Nearly 2 years ago
I came across this site called 4lph4 or z3toid or something like that...anyway they were offering first places (I think they called them "FPs"...clever huh) for funny pictures. It seemed like a bit of a laugh and to be honest to begin with it was.
Admittedly, people were a little bit strange to begin with. It was all the new words like wee and hay and stuff (I don't like to think about side of it much). Apparently I was a knobby and hid alot...but that was ok because my picture could be seen and I was nice to other knobbys and was a bit hairy.
Anyway back to the prize thing...these FPs cool eh :) well they're a bit addictive you get one and you think well that's nice I'll try another, but the thing is you can't. It's up to somebody else, how fair is that eh? I was told it's some computer people who want to bring down our society by stopping proper work and stuff (probably muslims). Anyway sorry to be so long just thought I'd let you know and if you want to message me that's cool.
( Attila the Bun is not in a right cunt of a mood, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 2:34, Reply)

Tickets of DOOM.
On a school raffle day (We would get tickets to a concert, usually utterly crappy classical music or a children's choir) there was an unusually low turnout ( Or, not,) and only two people entered! And one of them was the teacher!
The other was me.
It was to a band that I really, really, really, outrageously liked at the time (And still do) so I was completely psyched about being able to go see it, finding a ride, saving up cash for a tee shirt... and I won.
But they neglected to tell us they were two tickets for people over 21. I was weeping the whole way home.

(BTW, I was 11 at the time. Go figure. And the lead singer was hot. Stupid music teacher.)
(ZooLurker is an angry chick with a mullet!, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 2:08, Reply)

Lousy Christmas...
Every year the local Fish and Game club would hold a Christmas draw for all the members kiddies. First prize was a fancy electric train set. We all got entered, and I won... a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles travel mug. Hooray! (the show had been off the air for about 3 years so I'm not sure where they dug this joy up). And the worst bit? My little brother won the bloody train. Bastard.
(Savitar, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 1:46, Reply)

I didnt win, but I still got it!
My mate's mum owned and ran a restaurant called "The Coach House". Greek place - plate smashing, belly dancing, the works.
My mum used to work there, and I would usually go with her to hang about with my mate.

Anyway, one day I turned up, to see a MASSIVE easter egg in the front entrance. It must have been about 4 foot tall.

Turn out it was a raffle, tickets were £5 each.

Me being about 11-12, didnt have that cash, and so just sat there drooling at it.

The day wound down, the place closed, and everything was being tidied up.

A shout from downstairs was heard "Do you want this thing or not?"
Peering down the stairs we see my mate's mum leaning on the easter egg.

Turns out she had kepts the "winning" ticket aside, so nobody would ever win, and had already known we would end up scoffing it.

This thing was about 2 inches thick of lovely chocolate. We managed to get through the whole thing in 1 sitting (2 12 year olds)

I think the biggest accomplishment was not being sick.
( OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 1:08, Reply)

Unbelievable crap...
I have won some stuff in my time... the soundtrack to "My Girl", which to be fair had some decent music on it, and some kind of adventure game went with it. I won it from Radio 5, back when they still had a children's programme (1992), and my Dad was producing the AM Alternative... memories. Nepotism? Perhaps, after all he did tell me the answer to the question. Then there was the Pudsie teddy bear I won at a competition from the local library, and then that was it for my childhood and teenage years where I underwent a complete drought of not winning anything. Then last Christmas I won a packet of toffies, which sorted out my munchies. All small stuff, but looking back was probably all a bit naff to be fair.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 6 Aug 2005, 0:10, Reply)

not bad
i won VIP tickets for this weekend WSB at Brands Hatch, you may think that is great but no
They are not as good as last years VIP tickets which i also won.With these i was allowed to walk around the paddock, looking at bikes brolly dollies and riders, it also allowed me onto the grid. This weekend i just get some grub beer and tickets for free

(i have also won tickets for racing about 16 times in my 22 years of watching)
(funkie, Sat 6 Aug 2005, 0:08, Reply)

at the fair
I was somewhere between 10 and 12 years old when I won a game at the fair by smashing cans on a wall with a ball. I was handed aproximately five large orange and black feathers, on a leather string with a clip on the end. I had no idea what it was for...that day my mom tought me about the purpose of a roach clip.
(Dauber, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 22:58, Reply)

Mini Eggs..
My grandparents entered me into a 'mini eggs' competition without me knowing.
So one day i get a huge box in the post, only to find a massive stuffed toy of the 'mini eggs' bird.

I was quite literally too scared to sleep for about a week after that, for fear of being attacked by the bird toy (i was only 7..).
(I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 22:11, Reply)

My wife
I won her down on some crappy local carnival (it was her or a goldfish). Not only can she not cook, clean, eat cheese or prepare any food - she's also fictional.

Beggar...
( bloojam Is back(ish) in bl3ck, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 21:06, Reply)

A six year old winning a bootle of wine
I once won a bottle of wine at the reverend's fete in 1978. I was six so I spent the rest of my money on a single wedding cake stand (one silver plastic column that supports one tier of wedding above another) because it might go with my Lego. It didn't. Would've been worth at least a pint.
(jdenyer, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 20:40, Reply)

Yeah...
I won some inflatablt cell phone looking thing at a carnival. I wasn't too thrilled. Later, my cat went psycho and attacked it, rendering the thing even more useless.
(pk, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 20:18, Reply)

I've won...
A set of tea towels

some reels of red cotton

a bag of crisps
(Ruthyruth, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 19:12, Reply)

"It looks like Tampax"
I've previously mentioned that I lived in France for several years while I was growing up. Kind friends in the UK used to send me copies of trendy teen magazines for me to read, and I went through a phase of sending off postcards for every free prize draw that was mentioned. However, living in France meant that, under the terms and conditions of most of the competitions, I was not eligible to enter. So I would put my Gran's address instead, thus pretending that I was a UK resident.

One summer, I saw every teenage girls dream prize: a rucksack full of beauty products, from a hairdryer to make-up and everything in between. I knew it had to be mine. So I decided to send off 20 postcards into the draw.

The following week, I saw the same prize in another magazine! What were the odds?! So I sent off another 10 cards in hope.

Then promptly forgot all about it.

Several months later, my Gran phoned my Mum, to tell her that "lots of packages" had arrived for me, and that "it looks like Tampax".

Yes, the promotion had been run by the UK's friendly fanny-pad manufacturer, and every entrant got a free sample. So sue me for not reading the small print.

It was a bugger getting the things over to France, but when they arrived their uses were endless (missiles fired from a blowpipe, dipped in paint and used to decorate the art room at school, they would get hidden in schoolbags and bedrooms of every male friend and relative we knew. oh how we laughed).

F x
(Flurble - The Innocent One, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 18:17, Reply)

Crappy prizes
I entered a competition to win a week in Tuscany. You had to submit a vegetarian recipe.
All I won was a crumby vegetarian cookbook. Rubbish.
I love bacon.
(Kit-Koo, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 18:05, Reply)

a really crappy prize
I was five and had made a pig out of potatoes and match sticks. A proud moment for me as I had no help from my parents.

I won a 1000 piece jigaw of a picturesque street in a town somewhere in Switzerland.

I rarely win anything now and put it down to the fact I peaked at such an early age.
(Enzy_Chick, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 18:05, Reply)

When I was 5
I won a competition run by my primary school to design a poster to advertise the upcoming school summer fete. When the day came, I had to give up my place in the bouncy castle queue to walk up and accept my prize from the Welsh First Minister (then Mayor of Cardiff), Rhodri Morgan. The winners of the 2nd and 3rd prizes has walked back with shiny new cameras in their hands, so I assumed the prize for 1st place would either be the same or something even better. It was keyring. A keyring advertising the Prudential. But it did come in a nice black velvety case.
(The Potato Monkey, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 18:03, Reply)

I dont think im a dog but....
I once won an andrex puppy from a competition on the back of the packet. You had to guess where the puppy would hide his bone. So....putting myself in his paws...i thought the sandpit. I was right!

I also won 2 tickets to Dreamscape some years back, at Bath and West Showground. Great nite.

....i wonder if the special ingredients consumed that evening contributed to my ability to win the andrex puppy....answers on the back of a square of tissue paper please.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Fri 5 Aug 2005, 18:01, Reply)

My dad won a prize on the tombola at the village fete
A can of spaghetti hoops.

Tesco Value spaghetti hoops.

From a multipack.

The funny thing is, spaghetti hoops are the only thing in the world my dad won't eat.

He sticks to the coconut shy these days.
(Pachey, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 17:24, Reply)

I didn't even take the prize.
Back in primary school I paid for a raffle ticket for a table full of prizes in front of me, no doubt wanting to win any number of other prizes I thought cool.

I won a freaky female doll, so I didn't even take the prize, and they swapped the number on it.
(FortyFour, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 17:00, Reply)

Throbbe
(sorry, I am breaking my own rules by replying on the wrong board...)

One of my best friends is the male artistic roller skating champion of Great Britain.

That is a LOT of satin trousers.
( kikilookeylikey, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 16:59, Reply)

steeevc
There isn't much to do in Cherbourg even if it isn't a Sunday. It was our stop-off when I was one of the volunteer crew members on a tallship. Various delights of Cherbourg were:

Our mates walking on the grass, and then nearly getting beaten to death by the police for doing so (why?!? no idea)

Looking at all the big pretty gun-metal grey naval ships...ooooh!

The pub

Running away from the pub because there are too many drunken brits

Finding a kebab shop (only other place that was open at the time of night/early morning) and talking to the illegal turkish immigrants who owned it about the troubles of learning French

Running away from the kebab shop because all the other drunken brits had found it

I also found some posters organising a trade union strike by someone or other, thought about nicking some, but needed to get back to the ship. I had the night of my life coming back though, we had to sail through a force 11 gale, but thent hat's another story, and had sod all to do with bloody Cherbourg
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 16:20, Reply)

Talkin of
big purple rabbits...my one i keep at home is soo much more fun.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Fri 5 Aug 2005, 16:19, Reply)

Always the way...
We were in a quiz nite thing (orgazined through a local job agency) which always has a raffle. Anyway, loads of great prizes and a free bar...but thats a different story. Anyway in true style, we didnt get our number drawn till near the end. And obviously, by then its the crap prizes left. So we ended up with a big purple rabbit. Great. We made up for it tho by winning the wooden spoon at the end of the quiz!!

I wont mention about our one of our managers who won 2 raffle prizes and proceeded to take back the two bottles of wines our teams/office had donated to go back into the board room from whence they came.
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Fri 5 Aug 2005, 16:18, Reply)

half a crap prize
I once bought some raffle tickets for something or other and one of the prizes was half a ham.

Eh?

Half a ham?

That's right.

You read that correctly.

Who the hell wants to win half a ham?

And can you actually have half a ham.

Surely when you cut the ham in half it becomes two hams?

Now, winning a whole ham would be a completely different ball game...
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 16:09, Reply)

Crappy Prizes
The worst prize I ever won, was tickets to see the Krankees live at Worthing Pavillion.
(thx1138, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 16:07, Reply)

crappy prizes
I won a pair of The Damned's Final Damnation green day-glo skate shorts when I was 15.......I WAS A GOTH.
click
I also got the CD, which was very useful.
( Sam, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 16:01, Reply)

magictorch, I understand your code
Crappest rowing prize I never won was a wooden 'spoon' for coming last in the Thames Head Race.

Several years ago I had the dubious pleasure of being in a Senior 4 eights crew that came last in the Thames head of the river race. We were 417th. There were something like 438 crews in the race but ours was the slowest of all those that actually finished. We were even overtaken by a boat that had earlier hit the bank and sank. We were utterly rubbish. Eight overweight, sweaty, wheezing losers.

One of the crew was an asthmatic who made the most appalling noises through the entire race. When it was all over the cox asked him "What was all that noise, were you having an asthma attack or something?"

"No" he answered, "I only get those if I over exert myself"

NB The Head of the River Race is the same distance as the University Boat Race, rowed over the same course (but in the opposite direction) and is between 19-22 minutes of sheer hell. The whole point of the race is to over exert yourself. In our case it was nearer 30 minutes of sheer hell.

We were going to make a booby prize for ourselves out of an old blade and put all of our names on it but, as with our training for the race, no-one could be arsed.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 5 Aug 2005, 15:56, Reply)

A bloody magnet!!!!
When I was a wee lad, fancy dress parties were all the rage. (I won prizes dressed as the milky bar kid!)

One year my primary school decided to join in. The theme (somewhat bizarrely...) was 'What were you doing when the ship went down'. You could never do that now as I guess kids are a bit more 'advanced' in their thinking.

I decided to dress up as a waiter, complete with little dicky bow and a tray with fake glasses of wine stuck to it. I also made a sign saying 'Have a drink before you sink!' which to a 9 year old was very funny. I even practised falling over as the ship sunk. Everyone loved my costume and I won a prize! I stepped forward to get my award and was handed a small wrapped gift. What could it be? I opened the box and found.....



A magnet.


The numpties for all my hard work had given me a bloody magnet.

The bloke who won dressed as a clown - what was he doing on the sodding ship anyway?

(apologies for flux line length)
(FiatPanda, Fri 5 Aug 2005, 15:13, Reply)