On the barrier at an anthrax gig
Was featured on their website. Dead chuffed.

( Goon, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:21, Reply)

Alan Titchmarsh
Yeah a mate of mine knows Alan Titchmarsh... more than that, he's a family friend. He was at her 15th birthday party and I got to shake his hand.. i was in shock for the next two weeks.

Also, apparently he writes erotic novels...
(superficialfilter, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:19, Reply)

Big floating head
I spoke to the giant floating disembodied head of 'Sir' Patrick Moore on gamesmaster, and got a cheat for Street Fighter 2 Turbo on the SNES :)

Was a little miffed that they didn't let us pick our own questions, and even more miffed that I never got to put on the big cluky VR helmet that they always used to show people wearing.

Bunch of arse really...
(wossname, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:16, Reply)

Boro Grannies and the one armed goalie
Ive been on a fairly random episode of a spikey haired chef Gary Rhodes show, where for some reason they wanted the Middlesbrough Football Club grannies team to play our primary school team at 5 a side football match, our pre match talk was about how we HAD to let them win which was pritty difficult as they couldnt really move and there keeper had one arm, low and behold we were on the end of the show for about 40 seconds showing the grannies pummelling us, ive also been on a soccer skills show with an old Middlesbrough leg-end Bernie Slaven where we dribbled past cones for about 30 minutes on Boro TV
(Jimbobby, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:13, Reply)

Great new medical research
This guy in my research group did some research into female fertility. The result: women can take an ultrasound to count how many oocyte cells they have and that number can be plugged into a complicated equation which tells them when their menapause will take place.

I broke his arm.
( djtrialprice, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:06, Reply)

I'm possibly about to scratch my arse
on the BBC website
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/1494795.stm

They came round to our school on A Level results day in 2001. I'm the one in the white t-shirt with my back to the camera. Don't think I was actually scratching my arse, but I can't really be sure.
I was on TV as well (just the regional Midlands Today). I was in the background whilst my mate (to the left of me in the photo) was hitting me round the head with a newspaper as I wouldn't tell her my results.
In the photo we are talking to the headmaster, who later had an affair with the head of sixth form that we likened to Jabba the Hut. Nice one Melvyn. This is also the school that Adrian Chiles (Working Lunch, Match of the Day 2) went to, though a few years before I was there.
(super nic ebob, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:05, Reply)

I'm pretty sure that I've met someone who's mum
invented Tip-ex, although to be honest I might have dreamt it. So this could be my big claim to fame, if it's true like. That's the best I can do at the moment, but if I think of any more I'll let you know.......




edit/ I've just remembered I'm Paul McCartney

*Thumbs up*
(you're all a bunch of twats anyway, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:04, Reply)

Oh yes... almost forgot
and I once phoned up a kid's tv show (forget what it was called) to ask Five Star why they are so fucking shit!!
( dr_fonz, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:00, Reply)

Iron Coastiness/Gavin Breck
Another crappy one: My Dad Appeared as "Commando#3" in the 1968 film "Attack on the Iron Coast"
The film description: "They turned a dead ship into a live bomb and sailed it down the throat of the enemy!" Have that and then some, Mr Enemy!
( -:Coop:-, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 17:00, Reply)

Unabomber's Accomplice?
I used to live in a town about 10 miles from a mid-size American university. One day I ran into a guy named Dave who just looked like the mountain man type: long hair, long beard, unkempt, etc. I got to talking to him and he said he used to be a professor at the Univeristy. He got tired of the rat race and all the politics, so he and his wife ran off to the woods out West, and was living in a cabin about an hour and a half northwest of Helena, Montana. Well, his wife eventually left, and he got so lonely and crazy he decided to see if he could come back to the University (you'd have to be lonely and crazy to do that!).

That was on a Monday, I saw him once more that week, and on Saturday they announced they'd caught the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski. Living in a cabin. In Montana. An hour and a half northwest of Helena. I thought that was really strange, and was going to ask Dave about it, but Dave disappeared immediately after that. I nearly died when I heard that Mr. Bomber's brother, DAVE, had been the one to turn him in.

I've seen pictures of Dave Kaczynski, and it's not the Dave I met. But ever since then I've wondered if my Dave was involved, but was tipped off that the feds were moving in and hid out until Ted was nabbed. I have this lurking notion that I should have told someone, and a lurking notion that someone is going to say "yeah, I wish you would have."

Freakiness
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:58, Reply)

"Doctor Who Confidential"
...is a new halfhour behind-the-scenes show which will be on BBC3 every Saturday (starting 26th March) after that evening's episode of DW concludes on BBC1. I am in one episode of DWC playing a Dalek terrorising kids in a shopping centre. Woo! Also, I was in a choir for a recording session for the soundtrack of the upcoming Hitch-Hiker's Guide movie. Yay!
( drdavej, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:56, Reply)

Chris de Burgh's gallon of mancream
My friends and I got our handiwork mentioned in the Sun, after we spent a couple of days solidly posting increasingly complex and involved sordid Chris de Burgh related fantasies on the guestbook of the "official" fan website www.cdeb.com... Somewhere I still have a transcript of the posts... I was awesome - like a flashmob but better.

Oh yes - and I invented that little tune machine the ice cream vans play when they've run out of ice cream.
( dr_fonz, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:53, Reply)

I've got a friend
from a really well-connected family. Name any famous American, living or dead, and he's either related to them or is best friends with their daughter or something. Count among them Robert E Lee, Buffalo Bill, the Wright Brothers, George W Bush..

My family's claim to fame? My family's *sole* claim to fame is that my great-grandfather once delivered a thanksgiving turkey to JFK. We found out about it a couple months ago when we found an old newspaper clipping on it.

I also once got into a quarrel, an argument, a pretty bad fight with Fred Phelps's wife (fred phelps of godhatesfags.com fame, the fellow from Kansas who picketed Matthew Shepard's funeral).

edit: bytheway, I won.
(fantastic german, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:52, Reply)

and some of my own...
I've met Mark Little (of Joe Mangle fame) and the Krankies. And I was on TV waving behind John McCririck at York Races once.
( manwithunderpantsonhead older than a Time Lord, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:51, Reply)

Remember when Zoe Ball was on breakfast radio.
What a tiresome time that was.

Anyway - she was learning to be a club DJ and invited people to suggest what her DJ name should be.

I sent in an email suggesting 'DJ Ball-Scratcher' and the next day she started using that very moniker.

I never got a mention. Cow.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:50, Reply)

Reni's Fleece
For those of you who don't know, Reni was the drummer for a band called the Stone Roses. Since they are my all time favourite band, I went to see Reni at the Sheffield Octagon with his new and fairly crap band The Rub. When Reni came on stage he was wearing two coats with a t-shirt underneath. As the gig went on and he got hotter, he began taking off his layers.

After he had finished his set and I had become very drunk, I noticed that he had left his coats hung on the microphone stand. One of my mates suggested I might like to pilfer one. Imagining this to be a good idea I sidled up to the edge of the stage whilst his roadies eyed me suspiciously. Whilst no-one was looking I grabbed one of his coats and scarpered like the wind outside with my new found treasure. It was only then as I was happily whimpering like a wolf in a trap that one of my mates pointed out my mistake. Instead of nicking the £250 Stone Island jacket, I had taken the £7 Matalan fleece he was wearing underneath it.

The fleece is covered in fag burns and bits of Reni's hair. But being the saddo I am I have never washed it and still have it in my wardrobe (hairs included).

I am such a loser. :-(
(fatbobsufc, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:49, Reply)

champagne related celebrity sighting
Me and two friends were getting trollied on champagne in Fortnum and Mason's one lunchtime (we're not posh...was the only time I've been there...seriously, I spent my train fare home on the booze - we couldn't afford food too! seemed like a good idea at the time...)

anyhoo, we're all wasted and giggling like schoolgirls, when my friend Nancy stands up and yells: "look, it's Esther Rantzen! Her hair is horrible! urgh!" We all turn to join in the pointing and laughing.

Cue Ms Rantzen pretending to ignore us and making a hasty exit.

then we tried to steal the champagne bucket stand (failed) and ran around Leicester Square yelling 'picallilli' for no real reason.

Happy days.
(crayongirl, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:46, Reply)

Rockstars...
I had TWO (yes, two) songs dedicated to me by El Vez, the Mexican Elvis (who is awesome by the way.) He sang "Caliente Amor" to me and my then-bf at one gig, then at another gig he held my hand and sang "Che Chiquita" (Chiquitita) because I had told him earlier that I hate the Abba song Chiquitita. Teehee.

I also used to hang out with some kids from My Chemical Romance.

I was flashed by a NYC musician who was in a rather popular band at the time (2001-ish.) He just got his willy out, like "here you go!" I told him off. He apologized and got me a beer.
(emgee, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:44, Reply)

my dad has many claims to fame
He's danced with the Dagenham Girl Pipers for a start.

He also once had dinner with the Crickets (of "Buddy Holly and the..." fame). They were staying at a hotel owned by two of his friends so he spent an evening in being gobsmacked by rock 'n' roll idols.

He also sneaked backstage at a Bill Haley gig sometime in the mid-'50s. Bill Haley was sitting resplendent in his zoot suit in the middle of the room, surrounded by yes-men and make-up assistants, enormous kiss-curl plastered to the front of his brow. Then a boy came in with a telegram, looked at the name and uttered the immortal line "Which one of you's Bill Haley?" Brilliant.

My favourite of his stories, though took place at a Freddy and the Dreamers gig. As a youth, my dad bore a fair resemblance to Freddy Garrity, lead singer of said band. So when he danced past the mob of girls waiting outside the stage door in the classic Freddy way (skipping and touching his ankles behind his back), they all thought he was Freddy Garrity and chased him.

The wily old goat.
( manwithunderpantsonhead older than a Time Lord, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:42, Reply)

Pat Sharp
I was in the Fun House audience once. I called Pat Sharp a long haired wanker, which made a younger member of the audience cry.

Melanie and Martina were very hot.


I was on telly for about three seconds - a truely rubbish claim to fame :D
(Seaneeboy, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:38, Reply)

You know the rather spiffingly attractive twins in Snatch (yeah dad, ya told us)
After making a comment to my cousin at a big family party about how i wouldn't mind a threesome with the twins from Snatch, we were later told that they were in fact my aunt's sisters.

Luckily my cousin didn't say anything, but she could have made me her bitch for ever if she'd wanted to be a blackmailing biatch.
( The Running Man, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:34, Reply)

I asked Roland Gift
of the Fine Young Cannibals a question on Saturday Superstore when i was 10.

I met the guy who played Bob Cryer in the Bill and I had a drink with Jeremy Irons when i was working on the ferries
( Plomien is Polish for flame, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:30, Reply)

In the nineties my dad bought a Porsche 911
off Graham Souness.
( Delete Me, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:29, Reply)

i shook the hand of
the mighty John "2 Jags Many Pies" Prescott at this community centre near my old school.
Got dragged out of a rivetting maths lesson for that too, anyway it was just after the egg in the face punch up and a friend said he did well to hit the guy, Mr Prescott didn't look too impressed
(trentsteel Student radio scum: www.ramair.co.uk, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:24, Reply)

Little house On The Prarie
Not me, but a good mate of mine used to be a helicopter pilot instructor in L.A.

He tells a wonderful tale of taking pupils out into the countryside when he's teaching them and one day finding the outdoor set for little house on the prairie. It had been deserted for quite some time then.

He used to land near the set and get put with his pupils and chuck rocks at the windows of Little House on the prairie.

How fucking cool is that?

Cheers

Legless
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:22, Reply)

Michaela Strachan: Nude Teenage Fantasy
When I was 19, I had the worst job in the world at Skegness Butlin's.

Think about that: Skegness. Butlin's.

Right, so anyway, one of my duties was standing by the side of the stage, pretending to enjoy the performance of whichever aging C-List celebrity was replaying their tired old act on stage, and hawking their wares: t-shirts, CDs, and so on.

After I had worked my way through the pulsating queue of punters fighting for the last Brotherhood of Man CD, I would take the money backstage and share it out with the talent: 75% to them, 15% to the house, and 10% to the light-fingered salesman. A simple, effective, and easily abused system.

In the heady late summer of '95, Michaela Strachan had secured the Wednesday night slot at the Broadway Showbar. To those of you who are either teenagers or Americans or, well, not me, I'd better explain that Michaela Strachan was a kids' TV presenter in the mid-eighties: the period of time in my life where I started to become a man and discover the wonders of self-love.

I'll be honest with you: she was shite. She sang a couple of songs and danced around, a bit of perfunctory audience participation and she was off. I wasn't run off my feet with the CD sales.

However, my disappointment at the lack of embezzlement opportunities was offset by the fact that I was ABOUT TO MEET MICHAELA STRACHAN!!!!

So I made my way backstage and, with my trademark tact, I barged into the dressing room.

Michaela Strachan was standing before me, naked and wet, fresh out of the shower, and, for a brief, almost imperceptible moment, she was perfect.

Of course, less than a second later, she was wrapped in a towel dressing gown and swearing at me but it was worth it.

I gave her my 10%. Slut.
(Greatest Bloke, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:16, Reply)

Elton John
I was at Elton John’s 40th birthday party. It was allegedly the most expensive party thrown that year. He'd hired a French Chateaux for the event.

I was part of the crew for his world tour and I'd only joined the mob in Paris. When I arrived I was shown into the tour managers office where we had a chat. At this time Elton had just successfully sued the Sun for damages when they claimed he was a poofter. (At the time he still hadn't come out of the closet). The tour manger said to me:

"Now you'll have heard lots of tales about Elton taking drugs and buggering other men in the papers. Well, I'm here to tell you that......It's all true. And if you say a word about it you'll be sacked!"

Actually, Elton turned out to be a very pleasant bloke. Contrary to what you here about him he was a real gent. Treated the crew very well and wasn't the hissy, bitchy prima donna that the papers make him out to be.

Cheers

Legless
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:15, Reply)

My brain...
I was in a study to see which parts of your brain light up when you find something funny. A scan of my brain was in the Daily Mail.

I was also on Sky News when they had a press conference announcing the results of the study.

And I was in a 'disaster' when the cross-channel ferry I was on blew up mid-cross. 'The Quiberon Disaster' the papers called it. How's that for imagination?
(Benjimawoo, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:14, Reply)

Super Smash Brothers
In about 1997 (when i was eight) I had this really cool idea: what would happen if Mario was to have a big punch-up with, say, Bomberman? Or Kirby, or Wario, or Link? I wrote this all in a letter addressed to Mr Miyamoto, which bizarrely never got sent.

And then a couple of years later, Super Smash Bros is released for N64, doing pretty much what I suggested.

Go me!
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Thu 24 Feb 2005, 16:10, Reply)