out
of date houmus it smelt ok but tasted rather rather nasty like a tramps soggy sock..
( The invisible ham Fig rolls are the best, Mon 30 May 2011, 13:09, 1 reply)

Having just moved
from Brighton to Cambridge, I CANNOT find any decent fish and chips in the area and it makes me sad (although is massively helping my figure!). I've tried the one on Regent Street and was remarkably underwhelmed. Any suggestions?

I'll try and post something mildly amusing when I've thought of it.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 30 May 2011, 11:45, 19 replies)

About ten at the time
It was coming up to Xmas and mum what cooking the cake, puddings etc.

I opened the fridge and saw a big bowl of almond icing, dipped my finger in and took a huge dollop of the stuff, and swallowed fast, as I heard mum coming.

It was fat saved from the Sunday roast.

I was sick for 2 days.
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Mon 30 May 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Not so much the food as the company
My Mum's graduation dinner at the South Bank, just after she'd collected her First. The meal was excellent, and I particularly liked the wild boar sausages. But it was the company: a vast flock of siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews and nieces, LittleScars etc. We could have been eating sawdust and it would still rank as the most enjoyable time I've had with clothes on.

I look back with nostalgia, not least because one auntie would be dead in 6 months (cerebral haemorrhage) and my Dad, glowing with pride at Mum's achievement would be gone with 18 months.

Worst meal: most of the boarding school dinners. Inedible and/or insufficient
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Mon 30 May 2011, 11:07, 3 replies)

I made a curry last night.
Two packs of lamb steak, a whole load of roughly chopped shallots, carrots and peppers for bulk and crunch to complement the soft, simmered meat. I also made a wonderful find of some dried birds-eye chillies I'd forgotten about; guaranteed spice heaven, these things are.
I'm also moving away from using jars of sauce now that I have a fairly good idea of how to make my own, so I spent ages sorting and prepping the herbs and spices to make a nice paste to fry the lamb up in.
I had paprika, garlic, ginger, garam masala, I chopped a lime skin into tiny thin strips for a citric tang, mixed in some brown sugar, handful of shredded chillies...then stir in with oil, heat in the pan slowly increasing the heat till it's sizzling and then fry the shit out of the lamb, then the shallots after a bit...it smelled absolutely gorgeous, burnt and smokey and utterly mouthwatering. I knew this was going to be one of my culinary triumphs.

I had completely failed to notice that the lamb was profoundly, inedibly off. The whole thing tasted like decay plus also maybe some spices. It was like eating roadkill outside a Mother India's. I gagged, spat and wept, threw the whole mess in the bin with the regret of losing a favourite pet, and made myself a sandwich. It just wasn't the same though.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 30 May 2011, 10:50, 6 replies)

One of my ancestors
was a fairly famous Victorian writer / philosopher along the lines of HG Wells. He had the idea that industrial waste could be used to feed the poor. Of course back then the family name was McDonald.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 30 May 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Ha! I knew I hadn't dreamt it
Chocolate baked beans from the late 90s.

3.bp.blogspot.com/_qYdjQ_AqXDE/SDjXj4w9T2I/AAAAAAAAB3A/aSbC5Y6ZYvg/s1600-h/baked+bean+soup+3.JPG
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 30 May 2011, 10:20, 6 replies)

More weird than awful
When I was about 10, my mum bought some custard creams that were unusual. The biscuit was green, the cream was red and they tasted of cola. Tasted ok, but were just bizarre.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 30 May 2011, 10:17, 4 replies)

Best fish and chips
is from that place in Wetwang (yes that is a real place name). Standard price, but the fish is huge. What makes it so special is that there is no skin, absolutely no bones and the batter is really crispy and not all soggy inside. And the chips aren't scabby like they are from some chippies I've been in.

And it's just 50 yards from the village pond and at about this time of year, you get the duck and her brood of little ducklings filing along in a line to the chip-shop for scraps.

Quality fish and chips, nice village and some fluffehs to go 'aahh' at.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 30 May 2011, 10:16, 1 reply)

BLUE SKITTLES
Cherry cola flavour my arse.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Mon 30 May 2011, 4:21, 1 reply)

worst meal ever...
...was kindergarten cafeteria food topped by my own vomit.

As a toddler there was a period where I had trouble keeping food down. The staff at the kindergarten often had to clean up after my messes, and this was understandably getting on their nerves. The alternative though was that I just flat out refused to eat anything they served, which was upsetting to my parents and, consequently, to the staff. So one day, out of pure frustration (I assume?) one of staff issued the dictum that everything in my bowl is to be consumed and kept down or *else*.

Well I tried to eat half of it before I puked. Into said bowl.

According to my toddler logic, "else" was apparently a much worse option than quietly re-spooning down my own regurgitation.
(RavX, Mon 30 May 2011, 2:47, Reply)

Sea Cucumbers
I had the "pleasure" of trying sea cucumbers during a recent trip to southeast Asia. I was willing to look past the fact that a sea cucumber most often looks like a particularly impressive specimen of human feces, and gave it a go. Do you know that feeling where you bite your lip a bit too hard for some reason, and feel a "pop" from breaking the skin? Well, the sea cucumber was just like that... over and over and over. I pride myself on being open to new experiences, but that certainly isn't one I could repeat!
(enervatrice, Mon 30 May 2011, 2:41, Reply)

Bushcraft survival
On courses I've eaten some really nasty things.
Woodlice, snails, a slug, only once, moth grubs, wood ant larvae, slimy fungi, roots dug up from stagnant ponds.
All vile, all induced the gag reflex.
But by far the most repugnant wilderness food I ever tried to eat and failed was.....








Rabbit
No matter how its cooked, stewed, curried or whatever its just rank.
The only time ive managed to eat it was when i had very bad cold and couldnt taste anything
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Mon 30 May 2011, 1:35, 25 replies)

I really like eating massive drugs honda accord look at my miserable childhood..
..i totally got my own back on that bully needless to say shut up badger you contribute nothng that was cathartic i totally fucked a lesbian supermodel for my tea it was nice

Cheers
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 May 2011, 1:24, 8 replies)

Piewich.

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 30 May 2011, 0:34, 4 replies)

Without a shadow of a doubt
barbequed Turkey bollocks. Something of a delicacy in the middle east and most certainly not for the faint-hearted.

Lulled into a false sense of security by being offered "Turkey", I looked at the proffered orb with only a small amount of suspicion. Not wanting to offend my hosts, I bit through the tough fibrous outer layer and into a soft warm fluffy salty interior. I cottoned on pretty quickly at that point. "Turkey", indeed!

The horror. THE HORROR!!
(WildType is remixing your mum, Mon 30 May 2011, 0:13, 3 replies)

more eastern europe cullinary delights
I think i was in slovakia, quite pissed on stupidly cheap cocktails. There were some delicacies being handed around in the bar by some delightful waitress. While i was busy staring at her massive norks she offered me some odd looking fish on a stick. I asked what they were called and it sounded like she said rollocks. Now, because I'm a immature nob who thinks the word rollocks is funny i decided to to chomp in without a care in the world. Fuck me sideways with a shovel! Fucking awful is not even close. I spend the rest of the evening trying to drink the strongest alcohol known to man to get rid of the awful cold fish, vinegary, salty slime flavour from my mouth. I was terribly hung over the next morning and in between the vomiting and shitting i was talking to the hostel owner who filled me in on the details of what i had eaten. They were called rollmops and are a acquired taste! Fucking disgusting
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Sun 29 May 2011, 23:42, 10 replies)

Possible the worst thing i've done
When i was six me and my brother got into the shopping and had spread butter all over the back room and ourselfs.
My mother being the clean person she was and is , was scrubbing the latrene at the time.
She was alerted to there being a problem when everything went quiet (so the story goes).
Anyway two good hidings later we were bunged into the bath to be de-greased.
She left to fetch some towels and returned to me feeding my buttery sibling bleach that she'd been cleaning with.
So if your reading this bro , i'm sorry if you ever develop stomach complaints but to be fair the daft bint shouldn't have left the lid off the toilet duck.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Sun 29 May 2011, 23:08, Reply)

Hunger is the best spice and food consumed when living in a camper van for a week tastes even more exquisite. The chicken and apricot pie from a roadside shop/diner in New Zealand was soooooo good we made a detour to pass by a second time. To makes of quality pies the world over I salute you!
( Jimvin dropped plates on your arse at, Sun 29 May 2011, 22:49, Reply)

Early one Greek morning....
My boyfriend and I went to Greece for a week and as he had a friend on myspace who DJed at a club called Dark Sun we agreed to go there on the Saturday we arrived. We got the flight from Glasgow in the afternoon, changed in Amsterdam and arrived in Greece about midnight, got to our hotel at about 2am, got changed and headed straight out to the club. The taxi driver who took us was an obliging fellow who told us about an amazing pie shop near the club that we should definitely visit. After a night of good music and nice people we stumbled out the club at 7am into a brilliant Greek morning. Across the road the pie shop was just opening for business. Starving from insufficient airline food we rushed over and ordered two feta pies and two custard apple/cinnamon pies. God, they were amazing, achingly soft herby cheese, fresh crisp filo pastry, creamy spicy custard - I have never eaten something so memorable. Then we went back to the hotel where we troughed our way through the best hotel brekkie I've ever seen, savoury, sweet, meat, cheese, cereal, fruit, yoghurt, honey, sweet cakes, about seven types of bread,pancakes, you name it, they served it! Then we went to bed and slept all day. Amazing start to an amazing holiday. :D
(resurrection_mary cannibal_ferox, Sun 29 May 2011, 22:31, Reply)

A few years ago I had a prolonged
bout of giardia. One of the things my very holistic specialist suggested was grapefruit seed extract. I used to have 1 drop in a large glass of water 3 times a day & would gag everytime. Easily the most bitter fucking disgusting thing to taste on the planet.
It didn't get rid of the buggies in my tummy, I ended up giving it to a mate who's a GP - he uses it to give to mums who want their kids to stop sucking their thumbs. Apparently many, many tears have been shed by kids with yucky flavoured thumbs.
Ahhh *warm fuzzies*!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 29 May 2011, 22:14, 4 replies)

paper melting doner kebab sauce
whilst at aberystwyth university, the kebab shop at the top of the high st had a chilli sauce that would melt the paper your kebab was wrapped in, would also stain your fingernails yellow for a week. and in the 2 years i was at aber, the shop was closed down 3 times by environmental health due to maggots, rats etc. but the shop would re-open a couple of weeks later 'under new ownership' - in reality, the shop was passed into the ownership of another family member, re-opened with all the same staff, and back we flocked for artery clogging kebabs, and paper melting chilli sauce.
( nikdude, Sun 29 May 2011, 21:35, 2 replies)

Cheesy chocolate
Surprisingly, if you cover a babybel with a layer of cadbury's buttons, stick it on a place and then microwave for about 10 seconds you have a treat that's not only surprisingly tasty, but guaranteed not to be stolen by your toe-rag housemates.
( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Sun 29 May 2011, 21:16, 3 replies)

Beef & Burgundy pie
From a little shop on Moolanda Blvd. Closed down now - but hands down the best pie ever, no need for sauce! Close 2nd is the chicken & asparagus pie from the Augusta Bakery. Almost worth the drive alone.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 29 May 2011, 20:41, Reply)

Leeds Mela... God knows when...
We had to wait in a queue for quite some time for our plate piled high with curries, chutneys, raita, naan but... By the time we found a picnic table; Roundhay Park, overlooking the boating lake and with the thud, thud, thud of some commercial Bhangra; cornflower blue and cumulonimbus high overhead filling the sky.

It was, I have to say, one of the finest meals I have ever eaten.

And it only cost a fiver.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sun 29 May 2011, 15:07, Reply)

Repressed childhood horror...
I cannot believe that I have chuckle-parped my way through so many of this week's entries without disclosing the following tale...

Ladies and gentlemen, repression is a wonderful thing, for I have somehow managed to tidy away this memory of consumption into a well locked cupboard of my brain; a place where accidental soilings, regrettably monstrous fornications and this tale have resided until now...

As a child of around 6 years old I used to spend summer holiday travelling the country with my Sales Agent father - he would have to frequent clients nationwide and due to, what I realise now as employment and financial issues, I would tag along in his car to 'go on exploring adventures' as we saw the sights of the various cities we had to frequent.

I used to love it as we'd usually shoe-horn in musuem trips, icecreams on the beach or even (location dependant) the hyper-pant-wettingly good fun of a water park!

Dad was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer one summer and his specialists prescribed an intensive set of radiotherapy and chemotherapy to hit it hard - Dad being both incredibly stubborn and a very keen runner (marathon, triathlons, ironman etc) he decided to go with the treatment but carry on his full work commitments despite a now shiny bald head, excruciating ulcers and uncontrollable vomitting.

As a young child I didn't fully understand the situation other than getting to draw a big cartoon face on his shiny head, copying his intermittant limp and bringing him a 'special blanket' when he did have spells of crippling fatigue.

Well this summer was no different - we were set to go off 'sploring' and loaded several boxes of brochures and swatches into his car for a day away visiting clients; whilst business deals were going on I'd be left in the car with full control of the radio and cd player, and usually a service station bought 'pack lunch' of sandwich, milkshake and delicious, delicious flapjack.

As I reached to the backseat to grab my lunch I noticed my milkshake was tucked into the door pocket - banana Frijj wasn't my usual favourite but Dad loved that one so I thought we were probably sharing... Yes, that must be it as it's half full...

As I greedily chugged a full mouthful I realised immediately something was chronically wrong - an accrid, acidic wall of chemicals filled my mouth and I had already engaged my swallow reflex... Down into my stomach went a full mouthful of CHEMOTHERAPY INDUCED VOMIT.

A remarkable resemblance to Frijj Banana in texture, colour and consistency but in reality the forced ejections of a stomach filled with festering bile and treatment poisons - crying childish screams of horror, I screwed the lid back on as quick as my little flapjack and crayon encrusted fingers could swivvel, replaced it to the door pocket and then saw the Mars milkshake that had rolled into the footwell.

I never mentioned this to Dad. Ever. But even the very thought of touch a Frijj's distinctly shaped bottle makes an accrid heartburn brew from within. *shudder*

Length? it was 1992 he was diagnosed, and despite 4 recurrances, numerous hospitalisations and being given 12months to live in 2004, he is still with us today - no doubt annoying someone or talking the hardsell in Worcestershire.
( the dalai farmer always likes tea, but especially on, Sun 29 May 2011, 14:14, 10 replies)

not eaten but drank....
We had a competition a fewyears back to see who could find the worst bottle of wine. Everyone brought their entries to the house and the taste tests began. Our entry - a Kosher pasturised wine die well but the winner was an Iraqi Rose called Flower of Bagdad. It was like Satan himself pissing down your throat.

As for the worst thing............... :P
( The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Sun 29 May 2011, 14:10, Reply)

A B3TA mod's minge?

(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Sun 29 May 2011, 13:28, 3 replies)