Introducing Monday

A link from The Register led to me finding b3ta. Price Waterhouse Cooper were rebranding themselves as Monday and setup introducingmonday.com. But the silly bastards forgot to register introducingmonday.co.uk so rob did and put a ridiculous silly song on there with an animation of him sticking the Vs up to PWC. That was it - I was hooked and b3ta became part of my regular workday - but I didn't actually join until QOTW got going.

So how has b3ta affected my life? Well, profoundly. First, QOTW got me into writing. First for QOTW where, to my astonishment, I found out that a lot of people enjoyed the tales of my misspent life. Then for my blog. Without b3ta I doubt that I'd ever have written down those stories and anecdotes. Now my tales have spread far and wide even appearing in Zoo once.

B3ta is also responsible for me leaving the UK and coming to work in Australia. I met the lovely Mrs Legless through b3ta and that's why I headed off to convict land.

B3ta's also responsible, indirectly, for me changing my job. I used to be an IT contractor - a network and server geek. But, through b3ta I met Cr3 as I paid him to code a website for me (lovely bloke even if he did think I might have been some sort of paedophile rapist after his arse. At our first meeting, he brought his brother along for protection in case it was a setup and I was going to drag him in the bushes). Anyways, maintaining the code after Cr3 finished it led me into learning PHP, MySQl and JS which, in turn, led me by a series of farcical coincidences, into starting my own business and writing software for the healthcare industry here in Oz.

It's also responsible for introducing me to Pizzforcat who now works for me. Together we've made a real difference to clinical care of patients here in Melbourne. And he's become a good mate.

But the thing I'm most grateful for is for B3ta introducing me to Mrs Legless.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 1:09, 14 replies)

I'll pea this in from last May - Everybody's Free to Shop Kittens by Spaz Lurpak
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 2011

Shop kittens

If I could offer you only one tip for teh B3ta, kittens would be it.

The long term funnez of kittens have been proved on Lolcats whereas the rest of my advice is no more relevant than random article on Wikipedia. I will dispense my bollocks.

Enjoy the lulz and skillz of your posts; oh nevermind; you will not understand the lulz and skillz of your posts until they have bumped.
But trust me, in 6 months you'll look back at your posts and recall what the spluttering fuck you were thinking trying to shop Boris Johnson in the bath wearing horseshit for a wig.

You are not as shit as you imagine.

Don't worry about the replies; or worry, but know clicking replies is as effective as trying to mask fur using a laptop touchpad.
The real errors in your pics are apt to be things that seemed far funnier in your head;
the kind that inspire you at 2pm on some idle Wednesday.

Do one thing everyday full of seams.

Memes

Don't be threadjacking a talented artist, don't put up with people who post your idea first.

TOAP

Don't waste your time on the detail;
sometimes it's easy, sometimes it frustrates.
The week is short, and in the end, it'll be too late to post.

Remember the clicks you receive, forget the flames; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old artwork, delete all your old source pics.

Khaaaaaaan!

Don't feel bad if you don't know how to approach this week's challenge.
Some artistic people I know couldn't think of anything by Saturday teatime at least.
Some of the most talented people don't post by Tuesday

Shop lots of freebase pics.

Be kind to the mods, you'll miss your account if closed.

Maybe you'll win, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll make frontpage, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll skip this challenge, maybe you'll get the top spot with an anim of Tom Cruise on a magic carpet.
What ever you do, don't click your own posts either;
your skills are half decent, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy the B3ta, read it every day if you can, don't be afraid of the boards, or what other people post on it;
it's the greatest website you'll ever read.

Draw, even if you have nothing to do it with but MS Paint, for example.

Read the FAQ, even if you don't agree with it.

Do NOT read HappyToast's profile, it will only make you feel worthless!

Get to know the memes, you never know when you'll want a quick and dirty

Always read the newsletter;
they have the best links to Youtube and the archive will provide amusement for when you're bored in the office.

Understand that B3tards come and go, but for the precious few you'll appreciate.
Work hard to hide the seams in your piccies and anims because the more you feather, the less chance that any outlines will make someone's head look like it's glowing.

Post on /board once, but leave before you get cosy; post on /talk once, but leave before it makes you bitter.

Teh Quo.

Accept certain optimisation problems;
bit-rates are low, artefacts will be visible, you too will lose detail;
and when you do you'll fantasize that if you were charge the limit would be higher, animations would last ages and /board would support quicktime and mpegs.

But not Realplayer.

Don't expect anyone at all to reply.
Maybe you have a few fans, maybe you have plenty of friends, but you never know when they might find someone far better.

Don't post stuff that's work unfriendly, or by the time you refresh, you will be naughty stepped.

Be careful which comments you give, but, please try to ration the woos and yays.
Pea roasts should only be in the reply;
just because it is a way of digging out stuff from your archive, adding big eyes, sticking text in the corner and claiming it's something new and fabulous.

But trust me on the kittens
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 0:47, 8 replies)

6 years and some (with my old account)
and loved it. everyone one else has said it all, really, but i'll chip in anyhows.

To those at B3ta towers. You wonderful people have given the world something amazing. Well done and thank you so much. I, like most, spend far too much time on here and love every moment. I do, occasionally, have visions of you with your heads in your hands wondering what in gods name you have created. I hope this is the case.

B3tans. You have made me physically laugh so hard i have gasped for breath, you have made me snigger like a naughty little boy, you have made me weep with joy. That is one huge part of why i love you.

We've seen some of us become famous(ish), and get jobs the rest of us would love. We've seen works of wonder and had that smug satisfaction of having a friend show us something we saw here 'AAAAAaaagges ago'. Some of us have fallen in love, some (god help them) have had children. Some have been helped as they worked their way through bad relationships, health and other rubbish aspects of life. Which is why I think you're mostly bloody lovely people.

But the thing that makes me respect you, and love you all with all my heart, no matter how you shock and say the worst things about the nicest people, is when something has happened that is not funny at all. Thats when you have surprised me most. That's when you really shine.

So, you mad, drunken, talented, fucked up maniacs i raise this glass to you and shout bravo! A glass for every laugh we've shared and every tear we've shed.
And let's get a round in for the those we've lost while we're at it eh?

Long may you remain.
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 0:14, 1 reply)

feels like a bloody lifetime
dont ask me how i stumbled upon this place, but it happened 8 years, 7 months and 18 days ago as of 14/09/2011 (user: 9463), things have been rather fucked up for me ever since :P
(JadeFalcon, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 0:07, Reply)

B3ta was only about eight months old when I joined?
For some reason, I thought it'd been around forever -- or at least years before I joined.

I found it after a Chicago newspaper posted the URL of a website that a B3tan nicked from some financial institution (First Mondays? The website doesn't exist anymore, but the B3tan got it before they did). I loved the in-your-face crude animation and the general attitude towards corporations. So I traced it back to B3ta somehow.

That was between deaths (my fiancee` 10 years ago in November, my 3-year-old dog in 2004, my mother in 2005, my boss and former teacher in 2005... It was not a good time). B3ta helped me smile at times, and I struck up a friendship with TUFKA* Workboresme, who lent a sympathetic shoulder during the deaths.

I also got to see a rather pleasant topless photo Workboresme posted of herself from a calendar, although that wasn't the reason for the friendship. I wish I knew where it was again. :P

One of my favorite photoshops was a combination of DaVinci's "Last Supper" and the dogs playing poker. I lost the url and download of that to a virus. I loved the "When I'm Sixty-Four" prenup that someone posted when Sir Paul was going through a divorce. Also, the Marshall Amps "send us your feedback" was classic.

Let's not forget the sound bite mashup of Dubya that Shitehawk did -- excellent work. And Jolly Jack -- nice work.

I've learned a lot here, including enough to understand a Welsh girl I dated -- more than she understood me (she was surprised I knew "making use of the things they find"). I got a lot of laughs when I needed them desperately. I got sympathy about my being "widowed" by the fiancee` at the anniversary (thanks, all). I've seen the twisted workings of a lot of beautiful and talented minds.

It's been fucking great. I do need to make a London get-together one of these days.

And it's been almost nine years since my only front page. I need to do something.

*The User Formally Known As
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 0:04, Reply)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY B3TA YOU SEXUAL COLLECTIVE OF LUSHNESS
Found the site almost 10 yrs ago, linked through a friend as we sat in the office doing boring shit like paperwork and answering the phones.

I thought I could do those pictures and so started to get creative. 10 yrs on, here I am, animating/singing/recording, being awesomely creative. ALL down to this site and the community.

I've attended a couple of B3TA bashes and was a board regular for a few years before work took over in another guise.

I occasionally visit the board and post when I can but not as often as I'd like.

I still class myself as a B3TAn and have met many people from this community both in real life and virtual. I would say the site has changeed my life for the better and the stuff that I have created and released through B3TA continues to open doors for me.

Long live B3TA and it's random network of awesomely odd people !!

Koit
( koit WWW.HIGHASAKOIT.CO.UK, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 23:44, 12 replies)

Happy decade anniversary b3ta
Like many others I lurked for a long time before posting.
Been a member now for a mere 3 years, 2 months and 12 days.
I mainly frequent QOTW, but have had the occasional tentative foray into Off Topic.
I have no image skills so in spite of having some ideas Ive never graced the image challenge with my presence.
The one time I finally got something done the challenge ended, so lucky escape for them i think.
I dont visit every day, usually pop in late at night when im having trouble sleeping and theres always something to be entertained by.
Made it into the newsletter once.
I know he wasnt everyones cup of tea, but Spankyhankies posts used to crack me up, the collaberation between him, Chartcat and Pooflake (?) to write a b3ta porn story tickled my funny taste buds.
And I still cant remember how I found my way here
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 23:36, 2 replies)

In honour of 10 years of *cough* productivity
I've gone back to my 2001 style dial up connection for this week, so...

First!
(The Inevitable Pelican, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 23:17, Reply)

Been a member for nearly 9 of those 10 years
and nowhere near as active as I once was, but for a good while B3ta was my 2nd home, mainly when I was suffering with some biblical bouts of insomnia and depression. Many of the people on this board kept me sane and listened to a lot of my inane (and often self-pitying) bollocks which eventually culminated in my appearance at the now legendary Edinb3ta bash of 2003 which I still remember as one of the best weekends of my life, in the company of the likes of Supermoore, Martian, Mystery Bob, Stouffer, Eclectech and many more, as well as sleeping on the floor of the frankly completely awesome Spacefish, who opened his doors to all comers in the name of B3tan brotherhood.

To me, that summed up everything that was great about B3ta: the fact that 40 people who had never met each other in the flesh before could get together in a pub, get horribly drunk and do Brian Blessed impressions.
( PMGT -Bacon., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 23:08, 4 replies)

its literally passed me by until last week when a friend told me he'd been a memeber for over 5 years
whats it all about, alfie?
(Joss Acklands Spunky Backpack, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 22:32, 8 replies)

Welcome to The Dutch Inventor Mediocre's house of b3ta oddities
Like most people, I lurked for a good year before signing up.
I was a bit uncertain about my english at first (ever since, several people have told me I was a bit 'odd', certainly at the beginning), which made me hesitant to post anything myself.

Most of the time, b3ta is like having a laugh with a couple of good friends to me. Sometimes, real friendships develop.
What I really enjoy is the unpredictability of a bandwagon coming out of nowhere and picking up speed, leaving even its creators puzzled as to why it's so hilarious. The ones that nobody really understands are the best.
Phrases like "Neck sounds great", "Maybe your legs has just grow", "Frog fucks granny", "Low fucking poly", "Kasto Krut", "So wow that's a neato what now right", "RIS? I don't get it" I consider text bandwagons.
Also unpredictable and sometimes funny: massive flounces (TOO BROWN).

I would like to take this opportunity to list some of my favourite fucking threads (that I've bookmarked anyway):
IT'S FUCKING POTATO TIEM!
Tin foil hats
Magnet movies
horse is a alien (Beware!)
E.T., You're So Big !
Romero the Champ
They are all a bit magical while they last. But when you look at them later on, you only have the memory of having a long and good laugh over it.

some The Dutch Inventor Mediocre at work


Also, I would like to name several b3tans not posting on /board anymore, for various reasons. I miss their shennanigans. Names that spring to mind (and I'm sure I'm forgetting some):
Jessie, That Nikon Fella, olivier8, Duke of Prunes, M3, Captain Wow, GrandmaOfShoes, Reckless_Rik, postbear, king brown cow, Redsushi (Whoop! Whoop!).
4EVa in R hertz.

Oh, and I got the 7,000,000th post too.
( mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 22:02, 4 replies)

I honesty can't remember when/how I found b3ta
All I know is that it was a long time ago and I've never regretted it, although I wish I could use PS and be more of a participant.

Still, thanks for the years of free entertainment, and here's to many more!
(ElGranto, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 21:52, Reply)

Long time lurker...
..recent take-parter. I discovered b3ta after seeing Stephen Hawkin and Davros together (in electric dreams) @ www.b3ta.com/hawking
Never looked back (apart from when the boss is around)
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 21:03, 1 reply)

I don't post much..
'cos my potatoshop skillz are retarded. I have some great ideas e.g. picture of Police Dog Section van, back doors open and sliced canine visible... Maybe a Peter Cook, Dudley Moore partnership is needed to visualise my silly ideas so if anyone wants a go at drawing my brainfarts..

I enjoy the sillyness that goes on regardless..
( Signify, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 20:42, Reply)

six years one month 25 days its all Mr Horrible s fault
Mr Horrible my mate of many years moved in a couple of doors down from me bringing with him his new fangled wireless internets, he then gave me an airel and and a card to stick in my wheezing old pc so i could look at the aforementioned internets.
He said have you seen this, and typed in b3ta, the rest is history, i was hooked from the first day.
Once i had the secret of the upload codez there was no stopping me, i think i still had my l plates when i got my first fp.

i have made many good friends through b3ta, and hope to make many more, my only regret is that i don't seem to have to have the time to make stuff for it any more.

long live b3ta, and all you lovely people who post on here.

oh and one more thing, lets have a few more bashes please, big loud lairy drunken ones.
( amoebaboy chose for death by unga bunga on, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 20:39, 2 replies)

Without B3ta i doubt i'd still be making my stuff.
Wether that is a good thing or not is a matter of opinion. I'd been making tunes for a good while before a mate of mine, Quiver, a b3tan, took it upon himself to post a tune I'd made called Schofield on crack onto the links board. The response it received gave me a massive boost in confidence, and made me start to realise that my music could have an audience, besides me and my mates. B3ta came to the rescue, just as i was starting to think 'fuck this'. I consider myself a very lucky boy, for finally finding, being accepted into, and belonging to my tribe. I feel indebted, and for this reason will continue to make ridiculous videos and post them here immediately. Cheers B3tans, cheers Rob, Happy 10th birthday B3ta.
( swedemason another self-promoting cunt, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 20:24, 4 replies)

hedgehogfrom hell goatsed the daily mail!

( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 20:09, 2 replies)

B3ta is chock full of awesome, talented people \o/
Legless introduced me to the Buffy swearing keyboard, and urged me to explore this site further. It wasn't until he moved to Australia that I finally signed up; primarily as a means of keeping in touch with him. One evening, flicking through posts on QOTW, the name "Pooflake" caught my eye. From then on I was hooked.

My swearing repertoire has come along in leaps and bounds. I've leaked from every orifice at the image challenges - "Literal Road Signs" stands out as an all time favourite. Long car journeys now require several tena lady pads: "average speed check" signs conjure up "awesome speed check"; then there's "horse drawn vehicles - all my own werk" as well as "hidden dips". The "50 yds" entry still has me creasing now.

If it wasn't for B3ta, I'd never have come across Misery Bear, Chainsaw Maid (Lee Hardcastle?) and too many other staples to mention.

Best of all, initial internet strangers have morphed into IRL BFFs. Four years ago, I regarded having to resort to the internet for meeting people as not only unnecessary but pathetic. How I've eaten those words! Popping my bash cherry was akin to meeting long time pen pals. We've supported each other through dark times and dislocated our jaws with laughter on many a winning weekend. More than a few of these fine folk have become adopted family. B3ta wins the internet \o/
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 20:04, 5 replies)

Long term lurker, occasional participator
Found the site back in the heady days of 2002 when a friend and I were parting in a herbal substance and looking for shits and giggles. We came across the 'bunnies too tight to mention' and 'oh elephants, yay' flash anims and I was hooked.

Lurked, signed up few months later; but have never participated as much as I should thanks to crippling shyness - yes even on the net.

I've done a couple of images, nothing special. Told a few stories on QOTW, which I try to participate in. But find that I don't really do that often as the stories I tell are things that have really happened to me. So don't always have something to say. I've been in the newsletter twice with answers, which I was pretty chuffed with.
( Kovacs Slogan free since 2003, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 20:02, Reply)

I came here jonks ago
Because I typed in antidisestablishmentarianism into google and ended up on B3ta. I've done nothing with my account apart from a few penguin photoshops. good times
(spatchcock, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 20:00, Reply)

I came here first via Rathergood when Joel was funny, long time ago.
I have met some magnificent people on here at various knees ups and down the country, some of whom I now consider some of my finest friends. In fact nearly all of the people I know from here are ace and only one or two turned out to be total pricks, but all are really interesting, prick or not. I've only seen a couple of them naked, so it's not all good. In conclusion - I'm still not paying for a fucking icon.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 19:59, Reply)

I nearly forgot to mention...
The one thing above all others that has made B3ta for me:

Waspbox's 'Tony Hart, Cormorant King'

Without doubt my favouritest thing ever on this site, surreal, daft, dark as fuck and funny.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 19:50, Reply)

Best of the web!
It's not wrong, there are some fantastic people in this community, and helpful, one guy on here fixed my laptop for nothing just because i said I was having issues. I owe countvanderhoff for introducing me to b3ta, and owe B3TA for many hours of entertainment.
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Tue 13 Sep 2011, 19:21, Reply)

Happy little clouds and trees and beards.
I was bored and idly googling Bob Ross. And the second image from the top was one from a B3TA image challenge. I spent the next few hours laughing and that was it I was hooked.
Woo yay for getting to 10x
(datcat Millions of cats, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 18:59, Reply)

A great illustration of my earlier point
is how quickly this;

www.b3ta.com/board/2004748

became this;

www.fnord.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/DaisyCutterMusical.htm
( supermoore: HUNG, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 18:49, 2 replies)

I lurked for some time
after I discovered links to here on rathergood.com

7 years this month I have loved every post, except for that time I nearly dropped out of university to get my /talk no sleep badge. Oh and that time I was caught by my boss reading the 'how I skive off work QTOW',, and the 'pink sock' incident. Also the time I got naughty stepped for posting a video of a black midget starting a fight on a pr0n set (sorry).



But yeah good times for the most part.

Who fancies a Leeds bash?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 18:29, Reply)

Yay!
I first came across b3ta when someone sent me the link to the Buffy's Swearing Keyboard. I've no idea how long ago that was but I did get the newsletter and lurk on the boards for a good couple of years before I ever registered here and even longer before I posted anything. The internet is scary...
(Ed Can Do, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 18:25, Reply)

8 years and 1 month and I never before realised...
...that clicking in the empty subject line box (rather than typing into it) gives you a list of previously typed titles. Now there's some memories.

Lurked for about a year before joining. I think I was Googling for a pic of the ranger from Lord Of The Rings and stumbled on a "Ranger! Ranger! High Voltage!" gif from here. Then they introduced QOTW so I joined. Then they had a question I could answer ("Clients Are Stupid"). So I contributed. And topped the list with my very first post.

I love /links and /board too but QOTW is definitely where it's at. I've laughed, cried and felt genuinely sick reading the submissions. The talent on here is immense. I've also made lovely friends who've commented or Gaz'd about my entries.

So cheers to all who put this ol' shed together and to those that have entertained within it. Here's to the next ten.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 18:07, Reply)

Been here 6 years in January
I found B3ta because someone sent me the newsletter with the link to badgerbadgerbadger in it. Before that I used to read Popbitch but it got shit and I needed something to fill the void. B3ta was it. I read the newsletter and that was it. I didn't even lurk. Then I started reading the site and then posted a shitload of Top Tips in a row late one night which for some reason, PostBear took umbrage to.
Then I started on OfTopic, but it got boring, so moved onto QOTW. Occasionally if I get a good idea, I'll post on /board but I'm no expert in Photoshop (I have had 3 FPs though). But QOTW is the best by far.

Favourite memory? In one newsletter, there was a link to an audio file of 'cuntflaps' in Morse Code, so I downloaded it and made it my SMS tone on my phone. A few days later, I'm walking around Asda and Mrs SLVA sends me a text. My phone beeped out the expletive and from the next aisle, someone said "Aha, I can hear a B3tan". That made my day.

<boast>And I maintain that I am the only B3tan who has won their own QOTW suggestion.*</boast>


*Unless someone knows otherwise
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 17:38, 3 replies)

b3ta?
whats that? never heard of it.
( Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Tue 13 Sep 2011, 17:03, 2 replies)