Teh Pron
Not alot really, I left the army at the tender age of 22 to go back and get myself a degree. Now I joined up at 16 so those 5ish years had ment I had climbed the ranks and was earning a nice 26k PA, I made sure I had cleared all my debts (1.2k for a bike I promptly sold about a month after when I decided a car would be a better choice) and then served my time till leaving.

no appoligies for length, it scares the sailors off.
I am now living on 4 grand a year student loans and any finaces I can scrape. It appears that as I am over the age of 21 and a bloke and not a 16 year old girly, people dont want to employ me for part time jobs (you get an extra 50p on top of minimum wage for some reason being over 21 it seems, and that 50p an hour adds up to companies. Surely I can take ever person thats refused me employment to court for being ageist?). I've gotten pleanty of contract offers to work full time in my previous role, but that kinda doesn't allow me to get my education.
I remember the days of being a tax payer and moaning about those "free loading students" but now obviously I see teh error of my ways and realise I wasn't actually paying for thier education, they were with student loans and picking peoples weeds/painting fences/anything short of sucking off sailors down the dock, for 40 squid a week to pay rent.

No appologise for length, it scares teh sailors off
( Laird Dave Draws Now charges to take off his clothes., Thu 30 Nov 2006, 3:07, Reply)

Minted
i recenty invested my whole wealth on a chance email about a stock....

Course i urged all my family to invest too.

*rubs hands
( awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Thu 30 Nov 2006, 0:18, Reply)

Debt Free
I am currently in a shitload of debt. But pretty soon I will be debt free AND loaded. - You see, I've come to an "arrangement" with a Nigerian fellow. *nods smugly, taps nose*
(daveshane An ah dohn make no sense, but baby ah'm the shit, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 23:17, Reply)

Library
I owe the University library £226.50 due to my taking 3 books out at the beginning of last year, and having not yet returned them. Countless letters have seemingly stampeded through my letter box asking for them back, but when your living in a student hovel and you run out of toilet paper, theres only one thing you can do.
( Furness, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 21:56, Reply)

I had an N-Gage
'nuff said, right waste of fucking money that was. Managed to scrape some cash back thank fuck from ebay :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 19:53, Reply)

Debt vs Physics
Is it called an Electron card because it incurs charges, yet carries no weight?
(Jack Rarebit ...We like chillies, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 19:09, Reply)

Evil old bosses - a slightly more happy debt story :D
A few years ago, I worked for a certain private computer retailer which after 4 years of working there decided that, as I was hitting 21, they didn't need me there full-time anymore. My hours were reduced, and I was skint. While I was on this new part-time rota, I got halfway through the week and was accused of mass theft and promptly fired.

Two weeks later, I got a job in a pub down the road from them, and was earning an easy 50% on top of what I was getting from the comp shop, the tight cunts. I also started working part-time in another rival computer company, which my old boss didn't appreciate (to the point where he heard about my interview, and called them to warn me about my "criminal" background). I still got the job though :)

Approximately year later, I get a phonecall from one of the floor managers from this computer place who still kept in touch with me. He informs me that he's not entirely happy with what had happened that day. Apparently the Police had been called in to deal with an apparent £13,000's worth of theft I commited? Not bad, considering that I haven't set foot in the place since I got fired. What makes things worse was that the owners had asked him to say they'd seen me take stuff, when obviously none of them had. They all weren't about to testify to this, and that pissed the owners off chronically. The Police laffed this accusation off, and didn't even bother letting me know about it.

3 years after this; I'm out on the piss, quite happily minding my own business getting drunk, and I bump into an old regular customer from the store. He's happy to see me, and comes bearing news; one of the owners had been caught swindling £52,000 from his own company - exactly 4 times the amount I was accused of - and ousted from the partnership. The bastard had happily used me as a scapegoat blaming me for the debt, but himself got caught in the end. I got happy-drunk that night :D

A few months after that, the company went bankrupt and went completely under. I was gutted I wasn't there on the closing day; I would have stood there in the doorway to the shop pissing on thier shelves.

Soz for length ; this is one debt that truely does make me smile.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 18:29, Reply)

Freshmen at my college aren't allowed to have their cars because of the huge demand on parking spaces
I needed my car on campus just for the weekend so I could go make some money at an antique show. When I got to campus on friday I wasn't sure where to park, seeing how I had no parking permit; a friend of mine suggests parking over at the nearby apartment complex, supplying me with a fake parking pass and everything. I parked her there, went home and slept, came back the next morning and she was gone. Cost: $220 bucks for towing, payable to an angry man with six fingers between both hands.

Once I got my car back I accidentally parked it in a faculty-designated spot, costing me another $75 for the parking ticket. Fucksocks.

I didn't even end up breaking even with the money I earned over the weekend.
( AgentMuu hentai coordination, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 18:11, Reply)

I realised that I had made the biggest mistake of my life....
When I hired Nick Leeson as my financial adviser. ...
(Code of Post lives at the moment in time that is..., Wed 29 Nov 2006, 17:56, Reply)

no win no fee
I need £53,000 for "replace" my hummer, may i borrow it from you and meet you on the 32nd of Jan outside a ship in the north sea?
((((InfraSound))) SUNN0))) > YOU!, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 17:35, Reply)

Me, gullibe? Never
A few years back when I was living in Oxford I was working for Brookes University. On my way home from work one day while listening to my walkman, a guy approached me. He was making frantic gestures at me, so I pulled out my headphone and decided to grace him my full attention. He had apparently missed his lift home back to Reading and desperately needed £30 to get the train back. I question why I should give him the money when I may never se him again. He said he would be back in Oxford the next day to work again and would pay me back.

After much haggling I reluctently agreed to lend him the money but only if he let me keep his bag and his coat as security. So we went to local cash machine and I promptly gave him the money and a spot outside the university was our agreed meeting point for us to exchange bag and coat for cash.

The next day, the alloted time for exchange came and went, I hung around for a further 30 mins but to no avail.

So, now a bit pissed off and in possession of a bag and coat I did not want, I decided to riffle through the goody sack and see what else I had become owner of. In the main section beyond the rolled coat (sheepskin) there was nothing else, but opening up the outer compartment I found a syringe, tin foil and tissue with blood on. I decide that I had been well and truly had, so the bag, coat and paraphernalia went into storage in far corner of the loft of house I was renting. To this day I believe it still resides there.

As for the chap who borrowed the money, I hope you are rotting in some back alley with a needle in your arm and mangy dog licking you balls.
( Statler&Waldorf I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK., Wed 29 Nov 2006, 17:15, Reply)

Cunting Taxi Drivers...
Went out with some mates one night, but beforehand, having lost my bank card, I needed to go into the bank to withdrawl some money. I asked for £100, as I still needed to buy some stuff in town. Unfortunatly, the forgien bank clerk gave me two £50 notes. This wouldnt have pissed me off so much if I didnt get a taxi home that night, absolultly pissed, and after the driver saying "£9.49 please" I unwillingly handed him a £50 note thinking it was a tenner and said "Keep the change".

Never got the rest of it back. Cunt.
(LiquidRogue Powerful tiny fists..., Wed 29 Nov 2006, 16:24, Reply)

My biggest money fuckup is quite simple.
I once went and spent $15,000 on Basketball Season Tix, thinking that I could move them fairly quickly.. What a shock when they were the 2nd losingest team that year... I think I sold 1 pair of tix... Fact.
( Well, not quite Will be nice for food, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 15:54, Reply)

Hussah! I get to post - at last!!
How about this - driving a little too fast and getting caught! Get a fine and have to show insurance docs - Many of you have been there - I am sure.

Anyway, get the fixed penalty fine (Hey Ho!). Pay the bloody thing! Eventually get the doc from Boss and show it at the police station. So far so good? No! So far, so bad - fast forward six years - YES! Six years and I get a letter from a bailiff pay up £1000 ish or we rob all yer stuff!

Can't find a word to describe them...

The Bailiff that is :(
(AsADie, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 11:42, Reply)

I owe several thousand dollars

to horny pregnant teens.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 9:59, Reply)

Now that makes sense!
Just noticed all the adsense banners across the top of the QOTW*. I mean, I was told about all of these wonderful ways of getting into debt and then these banners on the top offered me a way out. I clicked on one to see what offers i could get. I managed to get a 25k loan at 50%. Thats HALF PRICE!!!



EDIT: Now I've had a cunning plan, I'll get me another. I can make a good 12.5k per loan. Then I'll be rich! Stupid banks...



*Appears when not logged in

All in good proportion...
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 9:55, Reply)

Debt consolidation...
Don't know if anyone else can confirm this, but.... I have a mate who used to work in the finance game, giving loans mostly to the armed forces people and he used to get really upset about these companies. He said they do 1 of 2 things.

1) The loan they give you to pay everthing of really, really, really screws you on interest. Its the term length that makes it look good.

2) They "give" you a loan.... Basically, they get all the details of your debtors, and then pay the installments for you, whilst you are paying them back the loan they sold you. However, if THEY default on a payment, it is YOU who gets in the shite-ola.

He says that the best people to see about a consolodaiton loan is your bank. If they won't give you a personal loan, TELL them its for consolidation, and they are usually more helpful.

On the flip-side, this mate is crap with money himself, but I don't think I ever met a Financial advisor who wasn't...

Length? Well your eyes rolled back in your head upon insertion my dear...
(smirker neverletmetellyabouttheraggamuffinbiznessandting!, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 9:07, Reply)

I got ripped off
My Argos sovvy ring cost about 15 pounds. I swear it's only worth 10.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 6:01, Reply)

You're all boring liars...
Apart from those of you that aren't.

About 15 years ago, I left about 20 large fire ventilators in place, --but not screwed down (important)-- on the roof of a brand new giant ASDA warehouse in Leicestershire on a friday afternoon so me and my crew could drive back to manchester early, and get a night out.
(Imagine an aluminium pool table... that's about how big each of these vent things were, so I decided that screwing them down immediately was unnecessary.)

Imagine my hungover surprise that Sunday... that was that windy weekend that all of us over 25 (or whatever) remember, where the bloke from 'ello 'ello got brained by a falling tree - well, every one of these vents blew out of their holes, bounced and rolled across this football-sized roof and off the edge into the JCB parking area.

£55000 damage caused

hmm - that's not really a debt is it.. dah, should have thought about this a bit more

edit - football-pitch sized that is
(crippledick, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 1:27, Reply)

My flatmate bet me a tenner that I couldn't get a front page answer
I think I've fucked up there.
(__, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 0:43, Reply)

Back in 2004
I was stuck in a shit job, living in a tiny house with three other people and had been paying pretty much all the bills. When My Grandad gave me some money, 4000 pounds was eaten up through paying for others! It gets to the point where I pretty much break and (having dual nationality) my family help me out of the situation and send me to the great land of Aus. Now, I'm trying to do the right thing and pay my debts but the electricity compnay goes against the payment plan and sends the bill to debt collectors. I phone said collection agency and have a conversation with a Liverpool woman who can only be described as a twat. After five minutes of arguing I say

'Look, I'll level with you. I'm on a payphone in Queensland right now. I want to pay this bill, and I will if you let me pay it in a way I can manage. If you won't help, well I'm probably staying here and you can just piss off.'

She argues more, I hang up. It's so nice being able to just fuck off and leave those people behind.

*edit* Come to think of it, Capital One are out three hundred quid and all.
( The Togaboy The world will end on, Wed 29 Nov 2006, 0:35, Reply)

Ahh to be 18
when i woz 18 i went into my bank and said "can i get a £50 overdraft" No was the promt answer but we can give you a credit card with a £1000 limit "Kaching" i thought spent it on a laptop from currys the reliesed i'd been robbed coz it woz shit i could of got dounle specs for an extra £100 then i proceeded to wank away the rest on you guessed it BEER. Then went shopping one day and got roped into applyin for a monument credit card with 9months balance tranfer intrest free so i got that only aftyer i got it they told me that it was only for £500 so i could transfer my balance so i then proceeded to piss it up walls on a friday night, changed adresses that many times i cant even list them all that was 2yrs ago and the banks still havent even posted a letter as far as im aware!!!!! if they do catch me i'll just say i was backpacking in india and left my ex g/f in chagre of my finaces, it worked for my mate they wrote off the intrest an just had to pay what he used back
(BigG1986, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 23:46, Reply)

Another scam
Not really on the subject - but I was reminded of another scam after I posted my last entry.

If you ever come across dodgy 10 or 20 pound notes (I used to go to school with a kid who only seemed to have dodgy notes) this is the best way to get rid of them.

If it's a tenner go into a shop with a score (if a score use a 50) and have the tenner in your other hand. Pay for something that is less than a tenner. When they give you the change quickly swap the notes as you are walking out but before you get to the exit, go back and show them that they clearly have given you a dodgy note. Works every time.

I don't know if it's been a QOTW before but best scams should be the next one. I've got loads.
(Stainer Has been treating objects like women since, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 23:33, Reply)

Don't live in a camper van if you can't drive
Let me take you back to being a recent graduate in the 1980s. 2 grand overdrawn, bank account frozen and having spent the housing benefit on uproarious living (beer and chips) I am in shtuck with landlord, but have a job and first pay packet should unlock life's riches once again. Mate suggests I stay in his VW camper for a while, which he generously parks outside my rented property. I hide in it with the lovely floral curtains closed as landlord ransacks empty house screaming for his money. I continue to hide every other day for about a week until he twigs that the snoring coming from the camper each evening may be in someway connected to me and starts hammering on the windscreen. Only at this point do I realise that if I had wanted to move said van, taking a course of driving lessons in the 6 weeks leading up to my cunning scheme might have been a wise move. Taking the hand brake off and rolling forwards four feet before inertia brings me to a halt isn't exactly the getaway required. Cue the first of three periods of my life in which I have slept in the office. And explained away facial bruising with casual leisure-pursuit related lying.
(dunlintemminck after 40 years it's come to this?, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 22:29, Reply)

Blank stares
The lady in the bank seemed quite surprised with me opening a student account in the bank (purely so I could get a decent debit card instead of that electron nonsense that dosen't actually work.)
'Right, your overdraft...'
'don't want one.'
'what?'
'I don't want one, I don't want to be able to spend money I don't have...'
'Fair enough.'

If I don't have any money in the bank I don't want to be able to spend it, and thats that. I will say I am not the greatest of savers and should have saved up more money than I have over the last few years, but I have always had enough to cover what I am spending and some left over in case of emergencies.

The only debt I intend having is a morgage for a house, everythign else can be saved up for if I really want it - If I want something enough I will put up with the wait until I have the money, if I decide after a while not to bother, it shows it may have not been the most important purchase to me.

David
(442, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 22:00, Reply)

Hole in the hole in the wall...
I once withdrew a £100 from a cash mashine at night. After counting and recounting my dough, I was amazed to discover only nine crisp tenners had been dispensed along with my receipt for the whole ton. As the police station was right next door, I walked straight in and explained the situation to the disbelieving desk PC. I was advised to contact the bank first thing in the morning. The bank also failed to see how the supposedly infallable machine had short changed me, but agreed to contact me when the thing was due for a refill of notes. Surprisingly they called a little later the same day and admitted the error, as there must have been a tenner up in the float. My account was immediately refunded and justice was done. I then relaxed after the mild panic. Two days later I received a letter from the bank informing me that since my withdrawal, I had been overdrawn and imposed a £25 fine for the priveledge! I rang and spoke to the manager explaining the circumstances, but he refused to back down as the records showed no mistake on the bank's part (hard faced twat I thought). I took my business elsewhere after that and rejoiced when the branch folded a short while later. Down with the lot of 'em I say, sanctamonious small minded bastards. Hope they'll all be happy when we're all banking online and they're out of a job. Just as it happened to all the insurance companys...
(minky, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 21:21, Reply)

The Bet
Back at uni me and my mate were acustomed to betting on the outcome of the Man United Chelsea football match. It had been fairly even throughout the year in terms of wins and losses but as the final meeting of the teams that season approached it ratherly nicely (for me) conincided with the final week of university. Not one to break tradtion we both shook on the outcome. As it was my team (Man United) won and a duely collected my obligatory tenner.

But the monetary gain was nothing to joyful week spent watching my mate scrounge any food or drink he could find...cos i'd taken the last tenner in the bet.
(davebox, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 20:26, Reply)

Stupid stupid stupid
I was down on cash for ages - owed money left right and centre, and finally got a job. I got the boss to pay me cash for the first months wages in cash as I didn't want the bank getting first dibs on it. First thing I did before planning how to get my life sorted out was to have a joint and relax.

One thing led to another and I ended up thinking that the best way forward was to buy a lot of hash and sell it on. Lo and behold, someone offered to do just that for me - 600 quid and I could easily double it in a few days. "Genius!", said I, "What are we waiting for?"

"You'd better wait here, mate", he said, "They won't recognise you and it could go pear shaped."

I took his wise words to heart and settled back to wait.

An hour later I was getting worried.

Five hours later I was REALLY getting worried.

Five days later I had to get the folks to send me the fare home. I ended up leaving everything I couldn't carry behind and fleeing the country before I starved to death. Cunt.
(foolish_child, Tue 28 Nov 2006, 18:47, Reply)