There is a Most Excellent place near my Mum's house
It's called the "Cream of Galloway" and they make delicious ice cream. So when I was visiting her this summer we decided to go along on one gloriously sunny day. Now, it's not just the ice cream making shenanigans that make this place worth a visit.

There's a sign that says adults are encouraged to play too. And what they're encouraged to play ON is a giganto 3-D maze thingummyjig. With Mum laughing and wielding the camera (which I fortunately managed to avoid), I disappeared into this thing made of wood and rope and spent a fair while larking about and getting mildly irritated by there not being an official exit.

Eventually I gave up on finding the mythical "exit" and used one of the emergency exits. Finally, we went to the coffee shop bitty and consumed delicious cookies and icecream. All in all, a day of awesomeness.
(Meya, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 15:08, 2 replies)

Bricking it.
A few years ago, I popped over to my parents' for some reason. Now, my parents have always had a thing about becoming grandparents, and they've kept some of the toys with which my brother and I used to play for these yet-to-appear sprogs - notably, quite a lot of Lego.

This Lego had been hauled down from the loft the day before my visit, because they were babysitting my cousin's kids for an afternoon; as yet, it hadn't made its way back into storage. It was still in the lounge.

My visit was supposed only to be a five-minute thing to do or check something trivial. Supposed to be. In actual fact, it lasted quite a bit longer.

The postscript is that it was Christmas the following week - and my parents bought me a little Lego spaceship. I think I was about 28 at the time. Sometimes, they get things exactly right.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 15:06, 7 replies)

Drunkeness Yay!
Whilst slightly more than half-cut one night and stumbling back from the pub, a friend of mine named Si and I managed to widdle all over a Reliant Robin, roof, windows and bonnet.
Walking by in the cold morning light, we chanced to see two long black streaks down each door where hot, foamy, urine had started to strip the age perished wing-mirror rubber and the morning sun had rebaked it to the paint work.

Apologies for lack of length, I didn't have a tape measure handy.
(Szetak fears the wurst! (Saus-o-phobe), Thu 17 Sep 2009, 15:04, 2 replies)

It had to be done
My little cousin was about to beat me at Fifa for the first time. I could see the manic glint in his eye as his victory inched closer, the clock creeping towards the 90:00 minute mark with him leading a goal to the good. Could I stand idly by and watch my reign as the champion come to such an ignoble end? Could I put up with the minutes, nay, hours of heckling that would surely come my way? Could I be damned!

So I pursued the only course left open to me. With a deft flick of the wrist I pressed the power button from I to 0, leaving the game *technically* a draw, my cousin in floods of tears and me suddenly feeling rather guilty.

I was 20.
And he was 8.
Whoops.
(xerophytic has no idea, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 15:04, 3 replies)

Pendulum!
I had a brief fling with an Aussie girl who had ginormeous but somewhat unrealistic fake breasts. They were like two volleyballs in shape and hardness.

In bed one day, with her on top, I took to slapping either side gently in turn to produce an effect similar to an executive toy

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttXvymOVXMQ

She sat there for a moment and then asked pointedly 'Is that entertaining you? Shall I just stop moving and you can do that instead?'

And I giggled and said 'Just for a minute, yeah!'

That relationship didn't last long.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 15:03, 2 replies)

Childish SCIENCE is the best SCIENCE
* Alcohol-based hand-wash recently purchased from cash & carry
* Matches
* Large wooden board
* Template cut to the shape of a man's cock
* Fully-charged video camera

All I have to do is wait for night to fall, and THE INTERNET will know - by the light of the flaming penis - whether anti-swine flu hand wash can ever be a clean, effective replacement for napalm.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 15:02, 4 replies)

I can't help myself
But everytime I go through Baker Street on the tube I feel compelled, coerced by the God's of cheesy music if you will, to pretend-saxaphone the Gerry Rafferty riff:

DERR - DUH - DAH - DU - DAH - DUURRRR - DERR - DUH - DAH - DU - DAH - DUURRRR !!!

Complete with pretend expert fretwork and, if I feel like it, some killer foot tapping that would make Miles Davis himself sit up in his grave and go: "Hey, this white boy's got rhythm!"

Got me some pretty bizzare looks over the years this has...

...especially if I happen to be wearing a suit.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 15:00, 12 replies)

Owwwwww!
Let Gary Glitter put his pink flesh microphone in me.
(McJuurgensHaircut is authorised and regulated by your mum., Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:59, Reply)

I farted on the back of my manager's neck only yesterday.
Then tried to hold in the laughter and snorted like a rutting pig when he looked around and twitched his nose. Bless.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:59, Reply)

A particular favorite of mine.
Pushing friends into hedges on the way home from the pub.

Does childishness count if your drunk?
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:57, 1 reply)

maybe
i shat my nappy yesterday ?

[first page, woo]
(amazinglasercow now sporting terawatt mining lasers, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:56, Reply)

First 'Not me but a mate' post
he once got challenged for ID in a pub.

When he was 31
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:55, 8 replies)

I was playing football in the park with my young nephew.
I farted on his ball.

He thought it was hilarious.
( girlinthehole, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:55, 1 reply)

Crippled Mate
I pushed my mate Simon over, pulled his prosthetic leg off and placed it on an escalator.

It was worth it just to see his face as the leg reached the top of the escalator and sat proudly on the floor, amidst confused shoppers.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:54, 6 replies)

Maddie

( Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:50, 3 replies)

A six year old.

( riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Posted: 'Your mum' on a messageboard
(Runs away giggling)
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:49, 2 replies)

I farted
in a child's face. To be fair, the little girl started laughing afterwards.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Lynsey Groom is a bitch
Plan for revenge on the person who wronged me

Never got much further than

up2.it/ali/lynsey+groom+is+a+bitch.jpg

But I think it was pretty childish

Edit (sorry that was a bit big for a QOTW)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:45, 5 replies)

Uni Shenanigans
I wrote the most perverted things on a toilet cubicle on my last day in my old job... Was amused to find the text still there a year later!

EDIT: Some of the words and phrases I used: knickers, gusset, smeared her tuna, sopping, gash, tickled her bearded taco, creamed herself, anal cum-fart...
(Brett Starbuck, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:45, Reply)

first
Page

well, that'll do.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:45, Reply)

Does spending vast tracts of the day fannying around on b3ta count?
Puerile digital arts community an' all...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:44, Reply)

I shacked up with someone 13 years younger than me.
Keeps me feeling young.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:42, 17 replies)

1st
Wanting to be first!!!

Stamps feet.
(Suck it and Sea, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:41, Reply)

ym

( Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:39, 1 reply)

3rd
?
( lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:39, Reply)

1st
Damn

second tho

I once got too drunk and pissed in the hallway then blamed it on the cat and no-one twigged that i pissed more than a cat could ever hope to hold in it's tiny bladder
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:39, Reply)

Replied to a post on QOTW

( M o D, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 14:38, 2 replies)