A guy at work
once spend £1000 in one night whist viewing one of those tv auction channels
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 13:18, Reply)

Telstar
I once accidentally subscribed to a collection of 70s CDs by phoning Telstar (or similar) at about 2am. My friend and I were at home pissed and the ad kept coming on. At the time we thought it was great, singing along, even dancing, but when they started plopping on the doormat at 15 quid a pop suddenly I didn't like them so much. I worked out how to stop the order after 3 had arrived. 2 of them still have their cellophane packaging on. Maybe I could sell them on, to someone logged onto eBay whilst similarly incapable?
(Mad McMad, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 13:14, Reply)

buy... steal... it's all the same
students + wetherspoons

pissed at the imp with a group of mates, manage to steal a pitcher [to add to the ever-growing collection of wetherspoons' memorabilia / crockery] and stagger out. proceed kebab-shop-wards initially until we hit roadworks. cue three of us hauling two road diversion barrier, an illuminated traffic island, plus the obligatory cones and 'men at work' signs down new north road whilst rest of our party abandon us rather sharpish.

unfortunately for us, being newbies to exeter, we didn't realise that new north road is the site of the county prison, and consequently quite possibly exeter's most heavily cctv'd road. plain clothes cops and panda car come at us from each direction and accuse us of PULLING THE FUCKING TRAFFIC ISLAND FROM ITS CONCRETE MOUNTING. cue three of us looking bemusedly at eachother then me flexing my biceps in a "you really think these could remove the stick from an ice lolly, let alone a bloody great bollard from concrete? i'm no king arthur" pose.

so, yeah.

/lurk
(bakerloo.boy, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 12:41, Reply)

night before exams...
...and a friend and i decide to have a few beers to calm the nerves. which we do, rather too successfully. thinking that provided i got into bed early ish, i'd be ok. unfortunately, decided that what we really, really wanted was red bull. lots of it.
cue next morning at 9:00 am, not slept, twitching comically.

but i got an A. so it worked..

no apologies. ever.
(tickles, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 12:22, Reply)

Not me, but my boyfriend.
Living in London, he got off at his tube stop one night, after several pints of beer with his mates. He stumbled into his local corner shop, the ones with crates of fruit and veg out on the pavement.
Well, in typical drunken style, he wobbled precariously into a crate of cherries which fell all over the pavement, and as he stepped back to watch the carnage, he did the same to a great box of runner beans.
Needless to say, he had to buy the lot, and now I know exactly what's for dinner and pudding every time I see him.
( CaroWallis, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 12:03, Reply)

To: Evil Bastard now lives in cov.
re pea wet.

Thanks for the info, but pea juice?? - Thats minging.


I dont like peas anyway, let alone pea spunk.
(nappy rash, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 11:58, Reply)

ray mears
flushed with success after a hill walk and many pints of guiness I have bought both Ray Mears bushcraft books. Probably, this is actually a good purchase. Sorry for leading you on like this...
(bloodyHassocks, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 11:27, Reply)

drunken eBay
just t'other week I had some drinks at lunch, returned to my desk then thought I'd buy a mini Fosters fridge for 15quid. Pissed up again the next afternoon, I receive an email from the seller about a 7ft Fosters beer vender (complete with beer) for £1500 quid. Gutted was I.
(makavel1, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 11:16, Reply)

oh dear
i've bought so many things when drunk, but probably one of the worst things i did was stumble into claire's acessories in kingston and demand to have my ears peirced. they made me sign one of those statements, one of the terms being 'i am not under the influence of alcohol'.

i also have a horrible habit of buying the ugliest patterned shirts and blazers known to man whilst drunk, but i won't go into that.
(froffee, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 10:12, Reply)

Not me, not bought. Meh.
Was just walking down to the doors of a pub in Oxford in time for last orders when a guy came out carrying a large ornate chair. Clearly one hell of a steal, he looked suitably proud of himself until one of the barstaff came out after him, ran up and took the chair out of his hands. “I don’t think you need that”.

The bloke didn’t seem too upset, shrugged his shoulders and watched as the barman took the chair inside. As the door closed, he turned and walked away up towards us, reaching behind his back and under his jacket, which, in hindsight I realised must have possessed Tardis-like qualities. He then whipped out an framed oil painting the size of a poster. Holding it in both hands, he walked past us looking at the picture nodding his head and smiling in appreciation. The best pub steal I’ve ever seen.
(Scoobs, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 10:00, Reply)

More money than Sense
A friend of mine has does this on a regular basis his best include.....

Deciding the best place for a chinese take away is China town and driving to london (about and hour and a half drive!!) with about 4 of us in the car. Then we ended up giving most of it away to a homeless person!!

Persuading me and 2 other friends whilst very drunk that we should go on holiday...drunkenly on internet found a great deal that was leaving in a few hours time. Another drunken drive to London hop on a plane. Was actually a great holiday even though drunken packing meant I`d got lots of bikinis and stilletto heels and not much else, didn`t seem to think I`d need anything else! Was actually quite fun to call up work and tell them I`d got pissed and ended up in Spain, somehow I even managed to keep my job!!

Oh and another time when the same friend was drunk he bought a tow truck, it seemed like a good business venture at the time and he still owns it!!
(Smumps, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 9:55, Reply)

Boobs
Came home last week from a trip to the shops (via the pub) with a mighty pair of pendulous boobs.
"What the hell are they?" screamed my girlie.
"Just what you wanted - peachy tits".

Silly me. What she really said was PG Tips. D'oh!
(Wrecked Tums, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 9:34, Reply)

hate me...
... for i purchased the crazy frog ringtone in an attempt to be 'ironic' after one too many pints of falling down water.

Somehow, people just don't understand what i was trying to acheive and usually hit me repeatedly until it stops.

Its not the length that counts, its what you do with it. Think of it as a 6 inch nail being driven in by a 14 stone hammer.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 4:07, Reply)

the only thing i ever buy when i'm drunk...
...A kebab! Eurgh, rubbish indeed. Its a mystery that something that smells so reminiscent of an armpit becomes suddenly so appealing the moment alcohol passes your lips and enters your bloodstream. And to think we trust our so called delicacy with men who don't know the difference between "please wash your hands after urinating" and "please wash your hands with urine while somehow collecting stains which can only be described as car engine oil upon your fetching never been washed uniform"!

But still i eat on...

and on the subject of aquiring, i woke up one morning this year, after a uni night out in bed clutching a 3 foot high metal self-standing ash tray with my friend passed out half on my bed holding a sign which read "The millennium is christ's 2000th birthday worship him here".

We figured it was ours on account of the fact it was out of date!
(Pyro_Deb, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 1:29, Reply)

Worse than the SS
I mentioned earlier I bought some Waffen SS posters, but they probably pale into insignificance with this stupidity. I had been promoted to a manager position with a well known entertainment retailer (a position that was frankly well beyond my capabilities) and as a result got to go to the annual conference which was held at the Chelsea Village. Free bar, although our regional manager said to not get pissed before 11pm, ended up at the Purple nightclub at Chelsea totally fucked and speaking to company directors and then the hotel bar,in the Chelsea complex. After about 20 beers lost conciousness, woke up about 1pm next day still pissed and went straight to pub to try and get rid of hangover, and then spent just under a grand in various shops around the Carnaby St. /Soho area on shitty clothes that I'll never really wear. One thousand fucking pounds gone. Jesus.
(garrison, Mon 13 Jun 2005, 0:54, Reply)

WEEEE!
Went to Asda, at 4AM, to try and get them to cook me, my cousin and his other cousin. We almost resorted to buying a microwave and a micro pizza, but never. I ended up buying 12 pork pies and a slice of cheap cake. DAMN I got sick of those pretty quickly. In the end we hid them around the hotel room we were staying in after writing messages on them for the nice people who found the moulding mess.
(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 23:42, Reply)

Hmm.
I bought a packet of mini rolls, an angel cake, some prunes and some olives at ASDA. And then proceeded to make genitalia with them.

I probably passed out soon after.
(Covonia, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 23:33, Reply)

What for dinner?
Christmas Eve, friend and I are avoiding going to respective homes for as long as possible. Best plan? Go out and get twatted. Que wandering the streets at midnight looking for food. Wander into a Miss Millies (dodgy KFC), peruse menu, decide the best thing two people could eat would be 21 pieces of chicken and 10 portions of fries.

Wake up next day to two very large plates covered in cold congealed fat coated stripped bones and a somewhat heavy feeling in the stomach. Wave friend off feeling worse for ware and make way to christmas dinner with the folks. Walking in the door I ask the obvious question, what's for crimbo dinner? Yes indeed it's chicken, every mouthfull was a bad bad bad....
(Narfax, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 20:18, Reply)

a lovely mental image for ye
a friend of mine, after a night out, got the usual cravings for foodstuffs resembling a kebab. he found a shop, purchased one and headed home. on his arrival he opened the bag to find,and i quote, something that looked like:

"a turd covered in blood"

needless to say he didnt have the munchies after that.
(mike_hunt_loves_you, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 18:33, Reply)

Student life
Where I'm at uni we have many kebab houses that deliver right to your doorstep. Every drunken or stoned night without fail, I order the garlic bread.

Garlic bread gives me the shits.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 16:49, Reply)

just so you know....
...if you buy a stupid and expensive item whilst roaring drunk, or high on any substance, its not actually a legally binding contract, except for 'necessaries', i.e. food and stuff, not antique viking helmets, or pianos or anything. So basically, what i'm saying is, you don't have to pay people for the 50 inflatable dolls that are probably now in your garage, you can just give them back, or cancel your credit card payment, k? Sorry, Just wanted to make all the people who've gone into their overdraft as a result of ridiculous purchases.... haha.
(Ryuken-Kai, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 16:24, Reply)

dominoes
cunting dominoes.

I walk into dominoes, a little worse for wear. I asked for "Medium something-or-other-with-flesh, please" - something to cheer me up about the fact all my mates had been lame & gone home early.

Somehow, I walked out with three huge pizzas stacked on each other, and £60 worse off. They weren't even different flavours. How the fuck did that happen?
( slippery doctore, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 16:19, Reply)

Not bought but stolen,
When I was younger, my family was awoke one morn to the sound of my dad laughing his arse off, why?

He had been awoken at 4 in the morning by a disturbance, got to the top of the stairs and saw at the bottom a pedestrians this way sign, went in to the front room and found me asleep on a pubs picnic table with a sign saying pianist wanted clutched to my chest.

no apologies.
(Colley Cibber, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 15:43, Reply)

drunkeness
a few years ago i went to see the play "art" on the way to london i decided to have a few beers on the train. then met mates at the pub prior to the show, got into the theatree and fel asleep snoring veryu loudly throughout the play. aparently the actors were making comments .

then went back down the pub got more drunk and decided to go to hmv in the trocadero cos its open till midnight.

when i got home i discovered i had spent £450 on random music which i am never going to listen to, stuff like des oconner, enya and all kinds of other shite
(linus, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 14:56, Reply)

Ma 17th
Went out on a piss up for my 17th last july and I brought sugar on my way home but no not jus one bag of sugar 70 friggin bags of sugar.. where i even got the money from i will never know but when i woke up it was stacked in a pyramid... I really really really havent got a clue why

No apologise for length i still have some left over...
(Bhougal...hang me upside down from a banana tree and call me BERTTIE BHOUGAL>>>Oh Yeah...!!, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 14:31, Reply)

At the last count
I have got four copies of The Monkees greatest hits.

And an egg-beater.

And a remote control airship.
( finnbar has officially retired, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 14:05, Reply)

lamb's bollocks...
...in red wine sauce.
(chives, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 13:15, Reply)

Where shall I begin?
Ebay:
5 meters of 1/2" diameter coolant hose
4 mice balls
A Ford fiesta radiator
2 clock radios
50 "performa" condoms
and a freeview box

Materialised the next day
Numerous cones
Uncounted little yellow lights
A rear bumper (who owns D915RLR?)
and a large inflatable hammer
(G.Eusebio ...Fentruk from the long past..., Sun 12 Jun 2005, 13:08, Reply)

When I took acid for the first time ever
I was actually in care at the time. I'd asked my social worker if I could go to the Reading festie, and funnily enough she'd refused. I was a bit pissed off and went and got tripped out with some mates. we then collectively decided that we'd hitch to the Camelford festival in Cornwall.
On the way, me and one of them somehow managed to wander in to Paignton Zoo without paying (we probably looked to scary) and we had a chat with one of the elephants. I also bought a dodgy casio keyboard by taking my weeks allowance out of the bank twice at separate cash machines (you could do that then) which resulted in my bank account being shut down...

And apparently I had the police looking for me in seven counties. Not Cornwall though!
(teasus likes tea, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 12:29, Reply)

Least it tastes nice.
I have to tell my friends not to let me buy drugs when I'm drunk because I always always always end up buying icing sugar. Short and quite uninteresting but a TRUE FACT.
(Gandylion, Sun 12 Jun 2005, 12:22, Reply)