Touch myself
When I´m on my own and don´t have to care about my boyfriend.

Don´t tell him!!!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 14 Mar 2008, 23:06, Reply)

-sizzle-
I like to set things aflame and put them out with water just to hear them sizzle, mainly with important letters or bills to my parents o_O

I also say/do the weirdest things in public, just for random people's reactions.
(Grass, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 22:45, Reply)

I thought no, initially...
...And then I remembered that walking around in broad daylight, unholstering an imaginary shotgun, firing AND reloading repeatedly at cars and people who aren't looking (complete with sound effects) wasn't normal.

I need to stop playing so many Shooters.
(Link101, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 22:44, Reply)

Forget my previous post...
I feel I should also mention this:

I recently stumbled upon the new digital station called "Birdsong" - the name says it all, 24/7 incessant chirping which is meant to be relaxing, but I find really quite disturbing. However, I realised the other day that there may be some fun to be had with this...

I have a cat, Matilda Bluebell, here's the bugger:


I called her down in to the kitchen and placed her in front of the radio, and turned the birdsong on full volume. Her little pointy ears suddenly prick upwards, and she starts looking around frantically, running about the room and sniffing in the corners, meowing and purring. That's when I left the room. I checked back an hour later, and she was prancing from blind to blind, doing some strange military march forwards and backwards on her hind legs, intent on finding the source of the noise. I think she gave up eventually.

I've been thinking of taking this to another level, and rigging up the radio to speakers, putting them on the pavement and waiting for the cats to assemble and start an all out war on the invisible birds.

I'll keep you posted...
(ladyflash Formally known as "oshi_", Fri 14 Mar 2008, 22:06, 5 replies)

I have a few..

I like to drink juice out of tiny little glasses or tea cups meant for dolls.. and i stick my little finger out when i do it.

Mini Chedder mush sandwiches, i eat one get it all mushy and then kinda spit it out onto another mini chedder then place another on top.. only to then eat it and do it again and spit it out on another etc..until the packets all finished.

Celebrity Gossip!

Developing films that have been left in old cameras.

Picking holes in the bottom of my feet.

Sniffing things.

Reading paranormal message boards and scaring myself late at night and having to run away and hide under my covers.. this is the latest thing to freak me out. Obviosly fake... but the video lingered in my mind walking home late from the train station i really did expect it to come stumbling out from behind a bin.

www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article902014.ece

I also like wearing tights in the bath..
( Threnody - Is a filthy, filthy bibliophile & you love it, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:58, 2 replies)

James T Kirk
William Shatners last album, Has Been.

I can't get behind that!
(Fatty Thornton, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:51, 1 reply)

I'm a closet MasterChef lover
I frickin' hate Gregggggggggggggggg Wallace, and the way he shovels food into his mouth, but to hear him shout, "WE WANNA SEE RESTAURANT-QUALITY FOOD," makes me laugh.

Oh, and by the way, he's not an "ingredient expert", he's a fucking greengrocer.
( nightbuffalo needs more duct tape, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:36, Reply)

I like
making up stories that are 100% bollocks for a website I go on, then smugly signing all my posts 'Cheers'.

Cheers
(ratthingbazzterd, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:33, 9 replies)

...
I like to growl at cats. I've been known to lean out of my window in the early hours of the morning to growl at the neighbours cat.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:32, 1 reply)

Recently, and this is awful
I have been using a special deodorant that is basically a massive lump of salt. I don't sweat much, I don't trust anything that merrily covers me in unpronounceable chemicals (unless it makes me look pretty, obviously) but I don't want to smell, and this stuff is amazing - it apparently stops the bacteria forming which is what makes the BO. I just can't, no matter how busy a day, smell. Fantastic.

So then I got thinking. What KIND of salt? It's like a piece of glassy quartz, so it's not like rubbing yourself down with Malvern or LoSalt.

What does it TASTE like?

Frankly, the most salty, salty thing you can imagine with added salt.

And every few days, curiosity gets the better of me again, and I have to see HOW salty, all over again.

Fair enough, this goes on immediately after the shower, but it's still been in my armpit, and I still find it fascinating.

Wrong.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:22, 7 replies)

thanks
to our government does sitting at home smoking & drinking myself to a standstill class as a guilty pleasure nowadays?

Also the album "Stand up" by Jethro Tull. My record collection is stuffed with punk, thrash hardcore metal . . . and a fluffy whimsy folk album by a man who ponces around with a flute. I merrily sing along at the top of my voice to it while battering up and down the M11 in a shit little car
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:17, Reply)

Sid
Sid was an absolute fucking legend around me and my mates a few years ago. Absolutely bloody mental, up for anything, weird and kinky old Sid. We had some of the best laughs of our lives with the guy. Proper good bloke.

Now, part of the reason Sid was a legend was the fact that he was a bit weird. He wasn't the freaky as fuck kind of person you meet - the type that walks around town in slippers muttering and follows you home if you so much as make eye contact. No, Sid just had some interesting sexual persuasions.

And by that I mean anything got Sid going.

ANYTHING.

We've all been in a stage like that at roughly 14 - 16, or younger for some, where anything gets you going. Fair enough. Thing was, Sid was 19 pushing on 20, so the phase had taken him over and held with him. But fair enough, it was always a laugh.

Given the way almost anything got him going, we nicknamed him Pleasures.

We had a few - usually drunken - months of fun with good old Sid, or Pleasures as he was soon known. "Go on, Pleasures, have a wank over that spider plant", or "Hey, Pleasures, fancy dry-humping this park bench?", or the all-time-legend, "Pleasures, bet you can't catch a pigeon and rub your cock over it until you cum?"

He could, it turned out.

We'd met him roughly in February while doing a pub crawl, and his nickname had come probably before even the second week of March. By April we were getting him shitfaced and getting him to do all manner of stuff every night of the week - something I know my wallet wasn't keen on.

May rolled around, and just as it came close to June we didn't see Pleasures for about a week. No problem, he worked nights now and then and got sent out of town every so often, so we didn't think much of it.

Three days before the start of June, we heard from him again. And boy, was he in a panic.

Actually, panic was an understatement. He looked prone to shit himself at any second - he was out of his fucking head. When we asked what the problem was, he wouldn't say.

What he did say, though, was that he needed us to be his alibi. For what, he wouldn't say. But if anyone asked, he'd been with us the entire week. No questions asked.

Obviously, judging by the look of him, we were all concerned, but a mate's a mate, right? So we agreed, somewhat uneasily, that we'd cover for him if any questions were asked.

Shortly afterwards, Pleasures seemed to settle down a bit. He was still on edge though, and he was panic-stricken again after just a couple of weeks, as we discovered when he called in on us to announce he was being taken to court.

"What for?" we demanded to know.

He wouldn't say. But he did want to know if we'd be his alibis or not, just to check. We said yes, but that didn't settle him. In the weeks coming up to the court hearing, he checked we were still his alibis, and he checked a lot. Several times a day in fact.

We were all going nuts by that point, expecting something to happen. Baz, another of my mates, who I shared a flat with (4 of us all rented one together), expected us to be dragged to court with Sid and interrogated about the week in question. That made us shit ourselves. What made us shit ourselves more, though, was how Baz's paranoia (probably from the amount of shit he smoked) made him tell us they'd do it separately, so none of the stories would match, and then we'd be thrown in jail along with Pleasures for whatever the fuck it was he did.

Thankfully, we didn't have to go to court. He was going to name us as 'witnesses' to his being around the week in question, but he cracked as soon as he got in there. Confessed everything and got taken away.

So what did he do?

We found out in the local paper a week after he was hauled away. "LOCAL LAD GIVES GOAT GOOD TIME", announced the headline.

Turns out Sid had disappeared for a week and hung out at a farm, where he had fucked a goat during the night more than once. All was well and good until the farmer caught him one night, and Sid tried blagging his way out of it. Said he was going to plead innocent to his goat fucking in court, because he was innocent.

That photo was the last time we saw 'innocent' Sid. Legend though he was, I don't think we really missed him after that. Well, most of us. I felt sore that I never really got to say goodbye to him.

So this is for you, Sid. Let your story be heard.

Good ol' Guilty Pleasures.
(ratthingbazzterd, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 21:00, 3 replies)

Objects of desire
The Ginger one from Girls Aloud
Gwen Cooper from Torchwood
Penny Smith (newsreader)
Kirst Allsop (some propert shit on TV)

Theres gotta be more...
oh yes, Nigella Lawson
(kitescreech still here, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 20:47, 6 replies)

Big boned my arse!
I have a rather obese cat, we took him to the vet. The vet just said he was a big cat and not fat, ah so he was big boned ¬¬.HE WEIGHTS OVER A STONE! This cat, who is so large he has breasticles, you heard me,breasticles, big floppy bits on his stomach, not quite nuts, not quite tits. Anyway this creates a great surface area for playing bucakroo when he is sleeping. So far I've managed to pile on sweet wrappers, buttons, hairclips, cat-toys, scrabble peices, smarty tubes..sobreros..... before he'll move his fat lardy arse. I love him really....
(Techkitten, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 20:03, 3 replies)

2 Words
Auto Fellatio
(Vic Flange, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 19:49, 4 replies)

Scaring little children
before anyone calls the cops, just my own!

Anyone with any experience of kids will know how quickly they drift off into their own wee worlds. Whether engrossed with a toy, head stuck in a book, or watching telly, they tend to become utterly oblivious to their surroundings.

I so love to sneak right up behind them, and go "Boo" in their ears. The shriek of horror, the jumping vertically off the floor, I just love it!

Having achieved the above, I then spend the next few minutes in fits of laughter, while a severely disapproving daughter looks on in disgust.

I'm going to end up in a really crummy nursing home in my old age, but by god I'll look back and laugh. Assuming I can even remember.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 14 Mar 2008, 19:27, Reply)

hmm guilty pleasures
Crusty bread, cut into thick chunks, slathered in butter and pickle, with rolls of nice decent quality ham, is the sunday afternoon pig out of choice.

Whisky from this place www.smws.co.uk
Expensive but a wee dram of a 24 y/o and a book while curled up in bed is bliss

TMS (thats test match special to all heathens) commentary, especially when playing in the southern hemisphere, dozing off at night to Aggers, CMJ, Boycott et al wittering away with the smack of willow / leather in the background is a great way to unplug the brain and just drift.
Incidentally even if you hate cricket I recommend going to a test match. Its 8 hours of civilised but hard core drinking with 15 people wandering around a lawn 60 yards away for your amusement in occasional bouts of lucidness / sobriety / not queuing at a bar!!
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 19:24, Reply)

My guilty pleasure
I'm a non-smoker me, and can't stand breathing in second hand smoke. In fact, I even consider myself to be a militant anti-smoker. But here's the secret... I have a smoking fetish.

Length? Well, sometimes a cigar really is more than just a cigar.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 19:19, Reply)

when nobody else is around...
...I climb up into the loft, dust down an old suitcase, put on the SS Commander uniform inside and goose-step about between the rafters. My wife would kill me if she found out, what makes it worse is that I'm a Jew.

Oh and I've put on a few pounds in the years since I bought it and I'm really not sure where to take it to to have it modified.
(Chopper3, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 19:16, 1 reply)

I read my housemates diary
I used to like her, but now I know what an arrogant, superficial twunt she is.

"At school I used to be so popular, but now noone seems to notice when I wear cool clothes etc. People on the course who are FAR less attractive and dress badly are more popular. What am i doing wrong?"

That.
(thesophie .tumblr..com, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 19:08, 1 reply)

Catapulting
When I used to live at home and my parents weren't about I used to have great fun by carrying my cat out into the garden and breaking into the fastest run that I could without dropping the cat.

The trick, you see, is to hurl the cat forwards as hard as you can, horizontally, just a few feet above ground level. Like you're passing a rugby ball.

It's impressive watching a cat land on its feet, but it's more impressive watching a cat hit the ground already running at 20mph and racing into a bush at the bottom of your garden.
(Gilbo, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 18:51, 1 reply)

Last Week's
This sort of ties in with last weeks post; as a fully paid up card carrying Gamer, I owned (and played for AGES) Steve Jackson's "Car Wars" - basically you designed and drove around a road or arena a car with Guns/Rockets/Mines/Oil Droppers etc. Great Fun.

When Im driving, I often pretend my car has weapons (like in "Car Wars"); I line up a shot on someone in front of me. I even press the triggers on the wheel. DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA.

Im 38 and drive a FIAT Multipla.
(kitescreech still here, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 18:31, 3 replies)

I smell dead people
I have a persistent in-grown toenail and an absent minded habit of picking at my feet.

Disgusting.

However, when I've absent-mindedly pulled the nail from it's bed (tin-snips - yay!) and it's been cooking in a pair of work boots for a full day, I admit that I enjoy squeezing the dead matter from this odious extremity and giving it a sniff.

It's like squeezing a big spot that smells of rotten flesh and dead fish
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 18:17, Reply)

Daily Mail readers
When in the Supermarket queue, I usually have a look at what the person in front has bought, and try and work out stuf about them (e.g Single parent, a bloke cooking a "special Meal" hoping he gets lucky, getting stuff for school dinners, that sort of thing). But God help them if I see a copy of the Daily Nazi in there...I get very angry (inside) and call them all sorts of names (in my head). Rascist Twunts.

Also I love it at the pharmacy/Chemists, trying to see what people have been prescribed. Nosey bugger aint I!
(kitescreech still here, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 18:13, 2 replies)

Drink Gaviscon
Seriously I love the stuff. It's the fact it tastes disgusting the first millisecond it's in your mouth, then fantastic cooling sensation.

Unfortunately, it also worryingly looks like spunk, and the mouthpiece when drinking it from the bottle is a little too big.

I haven't been caught out, yet.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 17:58, 6 replies)

Well
I want to go to a rave, and I actually want to go just for the music...
not that bad I suppose
( Arsonade is saving up for a new box of hummus, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 17:41, Reply)

My favorite pasta "sauce"
...is poppy seeds + Tabasco + margarine + soy-parmesan.
Another good one is Miracle Whip.
(chase, Fri 14 Mar 2008, 17:33, 2 replies)