Benidorm
and other typically British holiday destinations abroad: Aya Napa, Ibiza, Magaluf etc.

Why the fuck would I want to spend a holiday in an overpriced, run down version of Brighton surrounded by a bunch of rave-going, smackhead chavs whilst burning my arse off in the sweltering heat.

Give me a bit of culture, that's the whole idea of visiting another city surely?
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:53, 7 replies)

Personalised number plates
I was recently party to a conversation where some friends were discussing which personalised registration would look best on his new BMW. I think they are a completely waste of money and just show the owner to have more ego than sense.

Edit: fixed some poor grammar. Always proofread.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:52, 8 replies)

British Music Festivals
Bad Music.
Bad Weather.
Camping.
Chavs.
Toilets.
Fancy Dress.

Shit. As. Fuck.

That is all.
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:51, 6 replies)

Banksy
If I was:

A) A rich cunt
B) Had no talent
C) Had access to a shitload of spray paint cans
D) Wanted to make ‘art’ with wit
E) So thick I thought wit is what people with a lisp say when they need the bog, proceeded by the words: “I’m going for a-“

Then I too could be a cunt living the life of leisure, have shitloads of money, get blowjobs in toilet stalls from strangers, sip margharitas on my yacht in Barbados while my supermodel girlfriend picks out a new Rolex from the special bling-bling catalogue for incredibly rich, sexually gratified con artists who don't have to get up at 6:30 in the morning to go to fucking work –

- hang... on... a... minute...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:51, 5 replies)

Other TV Shows
The Office - Yes, I do get it, it first arrived when fly on the wall documentaries were all the rage. It's just not funny. The American version of The Office was funny, it just seemed to work somehow. And with that, Ricky Gervais isn't funny either.

Little Britain - Once you've seen one episode, everything else is just exactly the same joke recycled and put into a different context. I think it plays on the basis that if you repeat a joke often enough, it gets funny. The Fast Show managed it quite well (even though it took me a while to get into that), but Little Britain just got stale quicker than a loaf of bread in a greenhouse.

Charmed (the Buffy the Vampire Slayer wannabe). My daughter is systematically watching all 8 series on Living TV and on some site on the Internet. The only attraction is that there are 3 nubile girls in it and that doesn't detract from the complete lack of depth to the characters or the crushingly piss-poor story lines and writing.

Big Brother: Why, over the last 10 years, did no one park a car-bomb outside the house? My sister-in-law would watch it, and exhibit an air of excitement bordering on mania, squealing with almost every comment. If I could go back in time and I had a choice of whether I could kill Hitler or the creators of Big Brother... then of course I'd kill Hitler, duh

Any soap operas. They're bleak, repetitive and are about as realistic as a rewrite of Wizard of Oz by an 8 year old on LSD. Especially Eastenders, how all the characters haven't all put razor to wrist or strung themselves up yet is beyond me. Are the writers permanently overdosing on opiates? Emmerdale is like a game of Sims where you find a 'God Mode' cheat just as you're getting sick of playing it. Coronation Street is dull and mundane to the point of distraction.

Any other reality TV with very few exceptions. What happened to proper TV?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:51, 6 replies)

and gambling!
I don't particularly want to start a "...what's that about?" post, but I simply don't understand the attraction in gambling.

Don't get me wrong, if you're very good at poker or pool or riding a horse and you want to earn money by persuading people that you're not as good as you actually are, that's one thing. But why the hell would I want to put my money into something where I stand an overwhelming chance of not getting anything back, and only a tiny chance of getting lots more back?

It's like "Deal or No Deal" - 50 whole minutes of hoopla over basically the odds of some money being in ONE BOX. Superstition, deliberating, suspicion, carping on, hunches, wishes, hoping - it's all bollocks! It's chance. It's not fate, or luck, or "oh I nearly got it last time, that must mean my chances are increased this time".

It's just cold hard mathematical probability. And the probability is you won't win.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:48, 4 replies)

Lee Fucking Evans
OK, I'll admit *SOME* of his jokes make me giggle, but he completely spoils it for me by acting like a mong.

Give me Frankie Boyle any day.
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:47, 8 replies)

Twitter
Full of pretentious wankers who think that I give a flying fook about the crap they're spouting
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:47, 1 reply)

English Girls who copy American porn stars whilst having sex
There's really need to talk dirty if you're not that good at it, it makes you sound look like you're having an episode of tourettes.

Also stop trying to lick your nipples, as it doesn't look appealing when you twist yourself up in a mad effort to arouse me. You end up looking like a sweary quasimodo.

And don't wank too hard, our cocks aren't stuck corks you know...
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:46, 7 replies)

Taking Photos of everything.
What is the fucking point? I have friends who whenever we're doing anything remotely interesting (well usually drinking) feel the need to take pictures all the time. Does one cease to exist unless one has at least 200 pictures an hour taken of themselves when they're having fun? Or do the cunts think that other cunts really want to see their cunty face on Facebook? Of course they don't, they'll be too busy putting their own cunting pictures of their cunting selves up on cunting Facebook. Fucking cunts.
(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:45, 5 replies)

Jane Austen Novels
- Nothing happens
- The characters are all dislikeable and worry about nothing except marriage
- Her tone is smug and knowing (knowing about what, I do not know)
- Er... nothing happens
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:45, 3 replies)

Right
Star Wars & Sci fi with pointy headed aliens in
Playboy centrefolds (uggh)
Cameron Diaz
TV watched normally on a TV and on their schedule.
Shopping. Any kind of retail.
People who list "shopping" as a hobby.Motherfucking CUNTS
Strip clubs generally unless very poor and seedy
Stella
R&B and anything pretending to be similar
Computers
and most of all, the fucking goddamn crippled utter piece of wanking shitfuckery, the fuckmeicantevenfuckinggetthesyllables out, the munting i fucking phone. And I should know, I've fucking got one. Yes, I'm the cunt of the story.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:44, Reply)

The desire to be a blonde.
I just can't see why a beautiful brunette or redhead would ever want to do that to their lovely locks.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:43, 6 replies)

Pornz? Hell no.
Sitting tip-tapping away at my laptop at University in the halls of residence, sipping some late night wine, I hear roars of delight coming from down the corridor. Ever the investigator, I head on down there to discover eleven guys jammed into one room, watching some porn. Roughly, a rather hairy male was evidently using his penis as some sort of makeshift bidet for this unfortunate woman.

Now, I was invited to join in the viewing of this battle of skin cells and as the ape of a man pounded away like some sort of foul fleshy piston engine, I couldn't help but notice a) the curtains did not match the wallpaper, b) the interior decor in general was not exactly modern and c) they were pursuing their interest in one another in the kitchen, where food is prepared, of all things. So while everyone around me starting nursing their semi-ons, I nursed a glass of Semillon, and returned to the splendor of my Tranquility CDs.

Honestly... what is the point of porn? I see no point to it. (Well, saying that, there's one point in particular that I see all too clearly, and don't wish to see again!)
(Zgrzyt My dog gets more Christmas cards than I do., Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:42, 4 replies)

Camping
Say dear. You know what would be fun? How about we leave our nice, comfortable, warm dry house, with running water, toilet, an oven, entertainment, fridge, and liquor cabinet, and soft, warm beds. And a hot shower. And, you know, music.
Instead, let's spend an entire weekend, sleeping in a smelly, leaking mosquito-infested nylon sweat-lodge, then taking a stroll through the even more mosquito-infested forest (with the added bonus of possible dismemberment by wildlife), swimming in a leech-infested lake, eating shitty tinned food heated to luke-warm, then listening to some stoned hippy retard sing anti-war songs on a shitty fucking six-string, while sitting around a half-burned-out ``fire'' while our entire wardrobe begins to smell like kippers. yeah. that's a great way to spend a holiday weekend.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:42, 2 replies)

Too many to list
Tony Blair - no not now when everyone hates him but back in 97 when I witnessed his gurning evil face on election night.
Guitar Hero - ersatz musicians too lazy to learn properly.
cocaine - dreadful, dreadful stuff only good for clearing out your bank, making you sweaty and paranoid and giving you nosebleeds.
Cake - why does everyone go batshit mental over cake? Never understood it.
I'll stop there..
(Scary Ghost, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:41, 8 replies)

Any film that involves "The Frat Pack".
Although I have to say I very much enjoyed Old School.

Let me apologise to /qotw for this terrible short answer, although it's just one of those questions that will attract thousands similar!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:40, Reply)

I'm surely not the only one...
Football. Really.

Yes, it's a vaguely interesting game to watch. It's a bit fun to punt a ball around for a bit. I can understand why some people would want to do it well and get paid for it.

But really, look at the ridiculous amount of marketing shite, hype, blather, analysis, sponsorship, and just raping-fans-for-money that's associated with it. Never mind the Lottery being a tax on the stupid, I think the sales crap that accompanies football is more eligible for that title.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:40, 3 replies)

Apple Macs
At the risk of being flamed I have to state that I simply don't understand how Apple computers are better in anyway than PC's or Linux machines other than they cost twice as much. Also Mac users are smug.

Charlie Brooker seems to agree with me:
www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2007/feb/05/comment.media
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:39, 8 replies)

I don't get...
Absinthe - Why not just drink twice as much of something nice?

Scott Mills - there's over an infinity channels of white noise on FM - why 'Go Home With Mills'?

Blondes - (no reason, I just don't)

Shaven havens - Better than a thicket, but surely not as good as a well-maintained ladygarden

I could go on, and might...
(Mumm-ra, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:39, Reply)

Several female celebrities, actresses or whatever.
Scarlett Johannson - don't find her attractive in the slightest.
Pamela Anderson - what is attractive about the artificial look?
Pouting model types in magazines. Give me a normal (naked) woman any day.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:39, 2 replies)

Reeves and Fucking Mortimer and fucking Coldplay
I don't get it. They look funny, they ought to be funny, but they are as funny as placing a random object under an alternative random object. This is not funny. I DON'T FUCKING GET IT and it annoys me that so many pretend to. If you think Vic and Bob are funny, you are pretending because you haven't grown out of sixth form conformity. End. Of. Story.

And Coldplay. "Yellow" is the most hideous, emetic, ear-bleeding dirge to be hawked up and spat out by Satan since the Beatles "Revolution 9". Somebody should have put a stop to them on that evidence alone. And yet millions of mindless idiots still fawn over the emperors new clothes and buy their unimaginatively titled sonic entrails. Damn you.
( The Vomiting Hitchhiker Mephistopheles is such a mouthful in Manhattan, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:38, 6 replies)

Sport- I just don't get it
I'm a bloke and I fucking hate sport. I mean really hate it. And I mean ALL of them. Particularly watching them.

I really don't understand the appeal at all. I know it's a controversial thing, but there it is. I would honestly rather go clothes shopping than go to a sporting event - sorry, ladies, I'm already happily married...

It really amazes me the way that every bloke I meet seems to have at least a nodding acquaintence with at least one sport, and is surprised when I don't. It also ticks me off that I'm regarded as a nerd for having an in depth knowledge of science and IT, but people who are waaaay more (compartively) nerdy than me about the records, facts and figures of clubs and individuals are seen as "a proper bloke", and "he knows his [sport], he does".

Also, the sheer amount of time invested by a lot of people in sport is just unreal. A game of football takes, what, 2 hours if you include half time? 2-3 games a week? That means about 13 solid days of watching football a year. Amazing.

Oh, and also, other stuff I don't get:
-Rolf Harris (nob with a beard)

-Hip-hop (or whatever the young people call it. It's just some bloke shouting about his angry view of the world. I can hear any street-corner nutter doing that)

-Stanley Kubrick / Tarantino. Ooooh, you've directed exceptionally long (Kubrick) / very violent films (Tarantino) - you're obviously a genius....

God, I'm barely getting started....
( DrPrunesquallor is determined to post more as of, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:37, 4 replies)

Squirrels
are shit. Massively overrated. They are rats, and carry the same diseases. Just cos they've got a big fluffy tail doesn't make them any less vermin, but everone goes all soppy and wet. "Oooh! Look at cutsie Mr Squirrel! Ah, he's got a nut!"

I'll give 'em a nut.
(Beelzebub's Ball Bag is pleasuring your wife on, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:37, 2 replies)

Dogs
I mean, what's the fucking point?

An animal selectively bred to levels of amoebic intelligence, whose only function seems to be to fetch sticks and shit everywhere.

Why? I don't need any sticks. I'm ok for slobber, thanks. And I've just had my carpets cleaned.
( rofl harris, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:35, 4 replies)

Curb your enthusiasm
Obnoxious old guy makes fool of himself, tries to cover it up, makes more of a fool of himself.

Repeat ad nauseum, without any actual humour being involved.
( chenobble rocking his explorer beard on, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:32, 7 replies)

Captain Scarlet
He's indestructible. So, why is it supposed to be suspenseful to have a building colapse on top of him with all his colleagues shitting their marionette pants about it. He's indestructible. Of course he's going to survive!
( Joliet, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:31, 2 replies)

Episodic TV
The Wire, Lost, Heroes, Battlestar Galactica, soaps; the list goes on of things I haven't watched. I just can't be arsed really.

Give me something I can drop in on anytime; you and your overarching storylines can bugger off.
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:29, 16 replies)

Crocs
(The footwear variety)
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 15:28, Reply)