I have two so Ill be brief
Theres a toilet at uni where on the right hand side is written 'look left' and on the left hand side 'look right'. Its amazong how that keeps you occupied after your 10th pint.

Also, Canal Street in manchester is changed, almost instantly every time its corrected, back to Anal treet. For those that dont know canal street is the biggest gay community in the country, and was in queer as folk
( Cocodaye Miasere likes chips and peas, Sun 6 May 2007, 1:17, Reply)

Bindun?
Cubicle door, gents toilets, Steyne Hotel, Manly Corso, Sydney:

"No matter how good she looks, somebody somewhere is sick and tired of putting up with her bullshit".

Also:

"I fucked your mum".

To which someone had added:

"Go home dad, you're pissed".
(Monkey Tennis isn't Spartacus, Sun 6 May 2007, 1:09, Reply)

Not particularly funny this one...
...But Lancaster uni students might recognise it.

Last year, there was some controversy concerning "The George Fox 6", who the university basically took to court over the fact that they barged their way into a lecture, hurled some furniture about, and generally disrupted things.

more information can be found here:

www.free-webspace.biz/GeorgeFox/

To sum it up briefly, they claim it was a peaceful protest (how many peaceful protests begin by forcing your way into a building?) against the fact that the lecture was being given by BAE systems, who they claimed were war mongers and were responsible for millions of deaths for their part in creating weaponry for the armed forces, and that the university was trying to deny them their right to free speech.

The wonderful irony of all this is that they publicised this matter by standing in Alex Square at the heart of the university and telling everyone. Which the university allowed them to do, sooooo they obviously aren't denying you free speech.

On top of which, what about the right to get an education? There were clearly people there who wanted to attend that lecture. On top of which, shouldn't the university also get the right to free speech to put the lecture on in the first place? They were asked to leave, and they refused, so the university took them to court for trespassing. seems totally fair to me.

Anyway, the graffiti element of this is that I went on a brief campaign every time I went for a piss, and wrote (or did some small illustration) "HANG THE GF6" in various toilet cubicles around campus.

Certainly not the greatest graffiti ever, but I thought I'd share, if only to relate a tale of how utterly self important these fucking wanker vegan hippy protester student cunt types can be. I hate them, and I want them killed.

Oh yeah, and now the cunts are asking for donations to pay for their court expenses...
( PMGT -Bacon., Sun 6 May 2007, 1:04, Reply)

Does anyone else remember
Way back in the 90s, "Whatever happened to Slade?" in 6ft high letters on the side of the Oval cricket ground?
( De nada adan eD, Sun 6 May 2007, 1:01, Reply)

Not really graffiti
But I thought I'd offer them up anyway.

first, my initials are SH. When I was at school I used to write my initials on the top of my excerise books. Without fail, within 24 hours, someone would always add 'IT' (I'm sure it was one of my mates, but I never found out who).

Secondly... (wavy lines) Many years ago, I used to run a national trust estate. We had rather large grounds and occasionally did fetes and things for the local community.
At one time, we were arranging to hold a psychic fair in the grounds.
Now, I'd been arranging the whole thing through one particular chap who turned out to be, shall we say, slightly disturbed in his sense of reality (he was a fruitcake).
Anyway, without going into the whole thing here (I'll save that for another qotw) I ended up telling him to take his psychic fair and shove it up his arse. This was two days before the fair was due to start (and go on for two days).
I printed up a few posters annoucing the cancellation and stuck them up on the gate. When I chose my wording I realised that it would be ripe for graffiti as it was so obvious. So I decided to add it myself.
The posters read:
"psychic fair cancelled
(they didn't see that coming!)"

Actually, now I've written that, I'm not sure it was worth it...
(EvilMeister, Sun 6 May 2007, 0:58, Reply)

"What does that mean, Mummy?"
When I was about six, my mum took me to the park. On the wall of a tunnel were proudly painted the words "FUCK PIGS".

I was able to read this, and rather curiously asked my mother what it meant.

Kudos to her, her response was, "It means 'go away, policemen', but it's very rude. Don't ever say it."

Last time I went to that park, it was still there.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Sun 6 May 2007, 0:53, Reply)

Feel a little bad about this one...
But fuck it.

St Gabriels High School in Bury. We used to have these green science textbooks which we would be given at the start of class, and around page 109, there was a picture of some children with Down's syndrome, with the caption

"Down's children are very affectionate".

Over the course of two years, I managed to change every single one of them to

"Down's children are very ugly".

Also, I used to draw moustaches on the sperms.
( PMGT -Bacon., Sun 6 May 2007, 0:53, Reply)

"COLLIN HAS THREE BARS OF SOAP
ONE OF THEM IS RED"

Quite who Collin was, what colour the other bars were and why the public needed to be informed was unfortunately never clarified.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Sun 6 May 2007, 0:50, Reply)

Anyone from Bradford (7)
You will know:

"ITS A MEAN OLD SCENE"
for years, it was there (google if you don't believe me) on a stone wall that was shortened in height. Someone reiterated on the shorter wall in Maggie's reign
"ITS STILL A MEAN OLD SCENE THATH OUT"
Lost some impact with that spelling...

And just up the road
"Anarchism is what socialism was"

which I still often wonder about.
( Want Bartender Time gentlemen please.., Sun 6 May 2007, 0:31, Reply)

At school...
We tend to get a fair few emos, as you do in any secondary school. On the toilet walls, one had written in big artsy-fartsy gothic writing in a clear attempt to be profound:

"FIRST IT GIVETH, THEN IT TAKETH AWAY"

So underneath I drew a little arrow and wrote:
"Uh-oh, it gave me head..."

Unlike most graffiti, this stayed up for some weeks and accumulated a fair few "lol" and "haha stupid emo" graffiti-comments. I like to think that I deprived an emo kid of his overly-melancholic self-expression.

First post - woo!
(Adamish Time of death, Sun 6 May 2007, 0:24, Reply)

On a wall in Manchester
a couple of miles from, well, it explains itself.

"PAKIS GO HOME"

Underneath, and deserving of kudos

"WOT, TO STRETFORD?"
(godspants, Sat 5 May 2007, 23:51, Reply)

On a rock in the Highlands
In the middle of fucking nowhere, some God botherer had written - Are you with Jesus?

To my endless delight, the reply was...
No, I'm with the Woolwich.
( dwarf, Sat 5 May 2007, 23:44, Reply)

Leeds again
Quite a number of years ago, end of 1983 if memory serves... Someone had painted on the multi-storey crap-ark overlooking where that shit-heap boat now serves countless filthpigs their studenty liquor the enormous pleasantry 'Happy 1984!'

Silly bastard didn't update it for '85 though did they? By '86 it looked a little sad. '87 was a bad year for it, mind...
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sat 5 May 2007, 23:37, Reply)

They get around they do
In an underpass in Carlisle: "GAZZA SHAGGED HOLLY HERE 2006"
Coincidentally, in a public loo I went in the same day:
"GAZZA SHAGGED HOLLY HERE 2006"

..Interesting.

Also "Donna is a bitch I spent my whole giro on her bday present and she shagged Danny she can FUCK RIGHT OFF" or something like that.

Carlisle's chavs are a completely different class, Im telling you.
( Spazzcat jam out with your clam out, Sat 5 May 2007, 23:37, Reply)

M20
Anyone around the area, traveling East, must have seen the "Tina, will you marry me" on the bridge
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Sat 5 May 2007, 23:26, Reply)

This one made me smile
Found this wandering around in Edinburgh one day...


(442, Sat 5 May 2007, 23:22, Reply)

McDonald's
The McDonald's at the town center in Folkestone has had the word Gum changed to..... Cum
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Sat 5 May 2007, 22:57, Reply)

Great sales pitch.
Written on the wall outside a big supermarket a couple of years ago:

"Eat only flour for a week, win a nice prize!"

(In big colourful letters, looked quite professional, I really hope that someone tried it.)
(Saratron, Sat 5 May 2007, 21:58, Reply)

A provocateur friend of mine...
...with a wicked, wicked sense of humour, vandalised a local post-Apartheid mural depicting a utopian multi-cultural South Africa.

He changed the "Rights" in "Turning Human Wrongs Into Human Rights" to "Whites".

I honestly feel bad that I laughed as much as I did.
(Ladyfingers is in your wardrobe,, Sat 5 May 2007, 21:30, Reply)

not really graffiti
A friend and I went stencilling a while back in Belfast, and one of the designs we sprayed was this cyberman on top of a big metal bin.

Within a week, someone had gone to some effort to clean off the text, but left the cyberman head intact. It remains there to this day.

EDIT: ooh, one I've just remembered. Back when I was at uni, our class trooped in one morning to be greeted with "I FUCKED JILL HERE" in big white letters on the blackboard. took them a few days to clean it properly too..

EDIT EDIT: And one from work toilets, two distinct styles of handwriting:

UP YOU'RE BOTTOM
That shouldn't have an apostrophe or an "E"!
TA! UP YOU'RES
(dregan, Sat 5 May 2007, 20:28, Reply)

On the way into Glasgow
at the start of a new uni year, on a motorway bridge
'Thank you for your virgin daughters'
(badgerlikespeed, Sat 5 May 2007, 19:55, Reply)

saw this in York ages ago

(supershinysarah, Sat 5 May 2007, 19:52, Reply)

School books are the best.
Ok, so going to a normal school in the north east, you can't expect anything to high brow, in fact i think the simple stupidity is what makes this funny.

A picture in a text book on Vietnam, of some local on a bike. Next to it, some one scrawled "NAR!" a word used for no, usual in response to somthing stupid or gay.

The wittiest I found was in a biology text, about genetic mutations, so there was a picture of a load of African kids, only one was randomly white skinned. Penned next to it "where's wally?" (waldo) to the yanks
(Mong goose, Sat 5 May 2007, 19:46, Reply)

Labcoat
The best graffiti I've ever witness was in a first year biochemistry lab and my mate Dan was talking to one of the lab supervisors whilst oblivious to another mate Chris drawing a huge cock on the back of his labcoat. Dan then turned around, with his back to the supervisor and walked away. Luckily this was the last lab
of the year and by second year the offending item had been washed out.

This year (final year) Dan asked everyone to draw a little something or other on his pencil case as a momento.

Chris drew a picture of dan in in lab coat, cock and all.

In fact, everyone of my gang of friends have various things written on the lab coat i.e 'left boob', 'right boob', 'dan likes men' etc. In fact Im the only one who has still got a spotless lab coat.
(purplefairy, Sat 5 May 2007, 19:41, Reply)

Oh and,
(probably bindun but can't be bothered reading all these)

... on a bus shelter in central Leeds, there's several adverts for Bradford & Bingley Mortgages, with life-size people, as if they're waiting for a bus with everyone else, with thought bubbles above their heads. One of them reads:

I wish we had a house in the country

(Or at least it used to. Guess which letter is missing and you win a toasted gerbil)

A flop-o-gees for length
(fourplusone, Sat 5 May 2007, 19:30, Reply)

Cubicle graffiti at Uni in Brum
"As I sit I contemplate:
should I shit or masturbate?"

Love it
( .o0o.o0o.o0o. that's better, Sat 5 May 2007, 19:28, Reply)

In the toilets....
...at a call centre belonging to one of the UK's biggest banking corporations- written between the yellow wall tiles:

Jimmy Saville fucked your sister


Length? Nothing spectacular, but she had to take her teeth out for girth
(fourplusone, Sat 5 May 2007, 19:19, Reply)

I chuckled at some dirt writing on the back of a van today
which is the first time in about 10 years. "White with a hint of the A46"

The only other one I can remember finding funny was "I wish my wife was a dirty as this truck."

EDIT: Just remembered one from school days.. used to walk through some playing fields and one day along the very long wall in these fields, "Sophie, Will you marry me?" appeared. A week later.. "She said yes!" next to it. 6months or so down the line it had: "You cheating fucking whore" scrawled over the top of it. Handwriting looked the same, too.
( Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Sat 5 May 2007, 18:52, Reply)

Quite Topical for the location.
One of my personal favourites was in a jazz club called the Bimhuis in southern Amsterdam last year, on the back of one of the men's cubicle doors someone had written in black marker.

"Real people do it for free"
(Dr Marrowfat Okapi markings are the reverse of the Quagga, Sat 5 May 2007, 18:49, Reply)

In school...
There was one 'special' toliet that everyone graffitied in.

One day, I wrote my name in maker pen on the inside of the bog door.....

Unknowingly, I had left the marker pen in the cubicle, and by the end of the week, there was a big list of abuse down the end of my name, coupled with a few secrets i only told to my closest friends.

For example:

DanS
Touches children
fancies Miss Greene
Had a wank in a biology lesson
Becomes Danielle on the weekend.

And so on and so forth. Very few of them were true, but the ones that were true were so exsagerated, that it was on the realms of fiction. (Like that biology lesson....I was only scrathing it!)

Looking back on it, I think its brilliant, and actually, I'm rather proud.
(DanS like you've never DanSed before!, Sat 5 May 2007, 18:46, Reply)