Booze
Alcohol or anything that makes you do the following.
After a night out on the 'sauce' I was stood in line ready to buy a rat burger from the burger van.  "£4.20 please mate". Without hesitation I handed over my money and got my cowchuff meat roll.

After standing in line for 15 mins my bladder had refilled himself. So I snuck up the nearest lane to deballast. After an awkard drunken juggle, horror of horrors I dropped the burger. Right in my puddle of piss.  

Something clicked in my tight scottish brain. I'd just spent the best part of a fiver on this burger. So my own urine was going to stop me eating my rapidly cooling purchase? Was it fuck. 

I gobbled that fucker down like Gately on heat. I then stayed sober for 8 months.  
( rgordon00, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 10:02, 5 replies)

I've been sitting here trying to think of something.
I can't think of anything.

And I've just realised I missed the fair.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 9:38, Reply)

On-Line gaming
I can't figure it out at all. Why does a game need to be played online to 'experience the full game'? I have no interest in being shot 100 times by a nasal, whining yank kid who is hell-bent on telling me how l33t he is.

Secondly, is the whole 'online experience' just a ruse by developers to trick us into not noticing that they couldn't be arsed to develop decent enemy AI?

Don't even get me started on MMOs - if you want to meet people, develop a career, and make money, why don't you get off your lazy arse and GET A PROPER JOB?
(toxic parsnip sold his soul on, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 9:18, 5 replies)

A lot of foods puzzle me.
Oysters-look like phlegm.
Kippers- Stink out your entire house and by the time you've picked all the bones out you're lft with cold, fishy-tasting rubber.
Posh coffee - Cappuccino and mochachino and expresso and all that shite. Bollocks to that. Stick some Nescafe in the biggest mug you have, drop in a couple of spoons of sugar and we're sorted. I'll use the money I've just saved on a Belgian bun and a paper.
Sprouts - Evil
Faggots - How do you make lovely, tasty meat into something that disgusting?
Lettuce. Lettuce is not food. Lettuce is what you put on food to soak up the chilli sauce.
Liver - My parents tried to make me eat this shit. Thanks a fucking bunch. I thought you loved me?
Jellied eels. Proof that Cockneys are clearly very stupid
(Big D, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 9:01, 4 replies)

"Open Plan Living"
It must be popular, since every flat and most of the houses built in the past 15 years shouts about it's 'Modern, open plan living space'. Everyone must think its the nuts. Right?

It just means that the kitchen is in the lounge, though. Which I just can't dig. When did we all lose the will to have a separate kitchen and lounge?
(Benjimawoo, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 8:34, 5 replies)

Alchohol:
When I mention I don't drink to people I work with, they look at me as if I'm from another planet. I'd rather have a bag of smack (srsly) Booze: A disgusting, yellow fingered, piss smelling old man's drug. There's so much better out there.

Friends: If I mention how much I hate this show I'm often looked at as if I have no sense of humour. Then If I ask if they've seen Sports Night or Absolute Power they look rather confused. Why are lowest common denominator comedies so successful? I'd really like to know.
(trip2themoon, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 8:17, 1 reply)

Plumbers
leave me cold.

I paid a stupid amount of money to have my central heating replaced - not once did it work.

I rigged up an elaborate system of carboard and silver foil to transfer heat from the cooker hob to the living room and all the bedrooms. It caught fire.
(dchurch bah, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 7:43, 2 replies)

leaves me cold......
Christianity, esp Merkin happy clappy variety, sadly, badly deluded
(cherrypie, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 7:36, 1 reply)

Local
The other week i was passing through Acton (in Worcestershire). I understand they have a playhouse, but I must have driven passed it.

I missed theatre Acton.
(kitescreech still here, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 7:09, 1 reply)

Isn't the real question: what doesn't leave me cold?
Weddings, babies, television... The conveyor-belt of life.

Weddings are the worst. All the pretty people having their big special day, pretending they are 'someone' and spending 10 or 20 grand on the event. And, they are all the same.

In fact, often what doesn't leave me cold is when people subvert the same old rubbish and somehow make it interesting. But I haven't been to that wedding yet.

Perhaps everything leaves me cold, except when something is subverted.
(stuntsmile, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 4:40, 3 replies)

Any telly programme that allows the audience to vote on anything.
This is why I haven't bothered buying a telly.
(meat2veg hello!, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 2:32, 4 replies)

ndubz and other artists
i just have to comment on how i really dont get the attraction of wearing a wooly hat hanging off your head in that fashion.
does twat hat have some kind of deformity that means he cant wear a hat properly?
maybe he's still not mastered dressing himself correctly yet?

if i ever had the misfortune to meet that hat guy the temptation to give that hat a slight tap and knock it off his head would be far too great.

i also dont get the whole cliche that some artists mainly RnB have of being "from da streets" and how hard there life was "out on da streets i gotta fend for meself innit got no monies an no food an struggled with drugs n shit but i survived that shit an am here innit"

when most of them probably lived in a nice leafy suburb with their grandmas and wouldnt know poverty if it kicked them in the crotch.
(stitched, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 0:03, 1 reply)

Blurting on a girl's face
Ends every porn scene nowadays, even though it stings their eyes etc. Can't be fun.
(McChinaman banned, Sun 18 Oct 2009, 0:00, 8 replies)

High Definition telly and Entertainment Systems
Why do people spend thousands, even tens of thousands to try and simulate reality in their lounge room?
Go outside,live your life, it's all high definition out there, with the most realistic sound system.
That includes fucking Wii, why not play tennis, golf, boxing or other fitness activities for real?
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 23:41, 6 replies)

I hate Dizzee Rascal
Despite radio DJs having multiple orgasms every time he releases yet another shit record, I've never got the appeal. Ditto for NDubz, who really need ASBOs to prevent them releasing anything ever again.
(moogal has eggs, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 23:12, Reply)

girls going to the loo together
im a girl and iv never got this little commodity. i go to the loo when i need to go to the loo. i dont wait until one of my friends says they need to or ask them if they want to accompany me. i get this in a night club when its busy and you risk losing everyone but its still annoying. its especially annoying at a bar or a pub when its just not necessary.
(ladyintheradiator, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 23:10, 2 replies)

Sex?
Anyone? Huh? Thought not.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Sat 17 Oct 2009, 22:57, Reply)

You know what I don't get?
Periods.

Could have something to do with the fact that I have XY chromosomes.
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Sat 17 Oct 2009, 22:54, Reply)

...to...
... my ex girlfriend... I mean, what the fuck was I thinking, really??? She's nowhere near being my type, nor does she possess anything that I might go for re hair colour, arse, jubblies or a spunky personality... Do I really go for women who cry a lot about fuck all and then complain that it's all my fucking fault??? I thought I went for birds who were on the level, could handle their piss and a couple of lines of an evening... y'know???

Load of Arse!

(I do honestly miss her but I've been missing oral sex for much longer)
(hengushrh is found at the Dole office every second thursday, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 22:36, 1 reply)

Lunch Monkeys
Lunch Monkeys! I thought Two Pints Of Lager was piss poor. I mean, BBC3 pay people to WRITE, ACT AND DIRECT THIS SHIT when surely even at the earliest read-through, it would have been startlingly crystal clear that this was a PIECE. OF. SHIT. It makes me want to invent a time machine, find John Logie Baird and smash his stupid face in.
(pingu666, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 21:44, 8 replies)

Hope it hasn't been done yet
Napoleon Dynamite. Seriously, fuck this movie. Fuck it's fans. Fuck it's merchandise. Fuck the filmmakers. Fuck anyone who had even a tiny part in it.

A horrible movie is one thing, but a horrible movie with legions of fans and a rabid cult following makes me want to shoot myself because Earth obviously isn't for me any more. When I first started at the videos tore this was the number one movie and there was a barely a teenager who wouldn't delight in giving me heaps of quotes while renting the damn thing for the 15th time.

I finally watched it and was amazingly underwhelmed. Pedro has a few funny bits but overall it's just a turd that seems designed to appeal to EXACTLY the kind of people who would bully Napoleon if he went to their school. All the teens I served definately would've given ND a wedgie so I could never work out why they like the movie so much. Does it release their inner bully?

Speaking of bullies, I also can't see the appeal in anything that Sacha Baron Cohen has done since Ali G. Borat was funny the first few times, but after the element of surprise has worn off there's a shortage of genuine laffs (same thing with Jackass, tho I still like the first movie), and I think I'm going to get the same thing with Bruno. His approach is so mean-spirited as well, whereas Ali G made me laugh because everyone could tell he was a goof even if they weren't in on the joke. Andy Kaufman he ain't. Plus people quoted Borat constantly around the store when it came out and Bruno's due out soon...that's gunna suck.

Also:
New Family Guy - it's become more about being offensive than being funny
Hannah Montana
Lost
24
Kings of Leon
Muse
heaps more I can't think of right now

Whoa, long entry. No apologies, it'll break up the tedium.
(ElGranto, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 21:42, 10 replies)

Bizarerly
I think the reason I smoke might be because I couldn't understand the attraction of it. Because I'm Asthmatic I'm dependent on ventolin and a whole host of other drugs in order to keep alive so I have to constantly have an inhaler with me. When I was a kid I wondered why anyone would smoke because that's just another thing they need to have with them all of the time. This made me obsess about the whole concept which I think lead me to actually smoking just to see what all the fuss was about. Now I smoke because every time I give up, my asthma gets progressively worse up until the point where I start smoking again. I think that might be due to the fact that my asthma is completely due to allergies and that smoking makes my lungs less sensitive to such things.
(mmm....beer, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 21:35, 5 replies)

Paris Hilton
fugly, and just look at her knees...they are the work of the devil....
(simoni210277, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 21:26, Reply)

Jim Carey
Anyone else want to smack him round the chops with a wet fish?
(davidcompression, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 20:41, 8 replies)

2 girls 1 cup
I don't like it. At all. The reaction videos? I don't like those either. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to have to watch it. Why is it so popular? Goddammit its nasty as shit. I mean they're eating shit off each others' faces. Fuck me that's gross! Jesus christ! I'm getting sick typing this. Whatever, all you sick fucks that like it, just God or whatever deity of your choice help you.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 20:40, 4 replies)

Maybe I'm just a mysanthrope
Facebook is friends reunited with stalkers, wankers and nutters thrown in. People who are scared of identity theft plaster their photos and personal details on Facebook for the whole world to see. And Twitter - what is the fucking point of Twitter? Keep it to yourself, eh? I do not care to read about it.
(pingu666, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 20:30, Reply)

Of b3ta talk/
.
( bane, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 20:10, 5 replies)

Roulette, blackjack, craps, slots...
Basically any casino game where the house has an edge.

When I was at the Empire in Leicester Square, reporting on the World Series of Poker Europe, I saw dozens of people (mostly Chinese, they LOOOOOOOOOVE the gamble) laying hundreds or even thousands on a table.

The few times I saw a wheel spun at roulette, there was a good £5,000 on the board - the dealer took all but about £300.

If you ever get an urge to play any of those games I humbly ask you instead send the money to my PayPal account. Each time someone sends something I will roll a dice and if it lands on six then you get double your money back. It's a lot less effort and you're probably making a better investment than playing craps.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 19:58, 1 reply)

Shoes
I'm sorry, I just don't get the whole Manolo Blahnik Jimmy Choo thing. I know Sarah Jessica Parker likes them but she looks like a foot anyway so her choice of attire is naturally limited. They're all pointy and sharp and noisy and fall-overy and none of them fit properly and they're really uncomfortable and crippling and every girl who straps herself into 8-inch heeled diamante mantraps seems to think that doing so makes falling out of taxis and tottering about cackling look like the height of sophistication when really they look about as elegant as Stephen Hawking on a waltzer.

I'm not a lesbian, I just like flat heels. And cock.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Sat 17 Oct 2009, 19:44, 5 replies)