Hm...
Them lot next door. They're cunts.

And that lot across the street...cunts.

That asian couple down the road from me...cunts.

that bloke at number 23...complete cunt.

That chav who's always riding his shitty moped up and down the street til midnight...cunt.

His mum...more cunty than him.



I hate Manchester...
(Snailfighter Mk VIII MASTER of the bits underneath the ledges on fences, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 21:46, Reply)

A little warning for you all...
If a council sends you a letter, say a letter telling you that you need to pay them Council Tax urgently or else the bailiffs will come round, then as long as they can prove they sent it, you are officially deemed to have received it. No matter that the Royal Mail lost the letter in transit and you never saw it - if the council put it in a postbox, you officially got it, read it and understood it. You can probably imagine the extent to which this rule can land you and me in the shit.

My advice: challenge them for the proof. They almost certainly won't have any genuine proof other than something internal saying you should get a letter.

Thanks to Bath & Nort East Somerset Council for the valuable lesson in how we little people are all screwed.
( Olembe Refuses to write in this space, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 21:38, Reply)

Not funny but true
I am a student living on my own and hence legally exempt from Council Tax. When I first moved up to Derby the retards at my letting agency told the Council I was living at a different address to where I actually was. The Council kept sending me Council Tax bills there even though I was also registered exempt at my real address. Whoever the fucker living at the 'wrong' address was, they didn't put the letters back in the post box but rather ate them or something, because the Council never received them back. The first I knew of all this was when I moved again and re-registered, and got a letter from the Council telling me they'd taken a court judgement in my absence and would come to take my stuff if I didn't pay up.

I told them to go fuck themselves in a lengthy letter and pointed out that their system has got to be pretty fucking retarded not to spot that they had me registered at two addresses in the same street at the same time, somehow as a student at one and a taxpayer at the other. They said they couldn't keep much information on their database because there are so many people. Perhaps they are still using Access 95?

I used to work for councils and I was a fucking legend by the way. I always answered complaint letters the same day and fought for the little man, etc. Unlike some of my punters from those days, I don't complain without good reason and to be fair to them, Derby City are normally not shit.
(DoctorJ last upset some twat who doesn't like swearing on, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 21:32, Reply)

Carnsel
I used to work for the local council. I had seven bosses above me, who gave me different orders (depending on whether they attended the same meeting that day (with a selection of sandwiches, etc), who in turn had three bosses above them, who were governed by one boss, who was eventually bossed by director (who I assume was directed by a chairman or something). I was part of a team of three people. It took seven people to manage us. The work just about got done, purely because 50% of it was eventually thrown out, because it didn't fit in with the council's new restructuring of their new quarterly plans, and because we found we were moved about to other jobs doing other work as part of some crazy induction and to get us to mix with our colleagues, and when we finally got paid, we found we hadn't actually been paid because the process of payment from an unofficial source (ie. not for the job we usually do), had to be OKAY'd (which was in a queue), and when it was OKAY'd, it went into another queue to be processed.
There should be 50% less of civil servants, and 10% of the current number of people working in middle management. When there is such a massive hierarchy of orders being passed around, it is easy for the elbow to not know what the arse is doing.
Oh, and a mate got paid 6 grand on top of a month's pay because she had to do extra hours of NOTHING because of Health & Safety, which had to have a 24hour security guard present.

You have not seen wastage until you have worked for a Local Authority. I happily left, though feeling a bit disgusted.
And 'the computer age' has not got rid of much paper, at it's gone and emulated paper tenfold.
(Nibi, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 20:54, Reply)

I have that record
It's bouncy.
Hackney Cow...
Hackney Cow...
Hackney Cow...
Hackney Cow...
Hackney Cow...
Hackney Cow...
Hackney Council are a bunch of cunts
(Rich Chestmat, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 20:32, Reply)

BT back in the day
When it was still British Telecom, or before that the good old GPO (showing my age there), my dad worked for them. Retired about 7 years ago after nearly 40 years service through thick and thin (although he was a union rep and led a strike in our area back in the late 80's/early 90's). I digress. My old man worked for BT back in a time when they actually provided a good service, everyone had a nice working phone and if there was a cable breakdown anywhere, they'd be up to all hours fixing it. FFWD to the present day. My old dad is needing a new line into the flat as the old one is constantly breaking and hasn't been replaced - same for the neighbours. Pater would rather have done this himself and is grumbling about it but lets go and allows them to do the job. So BT engineer shows up (for BT engineer read teenage spotty oik) and proceeds to start ripping cables/junction boxes out and making a hell of a mess. He goes outside to seek the main junction box for the building and starts farting around in there. After several hours, Dad goes outside to see whats happening. Finds oik in the cab of his van on the phone. Oik is basically asking how to do the job he has been sent out to do. Dad nearly faints with rage. Dad bollocks teenage phone guy and pretty much drags the guy back to the junction box and does the job himself - incandescent with the fury (his natural state) - while BT kid is stood watching him, and there's me stood at the back watching both with great mirth. FFWD again some weeks and Dad then recieves a bill for the new line. Pa has a "chat" with an old colleague about what has happened, dropping engineers name into the conversation. Bill is quashed, engineer reprimanded, BT made to look like fucking twats, and everyone in the bulding has a nice working phone.

It was never like that in the pre-privatised days you know.
( Normanator Bad case of trapped wind since, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 19:57, Reply)

My Gran
Lived in Blackwell, Derbyshire in an old folks bungalow. She lived alone and produced virtually no waste - over a week maybe one carrier bags worth at most.
One day she called the council up and complained that her bin had not been emptied that week. Council very apologetic and send out a rubbish truck to empty just her bin. Binmen open up the bin and see 1 (ONE) carrier bag of rubbish in it - yup, the old trout had got (at huge expense no doubt ) a bin lorry out for 1 carrier bag.

Im Wyre Forest and they seem pretty OK TBH.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 18:53, Reply)

BT
In my line of work I encounter BT engineers on a regular basis.

Shoddy
Haphazzard
Incompetent
Terribe at fault finding/attending faults

You know what BT stands for?

Bloody Typical

Thanks

*EDIT/Disclaimer*
I happen to friends with a few of them and there okay...There not all bad. Like all big companies middle managment bureaucracy IS to blame.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 18:53, Reply)

Redditch
...now that is a twat of a town.
For having one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the UK (this mainly being due to n area called Batchely which is also one of the top deprived area in the the UK)they are now closing down the A&E department and also the maternity, not the brightest ideas they've had. So now the drunkards and those up the duff have to go the Worcester to be sorted. My mother happens to be a midwife there (also a reason why I'm not planning on children - far too many horror stories) so woo out of a job.
Our MP is ofcourse Jacqui Smith and the new Home Sec. and she has been against the closing...but now in a position of more importance she better fecking pull her finger out. I'd like my mother to keep her job and I'd also like somewhere to go when I injure myself drunkenly
(bryony*niamh kneecaps exist to be hit with clawhammers., Sat 28 Jul 2007, 18:17, Reply)

Rubbish
Before I defected to the land of milk and cookies on the other side of that big blue thing on the map, I had the delightful pleasure of living under the watchful eye of Islington Borough Council. North London in general, but particularly Islington, is home to a right bunch of sanctimonious grow-your-own sanitary towel types who sit around discussing how little Tarquin isn’t going to have his MMR jab as it might turn him into a special needs child and how we’re all going to be poisoned by wi-fi. Suffice to say, greeny-ness is pretty high on the council’s agenda.
Now before I get gazzed into oblivion by people telling me that it’s attitudes like this that are causing the destruction of our beautiful earth etc etc etc, let me just clarify; I don’t go round clubbing seals, I don’t sit round of a weekend burning volatile plastics and taking needless cheap flights. Hell, I don’t even own a car. While I doubt my gene pool will ever be around long enough for my children or my children’s children (note to environmental campaigners, “children’s children”? Most people call them “grandchildren.” But as ever, I digress…) to notice the polar ice caps disappear faster that the ice in my vodka tonic, I do agree that a degree of consideration about how we treat the planet is warranted.

Which is why when I moved into my new flat, I rang Islington Council and asked for a recycling box. I’d seen them on the street, so I figured I’d get one too. “No problem,” the lady told me. “We use bags in your area, you should get one in 10 working days.” So I waited. I gave them a month as I figured, it’s the council, they take their time about these things. A month later I call back. “Sorry, we appear to have lost your enquiry, one will be sent to you in 10 working days. “ So I wait. A month later, nada. I browse the website, which tells you in glorious detail about the recycling projects they run in the area, how many collection points they have for bottles, how they even have a wormery so if you compost stuff but don’t have a garden your food waste can be put to good use. Meanwhile I’m chucking away area the size of Wales (the standard unit of measurement for such things) worth of paper every week. I call back and a lady kindly informs me “we don’t actually recycle in your street.” “You do,” I reasoned back, “I’ve seen the boxes outside.” “No, no, there’s no recycling on your street.” “There is, you know.” And so forth until I’d chewed through the phone cord and had lie down in dark room with a cup of Complan and a flannel on my head.

But never say “Islington council are a bunch of useless cunts”, no, not till you’ve tried again. This time to be told that they did indeed service apartment blocks 1-55, but as I lived in block 56 I was unable to access recycling facilities. “Why?” I asked. “Well, we only go up as far as block 55.” “But that’s next door.” “Yes, but you’re not on the route, we stop at 55.” “But it’s 2 feet away. 2 FEET. Can you not extend the route, it’s not like I’m asking you to scale the north face of the Eiger to get to my block. Give me a recycling bag, I’ll leave it outside block 55.” “Only residents on the route are entitled to recycling bags.” “Well extend the route.” “I’m not authorised.” “Tell me who is and I’ll call them.” “I can’t give out that information.”

Then I remembered something my mum once said. Don’t get mad, go public.

“Right well thank you for your help, I’m sure the Evening Standard (*) will be fascinated to learn how Islington Council consider themselves to be greener than thou and all about saving the planet yet can’t be bothered to get off their arses to add one block of flats onto an existing recycling route. And yes I have made a note of the names of everyone I’ve spoken to and yes I will be cc-ing your superiors once I find out who they are, which, rest assured, I will.”

We had a recycling bag 24 hours later.

(*) For those not resident in that London the Evening Standard is the perfect vehicle for this sort of petty threat. The Standard can be guaranteed to take a perfectly innocuous story on a given day and turn it into the coming of Armageddon. For example, a tube train got stuck in summer in a tunnel. It was quite busy and warm. People were uncomfortable. The headline in the Standard? “900 commuters trapped in death tube.”
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 17:42, Reply)

Traffic warden story
Left my motorbike on a single yellow to nip to the cash machine. I knew I wasn't supposed to (wrong day and time), but other cars were there so I figured I wasn't going to make the obstruction any worse and I'd only be away a few minutes anyway. Got back from cash machine to find traffic warden filling out a ticket. "Bugger," thinks I, "but I suppose it's a fair cop as I knew what I was doing."
The warden proceeds to address me as a schoolteacher would talk to a naughty child. He actually seemed pretty pissed off at me, although I hadn't said anything. Maybe he was expecting a confrontation and was getting his retaliation in first. I had been all ready to take the ticket on the chin as it were, but since he was getting arsey I decided to fight my corner.
I pointed out that the sign that specified the parking restrictions was bent and not actually visible from the road. This was technically true, though anyone with any common sense would have known what it was and checked it to see when they could legally park there. Hell, I had (though I wasn't going to tell him that). He looked at the sign, looked at me and said "I'm letting you off this time but you've been very lucky", before proceeding to ticket the other cars.
In retrospect, if he was right to ticket the other cars, he should have done the same to me, and if he was right to let me off, likewise for the other cars. Anyway, I got off, thus dispelling all my prejudices about traffic wardens.
(lolwhites, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 17:30, Reply)

Imigration solution
Local councils should do this: If you want to live here because your village is being raped, then spend a year on a giant treadmill/turbine/generator. Thus saving the planet and earning the respect you crave from us natives.
(SPLUFFMYPANTS, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 16:47, Reply)

Coventry City Council
Employ bloke to take minutes at meetings. Fine. Bloke is blind. OK - lets spend 30 grand plus on special computers and software and training so we look good by employing blinky. Blind bloke leaves two weeks after completing training. New chap starts. Has vision. Buy him a pen. Sorted.
(SPLUFFMYPANTS, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 16:44, Reply)

NoncecaseTwats Limited
or NTL... utter utter cunts. Cancelled my cable in July cos I was getting Sky. They billed be up until November. After many hours on the phone and them telling me its all sorted they send the bailifs round. They ask me what company I owed the money to (as they dont have this info, the debt is sold on i suspect) I told them NTL - the bloke swore and crossed it out, and fucked off, never heard from them since. Wankers.
(SPLUFFMYPANTS, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 16:29, Reply)

BT... Wankers... part twelve billion
i worked for the bloody company in a call centre and lets just say i had an inkling that all they gave a monkeys about was sales and kissing the arses of their business customers. then just over a month ago i had to set up a line as the polish housemates had left taking the router with them

set up the line no probs, date was set for the installation only to be told that as the line was with another provider (probably owned by bt openreach their "non competition" company) I'd have to pay the full installation charge of £124.99 along with the good old line rental... and of course the line was only for broadband.

so line gets set up, engineer turns up late and its all fine and dandy, i try to set up broadband (i get it with my colourful phone contract free or stupidly cheap) and get told bt havent' finished working on the line and closing the order, cue a phonecall to bt including 20 mins on hold then being hung up on several times and trying to steer the stress busting automated service to something other than a sales channel who say it'll be done tonight, more work is getting sorted it'll be done by monday. Two days later the whole thing is deader than a dead thing. Cue another call to BT, this time i get told firstly to remove the front of the phone line box and plug a phone in there, then told to use another phone... as the house is toolkit free, i use a knife to check, absolutely dead line. I get frustrated at the line test twat on the line who gets more condescending by the min. I hang up, call again in 5 mins, get told that yes there is an apparent fault, but if there isnt really they'll charge 99.99 for each subsequent visit. I get annoyed, tell them the line is only for my free broadband package and would have stayed with other provider if it wasnt a requirement to have a bt line. two days pass, engineer comes round at dawns crack and he jocularly says actually he's just done a full installation and the line hadnt been there in the first place. am awaiting the quarterly bill now... going to go postal if it has any additional charges on it.

And as for canterbuggery city council... gah. fortnightly rubbish collections and woe betide anyone who actually leaves the bin lid slightly ajar...
(ameythyst_rune, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 15:56, Reply)

ahhh Barrow....
i'm from down the valley (centre of inbred moron wifeswapping, coniston) and for god knows what reason i want to get back there (canoeing/forest/mountains etc) but can i get a house? not a chance. unless of course i'm a pregnant teenager in glue withdrawl. and you know why? because one they'd sold all the council houses off, the locals sold them off for vast sums, and now complain the next generation are moving away :/ not even the coucils fault...

actually fuck it, i'm staying here in good old hippy lancaster, at least they are a good normal corrupt council who will always choose the obviously insane and most costly option :)

like paying large amounts for some nutter to plant trees upside down on purpose. yes. really....
(DreddPirateBob has watched every scifi film ever on, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 13:50, Reply)

Humpty
That actually sounds pretty fair 40% tax but no council tax etc. Might have to look into emigrating to sweden :D

As for my own story, well as others haven't stuck to councils, neither will I. This is another one about NTL.
Way back in the days of dial up, if you weren't in a cabled area, you could get a little box from NTL, this would then route calls through their network (though all it really did was add some number prefix onto whatever you dialed) so that NTL could charge you instead of BT. I only got this of course as it was a condition of having NTL as an ISP, that way I didn't pay per minute for my dial up access. Anyway 3 months after I signed up, I still hadn't recieved a 'monthly bill' so I rang them up as, while I could save the cash (and did) I would much ratehr recieve said monthly bill rather than have a hefty bill 6 months or so down the line. I can't remember the exact conversation, but I was told basically not to worry they'd sort it out.
Another 2 months went by, no bill. Another phone call with the same result.
After a couple more months I had to phone again, and STILL no bill. This was getting ridiculous. Finally a letter arrived from NTL.
This was a very stern letter saying something along the lines of:

Dear Sir,
Due to lack of payment for your service, we will be cutting you off as of (date here) and you need to pay up NOW, or we'll be taking you to court.

Regards,

Cretins of NTL

I was quite annoyed over this especially when you consider all the calls I'd made about this.

So I rang them up, and gave the ever so polite operator some abuse on the phone (sorry if this was you, I was annoyed!)
He passed me on to a supervisor, who again had to listen to me rant about how useless NTL were, and they can;t cut me off because i am cancelling my service myself NOW, 3 weeks before their date.
Oh and send me a final bill so I can pay you and get the hell of this POS service.

Upshot is he apologised for the letter and said he'd get my service cancelled for me and have a word with billing.

The service was cancelled the next day.

2 weeks later, true to his word, I recieved another letter (with a bill..for HALF the amount I reckon I owed) the letter was again apologetic, and said they'd only charged half 'for all the distress they may have caused'
Result.

So okay, good ending, sorta, but what a way to run a bleedin' business eh?
(asmodean had too much christmas spirit on.., Sat 28 Jul 2007, 12:08, Reply)

Well
my local council (Westminster) are so shit that several of them ended up in jail over various gerrymandering and fraud charges a few years back.

My own worst run-in with them was when one of my bins went unemptied for the entire month of July 200@. I rang them up about it and eventually they sent someone round to look. He refused to believe that such a thing could have happened until I ripped open the bin-bag and showed him a five-weeks-out-of-date milk carton. Eventually he apologised and explained that - and I swear this is true - the binmen might not have looked in the bin to see if there was anything in it. Which I would have thought was thing fucking one about being a binman, you look in bins to see if there's anything needs taking away. But what do I know?
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Sat 28 Jul 2007, 11:52, Reply)

For all those moaning about tax:
In Poland, no matter what you earn, your employer has to pay 50% of it again as a tax payment to the government, plus your own income is taxed up to 40% (if you earn the massive amount of 1000 pounds* a month or more.) So if you earn 1000, your boss has to pay another 500, and you have to pay 400, so out of a total of 1500notes, you take home 600 quid. Phwoar, what an incentive to put all those hours in, eh? Plus 200 quid a month for the mandatory NHS service and pension schemes, council tax on top of that, and having-a-car-stereo tax. Now bare in mind that the average Pole only earns 500 quid a month to START with, it means one usually ends up with about 20p to spend on your nearest and dearest at Christmastime.

So stop bloody whinging, the lot of you.

_{*currency changed to protect the innocent. It's the numbers that are criminal.}
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 10:53, Reply)

Road signage!
I'm from Hull (don't judge me), and many of the streets there have been designated as "play streets", that is to say between 8am and sundown they are closed to all traffic except for access. This is a wonderful idea or so you would think, but the lovely and not at all gimp like folk of the local council have erected many of the signs informing motorists of this half way down the bloody streets so you can't see them from the main roads. And to make matters worse, turning round is difficult as these streets are narrow and one way leading to many altercations with irate taxi drivers.

Length? Most are far longer than they need to be.
Depth? 2 or 3 feet underwater in places last month.
(Spiked_Rycroft The Prodigal Son, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 10:24, Reply)

angry manxman / ApeLoverage
I pay 40% Tax (full stop)

No housing or council tax.. just 40% of my wage, and they don't shaft me for anything else...

Is acceptable no?... Oh.. and I earn less than my UK couterparts.

EDIT: The best bit is that it's your employer's responsibility to pay your tax: it comes direct off your pay, and is all noted. Your employer files it with the tax people, and usually you end up getting a hundred quid back at the end of the year because they skimmed too much.

Never do Swedes get a "bill" for tax... :o)

The tax-forms are pre-filled in and sent to you to check, and you can confirm they're correct with a text message: sorted.

However.. earnings off selling houses etc you must deal with yourself.. though that's usually a case of ticking a few boxes online.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Sat 28 Jul 2007, 10:18, Reply)

I once sat in a meeting for a parish council
I was asked to keep the minutes. The discussed various issues for 4 hours! Afterwards only one thing was decided, where to have the next meeting.

Aparantly that was the standard . . .
(i_am_man, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 9:36, Reply)

9 years wait if I apply for a council house now
If I was a heroin addict/alcoholic/immigrant/single 16 year old mother/suicide bomber with extended family, I would get one in six weeks
And people wonder why the fuck I'm angry.
( Hankster, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 9:28, Reply)

English - American Translation Note
Council = Local Government
Council Housing = low income housing.
Property taxes work differently in TUKOGBANI they are paid by the occupier.
(PatronSaintOfPancakeBreakfasts, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 5:03, Reply)

I'm confused or stupid.
Is council housing the same as what we in the US call low income housing/projects run by local government? If you pay rent, why the hell do you pay taxes?

The rules and regulations for council housing has me confused.

In my opinion, both the US and Britain have gone down the shitter in the last 25 years. With it getting especially worse in the last ten. Monkeys at the top shitting on the rest.

A Disillusioned Cousin in Michigan
(barrycounty, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 4:11, Reply)

Sorry to get all serious
but the reason that councils in England are so shite is that they get about 80% of their money from central government. Their main concern is keeping Whitehall bureaucrats happy so their supply of money is not threatened. They don't give a toss about the voters and residents.

Anyway, my personal hellish experience concerned Liverpool council and confusion over the numbering of the flat we lived in. We were told that we had to pay for our council tax and the neighbours' - even though the neighbour was already paying. This got to the summons stage before we happened to meet somebody socially who worked for the council and got it put right.

Shortly afterwards I left the country.
(PatronSaintOfPancakeBreakfasts, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 3:10, Reply)

angrymanxman
but Swedes earn more as well don't they?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 3:08, Reply)

Humpty....
Regular buses are all very well - but you start your story with "I pay 40% income tax". I think I'd rather stick with the 22% here and have crap services any day.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 3:05, Reply)

Swan District Council, WA, Australia
After leaving the joys of Croyden and Surrey Council jobsworths, let me regale you with life on the Swan..

Keep ringing the central number, with being new to the country and not always knowing who to speak to. If they can help first, they do, if not, you get put straight though to who you need.

If they're out, just leave a message, and they call you back.

When I asked for some planning docs - the response "No problem, a flat fee admin charge is required, so why don't we send you everything we have on your house so you won't need to pay for it if you need anything else." Done the same day - Oh and they sent it to me in A3 paper form, and emailed as a PDF so that I could pass a copy on to the builder without any hassle.

Two free "Green Waste" collections from your kerb per year, and one "Household Waste", in addition to the weekly rubbish collection, and two weekly Recycling collection.

Fantastic council website, full of info, and good search facility.

Sorry, not so much bragging as trying to cheer this slightly dismal QOTW up.

PS Much as I admire Rachelswipe, I'm not voting for anyone who wants to control how much sex I have!
(BeatsWork, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 2:33, Reply)

Fornightly refuse collections
are actually a pretty good idea when you stop reading the Daily Mail and engage your brain instead.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 2:00, Reply)