fortune cleaning out the tank AGAIN, and making sure that she wasn't going to be subject to lots and lots of baby fish that she had no room for. The words 'small fortune' barely encompass the amount that needed to be spent, and she ended up borrowing money off me. Money that she never paid back.

I never found out if she was successful in preventing her fish breeding because I left her. No longer could I bear living with a Harpy Tench Birth Debitor




What?! This IS a QOTW thread, right? At least I didn't do an I Love Horses one!
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 22:55, 3 replies)

B3ta discovery..
I used to manage an internet cafe, and during long quiet shifts, I came across the 'annoying fish' - after tormenting my cafe regulars with this flash delight for many an hour, I discovered tramp o clause, I became hooked, and the rest as they say is history..

'I'm a fucking fish and I'm not fucking funny..'
'I'm fucking irritating and I'm bought by fucking cunts..'

Still makes me chuckle just thinking about it.

Oh, and these internet nuggets of gold:
Buffys Swearing Keyboard
The Boss Is A Cunt
Stephen Hawking and Davros - comedy genius..
You Can't Spell

Plus adding extra words to my vocabulary such as: fucksocks, wank mat, and splooge.

Top tips, qotw, and the links section keep me entertained for hours, and the newsletter is one of my favourite sections of the site.

Here's to another 10 years of memes, 'shops, anti Daily Mail posts, and punnage!!
Cheers!
*clink*
(danniekavanagh did nothing constructive on, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Happy candle day
to our dear ginger fuhrer
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Joel Veitch ought demand b3ta royalties!
Mark me as another who found b3ta through Joel Veitch, back in the day when "We love da moon" was "We love da moon" for its own sake (for what it's worth, bad teeth and all), and not some sammich shop advert.

Lurked for years.

Popped here www.b3ta.com/questions/animals/post148029

Learned quickly how to hit "ignore this user" and hope I am not prompting others to do the same for me.

I come back again and again for the wit and truly excellent writing, 'shops, and... crude humor. Things are always funnier at 2 a.m. but b3ta is entertaining at any hour.

High time I got myself together and made a grateful donation to the cause, or at least to Joel's royalties fund.
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Sat 17 Sep 2011, 8:00, Reply)

Blimey, I've been here 8 years and 7 months...
I think I got to this site via random browsing at work. Early memory of the Tales of the Blode and Jamie Theakston.

I've kind of 'grown up' with b3ta. Discovered it in my 20s, and now I'm about to get married all grown up like.
( Kung_Fu_Russ ran out of amusing signatures on, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 13:05, 1 reply)

I used to read NTK, years back. Then the friend who introduced me to that suggested I'd like B3TA.

(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Lurking
I have been lurking for years.
This site always makes me giggle and has helped me through some tough times health wise when I have been in and out of hospital.
Much better now, but now I have less time to catch up on b3ta.

Now I will go back and hide in the shadows.
(Orkstomper, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I can't remember how I found it
but I was quite into photoshopping things, so I was probably Googling (or Yahooing . .) 'Pope John Paul riding a cuttlefish' or something.

What strikes me is how the quality has improved. First pic I ever posted was Paul Daniels being decapitated by a rabbit, complete with 20 point paintbrush blood splatter.

Nowadays the really clever boys like Happy toast seem to be giving Pixar a run for their money. Not a bad thing at all, but the bar is way higher.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Missing England
I've been in Canada for 10 years. I've been a member of b3ta for 9 years and 3 months.

I remember being so homesick when I first got here, so desperate for the things I was used to, that I jumped on b3ta as soon as I found it.

So funny! So clever! So very British! Not like that Yankie Something Awful stuff!
(kiwanotree Meh, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 7:29, 1 reply)

13 months and 13 days today.
Joined because the ipad vs. blu-tack comparison made a little bit of wee come out of me.

Happy to be a young 'un amongst the experts. Is there some sort of master level that one aspires to? Am I still a grasshopper?
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Fri 16 Sep 2011, 3:03, Reply)

I "found" b3ta in 2004....
I was working at carphonewarehouse doing tech support for talktalk and one of the guys there was forever chuckling in a corner of the training room, I remember it vividly it was the "add one word to movie titles" compo, I was hooked, but it took me years to build up the courage to make an account... Mainly because anyone new seemed to get bullied off the board due to stupidity and not reading the FAQ, After memorising the FAQ and the dictionary I made my account... and got bullied due to my poor photoshop and joke telling skills!

Two years later i'm still here and just about tolerated! on an emotional note the last year has been quite hard but i've always known that coming on here cheers me up and makes me laugh. There's always some poor cunt getting picked on so I feel better about my life.

I'm gonna have to donate again now out of guilt! keeping this icon though!!
( tim1701 I have no board signature!!!!!, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 23:38, Reply)

Revenge Pranks.
Quite a few years ago now I had a falling out with a very nasty, evil bitch. I couldn't be arsed to go into all out drama with her, so I decided to get back to her in a sneaky way. A way that wouldn't really hurt anyone, just be an annoyance, and make me feel better for a few hours.

Just little things. Sending pizzas to her house. Posting her phone number on FaceParty under the profile "Fat Slag" with some very unflattering pictures of her (may or may not still exsist) and comments to the effect that anyone who called would be treated to the finest vocal filth of a fat ugly slag. Worked quite well too, until she eventually changed her number and I didn't have the new one.

I was bored at a job I hated one afternoon so I Googled "Revenge Pranks" for ideas to carry on the, quite honestly, giggle-worthy dumb pranks. One of the hits on Google directed me to a QOTW archive titled Revenge Pranks or similar. I was hooked.

Lurked for a very long time. I fell pregnant, on purpose, no slags here I'm afraid, and I knew I would be leaving this godawful soul destroying job, never to return, so I spent the next 6 months reading back issues of QOTW instead of doing anything productive.

I did eventually join up, mostly so I could "like" the posts that made me giggle, and I have posted a few times, but some of you guys can be quite scary and I'm always terrified of reading any replies in case somebody decides to have a go. I'm quite a sensitive soul, and I'm really just here for the giggles, not the drama.

So here I am, daughter has just started preschool, and I still get a little flutter of excitement, as I did about 10 minutes ago, when my brain realises it's Thursday again.

So thanks for the giggles, and the shocks, and being there during the long sleepless nights with a wide awake baby, and for the many many officelols that almost got me into so much trouble. I got quite adept at turning an officelol into a cough, or a "Oh, just remembering something funny that happened last night" to cover my tracks.
Please be gentle, I'm quite scared of some of you, and I'm back to lurking again :)

EDIT: Just remembered the username was Fat Lass, but a quick search of The Google™ is coming up with nothing. It was bloody awesome too.
( user_names_suck, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 22:19, 4 replies)

Happy b3rthday!
Introduced to b3ta by my brother (a dirty lurker). lurked for
months then joined.
I remember people flouncing, arguing about god and endless hulk
Hogan reposts.
Constantly amazed by peoples' PS skills and pic ideas. grateful
for people sharing links and any new ideas/music/books that
bounce around - everyone's an expert in something.
Thanks rob and everyone who contributes without flaming.
(dyllon nice beaver., Thu 15 Sep 2011, 21:54, Reply)

Now I feel very, very old...
I've been a member for 9 years, 7 months, 7 days. Christ, I've got married and had 2 kids in that time... I'd been on Fark, but, hell, it's full of humourless Yanks. I'd been on Popbitch, but got bored of trying to work out who was Julie Birchill. And then I found b3ta. Still can't remember how, but it felt like home. Weebl. "When come back, bring pie". Being rude about Jamie Oliver. As the years have gone on I've found myself with less and less er... "thinking time", so don't have time to peruse the boards at length, but the newsletter is still a highlight of my week in the inbox. Sirs, I raise a glass in your honour.
( shavedchimp something something oranges something, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 21:30, Reply)

It was 7 years, 10 months and 16 days (as of now) ago
And I believe it had something to do with a Weebl & Bob animation. All I do know for sure is that whenever I need a laugh, I think of the story someone here posted about the time they turned off the lights on someone in the middle of a particularly straining poo and made the poor bastard think he'd gone blind from the effort. Thanks, B3ta.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 20:18, Reply)

I was to understand there would be punch and pie

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 13:24, Reply)

There is only one word that summarises how I found this place
And that word is 'MIIIIIIIIIINGE'!

God bless buffy and all who sail in her.

Other than that I happily lurk; I recently obtained my first ever entry on a QOTW best-of so I celebrated by... continuing to lurk.

May you all continue to brighten my day for the next ten years.
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Your all gay.
They truly are Meerkats that will be remembered, and for far longer than that Russian fucker.

www.yourallgay.com/
( Muns, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 12:51, 2 replies)

Memories Flooding Back.
Eight Years ago, I was still frequenting alt.tasteless, when a link appeared to www2.b3ta.com/top-10-cutest-kittens/ I immediately knew I was dealing with a bunch of suitably warped individuals. I joined up PDQ, honed my tattyshopping skills to the level of a lethargic dung beetle, and continued to lurk.

Hap Birt, and all that stuff.
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 12:15, 6 replies)

I can't remember what I did 2 days ago let alone how I happened upon b3ta nearly 4 years ago.
Glad I did.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I didn't find b3ta
b3ta found me.


Actually no. Now that i think of it I found b3ta.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 11:02, 1 reply)

10 years of b3ta already? Impressive.
I stumbled across b3ta in late summer of 2001 (issue 5: Yomgaille - un lapin) and have enjoyed seeing it grow, mature and become one of my absolute favorite sites to visit and contribute to, even if that contribution tends to involve dense blocks of prose text. Though I wouldn't begin donating until September of the following year (amazing what dangling a few pixels in front of me can do) I knew long before then this was a special place.

A very brief list of favorite features and moments during my time on b3ta:
Photoshoppery challenges.
Questions of the week.
Rob Manuel's early quizzes and crude but effective flash animations (Beer/Fish/Tramp 'o' Claus are my top favorites).
Joel Veitch's wonderful, warped animations and all too damn catchy musical jingles.
Cyriak's mind bending fractal animation work (thanks for turning me on to Hooray for Earth: I was already ordering it before True Loves finished).
7 Seconds of Love and shaming Coca-Cola on the international stage.
Meme creation by the bucketload.
Calling out the tabloids shamelessly copying the work of b3tans on the messageboard.
B3tans who start out putting their clever work up on /board, then getting jobs with those skills.

Trying to list everything I've enjoyed would fill far too many pages and, as others have stated, take far too much time. There are many scores of others I have failed to mention but you know who you are, who me?, yes you. Keep shopping those kittens, finding those lovely links and being wonderful people - and wonderful cunts: you know we occasionally need to kick you around now and then.

p.s. I had forgotten all about that whole Sept. 11 angle: please especially keep that stuff up as I'm not ever going to pull an LS18 and get flouncy about it. If I can't laugh at that sort of shit I really won't want to continue with my life.
( Felis Concolor, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 9:00, Reply)

No idea how I found this pit of oddness
But it has given me a great many laughs over the years.

More of a links whore than anything.

I even sucked it up and donated money.

Dont go changing B3ta.
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Thu 15 Sep 2011, 5:59, Reply)

Cuntpuffin
Thanks to b3ta, I got to be called a cuntpuffin. A truly unique honour.
(mudskipper, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 4:59, Reply)

About a third of the time I've ever known
I found this site completely by chance when I was 11 (back in early 2006) and doing a school project on Australian wildlife. On a Google image search for emus, I came across a picture of Rod Hull's Emu staring at a fuzzy screen, captioned 'After Rod Hull's funeral, reception was still rubbish' (or similar) from the 100% Fact challenge.
I then began browsing regularly over the next weeks, months, years, before deciding to make an account just over a month ago.

It would be fair to say that B3ta has been at least a small part of about a third of my life and has made these difficult teenage years not quite as difficult, not to mention possibly destroying some of my child-like innocence.

While I have the chance, thank you to everyone who has ever made a post that made me at least smile and to everyone who is responsible for running this place.
(MOTOR Master Of The Open Road, Thu 15 Sep 2011, 0:53, Reply)