Easy one this week!
Sorry if I told anyone this story before I think I posted it about a year or so ago.

Ok, I'm 15, slightly overweight but fairly popular none the less. I'd been going out with this girl sarah for a month then (pretty damn serious for a 15 year old) and man was she fit as a butcher's dog! Everyone fancied her, and I still to this day wouldnt even think of saying no, infact I believe shes going into modelling and so fourth at the moment.
We went out as we usually did, to the shopping centre, me dressed in my hoodie and her in not very much at all, went to see "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" I think. About 3 in the afternoon - i remember it specifically - I decided I needed a crap, so I left Sarah standing outside while I went to curl a winner :o)
Now I dont know if anyone has ever done this, but I experienced an accident which Is commonly known as giving yourself "brass rubbings": yes, I had done the unthinkable and accidentaly wiped my arse on my favorite T-Shirt.

I stashed the t-shirt and put on my hoodie then swiftly went out to meet Sarah. It was fucking hot that day too, so I did not want to be in a hoodie. After a while my BO was getting bad. I decided to cut my losses and I told her I was going home, and for one reason or another I broke up with her very soon after. To this day I always make a huge effort to pull my top tight when wiping my arse :oD

Beat that. No really, It would help my self confidence...
( Grundlebiscuit, Mon 25 Oct 2004, 1:12, Reply)

this was one of my less successful dates....
My mate at the time had set me up with a "blind date" so he could take his girlfriend out. The blind date was the girlfriend's mate and apparently was "really looking forward to it".
I turned up, not expecting much, but my God - she was hideous! Made Anne Widdecombe look like Rachel Stevens. Undaunted, and buoyed on by the kudos gained by "falling on the grenade", we went into the cinema for our double date to see Pretty Woman. Unfortunatley, I missed out on that fine film, as the bastard Nazi cinema staff decided I didn't look fifteen and couldn't get in.

The looks of pity from the others as they went in without me haunt me to this day. Still, at least I didn't have to entertain the minger.
(Mr.Handsome, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 23:58, Reply)

Not that I'm still bitter or anything...
Breaking my board cherry. Woo.


This was many moons ago at a Sonic Youth gig. Something I had been looking forward to for a very, very long time. Me, my respective other and our friends got lost in the crowd rather frequently for brief times after going to the toilet or bar, but we found each other again relatively easily. At one point, I lose the girlfriend, but don't think it's any big deal since she would be back soon. Her absense turns into ten minutes, then twenty, then the gig is over and it's going-home time. Still no girlfriend. As it would turn out, she met some other guy at the bar and proceeded to hang around with him the rest of the evening before buggering off back to his flat. I get dumped shortly thereafter for "not having enough similar interests". Apparently, if I was a cheating manipulative whore, we would have got on great. Adding insult to injury, I met them at another gig about a year later where I was regaled with the story of how they met as though this was news to me.


I paid for the ticket too. It was not cheap. It irks me to this day.
(the_fracturedpope, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 23:48, Reply)

it seems the entire lesbian population of britain
can be attributed to the members of this board!
( stevierar, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 23:43, Reply)

Teenage Fun...
Not so much a date, but when I was around 14 my friend and his girlfriend wanted to go have a fondle, so we went camping up in the woods - I went with my friend and she brought hers. Naturally my friend and his girl are hoping we'll kop off and we didn't disappoint, however being the shy creatures we were, we went behind a bush. We do a bit of lip locking and she reaches down for the old fella. I happily nod and then go for her top pair only to be pushed back repeatedly while she has her hand in my pants. In the end I got fed up and went home, prompting a wide-scale search by my friends.

Later on she declared me 'average' and became a lesbian. Gutted.
( Jalu, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 23:39, Reply)

I don't think it was really my fault...
How was I to know that her parents weren't aware of her sexual orientation yet? She certainly didn't seem to hide it with anyone else. I never got past the front door. Other people's parents glaring at you as if you're some sort of demon-spawned succubus is *scary*. I was out of there faster than you could believe.
She never called me back, and I never even got her number.
(BlurOfSerenity, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 22:39, Reply)

also at boarding school.and in year 1.
ok me and the other good kids (me Emma and Karli) got to go rockclimbing for an outing(thanks to me i might add,i was on the student council and i suggested it) and i was loving it! so we get there and emma wants to go climbing but me and karli want to go on the big fuck-off trampoline.so we did.anyway we both fall,we laugh,she kisses me,then she notices i'm in year 1 and she's in year six.she falls off the trampoline and i'm left with emma walking towards me and me being scared shitless.so i purposly fall off the trampoline (emma was a really nice girl) and she runs over to help me up and then it looks like a movie love scene.we stare into each others eyes,and about to kiss,we get broken up by the teacher thinking she just beat the shit out of me.on the bus back to school,she asks me if i want to go to the games room (you can go there if you are good to play pinball!) when we get back and i say yes.long story short,she fell over while we were playing baseketball and says i pushed her.i never had a chance.

edit:forgot to mention Karli's norks.two words,fucking huge.
oh and Whiskas,the banjo string is the frenulum.or the little skin thing that connects your knob end and foreskin.
(That guy with a hat., Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:56, Reply)

A banjo string is...
That tight bit of skin connecting the foreskin to the head of the penis.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:54, Reply)

whiskas,
the little bit of skin between the .. bellend and foreskin.

snap = owowowowo
( stevierar, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:53, Reply)

Banjo String
Very sorry, but what is a "banjo string?"
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:51, Reply)

My Worst Date
There we were, getting all romantic on the sofa. My dress was off to reveal the new undies bought especially for the occasion and he was standing nicely to attention, when the cat decided to use her litter tray and produced an odour that hung around for a couple of hours.

He drooped faster than anything you could immagine and was out of the door in under five seconds.

Suprisingly enough, he did return and I made sure the cat was locked away for the night.
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:47, Reply)

the closest thing i've ever had to a date was
on the minibus on the way back to school at 7:00 at night,we held hands!wow!but she made the whole thing a bit better by groping me on purpose while pretending to close the window.
(That guy with a hat., Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:42, Reply)

My Worst Date
A long time ago I was sitting with a guy in the pub. I knew he did not like smoking but I needed a fag, so when he went to the loo I lit up.

He came back, saw what I was doing and immediately snatched the fag out of my hand and ground it out in the ashtray.

I got out the packet again and lit up a second one to a round of applause from all of the females in the bar.

And do you know the worst part? I actually got engaged to him some time later, although I never got as far as the wedding.
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:36, Reply)

Worst Date Ever
The worst date I ever went on was really depressing. I waited and waited for this girl to turn up and she never did. It was awful, because I really thought we had something special

I rang her later and she denied that I'd ever asked her out. Turns out I'd dreamt it! Disappointing that I'd dreamt a lot of other stuff too, although in retrospect I did wonder where my flabby beer belly had gone.
(amazingmikeyc internet ninja, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 20:20, Reply)

When I was 16 my mate and I 'pulled' two girls out on the town.
After seeing them again in the week, we arranged to meet the Sunday after at the local bus station and go onto the Cinema. The humiliation of HIS date turning up with news that MY date had stood me up is surpassed only by the fact that I went to the cinema with them.

*The shame still haunts me*
(GreasyChipButty, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 19:35, Reply)

Worst date of them all...

September 11th - 2001
----------------------------

I don't think I will ever forget this day.

I stared at my television, not allowing myself to believe what I was seeing...

So much needless pain. So much wrong.

So many innocent people suffering at the hands of one mans deluded vision.

Yes, this was the day that I sat and watched a tape of Johnny Vaughn's sitcom, "'Orrible".

Sweet Baby Christ why?
( moonjam, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 19:15, Reply)

Dead Sexy
At a school dance, aged about 9, I was the token fat girl. One of the nicest looking males of my class asked me to dance (pity doesn't matter when you're desperate) and I gladly took him up on the offer.

I salivate when I'm nervous.

Cue me spitting over his shoulder when saying something. NO! That's disgusting I think.

That's disgusting, he says.

What, thinks I, can I say to dispell all this? Think quickly, Fae.

'No, it was just a bit of my coldsore.'


I'm so fucking smooth.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 18:46, Reply)

Well The Date Was Fine...
I met a gorgeous girl in a bar in London, we agreed to go out for dinner a few days later.
Everything went extremely well, we had a slap up meal, we walked romantically through London on a warm summers night. We went to a good nightclub, we got drunk, we danced, she thought i was a God. Then we went back to hers and had amazing sex for a a few hours.
I went home in the morning and had no plans on seeing my second night stand again - i had my great shag - job done. She never had my number so things went on for me as normal.
Not a bad date story you say.... Correct
But 15 months later i got a call from the C.S.A telling me how much money i owe my new daughter ...
( MagicallyInept Bored Sig., Sun 24 Oct 2004, 18:44, Reply)

Whats that smell?
It was quite right when I was 14, out at the Ice Cream shop with Sandy. (Name has been changed) We were going on about the Spring Dance that was coming up and me being her guarenteed date, we decided it was only fair to talk about the odd couples and those who didn't have dates; we were mean kids. Mean kids in love.

Later on, as we were getting ready to leave, she dropped her purse, and being the man of the hour, I bent to pick up, only to let out one of the most rank, violent and explosive farts ever.

I hadn't heard from her since.
(murphyslaw, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 17:35, Reply)

A fairly standard date
right up to the point where i went to kiss her, sneezed, and snotted large, arcing chains of greasy mucus down her cheek, ear, hair and into the furry collar of her jacket.

The sight of a woman sodden in someone else's phlegm was too much and i threw up at her feet. Persumably splashing her shoes but i dont know because i was too busy drunkenly running away.

Anyway, she declared herself a lesbian the following month.
(Rushy, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 16:56, Reply)

Ah to be 14 once more...
During the fateful school disco of puberty, where people actually start snogging instead of propping up the opposite walls, many of my friends snared themselves a girl for the night, whereas I was left out in the cold ("Stay" by East 17 still makes bring the taste of Panda Pops Cola to my mouth. And vomit).

However a few weeks later, due to convenience more than passion, the 'spare' girl of the group agreed to go out with me & so we arranged to all go to the Cinema for our 'first date'.

Now - mobile phones at this point were still monsterous bricks owned by only the rich & insane, even text messaging was the stuff of science fiction. So when I find myself running 2 hours late due to a missed bus, there's no way I can contact said girl or any of my friends to let them know that I'm not being raped in a ditch. In fact, I still don't know how we organised anything. (Note : having re-read that, we never organised ditch rape)

Eventually I make it to the Cinema, my friends are all there with their dates and one lonely girl furiously scowling. I apologise, saying that they should have gone in without me - to which she angrily shouts "Ungh! I told you we should have!"

Brilliant.

Things only get worse, with her choosing to sit on her own in the Cinema (yes, on her own). Outside, when we regroup I try my luck again, asking her if she had enjoyed the film - to which she replied "God!" and walked off.

Long post short - she 'dumped' me the next day & came out of the closet a few weeks later. I gleaned as much feeble mileage as I could from the 'I dated a lesbian' take on things, but the lasting effect was that any girl from her school who knew her, feared that I might 'turn them' somewhow. Which wasn't a great reputation to have at 14.

In a tremendous display of Karma however, I have recently discovered, on recounting all of this to my current girlfriend, that she was stalked by a girl at school. Who could this be? Why none other than my surly Cinema date herself!

Justice.
( moonjam, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 16:18, Reply)

Worst date
It wasn't my date - I swear - but the worst tale I've heard told was from a friend who had dinner with a guy who afterwards, over tea, flossed his teeth with the string of the tea bag.
(sjm, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 15:34, Reply)

Thanks, The Internet..
She looked kinda pretty from the pictures she sent me, and had some gorgeous eyes.

But somehow I'd failed to notice that she was no stranger to a fish supper. And had all the personality of a wet paper bag.

But, I met her all the same, and after a couple of drinks, I ended up back at hers, because it was easier than be trying to get back home, and in my naievety it seemed like a good idea. But it turned out she was also something of a slob, and the house was a bit of a tip.

And there's nothing more offputting than a noisy parakeet, but I'd really rather not go into that...
( teflon, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 15:15, Reply)

much vomiting was had by all...
Spent many hours the other night drinking wine and being random with my gf. We decided to fuck off to bed, both pretty drunk.

Kissing started, clothes began to come off, and just as she started getting into it, I got familiar tingly weird feeling in my stomach and mouth. Carried on, hoping it'd go away.

It didn't. Mid shag, came out with 'I really think I'm going to throw up' and ran. Naked. Down two flights of stairs. While her parents were in.

Fortunately, they didn't see, and I didn't have to explain why there was a naked woman running out of their daughter's room.

I did however have to suffer the indignity (her giggling at me) when I went back in...still up for it though so not all bad. Just pretty embarassing at the time.
(sporky, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 14:11, Reply)

None of yet
Being young and all, havent yet experienced the joys of dating, and I'm getting braces soon, so probably not for a very long time yet...
(Graz Da Frog, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 12:15, Reply)

WeeDom
"shat myself"
Thankfully only metaphorically speaking.
(weirzbowski, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 12:07, Reply)

Again..?
Walking home from graveyard shift barmaid job, I attract unwanted attention from some bogan (read: Chavvy) girls who proceed to beat the shit out of me. Nasty slappers chased away by man who pulls over in his car announcing that he saw it all and asks can he take me to the police/hospital/home. Thinking circumstances negate mums instructions not to get in car with strangers I thank him and ask him to please take me home giving adress. Pull up in front of my house, blood still dripping from my nose and a fat lip like a hamburger and turn to thank said man for stopping the carnage and returning me to my rightful place.

Man proceeds to slide hand up thigh and ask if he can come back and we'll go out again some time.

Again...?
(MissusVroom, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 6:45, Reply)

Worst date
I'll try not to get to discriptive.
I work in a hotel & i was dating a guest (something the boss doesn't approve of)
Anyway having drinks in the hotel's bar one nite.
Guy goes to the loo, and doesn't return. I go to investigate. I'm greeted by a REALLY smelly men's loo's.
my date has locked himself into the only cubical and has fallen into a really deep intoxicated sleep - mid-way during a shit!!
there is no way of waking this guy, i even started slapping his face with a wet cloth but to no avail.As i didn't want anyone to walk in and find out what was going on ( a bit dodge when i'm not even supposed to be dating the guy)
I'm too nice, i should've just left him there, but instead i got other staff to give me a hand to pull his pants back up and push him back up to his room on a luggage trolly
needless to say, the boss found out i was seeing the guy and i got into ALOT of shit.

P.S the guy wasn't even worth the hassel as it turned out his was fuckhead
(up_and_down, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 5:08, Reply)

first blind date
I met this guy, I was looking all cute and he called me later that night to see if I wanted to watch a movie with him, so I say sure "but there's one problem" he says "I don't have a car. And I live in winchester" which is 30 min. from where I live. uh, okay. So I go pick this guy up at like 1 in the morning. On the way back we smoked...uh some weed. Well, it was totally laced. I had major tunnel vision the nerves in my legs were twitching so bad I was in pain. We get to my apartment I have the worst case of cotton mouth in medical history. So we start to watch this movie called 28 days later. I see the first five minutes of it see someone puking blood. It was over I was running to the bathroom puking my guts out. I change my shirt and go to the living room where my twitchy ass passes out. I wake up at 5 in the morning on the floor next to this dude who snores like a fucking gorilla. I wake his happy ass up, take him home and ignore his called the next 2 weeks. Some time later I found out the weed also had coke in it. yay! By the way my mom set me up with this guy. totally true.
( Lisette von Falcon, Sun 24 Oct 2004, 4:22, Reply)