Essex girls!
Why don't they just walk round naked all the time, save effort and hard(cough)earned time!

Ba da da ba ba, im loving it
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 17:10, Reply)

Beggers
People that beg on the street, yeah they have no money but im in debt, they have more than me to start with, they should be giving me their spare change!
(anon., Wed 6 Apr 2005, 17:06, Reply)

But why???
Sprouts - Does anybody like them?

New Fords - They all look the same. Why?

Tony Blair - Why does that cunt get all my hard earned pennies?

Easter - Why the hell does the date change each year?
(mrdiddle, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 17:02, Reply)

why
being called a wanker is an insult...

so once in a while you enjoy the pleasures of Mrs hand and her five daughters, so what? So does every other male in the world, and quite a few females also.

Shirley it would be more of an insult not to be a wanker?? for example "Ha ha you don't wank you fooking genitial/limb-less spacktwunt"
(jonnywombat has been a waste of money brains and time since, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 16:50, Reply)

TimberWolf...
Hello me old mate, just swung by to say that you are definitely one of the thickest one's I've seen for a while :-)
(I am the infinite monkey!, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 16:46, Reply)

CHUGGERS
Or Charity Muggers as they are better known. There you are minding your own business when some daft bint or crusty in a charity T-Shirt jumps in front of you and asks if you've got spare time to listen to a stupid crib sheet speach about charities and then expects you to give them your bank details? I mean WTF? am I going to give anybody my bank account number and address? I think not. I don't have any time to spare,because I'm going somewhere because I've got a PROPER job that means I don't have to annoy innocent civilians going about their business. If one of them says 'hello' to you just say 'bye' to them. Another thing that works is threatening to call the Police, as demanding money with menace is a criminal offence. They haven't got a bloody clue.

Sorry but they make me say WTF every time I see one.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 16:37, Reply)

Here goes
The following things perplex me on a regular baisis.

Silent letters: What the flying badger based fuck is the point Psychic is still pronounced Sychich Pwhy Knot Kjust Pstick Psylent Kletters everywhere???

Americas this is for you: it is spelt HERB not ERB it has a fucking H in it.

News Anouncers: "At 10 o'clock I'm Dave McDavehead".... so are you someone else at 9:59??? how long will this transformation last?? till 11???

Religous Types that advertise: If i wanted to beleave what you do I would and stop preaching in the streets damnit you are taking up valuable pavemnt bandwidth!

Cusions on settees: They have no function! I have never sat on an un cussioned settee and though DAMN I NEED A CUSSION!

Women: especialy the types who get all pissy because you do not sychicly know whats wrong. Also the phenominon of women who comeback to work to show off there new baby, I have no interest, we are not rebuilding after teh flood anymore farting out a sprog is not an achivement! Stop showing off damn it.

4x4 cars: That clearly have never gone, nor everwill go off road! Why do you need one in london??? it's flat!

Overtaking lorries: yay! lorry one is doing 54mph but lorry two can put that hammerdown and score 54.00000000000000001mph and overtake, woo yay to you I dont' mind the 20 minutes it takes for you to score a whole lorry length.

Length, girth appoligies at the bottom of posts: beacuse we all secretly like it.

Princes diana: mostly the way she was voted more influential than Starlin, sure she was a nice house wife that did some really good charity, but starlin killed 25million people. A good think, no, but influential?? yes I would say so.

C-List celebs: who is giving them the money to live?

Chavs: no reason required.

Political parities: Conservatives will ALWAYS say the opposite to labor, LibDem will ALWAYS agree with both and say "let raise tax".

Tories: How does Conservative abreviate to Tory????

Love songs: Ladies they are all fully of lies, although I dont like it gangsta rap is the first honest love song about a mans fellings for a lady. We do not want to should from mountain tops or hold you for 13.342 hours, ect we all want you to "Back that ass up"

People who get offended easily watching tv that is likely to offend them and then complaining that they were offeneded: ITC should be issued with a big learning stick to hit these people with.

Grammer/spelling nuts: if you understood the sentance whats the problem? also people who spurn new uses/combinations of words, were it not for these evolutions we would all talk like shakespear (a bad thing i think we can all agree).

Overprotective parents: the ones who wont let timmy play GTA, or watch tom and jerry beacuse if he does he would turn into a member of a gang raping satan death club that eat kittens. I think they need a beating.

Parents that wont smack their kids: I wont screw them up btu it will shut them up, hippies!

feminists: They want equal treatment but are predj against men and still expect the door to be opened for them

You wont be able to sit/walk streight for a week, but you love a big long thick one.
(timberwolf0122 is turkey volume guessing man! Guessing the volumes in terms of turkeys since, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 16:30, Reply)

people who like Bitter.
Tastes like warm, flat lager dregs that has been left in the sun all day, with wee in it.

Which leads me onto why i dont understand why 'hardened bitter drinkers' take the piss out lager drinkers??

whats wrong with a nice cold pint of refreshing, fizzy lager???

and i'm from 'The North' too.

So up yours, ferret lovers.
(nappy rash, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 16:22, Reply)

Tingling
Durex invent new condom called "Tingle" - so called because it provides tingling sensation when used.

What's one of the main symptoms (apparently) of genital herpes and other sexually transmitted diseases?

Yep, tingling...

What I don't get is how this idea managed to go from, presumably a random product development brainstorming session to an actual new kind of johnny without somebody going: "Hang on guys, what is it again that contraceptives are supposed to prevent?.."

Yeyhey! Lost post virginity on the subject of safe sex...
(aninotay, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:53, Reply)

Vauxhall Nova...
I once drove past a Vauxhall Nova and saw a sticker in it that said....wait for it....

"You've just been Novataken".

If that isn't a WTF moment, I don't know what is.
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:35, Reply)

Another rant about cars
Why do stupid little dicks spend thousands 'Maxing' a bloody vauxhall nova/ford escort/golf (insert the name of almost any car you see speeding on a saturday night), when they could have spent the money on a decent car that goes twice as fast without bits dropping off? I did, and I laugh everytime I overtake one of the little twats.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:31, Reply)

Why did we evolve to have a natural 25 hour rhythm when days are only 24 hours long...?
And why do hours have 60 minutes in and 60 seconds in a minute... Absolutely non-sensical.
And I don't get animal rights protesters who wear fur boots (I've seen them), and anarchists who wear nike trainers. And the liberal democrats. Why do they bother? They're not going to win anything, ever, and if they did, they would have made a million promises that are impossible to keep...
Among other things. (Apologies for length/girth etc. if you happened to have been offended by it)
(El Burro, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:28, Reply)

HARRY HILL
I mean WTF?
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:27, Reply)

Old people who drive fast cars at...
20mph, ok, so they're trying to relive their youth, but at least drive your car FASTER than 20mph and DON'T brake every time a car comes in the other direction. Sports cars are WASTED on the old. They should be limited to Fiat Pandas.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:23, Reply)

I don't understand this...maybe someone does?
WTF.... Why do people drive round in their cars with their fog lights on constantly?

Is it foggy? - no.
Are you in a rally? - no.
Are you a complete chimp? - yes.

Important notice to drivers - "the button that switches the fog lights on in your car, can also be used to turn them off".

It is also illegal I believe.
(Bertie Dastard Wax on, wax off, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:16, Reply)

i just dont get....
how people can still make the 'i just dont get it... sex' joke over n over when im sure its been done 100 times before!
(NotSaying lurking is fun, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:13, Reply)

whua?
rant

i can't, for the love of dog, understand why politicians have lost almost all signs of fervor for justicy and common dignity. surely such a person would soon rise ranks due to popularity via democracy? why dont good honest men get elected anymore? people like America's founding fathers, truly noble men with the common good of the people in mind? WHY DOESNT DEMOCRACY WORK???

/rant
(riedacher_bertram, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 15:00, Reply)

Home and Away
kendoddsdadsdogsdead has worked out why Coronation St is so named. This idea of naming a programme about its main location, or theme, clearly also applies to soaps such as Eastenders, Brookside, Neighbours, Crossroads and even the late (un)lamented Albion Market.

But Home and Away? WTF? Nothing to do with football or going on holiday or anything, so where the hell did that name come from?

Eh?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 14:48, Reply)

Scrabble
I don't understand why the tile holder in Scrabble has space for 8 tiles yet you are only allowed 7.
(Boney N left a cake out in the rain, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 14:31, Reply)

Mr Sheen
Shines umteenth things clean.....
(smartcat, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 14:13, Reply)

like oscar wilde said,
to get a loan, you need to prove you dont need it.

where's the sense in that?

edit: and girls that dont understand/hate wanking would understand if they could wank.
(mrmonkfish yolo420weedwizard, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 14:06, Reply)

why didn't sleep get evolved out?
it's such a disadvantage for creatures to spend 30% of their time unconsious. unable to defend themselves, eat or fuck, why didn't it die out as creatures were able to out perform each other by staying awake longer
( monstrinho do biscoito teeeshurts = www.nogunarmy.com, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 13:42, Reply)

Oil Mining
Why has the world not imploded in the vacuum generated by removing a billion barrels of oil from under us everyday?

Or is it this that causes earthquakes....

Conspiracy theory in the making me thinks.
( charlieroker, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 13:27, Reply)

Royals..
Why is it always such an issue that they might actually have to pay for something? They get paid more than the rest of us put together, and still us taxpayers get charged for the cost of their perpetual lives of leisure? What do they do with their money??

Another thing, I can't understand why I've been struggling with IE for so long when Firefox is sooooooooo much better. Ok some may have issues with it, but that's their problem - I won't touch IE again.

Someone said this QOTW would turn into a rantathon, and they were'nt wrong!
(Technotrousers is a caffeine-based lifeform, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 13:16, Reply)

Lay Her on Back...
....and slip in the big one.

For more years than I can remember this was my fathers favourite saying. One day (aged 6 or so) I asked him what it meant. He paused then said 'Its an American baseball thing - it means you're going to try hard to hit a big shot'.

I wandered off happy that I had received an explanation, but absolutely none the wiser. A year or so later started playing t-ball, then baseball. My dad still said it, but no one else did. I kept up the whole thing of not getting it for years. Why did you have to 'lay her back' to hit a big shot?

Years later, I was seeing a rather lovely but quite dim girl. She had read that talking dirty was something men liked. She had enough difficulty with the English language anyway. Out of her mouth comes 'slip me your big boy'. I had a eureka moment regarding dads saying and also a fit of unseemly giggles at this ridiculous statement.
(I am the infinite monkey!, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 12:59, Reply)

What can I say I'm a thicko
Usually I'm a reasonably astute person but certain things just seem to slip my rational thought:

1. On the bus a couple of months back I saw an advert on a van for Miller Bros. It finally dawned on me, the boyband in the 80s Bros actually stood for the brothers Goss, it wasn't such a weird name after all...

2. This week while watching Coronation Street I heard one of the characters book a taxi. Imagine my surprise when I heard them say the address (Coronation Street just in there is anyone in this world as thick as me!) and I finally worked out why the programme was called so...

I made the mistake of declaring this new found fact to my flatmates and now I will forever be chastised, I guess rightfully so
(kendoddsdadsdogsdead, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 12:24, Reply)

On the way home from work today
I saw a billboard. I don't know if Extra candy is available elsewhere in the world - probably.
Anyway. Hard clear little lollies. Breathmints I guess.
But the new ones are orange flavoured.
They don't advertise them as breathMINTs so thats not my problem.
My problem is they have am orange spotted cow on the billboard. What the HELL has a cow, orange or otherwise, got to do with anything?
Please explain?
(KristyGrl, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 12:01, Reply)

I just don't get...
celebrity culture, endorsed by magazines like hello and other such tosh. I was at work yesterday trying to eat my lunch, surrounded by women. Not bad i hear you cry. But all i could hear throughout my meal was "oh God, soandso's put on weight," "She's ugly," "why do we need a new posh and becks? What's wrong with the old ones?" THEY'RE NOT YOUR FRIENDS, YOU DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO COMMENT ON THEIR LIVES!

Sorry
(darkmavis86, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 11:57, Reply)

Economics.
Deep down I really don't understand why, if the government doesn't have enough money, it can't just print more.
( Newington, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 10:52, Reply)

K2k6...
4x4s confuse me too. My dad has a Double-cab Mitsubishi 4life pickup, cos he is a builder. I can't understand those who needlessly buy 4x4s and then never take them off-road. The X5 isn't cheap, it costs a similar amount to other SUVs, but the problem lies in the need to tick a whole load of options to get to a decent spec level.

I think the problem lies in self-image. People don't want to get old, so they buy something which makes them look young and dynamic. This is why big estate cars are no longer popular, and why MPV sales seem to be declining. However, a growth sector is the SAV, or Sports Activity Vehicle (all these acronyms confuse me) like that Seat Altea thing and that new Ford, which are basically sporty MPVs.
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Wed 6 Apr 2005, 10:49, Reply)