Someone I knew
went on holiday, leaving his 16 year old daughter in charge of his flat, his worldly goods and his bank card. With PIN. With instructions to use it 'only in emergencies'.

It seems that fags, beer, drugs and takeaways are 'emergencies'. Father returned to find his bank account £1,100 lighter, and had the daughter arrested.

When he admitted to the police that he had given her both the card and number, they laughed him out of the place and released her without charge. It was two years before she spoke to him again and that was at a funeral.

Another time, he was getting divorced, and went to the bank with the intention of sneakily emptying the joint account and opening a new one.

However, he cleverly he told the clerk about the divorce first, so she was duty-bound to freeze the joint account on the spot.

As he was a teacher and had just received 2 months' wages for the summer, he was royally scuppered. The only way to get the account unfrozen was to ask his estranged wife to agree to release the money.

So, no joy there then.

He is in prison now (on a particularly sleazy underage sex rap) and I bet he still feels hard done to.

Money fuck-up? Fucking LIFE fucking fuck-up. The fuck.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 17:52, Reply)

I WIN!!! I ALWAYS WIN!
I've had two loans, one at the bank, (HSBC)one at Sainsburys (tossers). anyway, i did what all good people do and that is instaed of consolidating all my debts i only paid off some of them, i spunked the rest on cool shit.

So i start getting nasty letters and all that shit. then about 3 months ago i start paying another company to sort it out for me, jobs a gooden. legally no one is allowed to hassle me. stupidly HSBC ignore this and decide to hassle me anyway, i was sitting in the pub at lunch time about a month ago, HSBC call me, i identify myself and then the guy starts to hassle me. So i said "I don;t want to talk about this, its lunch time, i'm in the pub piss off." the person on the other end says "if you can't afford to pay us you can;t really afford to be in the pub!" I had to hang up, otherwise i would have been rude.

I work as a Quality Consultant in a call centr so i know the precedure. So i ask the bank for the call recording, the line managers name, all the notes on my acct for 6 months, to see of the little prick has written anything nasty. Bank ignores me and sends me some half arsed apology and pamphlet on Customer Services. So i complain again, crowbar the word, umbudsman, unlawful charges and court into the letter and yesterday this preening sycophant called me up and gave me, my call on CD, my notes and £200 spending money. think i might buy a XBox 360. its always worth complaining!!!

Width? Length? Why don't i tell you after the beep.

Beeeeeep. Bob Kelso, 10 inches!
(Hendrix73, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 17:02, Reply)

god yeah
like those poor people who paid into the christmas fund, what's it called?

how much would that suck?!

and my friend had her wedding list with a company where people paid money into it instead of buying presents. then they could use it to buy presents from anywhere. that went bust too.

these people should be shot, messing christmas and weddings around is evil!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 16:36, Reply)

Missus got robbed in the pub a few xmas's back
Nothing that dramatic, a couple of Australian girls came over, one asked for a light and the other walked off with her bag.

The annoying bit was that there was a cheque book in the bag. Complete with guarantee card.

Now, yeah, of course we cancelled it forthwith, but that didn't stop someone writing a load of rubber cheques all over the north.

The bank bounces them, then the creditor sends the details to a debt collector agency.

Do these thugs speak to the bank? Nope, of course not. They just send letters demanding cash plus significant fines, with threats of home visits.

Each time we'd call up, and successfully get the banks to talk to them. Problem solved, for about a week... It must have happened at least 15 times before it was all over.

The moral of this story is: there is a good reason why banks don't like giving out guarantee cards. They are a fucking liability, and you're best off without one.
( rob, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 16:36, Reply)

my debt is due
to my money being magic! It talks..... it always says goodbye (getting stuffed into strippers knickers!)

if that is'nt debt pron then what is?!
(djgalaxe, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 16:14, Reply)

Bought sofa, paid cash, got nowt
Paid £2,000 in cash for leather sofa, chair and footstool, down from £2,700 for paying cash instead of finance, etc.
From Uno.
Who promptly went bust, taking my money and my sofa. They were taking orders for goods even when the suppliers were refusing to trade due to non-payment. My order was probably never even placed with the supplier. Robbing bastards!

To top it all, they did the same thing to other customers twelve months later, trading as "New World Of Leather". Grrr....
( eXOBeX, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 15:55, Reply)

Debt without Spending
I managed to get almost £4,000 in debt without ever spending a quid. I (stupidly) opened an 'emergency' (read: second, illegal) student account with a 1280 overdraft. 'Perfect for emergencies!' I thought, squirreling the debit card away in my room and drinking my real student loan away.

When the time came to spend the 'emergency' cash on a gas bill, I wrote a friend a cheque. It bounced. I rang the bank and was rather alarmed to find I was 1280 in debt and counting (added charges from unauthorised overdraft etc). Turns out that my charming (bitch) housemate had called the bank, changed my address on the phone, then ordered a new card and book to that address!

The bank wouldn't believe me (even though I had never lived at the other address and the signatures on the cheques didn't match). I was told repeatedly to 'stop spending money you don't have' and the Police did sod all as it was over 6 months after her spending that I found out (and the shops she was spending in had recorded over their CCTV at this point.) She bought a new PC, digital camera (back when they were pricy!), clothes, beer, you name it.

Four years later and I have graduated, I have a good job, lovely home, even a decent credit rating. Every few months I get a letter saying 'reply within 28 days or the baliffs WILL come' (they must get lost on the way every time..)

So, getting fed up of the hassle I write to the bank who respond with 'set up a payment plan etc etc blah otherwise we will send men with hammers to break your toes'.

Get mad and write to the Financial Ombudsman. Suddenly the bank wants to co-operate! Funny that! I sent off 4 years of photocopied letters etc which prove my innocence. Haven't heard back in 6 months. Ball's in their court now!

So: 2 lessons learned.

1. DO NOT BANK WITH NATWEST. EVER. Even if the only other option is saving your money in a box under the mattress of a family of chavs in Beirut.

2. Ignore the bank and go straight to the Ombudsman. Banks are shit. Ombudsmen are ace.
(Northern Lovely, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 15:52, Reply)

£72000
£72000 mortgage, over 40, yes FORTY years!
...
I'm screwed...
(heppers, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 15:45, Reply)

Electron - smectron...
After living in Spain, rent free in a 7 bedroom luxury villa and and one point, having young, impressionable ladies snort charlie off my old chap, I came home to a big chunk out of my bank account (its easy to forget that they charge you 2 quid for using your card abroad to draw out a tenner...)They calle dme a naughty boy, agreed a way to let me sort it out, and then gave me an electron card. As someone else has noted earlier, it can be a bit of an embarresment. Not to the old Smirkeroo. I simply took a tip-ex pen, wote in big letters " U R SCUM " across the front of it, and then gleefully looked at the faces of the shop assistants as they tried to figure out which hightsreet the bank of Scum was located on.....
(smirker neverletmetellyabouttheraggamuffinbiznessandting!, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 14:12, Reply)

I owe.

I owe.

it's off to work I go.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 13:52, Reply)

BITCH
Just had someone come in to the office selling original artwork which has now made my pocket £60 lighter.

see below:


this picture is now on sale on freeads if anyone is interested after alot of piss taking at work...

Better? thanks for letting me know
(iamyounotme I'm a window licking retard, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 13:41, Reply)

Just completed on my 3rd house.
I’ll wank in anyone's garden.



They tax you when you earn it.
They tax you when you spend it.
They tax you when you save it.
They tax you when you give it away.
They tax you when you drop dead.
They tax the shit you bought whilst you were alive and now you’re dead, they’ll tax all your shit too.

And you wonder why you are skint?
(waxdart hello., Tue 28 Nov 2006, 13:32, Reply)

Fuck you, b3ta
You jinxed me with this topic, yesterday I went one stop on the train without paying, wound up getting collared, and now I owe £20 I don't have.
(Slyph, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 12:30, Reply)

My biggest mistake...
was turning 18 and getting every single bit of credit i could.

it started when i decided to go into HSBC to get a loan for £3500 to buy a car and to pass my test. then i decided to get a credit from HSBC (£500) for a headunit mainly but i did max the rest on a piss up (as usual).

what happened next was a bit of a kick in the bollocks i decided to go out on a wednesday night got a bit pissed and went home after a good night then i get home and decide to go for a drive (before passing my test) all going well and good then the fucking police decide to pull out from behind a building site and pull me over for speeding (60 in a 40) next they decided to breathalize me oops over the limit...

court was next and get away with an 18 month ban £279 fine all well and good i suppose in the situation.

i then lose my job just before christmas so i go into HSBC and tell them i cant afford to pay loan back ATM they say fuck off so off i toddle to Welcome cunting finance. £1500 loan please i say... and they say YES!

as it was just before christmas i decide to go out a few times and blow the lot bit of a mistake i suppose.

anyway 4 years later and £12500 in debt i cant get fuck all credit and i am seriously considering bankruptcy...

i did miss out the mobile phone bills and spending all of my wages on beer and fags.

i am now in a decent job but i still havent learnt and think i should grow up and start spending wisely but i just cant stop getting pissed.

im young so i should just take everyday as it comes i suppose and think about my debt in the next year or so.

anyway that was a shit story but hey-ho im a newbie.

no complaints about length from the girlfriend so you shouldnt moan either.

*edit* forgot to say ive only paid about £500 in four years....
(iamyounotme I'm a window licking retard, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 12:15, Reply)

ah money
well, im a student. cleverly didnt take out a loan tho, so nothing really to pay back at the end of it except my tuition fees, which i only hav to pay back when i start earning over £15k per year. also, working over the summer with two jobs helped me earn over 4k in 4months. most of which has been spent on booze.

biggest money fuck up? spending £1500 on a saxo that was no more than 3yrs old, splitting the cost wi me folks, getting caught speeding in it three weeks later (three penalty points and £60 fine) and then crashing it (no points as the police were never told). only got £500 deducted off the insurance claim (car is under my dad's name), but then spent the money on a micra. managed to rip most things of value from the saxo tho, and underestimated the mileage by bout 500 miles. oh well!

*pop* cherry!
(doublefruit is wasting away the day that is, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 11:29, Reply)

45K...
...in personal loans and credit cards, ( I was paying loans off with credit cards and vice versa) also an income tax bill for when I was 'self-employed' (read, unemployed but fixing the odd pc and selling drugs). It got to the stage I was paying £600+ a month just to service the debts. In January this year I thought, fuck this, and took steps to write it all off. My credit rating is now extremely shit but I'll survive, I'm only 27, I now pay out £100 a month to an insolvency practitioner who stopped all the nasty banks bothering me.
( Tru It's funny because it's, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 11:11, Reply)

Getting married of course
I got married when I was in the US Army in Alaska, (the cold must have got to my brain). She called me up and said she was pregnant and "what are you going to do about it"

Cue me being the stand up guy and marrying her against all odds, against friends advice. I was enlisted and wasn't bringing home big dough so I proceeded to get an absolute wreck of a car that cost me more in storage yard fees than I paid for it cause it was broken down. On the way to get insurance right as I was pulling into the insurance lady's office the aforementioned car,(which had no acceleration and soft brakes) slid on ice magically into someone else's car leaving the insurance office. Cue much frustration and getting denied insurance for some reason by the people in the office who saw the accident.

Warning sign of the week: When the girl you are about to marry takes you to meet her state paid for mental health counselor. No seriously, it did not ring any warning bells.

So Right, I get married by a justice of the Peace and have a $20 cake at the wedding in the apartment. Thats when the fun begins. Since my Seargent's in the Army didn't approve of me getting married no one told me I had to fill out large stacks of paperwork and mind it through a byzantine system. Cue me 2 months later trying to support me and the wifey on MRE's snagged from work.

Then I get the cheapest apartment I can afford which is at the other end of town from the army base and have to ride a mountain bike to and from work. No problem cept it's 10k from work, each way. So I'd get up early, ride 10k to work then run 3k on top of other exercises week days.

Back pay arrives and I proceed to piddle away $1500 US on food, back rent and a N64, all while still riding a mountain bike back and forth to work. (summer mind you)

Then once I'm moved onto post housing I get a 3 bedroom unit with a washer and dryer in the basement. Best place I've ever lived so far. But I have no furniture to furnish it. Even had to make do with an air mattress for a month or so.

Now wifey gets a brilliant idea of getting herself on my checking account. She calls up the bank and gets checks sent to us with both of our names. (warning bells should have gone off but really they didn't)

Cue me being extremely overdrafted for almost a month straight until I find out that she has been writing checks against what the Dial in system says the balance is. No really. She would know that there was $500 in the account and proceed to write $800 in checks in like a day or two. After she wrote each check she would dial in and see how much money was in the account, Honest. The concept of a checking account was completely lost on her.

Cue me being roughly 1300 overdrafted with another 1600 in overdraft fees from banks and stores. I hastily confiscate the checking account from wife, get large personal loan and barely avoid getting an Article 15.

I find out 6 weeks after we are married that she has a daughter. No really, she calls me up at work( frequent occurence) and tells me she had to sign away her daughter that day. Turns out she had a young daughter that had her arm and leg broken by an ex boyfriend a long time ago and they were just finalizing the paperwork now.

I would regularly come home on payday, she'd draw me a bath and I would get out of the bath lighter in the wallet. Then that day or the next she'd want to go clubbing because a friend "loaned" her some money.

About the pregnancy to begin with? She has a "miscarriage" and I still decided to marry her.

I got out of the army, moved home and before a year was up I left and we had an amicable divorce. As amicable as it can be with someone who has multiple personalities and is pathological. Dad's the nicest guy in the world and really, I couldn't come over for christmas dinner if I brought her with. Seriously.


Cut to many years later, haven't remarried or even had a steady girlfriend and I've gone to school. I have a bachelors, working on my Masters of business administration, no house, new car ($14k debt), school loans($63k), and a killer job with a fortune 100 company.

Slightly before this though, I lived for 5 years without running water while I was going to school because the pikey mobile home in the woods was all that I could afford.

Apologies for length - Probably should but I can give any woman the best 2 minutes of her life. :)
(armednuclearterrorist, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 10:10, Reply)

Tax
We pay council tax for local 'amenities'; we pay for prescriptions; we pay to go to the dentist; we pay for school trips and school books; we pay tax to use the roads and a fee to watch TV; we pay to study at university.

Can anyone tell me where the fcuk our income tax is being spent!!!!

(I won't even mention that we pay tax on our earnings and then pay it again -VAT - when we buy something - then interest on those repayments and tax on any savings interest we might get.)

First chance I get, I'm leaving this sinking ship.
(frankspencer, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 10:06, Reply)

I'm teetering on the brink
I currently owe around 30k in unsecured debts. I have investment plans and assets of around the same and a house which has gone up in value considerably. Although we all know that that the "value" of the house is in fact zero until I sell it to cash in and someone actually signs the cheque.

I'm planning to go back to uni in 2/3 years time and quite frankly I don't give a fuck anymore. I just have to get through the next couple of years without getting kneecapped and then I'll sell up, cash in, pay off and move on.

On the upside I drive a BMW, have a couple of horses, ski holidays and more handbags & shoes than you could shake a stick at. Oh and I've had plastic surgery twice this year - essential expenditure in my case.

I am basically hopelessly shit with money but I am a certified mental and if anyone takes me to court I shall dribble at them and take my shrink for evidence.
(betty_bongo, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 10:06, Reply)

I didn't know nuffin, guv
Some years ago I dropped out of college. Nothing new there, really. But imagine my surprise as about a year later I'm summoned up to the local courthouse as I hadn't paid any council tax or rent for the last ten months, and they wanted three grand (which, as a certified college dropout, I didn't have).
I was hanging about the bushes outside Queen Marys College smoking away whatever it was I was studying, I didn't know about responibilities or paying money to official people...

Anyway, I'd got lucky as it turns out there hdd been some sort of mix-up and they'd been sending the bailiffs after my dear old mother instead of me.
And she'd been doing a pretty damn good job of giving them the run-around, too.

My, how we laughed... think I talked her out of disowning me.
( Captain Tripps is your taxloss lover from Liverpool, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 9:57, Reply)

Chriswakey
The debt wasnt created the night before, it was created months before. Hence the part of the story where I said "I normally only rented a video about every 6 months". Next time re-read the story before jumping to opinions.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 9:31, Reply)

Never trust a man named ADAM JONES
Apologies if you are not the ADAM JONES but I felt I had better warn you all!

I was hired at the same time as an 18 year old called ADAM JONES to do the same job (IT Support), we got on quite well and it was fun. He told us how his ex girlfriend had run off with a large sum of money, and that he was in trouble with the bank, I had a few spare bob at the time (£1000) and offered to help him out if he got his wages paid straight to me next month. He agreed.

Pay day came and went and still no money, I was told by the finance director it wasn't possible so I give ADAM JONES my bank details so he can pay it in manually. Two weeks pass still no money, apparently he'd got my sort code wrong (despite me writing it down for him). Two weeks pass and ADAM JONES tells everyone that he's got bowel cancer, I stop bugging him for money as he's obviously got bigger things on his mind. Two months of him working intermittently between looking for hospitals, and being ill at home with his 'millionaire dad'. eventually he doesn't bother coming in any more.

Then we find out, he doesn't have cancer after contacting his grandparents, but in fact has done a runner. The police are called, and summons issued last week...I'm still waiting to hear from them.

Moral of this tale: if you can't keep up with the Jones' don't lend them a grand!

(apologies for length and boringness - if you see the twunt ADAM JONES give him a wet kipper slap from me!)
( Chorizowagon Came wandering back on, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 9:15, Reply)

blockbuster debt
oh god that reminds me - a friend of mine from home and i rented "sliding doors" on video when it was new, watched it, liked it, went back to london after the weekend and forgot about it (apart from occasionally when i miss a tube and start thinking what if...).

i didn't keep my car in london then, so the next time i was home and driving was about 3 months later. i decided to clean the car. and there, lodged under the passenger seat, was the bloody sliding doors video. 3 months late. the fine was about £150.

my friend suggested brightly that i told them i'd lost it, then i'd just have to pay for the video. amazing idea. so i rang them and confessed penitently. "sure," the girl said, "that'll be £8.50 then." result!

i went in, waving my grubby tenner, and explained to the cashier who i was. she said, "great. so that's £8.50.... plus £150 of late fees... = your entire weekend spending money and the rest."

bollocks! i had to give them a cheque and i cried all the way home...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 9:10, Reply)

I bought the house I live in
as a cheapish repossession.

For the first few years I kept a letter confirming my purchase beside the front door to show to the constant stream of bailiffs and debt collectors who turned up asking for the previous owners. They owed money everywhere, in huge amounts, it seems.

They were all polite and left me alone after I proved that I now owned the house, so I was impressed.

I've been here 10 years now and I still open letters that come to this address but with the wrong name, in case 'they' are up to their tricks again.

I've had hospital bills, new bank account 'welcome' packs and even a new car insurance policy for the previous owners, all within the last couple of years. Lord knows what they're getting up to!

They must be getting away with it though, as the bailiff visits stopped years ago.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 9:00, Reply)

golddust's "Blockbuster-debt collector" story
Anyone else reading that and not believing a single word of it.

They wouldn't call in the debt collectors for a £1.50 debt that had only been created the night before.

/edit

As far as my own debt goes, I owe £5k on a car loan, and around £3k on credit cards.

Not too bad really, and completely under control.
(chriswakey, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 6:59, Reply)

For all you people out there in debt
Do what I did.

Set up an 0906 number that charges 5 quid for every minute. Buy a motorcycle helmet and wrap a cardboard box in brown paper. Walk into business's along Euston road (or anywhere else to be honest) saying that you have a package for Mr J. Sneddon. When the kindly receptionist tells you they don't have a Mr J. Sneddon, look perplexed, examine the box and then ask if it would be OK to ring base and see if you can get this sorted out.
Ring your 0906 number, get into a long and protracted arguement with your 'boss'. Apologise, rinse and repeat.

Debt, what fucking debt.
(Stainer Has been treating objects like women since, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 2:27, Reply)

innovative endeavour for the benefit of society =/= £$£$£$
i am currently at the centre of an abyss of debt. my mistake was attempting to develop a mobile phone with an inbuilt feature that would be useful in everyday life.

with heavy investment and loans riding on good results, my mobile-phone-that-is-also-a-jetpack prototype was doing great in early R&D tests.

tragedy was to befall though, as deciding to do some extra work on it at home, i took it out of the lab and headed for the train station.
crowding in onto the train i should have been more responsible with the knowledge of the power i held within my trousers. within minutes of the trains departure, crossing the bridge, it happened. an old lady inadvertedly joggled against me. "you look pleased to see me-" i looked down at my trousers as they began to glow, and immediately snatched at my pocket in hope of stopping the coutdown sequence. i failed
-history doesn't well record the 'nearly's' or the 'could have beens', but never has such a loss to humanity come down to such a simple error as forgetting to lock the keypad of a mobile phone.-
suffice to say, the mob-pack burst through my trousers, smashed through the train window and swooshed off unguided into the night sky, jackanapesing zaggedly before landing squarely in the middle of the murky thames.
the shock hit me at once, and hard. i stood looking out the broken window, surrounded by passengers ghast-flabbered, my ripped'n'cindered trousers around my ankles.

i did not try to hide the accident from my creditors, hoping the promising early results would spur them on to further funding. alas, in the face of my foolishness, they lost all faith in my project,retained all funds and deleted my lab access.
it is heartbreaking when you see all your hopes and dreams literally fly off away from you, but in hindsight i now consider i was lucky no one was hurt on the train.
all i have left now are some of the early mock up images i used in the beginning to sell my idea to investors, i may perhaps share them with you, if i fail to sell them on ebay.

rip mobile-phone-that-was-also-a-jetpack
(hacetate, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 0:54, Reply)