OK. So I'm sitting here watching The Masters (call me sad if you want)
Every time someone plays a shot on a par 3, all you hear is...

"Gedintha hole! Gedintha hole!"

Every f*****g time.
(pastcaring trembling in a corner....., Sun 11 Apr 2010, 22:33, 4 replies)

Stupid contractions....
particularly "delish" that one makes my skin crawl.
(Wallilay has been bored of this shit since, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 22:16, 2 replies)

"Never mind"
Example - When you have confided in someone about something really rather bad that has happened to you, and because they are either too fucking oblivious/stupid/ignorant to think of a better response they come out with "Oh well, never mind"

*I* Will decide if I mind or not, thank you.
(Zombie Pirate Last seen stealing your ship on, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 22:13, Reply)

Skin in the game
"We need to put some skin in the game" - no, we need to get some people to work on it. Urgh.
(Wallilay has been bored of this shit since, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 22:07, Reply)

wash your hair in soap
All the fictitious made up wonder chemicals like "Pentapeptides" , by Laboroitoire garnier.
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 22:02, 5 replies)

Okay, common rant on "workaholic" begs a question
I understand
Alcohol = alcoholic

So workaholic and sexaholic should require workahol and sexahol.

So with Rohypnol, can you be a Rohypnolic?
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 21:58, 3 replies)

I work in the Admin Department of a sales company
So I hear some right crap....

All the usual bollocks such as 'actioning' things, thinking "outside the box" and "going forwards". I have become almost immune to this thanks to the fact my computer has speakers and I can sit and listen to music for most of the day.

Here are some other general ones that piss me off:

"At this moment in time". You mean "currently" or even, "now". Stop this immediately. It's one of those phrases that people use when they believe that using lots of words instead of one or two makes them sound more intelligent.

"Bear with me" when being transferred to another department. I always want to ask what type of bear it is.

"Eh?/"What?"/"Pardon" People who do this before you have even finished fucking speaking. You retarded cuntbadger.

One colleague who has since being sacked actually said to people on the phone "I'll let you run that up your flagpole and see who salutes it" ?! I had to take him to one side and have words with him about that one.

I'll think of more later. Also, hi everyone. First post, long time lurker and all that.
(Zombie Pirate Last seen stealing your ship on, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 21:30, 3 replies)

Phrases used by idiots:
The boss ff our building uses the Phrase" it is what it is" whenever there is a subject his brain cannot handle. He uses it like pope razzy would his cloak of infallibility.
The next one that burns my arse is "WHATEVER" used in the middle of an argument. The mental defective who uses it will with that one word defeat all sane arguments in his mind.
The last phrase is "You know" used at the end of a statement to automatically put you on their side.The earth does not revolve around the sun, because it is always moving YOU KNOW!
The end of my rant and rave. insert any penis size joke here YOU KNOW.
(Fredis dead, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 20:46, 2 replies)

Urgh
'It's a big ask'

No, you moron. It's a big question. Or a big task.
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Sun 11 Apr 2010, 20:23, 1 reply)

"Cheap and cheerful"
is probably fine in some situations. But when I specifically ask for a black suit suitable for a funeral, don't suggest an inexpensive one by using that phrase.
( Pretender, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 20:13, 2 replies)

Panini
Now, I try not to get too annoyed over this. Many of you will know that in Italian the singular form is "panino" and the plural "panini". In English, we've adopted the plural form as the singular and we append an 's' for the plural.

This is fine. But don't write "panninnies" on your blackboard. You know who you are, Cafe in Bristol whose name I've forgotten. Additionally, "expresso" is unforgiveable, "Bolognaise" is horrible, and there are several more.

Also, anyone remember Panini stickers?

EDIT: Oh, this is even more off-topic, but Pizza Hut's "Tuscani" pizzas are a perversion of Italian. "Tuscan" (fpl.) in Italian is "Toscane"
( Pretender, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 20:05, 4 replies)

"there's no I in Team"
but there is a U in Cunt.
Fuck off.
( Sallyrsm, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 19:45, 3 replies)

and finally...
The Rising Inflection!

For those of you unfamiliar with this term, a rising inflection is where a person raises the pitch of their voice at the end, or even during a sentence, where it is not appropriate. In other words, people who speak in Questions or ‘Up Talk’.

I deliberately do not acknowledge their questioning inflection. Instead I stare intently at them, with furrowed brow, making them feel they are actually talking complete and utter bollocks. Only the terminally dim will persist.
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 19:37, 3 replies)

Oh and I forgot...
people who pronounce the Du in "duty" as Doo
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 19:23, 4 replies)

And...
"back in the day"


WTF?

Which day, when? What frame of reference are you refering to...oh you mean last week? Cnut!
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 19:20, Reply)

Also...
When people say "pacific" when they should say "specific"

That really gets on my tits
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 19:19, 2 replies)

I have a few of these...
"I am loving that".....QVCs favourite phrase

No you may "love it" or "fall in love with it" but you are not actually "loving it"

/slaps forehead
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 19:17, 1 reply)

Young lady
I am 46 years old, I haven't been a "young lady" for many years. Your condescension is not welcome.

Even old bag would be preferable to young lady.
(Freakmandu, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 19:05, 2 replies)

Four two nine...
Furniture stores seem to be the worst for this.

"Four two nine" is not a price, it's just a string of numbers. So is "Nine nine nine", only that one is the one I need in an emergency, not when I fancy a new sofa.

Are they really that busy that they don't have time to say the price properly? Do they think it sounds dynamic and cool, and people will be more likely to buy because of it? Meh...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 18:48, 3 replies)

Workaholic
Why "aholic"? It's not called workahol... Alcoholics are named after the alcohol they're addicted to. Therefore people addicted to work should be "Workics"

There's no such thing as sexahol either...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 18:42, 5 replies)

It's a tragedy...
...when a child is murdered. Or when people die due to famine/earthquake/tsunami etc. Or when someone's life is turned upside down by an incurable illness.

It is NOT a tragedy when one sports team loses to another, however much affection you may have for the losing team. Why can't commentators learn that?

On a related note, why do newspapers insist on describing some robberies as "daring"? There may be some dictionary justification for this one, but to most it suggests that a bunch of thieves depriving someone of their livelihood are somehow heroic.

There! I feel better now.
(eesnahk, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 18:26, 5 replies)

Awesome!
I like Americans but if I hear one more of them tell me something is AWESOME...

gggrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!
(and especially don't tell me some shite Hollywood excresence of a movie is awesome!)
(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 18:11, 2 replies)

Sticking numbers in instead of letters
As far as I'm concerned there's a film called Se-seven-en and a band called five-ive. Just a shit idea.
(Haywood Manley, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 17:46, 5 replies)

abbreviations of people's full names
e.g. SuBo, Jedward, R-Patz

if you don't have time to pronounce someone's full name, i have no time for you. now suck my b-ollokz.
(The Blue Brony Flogging a Dead Horse Since, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 17:22, 5 replies)

"I'd like to keep this short"
Too late -- it means they've already dragged out a speech with something pointless.

I worked at a newspaper where people got awards for being there 5, 15, 20 years and so on. The recipients always received the recognition in front of everyone and made some half-hearted speech, usually recalling a first day or turning point in their career.

I didn't make it to the five-year point (or much past a year), but I had this fantasy where they'd say how long I'd been there and introduce me. I'd step up to the podium, accept the token certificate and say, "Thanks everyone. I'd like to keep this short" -- then shut up and sit down.

Some public speaking tips:

"At this point in time" = "now"
"Without further ado" = just shut up then
"A man/woman who needs no introduction" = just shut up then
"Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking" = seriously, just shut up
"It gives me great pleasure" = unless we're talking about sex, not really
"This reminds me of a funny story" = a shame you don't know how to tell it

When public speaking, know your point, get to it immediately and state it directly.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 17:15, Reply)

Tweet
Especially when its used by news reporters who seem to get all excited whenever they say tweet because its "cool" to reference twitter.
(FootOfTim, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 17:02, 1 reply)

Telly Time
And later tonight our new reality show

Enough!
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Sun 11 Apr 2010, 16:48, Reply)

You're listening to Five Live...
and now over to Alan Green.

Even typing his name makes me grind my teeth!
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Sun 11 Apr 2010, 16:46, 2 replies)

Floor / ground confusion
No idea why, but i have a problem with people or stuff falling on the 'floor' when outside.
Thats the ground !
Floor to me is inside, no?
(shinypurplebit booked his tickets (yay) on, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 15:59, 2 replies)