They were there, in the cupboard looking at me
Taunting me, reminding me of my youth.
They called my name. Begged me to make that rewarding interaction between them and me. They even called out things that could accompany them. I was useless to resist and I stood and made something I hadn't had since I was about 9...

A crisp sandwich.

Oh yes.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 14:43, Reply)

remembered summore
walking around naked in my room and pretending I'm in a music video, mouthing the words to myself in the mirror and looking angsty when the song calls for it (usually with a cigarette 'cause I find it makes it look more bleak)...

It really shouldn't but it makes me so happy...

And reading about Jade Goody/Britney/ Kerry Katona and getting on my high-horse about them being bad mothers (despite not actually being a mother myself) and then feeling better about my own life...ahhhhh...blisssssssss
(Ryfelwr can't stop here... this is bat country, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 14:27, 2 replies)

in busy places
like on the Tube or in the train station, I like to look around at everyone and try to work out if any of them are b3ta contributors.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 14:02, 2 replies)

I don't do guilt, but
I may join in on the jokes, but I actually have nothing at all against Emos.

In fact, they seem quite nice.
( ..wil, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 13:45, Reply)

Supermarket Trolley Gliding
Everyone does this. Earlier today doing the big shop for the week, I launched into a trolley glide just as someone else who, like me, is old enough to know better, launched into a trolley glide coming towards me. We didn't say anything, just nodded in mutual recognition as we glided past each other.

Brilliant.
(gordonjcp, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 13:42, 5 replies)

Cold Food
I adore cold food; left over pizza/chinese/Curry/Fish & Chips. Ill happily eat a roast thats been in the fridge (although I like the gravy warm). And also Ill make a sandwich of most things - chilli (hot or cold), sausage caserole.

Breakfast of Champions.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 13:04, 3 replies)

Guilty enough for the guillotine, pleasurable enough for staining
This weeks question asks what we do when nobody else is around. Well, rather than post the 1000th entry describing my masturbatory techniques, I have composed a short list of things I am actually slightly guilty about...

1. Jimmy Carr - I find him funny. His jokes are clever! Some people hate his delivery, but really, there isn't really any other way to deliver his (well, his writers) jokes - I think it works the way it does.

2. Music - I have nothing against James Blunt personally, even though he did go to Harrow School, that jumped-up public RAH cock! Oh I would kick.... er.. well okay ignore my last statement. The Kooks, they're alright

3. Warhammer. Used to do it when I was younger. Many people say that, subtly implying they're too cool for it now. I'd love to carry it on, I just can't afford it! Worst thing is, I go to Uni in Nottingham, Warhammer world is round the corner...must resist temptation!

4. Playing Devil's Advocate - great way to piss people off. Going up to some guy in a beard, kafeya and a sign saying "Death to the West" and asking him his opinion of the Israeli conflict and what we should do with "All those pesky terrorists". Or asking a drug dealer how much he sells his stuff for. Then asking him how much he bought it for. They hate that.

*edit* Oh yeah, apologies for length. It's longer than Blount, I guarantee it!
(tarbin tarbis, tarbit, tarbamus, tarbimus, tarbant, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 13:04, 4 replies)

I put things in my ears.
Mainly the arms of my glasses, or unfurled paperclips, but also other long and thin things.

Which makes it even odder that I recently got a set of earphones that have that little extended bit that goes inside your earhole- and I hate them. They're so uncomfortable.
( Thinker, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 12:32, 1 reply)

I hide
Woolworths pick and mix in my underwear drawer.
I get some every Saturday and make it last all week.

This comes from my mother being a food nazi and not allowing me sweets as a child.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 15 Mar 2008, 10:35, 8 replies)

Basically
One thing, my little chumpettas, that I just *adore* doing is shoving a cat on my cock and getting a tuna to lick it off. Ooh tickles.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 6:20, Reply)

I don't think I'm much of a nerd.
For a start, my typing is incredibly slow.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 4:32, 3 replies)

I'll be honest
I haven't really taken this question seriously. However, I've just thought of a story that (loosely) ties in, so I shall tell it, in all it's glory.

My sister, God bless her, is blonde. Very, very blonde. Possibly blonder than the Miss California pageant of '86. The kind of person that, if you asked her what she was thinking, would truthfully answer "Not much" every single time.

To set the story, we used to have a rabbit, that lived in a greenhouse with two guinea pigs. The rabbit had always been my sister's, which explained why it had such a gay name - 'Snowball.' Now, Snowball had always been an adventurous little bugger, always determined to explore the outside world. He was like a furry, long-eared Steve McQueen, constantly digging tunnels and trying to escape from his 'Nazi' captors (that would be us, for the hard of thinking).

One day, my sister came home from school, to find the greenhouse occupied by two guinea pigs, but no rabbit. Distraught, she searched the glass prison, and couldn't find any means of escape. So, panicky and almost in tears, she phones the only person in the world who can help - my mother, still at work in her office job for a multinational company that may rhyme with 'IDM.'

The phone rings, my mother answers, and is immediately greeted with my sister, sobbing the words "I can't find Snowball anywhere."

She drops what she is doing and switches to 'Mum mode.' "Oh, darling, I'm sorry. Have you checked the greenhouse?"

My sister snivels, and says, "Yes, but he's not there. I've looked everywhere!"

"Well, sweetheart, maybe he's just went out for a walk. I'm sure he'll hop back soon once he knows you're missing him" (My mother has always been a terrible liar)

Then there is a pause, and my sister says, tentatively, "Well...one of the guinea pigs looked like it had a fat neck, and...well..."

"Yes?" my mother asks, full of concern.

"Well...do you think the guinea pig might have...eaten Snowball?"

At this, my mother puts her hand over the mouthpiece and bursts out laughing. Her colleagues, seated around her, stare at her disapprovingly, having heard her trying to console her daughter only moments before. She tries to pull it together, but only ends up laughing harder, while my sister is still trying to talk to her - "Mum? Mum, are you still there?"

Eventually she gets hold of herself, and manages to tell my sister that it's very unlikely the guinea pig has eaten Snowball, seeing as it's a herbivore, and is at least half the size of the missing rabbit.

Happily, Snowball turned up a few days later, sitting in a neighbours garden and munching his prize lettuces. He had escaped through a loose glass panel in the back, which was subsequently boarded over. His rabbity adventures continued, however, and he managed to escape at least 5 more times, before eventually meeting his match in a speeding Volvo estate outside our house, shortly after his last bid for freedom. I like to think the last thing that went through his mind was, "They'll never take me alive", however, I suspect the last thing to go through his mind may well have been a Michelin tyre.

And my guilty pleasure? I greatly enjoy telling this story at all family parties, or whenever I'm being introduced to my sister's latest boyfriend, even though it took place about 7 years ago.

I'm a great big brother...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 2:14, 1 reply)

Weirding people out
The tube - I hate it... I'm from up North and I don't like the level of rudeness that it brings out of people - I'm just not used to having my face rammed into someone else's armpit.

My guilty pleasure?

Looking at people - try it, I dare you. Look at someone on the tube, it'll freak them out - I do this at every opportunity just for the reaction.

Or try to start a conversation, another sure fire way to weird out those Southerners...

I love doing it and I'm not even sorry.

Saying that, I have had some pretty good conversations with people who turn out to be Northerners - making me and cedde person the two nutters on the tube.

And I don't even look weird :o)

My greatest moment? Buying a bunch of carnations for the b3ta meet, removing one and giving them to a girl sat just outside Waitrose in Kensington saying "Here you go, you look like you needed these" and walked off without looking back.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 2:12, 9 replies)

evil
I have to confess to cleaning the toilet with my mother in laws toothbrush ..... evil but very funny at the time .
Guilty ..nope not a bit
Pleasure .. well worth it
(kthxbai, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 2:01, Reply)

every town, has its ups and down
My guilty please is....Disney songs. I fecking can't get enough of that shit, especially the old 70s and 80s ones where Roger Miller (he of King of the Road fame) did the music.

I have every song from every soundtrack hidden away in an obscure photoshop file on the communal imac i share with my roommates. I thought this would never be discovered...

When I'm alone I like to play the songs really loudly and sing along at a similar volume (my favorites right now are Not in Nottingham from Robin Hood and Tale as Old as Time from Beauty and the Beast).

I recently moved into a unbearably hip and huge warehouse complex in New Haven CT. Three days ago all my roommates went out and it was obviously Disney music time for little fawn. I cranked Oo De Lally up all the way followed by some choice Aristocats and belted them out at the top of my lungs.

All was well until the day later when I went with the roommates to a dive bar downtown. About 3 whiskey and sodas in Pin by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs came on and I was singing loudly.

My friend then approached with 2 very beautiful boys in shameful skinny jeans and pork pie hats. I got ready to trick them into shagging me with my English accent and milky white breasts when one of them said "do you live at ********* warehouse?" I replied in the affirmative and then they both burst out singing "EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAT".
I was so surprised and embarrassed that I made a quick U turn and bashed into a wall, bloodying my nose.

Turns out that they live below us and the ceilings are rather thin...
I haven't been as humiliated in at least 3 weeks!


Click I Like This and I'll post a pic of the bloody Disney-caused injury.
(little fawn, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 1:52, 8 replies)

22 below - 2 min taster.
At a comedy gig I did a 2 min set that started

"Do you every worry that we stopped Garry Glitter fucking children too soon?"

The set was DARK - I wouldn't do it in my 5, 10 or 20 spots.

Thank you Robert - that was a good night.
(waxdart hello., Sat 15 Mar 2008, 1:38, Reply)

Sometimes, when I'm alone
I feel the need to stick on the Spice Girl's first album.

Then I take a cheesegrater to my balls and rub and rub until the desire goes away.

Keeps me entertained
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 1:34, Reply)

When out with the better half in a public place...
I like to pretend we're arguing, and it always ends with "IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR MOUTH I'LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE LIKE I DID LAST TIME!!" very loudly to see how people react.

Haven't been attacked QUITE yet, but there's plenty of time.

We usually hold in the laughter until we round the corner. Usually...
(r2b2 has ear cataracts?!?, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 1:21, Reply)

Achey breaky cakey back
Small bedsit. Lying on the floor, pretending to have backache. In reality I'm waiting for the girlfriend to fall asleep so that I can have a wank.
(mymonkeylife, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 1:17, Reply)

Hmm.
Masturbating using my partners pillow.
(wormeater, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 1:10, Reply)

Guilty pleasures.
Decided to take my post off as it gives folk the wrong impression.
(Just a girl., Sat 15 Mar 2008, 1:07, Reply)

Just being a bloke?
After brushing my teeth/mouth washing, I wipe my mouth on the left sleeve of Mrs Smurf's peach coloured dressing gown, even though the 'hand towel' is closer (her dressing gown hangs less than a foot away). The reason for this is that it is closer to head height than the hand towel.

It's sheer man laziness, like piddling in the sink; "I could lift the toilet lid or I could slash in the sink with the tap running". Or "I could bend slightly and dry my mouth on the hand towel that has dried the hand apres poo or pee, or I could dry it on somewhere easier to reach and cleaner".

I know it makes sense. Do you?
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Sat 15 Mar 2008, 0:23, Reply)

Answer
I like to rub my asshole on my wifes shower face towel that she yelled at me for using once. Sorry honey but it's deserved...
( Qwolf What can you do with out a dolly? ©, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 23:57, Reply)

My own guilty pleasure is right now.....
Ok. So I was in a costume store looking for "the right" costume when I overheard a nice looking couple walk in and ask the costume assistant for help.

"We're looking for star wars costumes" they ask.
The assistant responds "Well we have a Princess Leia costume for you "(the girl).

The guy asks "What do have for me?"

The assistanct replies "We have an Obe wan kenobe costume... umm we have a Han solo... oh no.. he's rented out already... I'm sure we've got a Luke Skywalker.. no i'm afraid we've only got a childrens Luke skywalker left. We've not much else!"

The nice couple look at each other trying to decide what to do when I could help but interject with "It looks like Obe Wan Kenobe is your only hope."

So what's my guilty pleasure? Cheating at the B3ta comp and answering last weeks question with an answer I thought of too late... oh yeah that feels good.
(Evildonald, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 23:51, 1 reply)

So may lies concerning sex!
My Mum is a strict Catholic, and I've convinced her I'm still a virgin at aged 21...(let me explain, it took a LOT of lying!) I tell her I have a "phobia" of sex due to my mild germaphobia, as she knows I'm agnostic and wouldn't let me have anyone over otherwise...but I'm not germaphobic about sex, only GERMS so I guess this is a guilty pleasure.

She's secretly relieved at my blatant lies, and I take perverse pleasure in the fact that I've had sex in nearly every room of our house without anyone knowing.

I shouldn't have to cover up the bruises at aged 21 it's like being a fucking schoolkid again but it's all part of being an irish catholic I guess. It doesn't help that I like it rough and keep having to explain my ribs, shoulders, back etc are bruised as can be...I once had to put a plaster over one as it showed blatant teeth marks.

She found an empty condom wrapper under the sofa once after me and my ex had slept on it and I convinced her it must of been my sister's or I'd stepped on it at the pub. She actually believed me or is in serious denial.

This is a guilty pleasure of mine I suppose...am I a bad person or a normal youth not wanting the Mum to stick her bloody nose in?

.
(trippeh, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 23:27, 5 replies)

I destroyed the antique plumbing at a fancy B & B...
... with my turd.

It was like a felled Redwood. Days of pent up poo elegently curling almost to the rim of the bowl.

My girlfriend was mortified when they had to call a plumber.

I was so proud.

(First B3ta post in 4 years motherfuckers!!)
(Inspector_Bumhat http://hurled.blogspot.com/, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 23:23, 1 reply)