Mobile
My phone has a keypad with numbers on it. Touching the screen doesn't do anything. How antiquated.
(commodore69 loves big butts, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 16:04, 3 replies)

Old meets new....the pair don't get on
I work for big big company sending many important insurance type things back and forth every day. We stick to posting doccuments to customers because we fear teh evil fraudsters getting hold of our precious PDFs. Other than that everything is electronic now. I can't even write a fax anymore without a long discussion justifying my actions. I could just as easily request the fax online and our 'team' will send it out in an 'estimated' 2 hours.
The problem is you can't win. One evening our entire lovely online network crashed. A major insuror could do absolutely nothing. Every one of our computers in the country became expensive paper weights. Fortunately this crash happened at 8pm and we shut at 9 so we just had to apologise and ask them to call in the morning. I get passed a call from a 'problem' customer. Fully expecting to be called every name under the Sun I'm suprised to hear a rather charming 85 year old gent on the other end. He was confused why we couldn't amend his policy.

'I'm very sorry sir. Our network has crashed. The cover is still active but we can't make any changes until the morning'

Old gent delivers the classic of 'So?'

'Ermm....and that it a big problem. We can't access your policy because it is in the computer, and the computers are not working.'

Lovely gent thinks for a moment and says 'Well that is a bit of a step backwards, isn't it?'

I'll admit I was lost for an answer. My first instinct was to wonder wasn't cholera still an issue in the 'good old days'. I had spent hours with other customers trying to reason why we can't get a doccument to them ten minutes after they set a policy up (yes I know some companies will but if you know you need tax a little more notice would help). It's seems whether you upgrade or stick with tried and tested....someone will always shout at you. My compromise is I'm sending this response from an iPhone, with an outdated os version!!!!!! (take that Jobs!!!!! I like my fast running 3G)
(Gherkinlasagna is probably doing something stupid on, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 15:58, 3 replies)

Not necessarily all that old
Butttt...In 1994? I purchased my Megadrive. It cost me all my money, being ten. Out of all the consoles I've had since then, I still prefer my Megadrive, and still use it regularly. Considering the number of DEAD consoles I've had over the years, the fact that my megadrive is now the ripe old age of 16, and still playing away happily, I feel it only apt to say "They don't make 'em like they used to!"

^_^
(gaj26, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 15:43, Reply)

Usb ports be damned
I still connect my keyboard to the computer using good ol' midi! And by computer I mean my Atari ST (I actually own two of these babies).

Also, I have one of them smart-phone thingies (you know, the one with the fruity name that hipsters seem to worship). Besides calling and texting, I mostly use it to play this wonderful new game called "Secret of monkey island 2". Nothing beats a Lucas arts point-and-click adventure!
(Rebooted Frazer Smoothly scrolling since, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 15:38, Reply)

I still play my vinyl records...
...on one of these:

www.flickr.com/photos/fiskare/437572748/

It dates from the 70's, is belt driven (you change speeds by swapping the belt onto a different pulley), and was manufactured by, would you believe, Amstrad. It has, since the day I bought it, been considered 'cool' by everyone who's seen it.

My second coolest piece of tech' is my 'pop-up' toaster. It's a Dualit, with a clockwork timing mechanism and a manual toast lifter. It's so old-fashioned that if it goes wrong, you can take it apart and fix it - instead of having to junk it and buy a bloody new one.

(Working in I.T. doesn't stop me being a bit of a Luddite.)
(minimalist ..., Fri 5 Nov 2010, 15:37, 9 replies)

GPO Telephone

Needs an adapter to get it to ring, but it's now a pleasure to slam down the phone on telemarketers.
( Owza, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 15:05, 7 replies)

I learnt lightwave just as everyone was learning 3D max.
If I had the time I'd still use lightwave and try to get a job. 3D max looks awful, like an MSoffice program with 3d added in.

I only learnt cos it was an Amgia thing.

AMIGA FOREVER!!
(waxdart hello., Fri 5 Nov 2010, 15:02, Reply)

MMORPGs
WoW, AoC, Aion, MIR3 me and my mates have played them all and more. But every Sunday night and for the last 23 years, good old fashioned pen and paper Dungeons and Dragons. No amazing 3D graphics, just a few dice and a good imagination.
(Phooey I COOK MUD, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 14:39, 8 replies)

I don't have it anymore but wish I did.
Roadrash and Dangerous Dave.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 14:33, 3 replies)

Keeping the Amiga dream alive!
Back in the late 90's most people were starting to put their dusty old Amigas up in the loft, and moving on with much sleeker and modern Playstations and PCs.
However, an elite group of us, known as Amigans hung onto our beloved platform and raced it against the almighty PC, with a belief and hope that one day, the Amiga would rise again and that it would be Back for the Future.

I must admit, it was quite amazing, how a system shipped in 1992 with a 14Mhz Processor and 2MB of RAM was happily standing up against Pentium 3 Windows 98 machines. By towering an Amiga 1200, gave room to some amazing expansion and upgrades. In fact I was running a dual 68040/25mhz PPC603+ 200mhz processor. With 32MB RAM, 8MB Permidia 3D 2 Graphics card. 10GB hard Disk, CD Writer, Zip drive and more. I was running a desktop operating system far better than what Microsoft were offering at the time.

Even with PCs getting bigger and better. I was still achieving the same, if not better results from the aged Amiga with only a fraction of the horsepower. That system was years ahead of its time, and its somewhat criminal that to this day we are now reliant on 3Ghz processors, high end graphics cards just to achieve basic stuff. I mean what fundamental things are we doing with computers now that we weren't doing 10 years ago? The only advancements have been communications and video. The Amiga community squeezed every bit of resource they could out of the custom chips and made some amazing things out of so little. With overpowered, overheating crap we have now, programmers are just lazy and rely on the hardware to cover up inefficient design.

Even in 2002, I was still running my Amiga, in fact I was hosting my website off it! And with its true multitasking capabilities, I was also running an interactive shoutcast radio station from it. FTP Server, IRC Server and my regular desktop interaction. Being completely invincible against viruses, nukes, evilpings etc, yet having the tools to whoop ass on the internet made me somewhat of a legend on some darker IRC networks at the time.

What killed the Amiga for me, was the World Wide Web was advancing faster than any Amiga browser at the time. So my Amiga then became a server, and I had to finally get a crappy PC to access websites and stuff that I needed. Still, my Amiga then became my file server over a Local Area Network with Samba until she finally retired in 2004. I know of others that kept the dream alive longer than I did.

I still miss Amiga Workbench even when using Windows 7. I mean just look in your windows folder. What a mess, everything bunged in there. Amiga OS was beautiful and slick. So neatly organised, so efficient. I’ve yet to see a PC boot quicker than my Amiga did. So called "New" stuff, such as Codecs were there in Amiga Workbench from 1990 known as Datatypes. Portable Apps were actually pretty normal for Amiga. Most apps ran quite happily on the original shared DLLs (known as libraries) built into the O.S. I would love to see a world where Amiga had carried on developing at the rate it started. We'd be 10 years ahead of where we are now.

I still don’t understand why you have to "Shut Down" a computer when you finished using it. Do you run a Shut Down on your TV, your Hoover, your Microwave or your car when you finish using it? No! You just switch it off!
(Miggyman, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 14:32, 14 replies)

Get busy with the fizzy
Soda Stream.

Pssh, pssh.


[[Granted, I know its been re-released but they don't look half as good as the boxy 80's version I have at home.]]
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 14:28, 5 replies)

My Wonder Waffle.
Will be redundant come Monday night.
Bring on the Thor cannon!



(Yes, sad I know.)
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 14:06, Reply)

MAC OS X 10.4.11
But at least I don't have to buy Quark 7 again. Cunts!
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 14:03, Reply)

its a bit embarrassing, but i havent upgraded the beemer yet
Yes that's right - its still a 7 series, but its an icky old one from 2009

the shame
( zulu eh?, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 13:58, 8 replies)

Linux
Can I propose Linux (the desktop version) for this? It has had the best part of 20 years to 'kill' Windows, and hasn't dented the surface.

I have a theory (which I posted on another board a few years ago). Goes something like this.

'Hey Dave, I'd like to propose we migrate all our Windows desktops to this great new Operating system. It is technically better, more secure, it is free and it will run on cheaper hardware'.

'Wow, sounds great. What's it called?'

'Ubuntu Gutsy Gibbon'

'What? Have you been smoking crack??'

'Oh, well we could go for Puppy Linux. Or maybe hungry duck? How about Bile spewing camel*?'

'That toner cartridge in accounts receivable isn't going to change itself. Off you go'.


* may not be actual distros . . .
( Not Pineapple anymore, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 13:56, 7 replies)

I've got one of them holograph projectors.
Great for images of moon-sized space stations. Can't get them anymore. They were mad a long time ago. Can't remember where from but it was far, far away.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Redundant technology?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 5 Nov 2010, 13:24, Reply)

not so much technology but surely a redundant workplace practice
i hate appraisals - i dont see the point, if you fuck up your manager should mention it then, not 6 months later, if you do well, a simple 'well done' and the odd drink never goes amiss. if you're really good you get a raise. if you're shite you get the boot. simple as.

I work in a creative agency, I've just been emailed and asked to offer my thoughts on a member of staff, everybody likes her, she's great at her job and one of the nicest people in the company, she's also pretty hot. I've changed the names but heres what i responded with...

re: Sue's appraisal
-------------------------------


Hi Steve

Thanks for the opportunity to offer some feed back on Sue. I've been meaning to have a chat for a while but inevitably workload gets in the way. Sue, or 'Super Sue' as i like to call her, is a likeable and affable person and is consistently professional in the execution of both her client liaison and account management duties. I think she does some great work and is clearly a wonderful ambassador for the agency.

However there are some points I would like to raise in regard to Sue's dealings with the studio teams. Naturally I appreciate it is the role of an account manager to guide work through the creative studio as expediently as possible but to be fair there are some concerns over of Sue's methods. Whilst I accept that some jocular banter and a 'carry on regardless' approach will always be part of agency culture, I find Sues's constant use of sexual innuendo, profanity and obscure scatalogical references a real drain on studio morale, there are times when her comments would quite frankly make a docker blush. Furthermore Sues's increasing use of verbal and physical aggression has become a deeply contentious issue. Andy has been forced to undertake martial arts training, both to the detriment of his Saxophone lessons and increasingly feeble mental state. Brian, although capable and robust, is also a complex and vulnerable individual, it is often very difficult to console him. Once the hyperventilating starts he is quite a large man to restrain. It is also deeply disturbing for the team to witness a man of Phil's standing lie broken and weeping uncontrollably after yet another heated and strenuous exchange with Sue over the vagaries of frozen ready meals.

Which brings us to the issue of Sue's understanding of personal space, for my own part I really feel the sexual touching has to stop. Similarly whilst Sue is clearly a confident and attractive young woman, her tactic of regularly exposing herself to Dave in order to procure studio time is at best unfair to the less well endowed members of the account team and at worst a potentially volatile provocation for Rob given the various restraining orders and bail conditions currently imposed upon him.

I will also be returning to you an envelope left on my desk which I believe to be from Sue regarding her forthcoming appraisal. Although I like to regard myself as a broadminded individual I found the note (apparently written in lipstick) highly inappropriate, morally offensive and of a deeply personal nature. I am also unclear as to whether the activities proposed are a) physically possible and b) legal outside of Brazil. Similarly i cannot accept the £20 enclosed, nor for that matter the undergarments which are clearly too small for me and probably more appropriate as women's attire. It is also my personal opinion that they had not been laundered.

I do hope this helps

Spimf
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 12:40, 13 replies)

I know fuck all about computers
I really know nothing about computers, nor do I care to. As far as I am concerned, if I can go on the internet and listen to music on it, that's fine by me. A while ago (about two years, if I'm honest), my laptop broke and I got donated an old desktop that was lying around someone's house. A couple of weeks ago, one of my more tech-savvy mates came round to fix something on it.

I was treated to a two hour lecture for still using Windows XP. Apparently that's wrong or something.

Also, when I moved house recently I found some tapes that I made - in 2005. Been having fun listening to them again. There's something about their godawful quality that Spotify just can't beat.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Fri 5 Nov 2010, 12:20, 16 replies)

Bruce Willis - musical legend
I not only have two copies of Bruce Willis' groundbreaking pop-blues album 'The Return of Bruno' on vinyl, I also have a copy on cassette tape.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 12:18, Reply)

obselete printers...
I’ve got some empty printer cartridges for a recently obsolete
set of printers. Rather than chuck them out, I might amuse myself by sending
them to the Pentagon and the White House. I’ll put Robert Kilroy Silk or Nick Griffin’s
name as the return address. That should confuse people.
(Fat Edgar, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:55, 1 reply)

In first year of Architecture school
we were all encouraged to go and fish out up to $400 on large drawing boards.
They failed to mention that we would almost exclusively use computers and would never use them... not even once.
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:45, 1 reply)

I almost forgot..

We have a 1938 hand cranked cine projector, which is powered by a seperate (and noisy) transformer, which is in turn connected to the mains by a Hessian covered "twisted Pair" mains cable with and Edison light socket fiiting on the end.

The whole ensemble is complemented by the original roll up screen and several original reels of "Mortimer Mouse" Yes that's right.. the fore runner to "Mickey Mouse"
This came into the family as war booty from Granddad who fought with the 8th Army through Italy and he brought it home in 1943.

The National Museum of Photography etc etc in Bradford wouldn't place a value on it but if we'd kindly donate it...

Yeah Right...Fuck off.

PS It really does still work. We darent open some of the Film cans though in case they explode (Glycerine based you see)
(frightfullybored, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:40, 3 replies)

I was worried about losing all my data from my early Uni days
so i backed it up on zip disks. I consider those files forever lost.
(augsav forgot about B3ta, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:35, 6 replies)

Elite
Started playing Elite on the BBC B in 1984. Still playing it now - in the Oolite interpretation.... Best. Computer. Game. Ever.

And for those who claim that geekiness is only for IT types, I've built a nicely successful media career on the back of that early computer literacy. Thank you Ian Bell - and to a lesser extent David Braben.

Edit: By the way, how come no-one's resurrected Elite as an MMORPG? Be a total winner.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:31, 17 replies)

Never mind which mobile phone I've got..

I actually use it to make real dyed in the wool Voice calls...why does everyone SMS\Text nowadays? We are keeping everyone at arm's length by doing that aren't we?

Methinks we're a bunch of Sociopaths in the making...
(frightfullybored, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:31, 1 reply)

I use my fingers for typing
Not my thumbs.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:29, 5 replies)

Serial ports
I still use them because they're easy to program. USB's are a pain in the arse. Sadly these ports are disappearing fast.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 11:18, 7 replies)

Robotnik has just reminded me that
I get the train to work every day, in the morning it's not too bad but every single night without fail, it's late. Chav's tend to not wake up that early so I have to admit the morning is a pleasure but in the evening you normally get herded next to a spotty chav talking about massive drugs.

Yesterdays drug of choice was ketamin...nobody was impressed. So my vote goes for our rail system, which I would describe as hideously out of date.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 10:56, 1 reply)

Roads and citys.
We are all using a network of roads and citys originally laid out back in the 16.-17. century, and even before that.
(Robotnik, Fri 5 Nov 2010, 10:43, 4 replies)