I really don't understand...
why anyone likes eggs. YOU ARE EATING MENSTRUATION!!!!!! I won't go down on my wife while she's on her period, why the bleeding fuck do I want to eat a scrambled, poached, fried, disgusting period? I don't give a shit what animal,its nasty and I just don't get why anyone would voluntarily eat them. Put them in a cake or brownies and I'm good. But I love milk, cause titties are nice and they only cause joy.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 19:11, 12 replies)

Random irritations, part 2
Some more irritations for you:

1, Comic relief characters, stop ruining the mood of a particular film by popping up and doing something silly, an example of such would be jar jar binks after I saw that character for the first time i couldn't take the rest of the film seriosly.

2, R&B and rap "music", I dont reall need to know how many women you have slept with or which alcoholic drink is de rigueur and how much jewellery you feel you need to buy to make yourself feel good, at least use more instruments than a synthesiser and a drum kit.

3, The X factor, or more specifically the sob stories, I only want to hear the singing I dont need to know who in the family is sick/dying/dead.

4, Dogs, The animal embodiment of the moron, need i say more

ill add more if I can calm down if not length ect.
(hypr_like_a_monkey, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 19:09, 3 replies)

Ann Summers parties held by your colleagues...
I have to work with these people. The last thing I want them to know is I'm treating myself to a 10" rubber cock and a book entitled
"A Hand in the Bush - The Gentle Art of Vaginal Fisting"

Check it out on Amazon if you don't believe me
( Sallyrsm, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 18:50, 1 reply)

i just don't get...
people twining when they get done for speeding.
it's so easy to avoid, simply obey the speed limits!
i've been collared 3 times for speeding. took the punishment like the self-righteous twat that i am.
did i twine about it? did i fuck.
why not? cos that would make me a hypocritical, self-righteous twat.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sat 17 Oct 2009, 18:13, 16 replies)

live Frogger.
OK it's more exciting than the video game, but I think the pet shop is getting a bit suspicious.


(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 17:52, Reply)

Six packs and men that shave their treasure trail
I have a bit of a thing for men's stomachs and I particularly love that line of hair under the belly button. Why on earth do some men shave it off? I think there's nothing sexier than when a man stretches or takes of his jumper and you get a brief glimpse of their belly button region - makes me go all wobbly. The only time I don't get this effect is if the guy has shaved his treasure trail or has a six pack (I even like a bit of a beer belly as long as the guy isn't hideously overweight).
Even worse is a six pack on a woman. I really don't see the attraction of that. Women should be soft, not hard and muscly. Thank god that's gone out of fashion now.
(mmm....beer, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 17:50, 5 replies)

I hate x
and people who like x, because y.

Cunts.
( The Coast Of Yemen, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 17:26, 1 reply)

You know what I don't get?
Erections.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 17:05, 4 replies)

StripClubs
Why Why Why, would anyone think that they would rather spend a single second of their time looking at a smoking hot girl rather than spending that second banging ANY girl. Each bachelor party I am bored to death and frustrated at the uselessness of "looking but not touching". I can not resolve how weak you would have to be to want to sit in your chair like a sheeple and not take action, and yet, still think it is enjoyable in some way.
(OMG-Hilarious, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 16:53, 4 replies)

Fucking hell, where do I start on college?
First, beauty students. Why does every fucking blonde want to rub their hands over people's greased up bodies and hair? I over-heard one excitedly talking about a 'waxing-tutorial' the other day. I couldn't believe anyone could look forward to a lesson in de'furring a strangers legs or shaping their quim foliage.
The theres dancers and fashion people. The dancers with paedophile friendly spandex and neon leg warmers to catch cum (why do some only wear one?) And the fashion kids turn up every year with 'waist-clinching' belts and fucking massive bags they sling over their arms not realising that those and their 4" heels will probably give them a hunch back by the time they hit 40.
And why do some kids think it's so cool to have to run out every 10 minutes for a fag? And talk very loudly to each other about how they 'deep-throated' last night. Deep-throat isn't sexy, I may enjoy a bit of whipping now and again or when he dig his nails in a bit, but gagging is not sexy, and you should not broadcast it the next day.
(MissUnexpectedNuttering Mad to live, Mad to talk, and burn, burn, burn...., Sat 17 Oct 2009, 16:49, 3 replies)

Oh go on then, one more...
THE JONAS BROTHERS. They can't sing, their music is shit and the eldest two look like the backend of a fucking donkey, yet they're the "biggest boy band in the world".
(Melody was not PMSing on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 16:40, 5 replies)

Last one I promise
HENTAI. I mean what the actual fuck. Why would you want to wank over a cartoon because it's got a pair of big boobs? If I draw some boobs on Superted, will you want to wank over him too?!
(Melody was not PMSing on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 16:38, 4 replies)

Oh and
Russell bloody Howard. Mock The Week is shit enough as it is these days and he ruins it. He's only there because he's alright to look at but everyone I know seems to lick his arse. I've noticed him using the same joke more than once on the show, too.

And now he's got his own show on BBC Three.

I still would though.
(Melody was not PMSing on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 16:36, 9 replies)

A few more
FARMVILLE -- Or just Facebook games in general. I only have Facebook to keep in touch with my elder sibs and family I don't get to see a lot. I'd rather see what they have to say instead of "MELODY'S SISTER HAS REACHED LEVEL 24 IN FARMVILLE" or "MUMMY MELODY HAS ACHIEVED THE BLUE RIBBON IN GROWING SOME FUCKING VIRTUAL SQUASH". And in the middle of Eastenders last night, Mum actually turned to me and my sister and went; "Oooh! My strawberries must be done! One of you go get Dad's laptop please!" She was fucking TIMING it.

SOAPS -- And while we're at it, soaps. I live in a house full of people addicted to the sodding things. Hollyoaks is bollocks. Corrie is bollocks. Enders is slightly better, but still completely bollocks. The only one I'll sit and watch is Enders and that's mainly because I want to know who got the fat bird pregnant so I can work out how the hell they got in there!

SPONGEBOB -- Supposedly the "funniest cartoon ever". No, just the cartoon with the most annoying voices EVER. It's not funny, it's stupid. My brother is over, supposedly helping my Dad with painting. He is not, he is watching Spongebob DVDs with my sister and all I can hear is them laughing like drains. He is 29. She is 17.

PAUL O GRADY -- Unfunny cunt. "But his dogs are soooo beautiful!" SHUT UP.
(Melody was not PMSing on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 16:24, Reply)

People with tourettes.
Fucking cunt wankers.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 16:13, 1 reply)

neon clothing
Im sick of it, and it burns my eyes seeing these kids in horribly bright clothing.

These kids dont even know what a rave is/was
(Lord Chode, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 15:58, Reply)

Up their own arse film students.
Yes i know what dénouement means so stop fucking talking and ruining the film, you are NOT the new Quentin Tarantino.

Fuck off.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Scarlett Johansson
Just looks to me like she wants a good wash.
( Sallyrsm, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 15:41, 7 replies)

Twitter
or more specifically, people I have never heard of following me. I get emails saying "Josie McStinkyclunge is now following you on Twitter" Well good fucking luck Josie. I only follow my closest mates and I don't fucking know you.
( Sallyrsm, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 15:34, Reply)

Indie kids
They give me eye cancer. Shoreditch needs to be bombed.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 15:21, Reply)

My ex didn't 'get' anal sex....
He didn't see the point, apparently.
The point is, one gets to feel like an extremely dirty whore for a short time safe in the knowledge that outside the confines of one's bedroom, he still treats you like a Duchess.

Mind you, he had been to public school. I don't think he ever had something alien rammed up his shitter but he protested just a little too much. Worried that expressing a desire to do his lady up the wrong un would mean he was gay or something.

Whatever.
( Sallyrsm, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 15:01, 6 replies)

Orgy's
They're never how you imagine them are they? It's just loads of people who can't get laid elseware sweating over each other with god knows what diseases and the most un-erotic dirty talk ever. If you've never been to one, I recommend you keep it that way. Threesomes are way overrated too, if you want it kinky get liquid latex or good old-fashioned handcuffs.
(MissUnexpectedNuttering Mad to live, Mad to talk, and burn, burn, burn...., Sat 17 Oct 2009, 14:52, 6 replies)

Loose Women
I'm unfortunate to overhear this big bag of piss sometimes when I'm working from home and have come to the conclusion that if someone were to play me a recording of ten live seagulls being fed simultaneously into a wood shredder I wouldn't be able to tell the difference.
What on earth is the attraction with this utter shite?

Length? 120 minutes too long.
( BobbyParadise, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 14:35, Reply)

Nintendo Wii
The Wii is an overpriced, last generation console. The good games can be counted on one hand and the vast majority of the rest are shovelware. Multimedia? The bloody thing doesn't even play DVDs even though it could.

Yet every christmas people stir themselves into a veritable frenzy to buy one. And when the latest gimmick attachment such as fitness board or motion plus appears the frenzy repeats. They'll even happily let GAME, Gamestop etc. rape them with bundle deals.

What the hell is the attraction?
(MagicMoose, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 14:34, 6 replies)

Short answers which don't go into detail
I mean, what the fuck?
(__, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 13:46, Reply)

A list seems to be the obvious way to go
Football - it's a business, not a sport, ffs.
People who believe everything that goes on on TV progs like CSI with its fantasmagorical lab results.
Celebrities and those who manufacture them.
Oasis - what a bunch of whining wankers.
Ricky Gervais - the unfunniest bellend in Christendom.
Bruce Forsyth - nearing the top of the list of flesh-crawling nonentities. He's as funny as a jalapeno enema and his only saving grace is that he's not a 4king turd burglar like so many TV favourites.
Dickheads who are so thick that they post duplicate after duplicate after fucking duplicate on Sickipedia.
Crap drivers of all persuasions.
Stereotyped recipes - Italian=oregano, Hawaiian=pineapple, French=garlic, Scottish=whisky, etc etc. get an imagination!
I'm sure you're now as bored as me . . . .
But there's more :
London, the nation's armpit.
Bad spelling and punctuation - just learn them.
Steve Martin; not funny. Plays the same not funny character every time.
Friends (the series) - no friends of mine.
False boobs. I like boobs but not elasticated ones.
Doctor Who - primary school science fiction.
Finally - until the next time - rappers should have their throats cut; no question.
(The Jannie, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 13:33, Reply)

Stuff
Mobile Phones

It never ceases to amaze me when people I know get a new phone, often spending hundreds of pounds on it, and other people I know are eager to examine it.

"Gi's a look at yer phone! Oh wow! Cool!"

IT'S A PHONE!

And when people see me using mine and sneer at it's ancientness.

IT'S A PHONE!

As long as it performs the basic functions required by a phone, namely calling people, receiving calls, and sending and receiving texts (which I actually prefer, since I hate phone conversations), then I am happy.

I've had the same one for as long as I can remember and have had perhaps 3, since my first one around 10 years ago (Yes, I got by just fine without one until I was 21 - back then I was content to arrange to meet someone at a certain place and time, and trust they'd be there).

Remember, IT'S A PHONE!

Cars

I've never owned a car. Technically I can drive one, but legally I can't. Meaning I never got my license, but stick me behind the wheel and I'm capable of driving. As with the phone thing, I have no interest in the supposed aesthetic attraction of a car - if it goes, it's good enough for me. Of course I understand that some cars provide a more pleasant behind-the-wheel experience than others, and that I can appreciate, but how anyone can get truly excited about a car, unless it flies or travels through time, is beyond me.

Football

Now don't get me wrong, I am a football fan. I have a favourite team which I have followed for years, and I love watching football and take an interest in the latest goings on within the game. To an extent. I do not understand how certain people will put football before family, or something similar. Me and my father and brother do not have a great deal in common. If we're together, conversation generally does not flow. But switch the subject to football and those two will talk forever as if it's the most important thing in the world. My dad proudly boasts that he has "never read a book in his life, but read the biography of Roy Keane from cover to cover".

I enjoy watching football, but I do not enjoy discussing and analysing it in detail for lengthy periods of time. It's just a game.

Art

Controversial? Maybe. I love to design, and I'd love to be able to make money from it regularly, but ask me who my favourite artist is and I'd struggle. Ask me who influences me and I'd draw a complete blank. Ask me to draw meaning from any piece of art, mine or otherwise and you'd get a blank look. If something looks nice, if it pleases my eye, I like it. I care not for meanings and metaphors within the art world.

I've been to many of Europe's finest galleries, and whilst there have of course been exhibits which have wowed and impressed, the most constant single feeling I've left with has been boredom.

I remember once I made a passing comment about my own design saying something like, "I'm no good at drawing really and don't have the motivation to practise that much," and I was reprimanded by a designer, respected here and elsewhere, saying that if I'm not prepared to put my soul into it then maybe art isn't for me. That is the most bullshit remark I ever read. I have fun designing and that's good enough.

Fashion

I have three criteria when choosing clothes for myself - they must be cheap and comfortable, and they must look good, to me.

I think the most money I ever paid for any item of clothing was £70 for a suit. Following that, I once bought a pair of shoes for £50, and then I'd say everything else I ever bought cost under £30. I hate labels, and don't see the appeal of paying lots of money to advertise an already rich company - I'm sure most people here feel the same. Give me a £6 plain black jumper from Matalan over the £60 alternative from TopMan, or wherever the cool kids shop these days. If it perishes within a year, so be it, I'll buy another.

That said, I did once own a pair of apparently limited edition Levi jeans which were easily the nicest jeans I've ever owned. My mate found them brand new in his pub, tags and all and passed them on to me when no-one claimed them. The price tag stated they'd cost £150. For jeans! These have since fallen apart and shall never be replaced, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find a nice pair of jeans - what's the obsession with all these ludicrously over-bleached patches, crease lines and holes already in the jeans?! Why would I pay £50+ for brand new jeans that look old when I could pay 50p for old jeans at Oxfam?
(I'm afraid of wet bread, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 12:41, 6 replies)

Everyone loves raymond.
This may be something that everyone loves but leaves me cold - and thus being inkeeping with the question, but...surely there isn't a single person on this planet that actually likes it is there?

It's so bad that it's makers really should be tried in a court of law for affronts of the human race. It's probably offended more people that Milosovich. And the buyers at Channel 4 should be shot for propagating something so fucking dull and badly acted/written.

Is there really anyone that likes it? Honestly?
(dchurch bah, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 12:09, 5 replies)