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This is a question Fantasists

Eddie Spunkbubble says: I used to know a sad case who fancied himself as a bit of a 007 and bragged that he always carried a loaded 9mm pistol in his attache case "just in case". Overheard by an off-duty copper, he was asked to make good on his claim. A packed lunch, red face and a stern warning "not to act the twat" and he never did it again. Tell us of Walter Mitty types.

(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:40)
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Once upon a time, there was a board full of stories and hope
But, one day, the evil, evil trolls stumbled across it as they marauded over the Internet.

It is told, that they did not know they were trolls, and were really just people who had never known love or the feeling of being accepted in their local and with the calls of "dickhead" ringing in their ears had set out from many places in their virtual Honda Accords of justice, to find a place they might call their own.

And so it came to pass that on one fateful day, the virtual Honda's converged upon a shady (with a twist of lime) corner of the inter webs in synchronicity as was foretold in the book of Rob's. It was truly a dark day when they came together, like a boys school, pleasuring themselves to a single 1980's copy of Razzle, the unrestrained repressed sexual violence they brought upon that collection of naive electronic surfers was a horror we doubt the universe will see again.

The trolls they were clever and did not spring into the light but, spread their evil in whispers and half truths from the shadows. The first to suffer at their hands was the noble Tribe of Mod, who had protected this place with their truth and virtue, but were brought asunder with tales of canine molestation. Then like dew drops in the summer sun, we saw the destruction of the great houses of Spimf, Hood Butter, Legless and Spanky Hanky and we despaired when the not so great house of Smash Monkey fell to the dark side. Some though greatly diminished stayed strong, and fought the trolls in the valiant yet futile act of Trolling the Trolls, even though it cost them dearly in salt water pools and pissed upon mouths.

A dark prophet arose, a keeper of the false archives, and even though he had lurked from the shadows for many a year, his humorous persona of fat spouses and rutting rodents had allowed him to grow strong and draw others to his side until, the legend of AB became the god of false witness.

In the final Shambolic days of this once virtuous place in cybertropolis it became the fashion for the last remaining contributors to nonce upon the otters who used to run wild and the final descent into the fire walls and paid subscriptions began.

Oh from where will a saviour rise to save these fine boards?

Length: about 12 years

TL:DR - that's what fucked it for everyone

This is the word of the boards, praise be to mods.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 14:35, 40 replies)
* despaired

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 14:50, closed)
+ Razzle.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:18, closed)
+ descent

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:20, closed)
+ no fucking clue how to use punctuation or an apostrophy correctly.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:22, closed)
^fail right there

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:39, closed)
Damn, and I can't even ninja-edit it now.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:41, closed)
But, you are still correct
I'm not clever
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:32, closed)

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:02, closed)
^rubbish at internet

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:09, closed)
totally leaving that there
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:15, closed)
About right

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:11, closed)
Yet ANOTHER fucking crybaby with a WAAAAAAAHHHH!!! /TALK ARE MEAN!!! story.
Also: Learn to fucking spell, you retarded fuck-knuckle.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:17, closed)
Would I get a QI alarm for using the word 'upset'?

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:27, closed)

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:03, closed)

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:52, closed)
^ needs to watch the episode 'Knees and Knockers' - you idiunt.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:00, closed)
Typed on a keyboard broken by the blows of fists and short-circuited by tears.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 15:36, closed)
See above
Good guess though
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:23, closed)
oh do shut up, you whining noob prat

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:02, closed)
^showing rare example of restraint

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:03, closed)
not really
I'm only pointlessly rude when it's pointless. When people are genuinely too much of a fucking crybaby to be allowed on the internet then I can rarely summon more than pity
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:08, closed)
Hahahahahahahaha, "when people are genuinely too much of a fucking crybaby to be allowed on the internet"
Self-awareness isn't your strong suit, is it?
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:18, closed)
go and put optimus prime up some slag's bumhole
you hideous waste of skin
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:22, closed)
Haha, you make a joke about one whinging crybaby and another one comes along straight away

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:25, closed)
haha, you're AMAZING.
don't go changing.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:27, closed)
He would Janet
But your bumhole is too busy being used to voice your opinions
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:29, closed)
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:31, closed)
Mr Kettle, I'd report that Mr Pot for racially abusing you if I were you.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:14, closed)
why is this soppy little herbert still replying to me twenty times a week?
does he fancy me or summat?
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:04, closed)
It's because you've got the whole Optimus Prime, father figure thing going on.
So yes, probably.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:38, closed)
I preferred old hipster wannabe nerdgrot emvee
this new whiny puppydog emvee is dull as owt
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:51, closed)
or a half hearted wank
with your small penis
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:28, closed)
it's barely even worth the effort of jamming electrodes up my arse to get the rancid little worm semi-stiff these days

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 18:14, closed)
Point of order
I think you'll find I have posted here longer than you.

Just with less frequency and repressed bursting knob blister rage

Edit-this seems to be attached to the wrong fan comment, extra points if you can guess correctly to which it really belongs.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:43, closed)
I had stories on the front page of this ridiculous qftw shithole five years before you even signed up to b3ta, you dopey noob twat.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:56, closed)
I doubt the validity of your statement
Please provide proof
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:16, closed)
Are you pretending to be thick here? I don't get it.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:17, closed)
Pretending? Anyway, you seem to be on Goering's trail
Say it enough and it becomes fact.

We looked for proof and can find nothing more than a childishly drawn cartoon with no point.

Until you do, I now point the finger of noob upon you.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:30, closed)
there's a story in my profile from 2005 ... how shit at the internet are you?

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:36, closed)

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:43, closed)
Yes, hide away noob!
you have no currency here with your lies and deception
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 1:20, closed)
Be fair
Somehow your profile is a pictogram, so it is really hard to tell what you did in 2005.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 2:22, closed)
A shield for his pure lies

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 3:34, closed)
yerr ... it's well hard to turn off css in people's profiles innit lol

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:52, closed)
wake up to yourself mate
I can barely spell css, let alone manipulate it.

and no, it does not make you cool that you can.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:58, closed)
You're missing some hilarious stuff, like this gem from 2005:
First meeting with french in-laws I was galantly carrying all the luggage for me and the missus. This caused me to stumble when going in for the gallic kiss on the cheek and soundly headbutt her mother.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:27, closed)
Hahahaha that is pretty awesome.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:46, closed)
the golden years when regulars from the real boards posted short anecdotes
I say 'years' ... I think it lasted about six weeks.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:52, closed)
Can I just mention my seniority here?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:13, closed)
in fact you should probably demand that we all pay you homage
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:26, closed)
Doesn't everyone already?
Hop to it, bitches!
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:48, closed)
Not upset, definitely not
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:58, closed)
you just know he is going to do an overnight delete

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 1:21, closed)
I've only ever deleted fairholme threads and he's sadly departed rip alwrz in are hart's

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:31, closed)
Hahaha, you are a fantasist aren't you?
You deleted a thread with me the other week just because you were losing, you massive crybaby twat
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:17, closed)
you know how 95% of your posts are replies to me telling me that I'm upset?
that's probably a good indication that you should take some time out from the internet and pull yourself together, eh?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:32, closed)
I think it's a good indication that you shouldn't get so upset all the time

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:58, closed)
They don't put /qotw stories on the front page, Doc.
Unless you put together the greatest TOAP that this website has ever seen, I suppose.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:16, closed)
Appropriate for the qotw though
if only we could vote replies to win etc
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:31, closed)
This /qotw is too deep, for me.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:35, closed)
can't tell if you're pretending to be dim or not, soz

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:56, closed)
Winning at /qotw is...
... nothing like winning, at all.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:06, closed)
god you're such a bully some times
any minute now I'm going to be upset online because emvee will say so
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 9:32, closed)
I do hope so.
It's so rare that anyone ever gets upset at me.
How long should I wait before threatening your children and getting myself stepped?
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:32, closed)
I think you need to post pictures of your own family first to prove how happy you are.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 10:58, closed)
I dropped my camera in my saline pit.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 13:16, closed)
i hate you and i wish you were dead.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:14, closed)
^showing usual amount of non-restraint

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:18, closed)
^ totally implying that The LOVELY Janet is shamelessly jiggling.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:23, closed)
*pocket billiards*

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:31, closed)

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:32, closed)

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 16:33, closed)
You're not the first to say that
I doubt you will be the last
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:40, closed)

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:43, closed)
O benighted denizens of beleagured B3ta!




I, Doctor Skagra, sweeties!

For lo, behold, gadzooks, begorrah, xorxes orks, zygantes and ostrich clit beholden, every week I shaltt post wondrous stories of my deerring doo in ALL of my 9 (I think) incarnatoins throughoutt Time and Spaz.




(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 17:13, closed)

*Sighs heavily*
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:45, closed)
Yes it is sad that everyone can't be lovely to each other on here. Have you tried fucking off to mumsnet?
*may not have bothered to read past the second line of your post
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 18:43, closed)
...but they're much worse.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 18:58, closed)
It is often thought that the less intelligent amongst us
Do spew forth their opinions without any real understanding then grow up to be commenters for the Daily Mail
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:45, closed)
'forth', you thick cunt

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:52, closed)
Gigity gig

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:45, closed)
Of this missive I approve
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 19:30, closed)
Complains about others not contributing and 'ruining' things doesn't actually post a story ^^^^^

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:15, closed)
Wow, for a comedy website
You're taking it pretty seriously.

Do you need the irony explained, or would you prefer to just point and shout without any real understanding?

Please don't call my boss
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:47, closed)
I'll be honest here, I've had the shits all day and may not be at full tilt.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:56, closed)
Poor badge
Everyone stop what they're doing time for a group hug
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:18, closed)
Not too tight, It'll be like a shitty cake icer.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:25, closed)
I get it. Would you like a nice cup of tea and a biscuit?

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:16, closed)
Yes please
And lashings of ginger beer if you have it
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:48, closed)
I have a whip.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 7:04, closed)
We'll make do then

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:00, closed)
I don't get it now - you are having a Interweb bloo bloo breakdown. No cup of tea or biscuit.

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 11:12, closed)
Hey, at least there's still a glimmer of a pulse left in this place.
Look at the state of /board now that EVERYBODY CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO CONTRIBUTE, it's basically just the same 4 people rimming each other's internet bumholes these days.
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:31, closed)
Is NO-ONE going to try and claim that Bad Advice is actually trolling here?

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:41, closed)
I resent that
I am being a fantasist, relating how I remember the fall of QOTW.

I'm not clever enough to troll
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:50, closed)
I think he's throwing a mini fairholme.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:57, closed)
He must have arms like a Russian shot-putter.

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:34, closed)
Like a babies arm holding an apple
No, wait, that's my knob
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 22:46, closed)
A big round green end with a worm in it?

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:22, closed)
I didn't realise we had met

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 0:10, closed)
you married him

(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:39, closed)
This is the highest number of fan comments something I posted ever got
I am so happy
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 21:53, closed)
Basically flogging a dead dog

(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 23:25, closed)

dog otter
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 0:06, closed)

logging ingering
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 8:47, closed)

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