Indian Restaurant Flowers
I once convinced an ex that the petals of the flowers on our table were edible and were supposed to help clean the palate.

How I saw the funny side......
(Harold's hip man!!, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 9:02, Reply)

Cup size
When I first started uni I went to the pub with the other people from my course.
One of the lads said 'I can correctly guess a girls cup size just by holding her tits'.
Every last one of us girls fell for it.
However he did get everyone's cup size correct.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:59, 2 replies)

Herpetologist
.
I was oblivious to my mate setting this one up. I was standing at the bar in the Students Union chatting to a few randoms.

A few tables away, my mate was chatting up a sweet, innocent and incredibly naive Goth.

The conversation had turned to snakes as the Goth girl was into them.

"See that bloke at the bar" said Denty, my partner in crime, pointing at me "He's a Herpetologist - well into snakes"

"Oooh" gushes Goth

"In fact, he just took delivery of one of the rarest, most poisonous snakes in the world. If you ask him nicely, he might lets you see it"

Goth was fascinated.

So Denty and Goth rocked up to me. Goth looked at me with big eyes and said:

"If I ask you nicely can I see your One-Eyed Spitting snake?"

I choked on my beer.....

Cheers


Who wants to stroke my snake?

( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:59, Reply)

The Biography of Freddy Krueger
I managed to convince one of my mates during a film night that The Nightmate on Elm Street was a true story based on a serial killer in our area, who (coincedentally enough) kinda looked like her Dad. Come the scene where Johnny Depp is sucked into his bed and liquidised, I informed her the killer would hide under/behind furniture and impale victims while they slept.

She seemed pretty bought into it, so I chuckled to myself for the rest of the film. Turns out when she went back to her Dad's place she had a huge confrontation about him being the most notorious serial killer in Buckinghamshire, threatened to grass him up to the police 'as soon as she found the glove', and promptly moved into her Mum's for the weekend, where she slept on the floor 'so Freddy couldn't sneak up on her'.

I eventually confessed that I made it all up just to see how foolish she was. She was 18 years old at the time. What a plum.
(FoxyBadger (try saying it backwards), Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:58, Reply)

Antipodean Antics
My mate back from the time i lived in Oz decided to finally see how much better a country we have; i mean come on; densely overpopulated, permanent grey skies and rain.. cold, cold, cold rain.. gotta love it *sigh*
Aaaanywho... when she arrived here i did what any sarcastic bastard would and proceeded to explain to her differences in English culture, there were many but two of the golden ones are; the first is that we DO call Police "The Fuzz" over here due to an act passed in Parliament in 1801 (That got her in touble while asking for directions on Oxford Circus!)
The second, and i would argue the best is telling her that in England we call Televisions "Electric Light Boxes"; so imagine my shock when she starts announcing to my flat mates that she is just watching "the electric light box, could you keep the noise DOWN!" and even tries to buy an "Electric light box" in the local Currys.. the staff just looked at her baffled thinking no doubt that in Australia they don't call Televisions TVs... That must have gone on for soooooome months... didn't have the heart to tell her, altho she got her own back when, on a previous years birthday, produced a working pair of police handcuffs, cuffed my arms behind my back onto one of the vertical bars in a nighttime tube carriage bound for Nottinghill, pulled my trousers down and left me to it... bitch!
(SteroidPigOhurugu, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:56, Reply)

Russian potatoes
'They're small, round and purple and are lush on toast. If you can't see them on the shelf ask the shopkeeper'.

Which I did.

Friends can be so silly on Sunday mornings.
........
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:55, Reply)

Hitler Would Never Bomb Rochdale
An ex-boyfriend of my wife (before I met her, we don't have a modern romance) told her that Hitler refused to have Rochdale bombed during WWII, because he wanted the Town Hall as his new Reichstag once the war was won.

I admire her ex-lover so much, as she she still partially believes this.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:53, 4 replies)

The end of the world.
My Ex had a friend who was really stupid and gullible. I mean really gullible.
She was round at our house one day and Im sat on my laptop when all of a sudden, i exclaimed

"HOLY SHIT!!" have you seen the news? What? she said. I said, theres a meteror heading to earth. They reckon its going to impact in about 48 hours somewhere around northern europe. They're saying that most of the northern hemisphere will be wiped out.

Now believe it or not. The prank would have been pulled off better had she known what the "Northern Hemisphere" was. But as she didnt, she didnt seem too bothered. Until I said "WE are in the northern hemisphere!"

I spun the laptop round to giev her a glimpse of an old BBC News article about a comet that was passing by. And she freaked out.

Poor lass phoned everyone she knew to say she loved them and that she would see them on the other side soon.

Funny thing is, we had the TV on at the time, which funnily enough was still broadcasting their usual schedules. Also the lack of any panicking or rioting on the streets would have given it away too.
(Miggyman, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:45, 1 reply)

Questionable parentage
I saw a TV show a couple of years ago which asserted that Michael Aspel was Scary Spice's real dad. Not only did I believe it but I was so gobsmacked that for a couple of weeks I regaled nearly everyone I met with this outrageous revelation.

I now accept that it must have been satire.
( Ramsay Tupper, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:40, 1 reply)

Smackhead
Trainspotting (the movie) came out when I was in my first year at uni. As it was the embodiment of cool, EVERYONE had to see it, and then you'd all come back and talk about how scary and life-affirming it was whilst getting slowly out of your box on weed.

On one occassion I was sitting in my mate's room (I'd known him for all of a few months) talking about the film when he said:

"Well it was a serious wake up call to me, cos I used to be a smack head"

I gulped. I'd never been in the presence of a serious drug user, and since smack scared the shit out of me, I really didn't know what to say.
We eventually became best buds, and he still is to this day, despite the fact that one night when we were sharing a flat a few years later we were watching a documentary about smackheads.

"You gotta be fucking nuts to get into that shit"
"Well, you'd know"
"what d'you mean?"
"Well, you used to be a user, didn't you"

He looked a bit puzzled.

Turned out he'd been messing about, and apparently I was the only person in the room that night that hadn't realised.

What a cunt
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:35, Reply)

Kids look away now.
When I was a kid, we were told that Santa Claus had some magic sleeping powder that would make you go to sleep on Christmas Eve so that you wouldn't see him.

Turned out to be a right bag of lies. I layed awake the whole night on xmas eve - and I did see him!
(Miggyman, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:27, Reply)

Derek Acorah
has a career.

not by my doing I should point out, but there are obviously enough dumb fucks out there to swallow his bullshit.
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:23, Reply)

Tasty!
To my first visit to an Indian, I was told that the hot towel was edible. I wasted no time in finding out resulting with a head in the hands reaction from my friends.
(SPaced I have an irrational fear of sock puppets, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:16, Reply)

The Spaghetti Incident
I once told a rather thick, but large chested colleague that there was a product recall for Heinz Alphabetti Spaghetti because they'd found BSE in it. She'd phoned her whole family, her child's school, and most of her friends before the penny dropped. But on the other hand, she did have a cracking rack.

I also used to believe that Italy wasn't a country, but a spaceship that circled the earth. But who's laughing now, eh?
(Hampton St.Roker (has probably had your mum), Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:06, Reply)

I Can Make Your Nipples Hard
.
As a horny young student I used this trick quite a bit.

I'd bet some nubile young student lass that I could make her nipples hard without touching them.

"No you can't" they'd giggle

"Yes I can" I'd grin "It's a secret taught to me by a Nepalese monk. I bet you 50p that I can make your nipples hard without touching them"

And so the bet was on.

"Put your arms behind your back and stick your chest out" I'd instruct

So there I was. A young permanently horny student with some girl sticking her tits out for me. So I'd grab the tits, give them a good fondle and then hand over 50p.


It was worth it.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:06, 5 replies)

Banks...again.
I once needed some information about my account from Barclays.

I wrote to them, in fact, asking for the information under the Data Protection Act.

The info never arrived, so I phoned.

They told me that they would investigate why I hadn't recieved the info and would phone me back.

I believed them.

This went on for months, until I was phoning their head of departement every day for months - each time being told that they 'would phone me back'.

In fact, this seems to work from any bank or insurance company.

If any large company tells you that they will 'phone you back' don't believe them. It's a trick.
(dchurch bah, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 8:02, Reply)

Wankers
.
When I was in the army, the usual rumours went around about Bromide in the tea to stop all of us sexually-frustrated strapping young lads from breaking out of camp and raping the locals.

I knew it was bollocks because I'd checked. Bromide used in that capacity is classed as a medicine and so has to have your explicit consent.

But some of the lads believed me when I told them that it would be impossible for them to get an erection during Basic Training. Some of them looked quite worried.

Then, one night a bunch of were sitting in the TV room when Jim burst in.


"That Geordie bastard is lying about the Bromide in the tea. I've just had a wank!" he announced proudly.

We pissed ourselves.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 7:09, 1 reply)

.
I once was told everyone on B3ta was nice.
( postal ninja has Transmissible spongiform encephalopathies, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 6:53, 1 reply)

My most gullible moment
Was believing all that was written on /QOTW.
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 6:28, 1 reply)

my family was moving to Germany
from Virginia (I was eight). Some obnoxious kids insisted that in Germany they don't have separate bathrooms for boys and girls, and what's more, the bathrooms just had a wall of toilets with no dividers between them.

I didn't believe them 100%, but on the other hand, I was sure glad when I found out definitively that it wasn't true.

Of course, then I discovered German toilet paper...
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 6:24, Reply)

the dumbest guy I knew....
OK, I know its supposed to be MY gullible moment, but to hell with it.

when we were young lads there was one kid in our 'gang'. Noone could ever figure out who's friend he actually was... but any time we were out playing in the street or geting up to mischief he was always there... you probably know they type... lots of groups have them. He was as dumb as a housebrick.

This may sound cruel but we mostly tolerated him for the fun he offered. Ya see, We used to compete to see who could make him believe the stupidest thing.

I wont bore you with a list... but here are the best two....

1: We convinced him that 'calories' were visible, and by picking these small imaginary particles out of a glass of coke.. we made it diet coke. He spent HOURS staring into a glass trying to spot them before finally proclaiming he could...

2: As little tykes who got up to know good, we, on occasion, tried sniffing lighter fluid. It was the fad of the day after all. Aaaanyway, one of our gang told him it was stronger when lit, and passed him a LIT zippo.... no.... surely not..... he wouldn't..... YUP... pulled it to his nose, took a nice long drag, burned out his nostrils, sreamed, and never trusted us again.

I'm guessing he works for the government now. :)

Click 'I Like This' if you want the full list...
(Poombah the destroyer where did tutt and dth go, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 5:57, 1 reply)

Gday mate. Hows it goin? Whereya from?
You heading out to the bush ay? Bloody dangerous place. Snakes, spiders......drop bears. Yeah? crikey! Every Ausy knows about the drop bears. Those bastards! struith, you dont know about em? theyre a vicious breed of koala. nah, no bullshit! They live in the gums in the bush and lie in wait for the unwary. If you wander under his tree, it'll drop out of the tree on to your head. Theyve got reeely sharp claws, and teeth like bloody sharks! Bugger me if it wont take your head clean off! Been alot of blokes hospitalised, even killed by the drop bear. worse than a croc! especialy at night. Trust me, nice girl like you, you dont want to meet a drop bear. Hey, im a local. I'll make sure your ok no worries! I can spot a drop bear a K away.......
(lazy killer robot found that beer tastes better when your older, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 5:47, 3 replies)

Australia has 36 hours in a day!

I once conviced a friend in Canada that Australia has 36 hour days and that the watch she had just sent me would be useless here.

She was so convinced that this was true that I felt bad and broke the news to her that we have as many hours in a day as they do in Canada..

She was quite pissed off at me and still gets a bit narky with me when I remind her of this event (which I do when the opportunity presents itself) :)
( Jimmer still not dead at, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 5:12, Reply)

I am a fairly suspicious, untrusting person
but my best friend is not.

She'll believe anything you tell her, anything at all, as long as you convey the information in a confident manner and manage to keep a straight face. So easy is she to fool, in fact, that the rest of us have a game where we invent a 'fact', then try to outdo each other to see what she'll believe.

My current top score was achieved when I convinced her that grits (the cooked, ground corn served for breakfast in the American South) come from a tree. They grow in a large pod, rather like a cacao pod, you see, and when the pod ripens it's picked, sliced and the grits are scraped out, sort of like you do with a vanilla bean. The resulting raw ingredients are then dried before packing so they won't spoil or clump up during shipping.

Eventually, I had to clue her in. It was just cruel to let it go on; cruel and entirely too easy.


Ooh, remembered another one -- I had her believing that alpaca are like koala, and they live in the trees of Peru's mighty forests. I tell you, it's far too easy. There's almost no sport in it!
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 4:48, Reply)

Left handed biros and the power of suggestion.
I once worked in a call centre and like every job I've ever had there always seems to be at least one gullible person within the team.

I convinced said girl in this case that a left handed workmate needed some more left handed biros.
You see with a left handed biro the ball rotates anti-clockwise when you write making it easier for lefties to write.

Not only does she collect a pack from a suitably primed workmate, but when I get her to try one out is convinced it feels really strange...

probably looses something in the retelling but it was funny at the time - I tried the Tartan Nail-Varnish gag but even she wouldn't fall for that.
(Titanix, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 4:47, 2 replies)

dingo
Dingo: wild dog native to northern Australia.

Shortly after starting high school in a southern australian city I was walking to school with two mates. Our path took us through the local park behind the main street, through the alleyways between the shops, round some back streets and out onto the main road to school. It was earlyish, a little foggy. Not many people about with all the shops closed. Suddenly, there came an eerie sound; a dog howling some distance off, somewhere in the back streets. Strange, we think. I'm a little spooked as I'm shy, quiet and generally a little afraid of the world. We walk on, but again a lonesome dogs howl breaks our natter, closer this time. Possibly up the alleyway back the way we came. We walk on a little faster. Then, from around the corner ahead, a battered ute pulls up and a bloke leans out the window. "Hey mate, you seen the dingo?" he enquires with an aussy drawl to make Russell Crow hang his head. "DINGO?!!" we gasp "shit!"
"yep", says the bloke "came down on a truck from Darwin, were here to catch it. give us a hand and keep an eye out woodja?". With that, they burn off down the street. Well we were hooked. Bugger school, there was a wild dog to catch! What proceeded was half an hour of three fools running down lanes and back streets in pursuit of the mysterious howling creature. It seemed to move faster than our leggs could run. One of our party packed it in declaring he didn't want to be late, but the last two of us were totally convinced. We were tracking a real live dingo! The adventure, the strangeness and the percieved danger had me totaly captivated. Realisation only dawned appon us as we were searching in earnest and the beast was heard howling just up the street. We turn as one to see the ute boys roll past, the bloke in the passenger seat leaning out the window howling like a dog, and the driver just howling with laughter.... bastards. What possessed a couple of guys who must have been in their 20's to prank three 11 year olds on their way to school with such a drawn out and elaborate scheme is beyond me! I can still recall the sinking feeling as i instantaneously realised how silly we'd been, and that we'd been had so mercilessly. We were now over half an hour late for school. The greatest humiliation coming when we had to explain to the teacher why. Of course, our mate who had bailed on the hunt had already spread the word of a dingo loose in the main street and been laughed down and now denied he had ever believed it, but it left us no room for face or arse saving lies.
(lazy killer robot found that beer tastes better when your older, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 4:46, 1 reply)

*realistic introduction*

*anecdote about gullibility*

*implausible hilarious consequence*

*ha ha, you really are gullible*
( Digeridude Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 3:07, 1 reply)

Genetic Gullibility Disorder
Gullibility is something people are born with, you either have it genetically imprinted or not. That’s my belief anyway and I used to constantly search for people victims with this strange genetic disorder.

About twenty years ago I was attending a training course on Offshore Instrumentation which was conducted in Montrose Scotland and was in fact a pretty good course. Loads of skill sets and theory were introduced, discussed and practiced and I remember pretty well all that I learned even today.

As one of the “older” participants, having worked offshore for ten years previously, I was given the task off team leader and was supposedly to offer my experience to my group during the coursework.

One of the team members was a young local kid, 18 years old and very definitely a person who suffered from the “GGD” (Gullibility Gene Disorder) and being the twunt that I am I had decided that at some point I would “get him”

Interlude, during my stay I met (and exchanged bodily fluids) with a nurse at the local medical centre who’s father managed an Oilfield Supply Store in town and a plan was hatched.

It was a Wednesday morning, we were using stainless steel tube with very small diameters to connect sensing systems which, in the event of an emergency would shut the oil wells down and make sure that the platform offshore was safe. Fiddly work was the order off the day, bending these tubes and hooking all connections correctly and in accordance with very specific engineering diagrams.

Our “GGD” candidate had been assigned a task and I ensured that he did not have enough of this special tubing to finish his task, which led to him asking for more material just before coffee break.

I suggested that he take one of the company trucks, go to the supply store and obtain some more tubing as we had no more stock in the workshop.

A note was made, ensuring that he did not forget what was required and off he went in search off “ 20 feet of 1/8” Outside Diameter Fallopian Tube”

Swift phone call to the nurse’s father, he was in on the joke immediately and when the poor bugger arrived at the store was informed that he had shipped the last of it to the local medical centre, but they may have some left over which he could borrow.

Cue second phone call this time to the nurse, she liked the scam and when the victim arrived she told him that the medical centre had sent the tubes to the local psychiatric hospital and she was sure that they had some spare.

No more phone calls, stupid bugger drives up to the “Loony Bin” and asks the receptionist if they have any spare fallopian tubes. This raised an outraged response with Senior Nursing Staff and the police called to deal with the “intruder”

Two hours later after I was also questioned by the cops he was let go…I also learned that preying on peoples gullibility does not always result in laughter. (Still pissing myself laughing twenty years later as he recounted what happened at the mental health establishment with old ladies almost fainting and other nurses hurling abuse at his insensitivity)
( fagilliD Fuck I'm good!, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 2:44, Reply)

Hang on, I remember one!
I spent most of my life hearing about my war hero grandpa, how he fought in New Guinea, helped defeat the invading Japanese, etc etc etc.
He died when I was young, but these stories were family legend and passed around each Christmas... So a couple of years ago I applied to the War Commission for a copy of his service record.
Turns out he never left Australia, got locked up for dereliction of duty and being drunk a few times and went awol to visit my grandma for a couple of months.
All in all it was a very enlightening read for myself and my family.
I have a cousin who STILL thinks I made the lot up on photoshop and marches in grandpa's medals every ANZAC day.
Knowing what I now do of grandpa, he probably thinks that's hysterical.
( difficultchild, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 2:38, Reply)