Ladies magazines such as "Chat" or "Take a Break" using the phrase "MY AGONY"
Yes, I'm sure they are in pure agony....so much so that they can hardly hold the cheque they received to sell the story to the magazine in the first place.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:46, 6 replies)

Guy I knew
would substitute hello with 'Greetings', as taken (I assume) from utterly unfunny Carla Lane erm, comedy Bread; the absolutely only funny thing from the show being when the Grandad next door said 'piss off'.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:43, Reply)

Uranus
I remember when Voyager (I think) finally reached Uranus. Until that point, it had always been pronounced 'Yer Anus' much to the amusement of sniggering schoolboys such as I was.

But once it became something to be mentioned on the Six O'Clock News, Moira Stewart had obviously been instructed to pronounce it 'You're a nuss'. That was really annoying.

I hadn't thought about it for years until the other week when I watched Wonders Of The Solar System, and heard Prof Brian Cox pronounce it the Moira Stewart way. Brian! WHY?
(vertigo, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:35, 7 replies)

Aqua and Parfum
on bottles of shampoo/shower gel/other cleaning products. Foodstuffs get away with water, why the use of aqua?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:24, 6 replies)

This is really irritating
This is one of my pet hates - using a swearword and then trying to combine it with something else, be it an animal or whatever, in an attempt to be funny.

eg cuntbadger, fuckmonkey etc

Just shut up. Please.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:19, 13 replies)

'Ledge'
Abbreviation for 'Legend'.

Cheers mate, you're a ledge.

Fuck off, cunt.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:17, 4 replies)

My Dad
never used to say "photocopy", it was "photostat".

and can you remember Glen A.Larson's ropey 80s TV show Automan? It featured an abstract glowing entity called 'Cursor' that would draw his vehicles. My Dad, no matter how often I tried to correct him, would insist on calling 'Quasar'.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:12, 3 replies)

Football
I hate how prolific strikers are constantly referred to by certain red-top newspapers as ‘Hitmen’. Exactly how is a person who kicks a ball around for a living in any similar to a person who is paid to murder people?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:10, Reply)

Consultants
Management consultants have to come up with new buzzwords every couple of years to make it seem like their thinking it fresh and innovative. Two phrases I heard 3 years ago from consultants but which are now spreading like wildfire in the US-based division of the company I work for:

Socialize, as in "let's socialize this proposal to get feedback." No, let's just give it to some people to see what they think.

Reach out, as in "if you have any questions just reach out to me." Hearing this makes me want to reach out and grab the speaker's neck.

And a month ago I asked a question of a project manager. She said she'd "escalate it to sponsor level". She meant she'd ask her boss.
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 8:37, 2 replies)

Craig
Its stupid but why cant americans pronounce the name Craig?
I mean... seriously... Cregg...
Its not even my name and it annoys me.
(buzzkillington aint no damn mouse cobbler on, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 7:59, 8 replies)

Panties
not me (as they say) but my wife.
why can she not stand a perfectly reasonable descriptive term for women's underpants?
she is almost physically repelled by the word
any women out there the same?
(W3BOPLASTY, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 7:58, 11 replies)

One that sticks in my head
is "tortoyse". That one was used by a Blue Peter presenter when I was about seven and it pissed me off immediately. When a fucking seven year old gets annoyed by an incorrect pronounciation it's got to be bad, right? When I hear it even today it still makes me cringe and I'm getting a bit wound up merely thinking about it.

For some reason, and I know it's properly irrational, I also cannot stand the word "tasty". I don't quite know what it is, but it's something to do with the way the word sounds. It's so affected and childish-sounding.

If ever the word tasty was used in the same sentance as the mispronounciation of tortoise, I'm pretty sure my head would actually explode.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 7:52, 4 replies)

my fury at so much pants
The use of "fury" in newspaper headlines. It's anger, at best.

Any infantile language used by an adult in the hope of appearing cute. Examples include "yummy" when describing food, bottom-burp (and any other Purple Ronnie shite); describing something as "pants". The list is endless.

"Your" as in "Your M&S". Patronising fuckers.

Smileys and emoticons. Fuck that.

And for some inexplicable reason, the phrase "so much", as in: "the night sky was strewn with stars like so much confetti." Fuck that as well.
(Haywood Manley, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 7:39, 3 replies)

internet two point oh
that is the big one.
(MrPlankton, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 6:59, 2 replies)

Whatsoever
The worst is when an annoying phrase is used wrongly and repeatedly. It exponentially increases its irritation levels.

I was once in a meeting with some big cheese from an HR systems company (they wanted us to write their pamphlets) that constantly misused the word "whatsoever". It was like some kind of verbal tic, and one that had me wincing inside.

"We really want the HR managers to see how this system could lighten their workload, whatsoever"

"Perhaps we could add in some stock photos, some bulletpoints, whatsoever"

"Let me run through this powerpoint with you, whatsoever"

Three. Hour. Meeting. ARGH.
(schnuff, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 5:42, 2 replies)

Manager-Marketing hatespeak.
Best-Shoring, the "nice" way to tell three hundred people that their jobs are going to china.

Right-Sizing, the "nice" way to tell people that fucktarded management decisions mean they're shedding workers.

Whoever the hell thought those up can go die.
(Scritty Bakerman., Mon 12 Apr 2010, 5:17, Reply)

As a mention of coke
I love how journalists comment on coke addictions, like they're not famous for it.
(Iggy Pop's Teeth, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 3:50, 3 replies)

*shudder*
I absolutely get grossed out by the word 'moist'. I'm unsure what it is exactly, but I just HATE it. Ugh.
(NancyycnaN Wðñ'† ¥ðµ §hðw §ðmê ¢l姧?, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 3:25, 8 replies)

Price point
Usually in some marketing bollocks or annual report ``The market is ready to support the product at this price point.''
In English: ``People will still buy this shit no matter how expensive we make it.''

Why can't they just say ``price'' instead of ``price point?''
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 2:21, 2 replies)

Touch Base
Its been mentioned a few times already, but every time someone tells me that they want to 'touch base with me later on'... ugh. It just sounds wrong!
( Prof. Slocombe, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 1:32, 1 reply)

a roof is a roof
it is not a ruff
(goorf, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 1:25, Reply)

Oh, and before I forget.... *insert word*gate
This really boils my piss. The Watergate scandal was aptly named for the Watergate hotel.

Why do lazy media cunts suffix any and every controversy with "gate".
I submit Bloodgate or Camillagate just as examples of utter, vexacious shite.
( Hitler's Barber Soylent Green is high in saturated fat, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 0:13, 4 replies)

Substituting the word "fucking" with the word "frigging"
Fuck is so ubiquitous that I don't really think of the physical act of fucking whenever anybody uses it. When someone says frigging though, I always get a mental picture of fingering a laydee. It's deliciously filthy.
( Hitler's Barber Soylent Green is high in saturated fat, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 23:57, Reply)

People saying "I can't believe he's 18"
especially about my eldest son. It annoys because it makes me feel old.

*Shameless plug of my son's birthday today...
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 23:46, 1 reply)

"...really?"
".....really?" In a sarcastic tone. I've heard it a lot over the past year or so. Everyone who says it sounds like a teenage girl and stupid.
(ethylmethanoate wants your chips, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 23:43, Reply)

The tabloids are the worst for taking a word and applying it incorrectly for effect
I remember just after those pictures of Kate Moss had been published showing her enjoying a bit of sherbert. A few days later, one redtop referred to her as

Coke Fiend Kate Moss

Fiend? Fucking fiend? Ian Huntley was a fiend, not some supermodel because she has a bit of the white stuff.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 23:21, 3 replies)

I've abandoned my efforts to
correct people on the correct usage for 'gender' and 'sex'. As I was taught when young, words have gender, but only people can have sex.
( tromboner cherophobia is my kind of fun, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 23:16, 3 replies)

Argh!
"I brought a sofa from DFS for £199"
"Can I lend a pen off you?"
"I thiefed it"
"Rocket surgery/ brain science"
"tooth enanemal"
"choritzo"
"pie-ell-a"
"mustosh"- this was how an English friend pronounced moustache.

Also, job descriptions that are several words long. e.g Environmental Regeneration Support Assistant for a council-employed builder, etc.
(rainmaker is 98% lurker., Sun 11 Apr 2010, 22:38, 2 replies)