Sleighface reminded me,,,
...of my friend who asked for two tickets for 'The Lord of The Rings : The Twin Towers'
( beefandcheese, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:45, Reply)

Americans and geography
To be fair, my US geography is pretty shaky too, so we can hardly blame them for not understanding Europe. However, I was pretty sure the woman who had phoned to sell me a holiday was wrong in suggesting that if I wanted to visit Disneyland I could always get a bus from New York. I was considering a weekend break.

Oh, and another classic from the ex who thought the special effects in Casablanca were rubbish. She had a temp job selling loans over the phone and spent several minutes explaining to a bemused bookmaker all the things he could do with the extra capital, such as buy paper, new printing and binding equipment, etc. Yes, I was still dazzled by her fantastic breastage at this point in the relationship.
(Throbbe, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:44, Reply)

Boden
I heard Phill Jupitus call it be-three-tea-ay this morning when introducing Rob. Go him.
(Lord of the Pies, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:34, Reply)

Dumbness in Durham
I met some amazingly dumb people at Durham university. This includes a whole social group who were unaware that the wax on a candle burned. They thought it was there to hold the wick up, then dribbled down the sides.

Durham cathedral is light up at night with big spotlights. One girl thought it lit up at night because it was made of glow-in-the-dark bricks.
(shouldwork, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:30, Reply)

I had a girlfriend
(honest!) once who was of ample breast and long curly blonde hair. One day when driving to a party, she bleated for no apparent reason, "Remember, remember the 5th of September". ..........

I chose not to respond.
( theWooinator, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:24, Reply)

my dad
i just remembered this when i thought of my mom's earlier cd mishap.
we were at the cinema waiting to see Van Helsing... he asked for two tickets to see 'Van Halen'. the cinema guy was like 'hahahhaaha van helsing?'

oh the shame.
(Sparkypinkguitar, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:23, Reply)

Someone just asked me...
...if there was a control panel setting that would change all of Windows fonts to arial... In every single program and editing package.


SillyWilly - I used to pronounce B3TA 'Bee-Three-Tee-Ay' Still do sometimes, force of habit
( beefandcheese, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:17, Reply)

Housemate
My housemate persists in pronouncing 'b3ta' as 'bee-three-tah'. The first time I heard him say it I thought he was joking, but sadly he wasn't. I've even showed him the faq but I don't think it's made a difference, he still comes in and says to me, "Have you seen that great photo on the front of bee-three-tah?" I've given up.
(SillyWilly, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:13, Reply)

uni
This morning, in a tutorial, sitting round waiting for those punctual creatures called lecturers, this guy said "how much to do you have get to get 40% in the exam" this is just one day in the life of an undergrad's life.

Secondly my flat mate walked in and asked " whats the sitcom with those young ones in, Rik mail (SP) and Neil?

Thirdly, at work, in a bar always busy always understaffed the boss walked in and asks " are there any mugs behing the bar"
(Bored, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:10, Reply)

The Lord's Prayer
I can't remember it all now, but as kids we were forced to say the Lord's prayer in school. However, I slightly mis-understood a part of it.

"Our father, who art in heaven, Harrold be thy name"

Cue much laughing in my face upon asking my dad why God was called Harrold.
(bunny_333, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:09, Reply)

Troy
there's four secretaries who sit behind us, they're a constant source of amusment for us.
In this example one had just leant the other Troy...
Woman 1 You know that Achilles?
Woman 2 Yeah,,
Woman 1 Well i don't understand how he can get hit by all those arrows and not die?
Woman 2 I know
Woman 1 and then one gets him in the ankle and he keels over, i mean i know it's sore when you get hit there but i din't think it would kill him
Woman 2 Yeah.....

I could post forever on this question....
(furious trout, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:08, Reply)

Xmas hampers and a room full of women
When discussing the works Xmas hampers I noticed that the proposed vegetarian hamper had a tin of yellow fin tuna in it.

"I hope you're not going to be putting that into the final hamper" I said. I should have saw it coming.

"There're different types of vegetarian", "All my vegetarian friends eat fish", "I know some who only eat chicken".

I thought about explaining but in the end I thought I would have a better chance teaching my ginger cat quantum mechanics.

Just a thought... all these stupid people are allowed to sit on juries.
(Yellow Car is now red, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:08, Reply)

Our American Friends...
When I was working in the middle east one of my co-workers was a very intelligent, articulate american. He really was one of the cleverest people I knew and had just graduated from a good law school.
He was telling me one day how he grew up on a farm and how much fun he used to have on the his dad's tractor. He suddenly stopped and looked at me apologetically and said the immortal words "Oh I'm sorry. Do you know what I mean? I don't think you have mechanised agriculture in Europe do you?"

Well, it almost made me drop the piece of straw in my mouth and soil my smock. Still he did introduce me to the internet...

Oh yes. He also believed that one of the main parks in Tokyo called "Yoyogi" was named after Yogi bear!
(Gusofnavarone always makes a map of france from sarnies, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:07, Reply)

French Major
My brother-in-law earned a graduate degree in history and attends local social gatherings of history professors from the surroundng universities. My sister, holder of a lowly French degree, is allowed to attend despite the lack of credentials. Generally she can hold her own in conversation but one night she had her shinning blonde moment.

This night the gathering was playing a party game. Everyone had the name of a famous historical figure taped to their back. The other guests would then work hints into the conversation and from this one is supposed to guess the name on one's back. My sister was Martin Luther.

My brother-in-law had quickly guessed his name and retired to a couch and was reading a book, apparently ignoring the rest of the game. My sister was a little slower, but soon figured it out and tried to blurt out the answer. But instead of saying "Martin Luther" she kept saying "Martin Luther King."

People started gathering around her giving more and more hints. She kept repeating "Martin Luther King" in a louder voice. Soon half the party was surrounding her giving strong hints in pointed voices, also getting louder. Suddenly the whole group turned with an exasperated look on all of their faces and gave a look at my brother-in-law. Without looking up from his book he says "French Major." The group in unison says "Aah" and nods their heads. That explained everything.
(BlahBlahBlah, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:07, Reply)

My friend is an air stewardess
and she encountered a man who complained about everything from the flight movie to the food to the heating. Well, on helping him get his overstuffed bag out of the cabin locker on the way out, he remarked "I don't have this trouble when I fly BA" To which my friend replied as quick as a flash, "No. Neither do we."

Ignorant bugger!
(Mike Literis, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:06, Reply)

Wembly Park?
Was walking into Wembly Park station and passed a (I assume) foreign couple with 3 kids and all the paraphernalia that goes with them. As i walk past i hear the woman turn to the man and ask in an unimpressed voice "So where is this park then?"

I was tempted to tell them that they would have a much more enjoyable family day out at Oxford Circus!
(wozza_c, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:03, Reply)

A lad in my class at college said
of the darkened classroom full of computers we were waiting outside:

"It looks like a spaceship in there"

Honestly, he comes out with the most random shit ALL THE TIME - I could fill this page up.
The weird thing is he's going to uni next year and he's really thick.
( Lord Keeps meaning to procrastinate., Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:01, Reply)

Guess what her hair colour is ?
Friends mate drives round to the house in the summer. "Oh, you've lost one of your lenses out of your sunglasses", so she goes to look outside and in her car.

She found it AT HOME the next day. It's only fifteen minutes away I suppose, and she did have a bubble perm.
(Yellow Car is now red, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:00, Reply)

reminded by an earlier answer
my mum once asked HMV for a "ministry of defence" cd (as opposed to sound...)
(Hazhar, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 13:00, Reply)

After some thought,
My mate Olly declared his favourite transformer to be "Transformatron"
(gavD, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 12:53, Reply)

Little kid
I was out shopping in London, there was a woman walking the other way with a young child in a pushchair. Just as we passed we heard the child say excitedly:

"Mummy, Mummy! Can we go to Tate Modern?"


I dunno, kids today...
(crunchie, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 12:47, Reply)

i overheard my sister having a conversation about swimming pools..
"it's easier to float in the deep end right, because there's more water underneath you?"

to my disbelief her friend agreed
( viperrr mostly comes out at night, mostly, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 12:25, Reply)

Islands float on the sea
don't they?
That's what a friend of my roommate thought.
She's a university student.
( gnu2000, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 12:04, Reply)

Hard of thinking?
Please, if you're a little hard of thinking, consider whether you should be posting to this QOTW.

I quote from another post:
"After a little while old plays were descused at which point one mate ssid and I quote "So who invented shakespear anyway" And they say the young inheret the earth, Oh dear."

Not naming names, but perhaps it would have been better if Mr Brain had been awake.
(fogbat, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 12:01, Reply)

Aussie bumsex..
Being an ex-pat Englisher living in Oz, I am often given impromptu “lessons” about Australian history whether I want them or not.
I think my favorite was a somewhat racist colleague telling me the sexual preferences of heterosexual Aborigines. He was absolutely convinced they *only* indulged in bumsex and that it had been this way for centuries.

He really hadn’t thought that one through.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 12:00, Reply)

In my sister's drama class
'today we are going to look at some shakespeare'
horribly stupid chav girl 'Did shakespeare write titanic?'
............ yes he was like 500 years ahead of his time.

My mother once asked HMV for the 'new janet street porter album' (meaning manic street preachers)
(Sparkypinkguitar, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 11:52, Reply)

This is true
I used to work in a holiday resort in wales (yes apparently they do exist) so we get are fair share of less-than-intelligent tourists. the best one though has to be the backpacker type woman who came into the shop i was working in at the time, walked up to the counter and calmly asked "where am i?"
(Absynth&Cheese Have you tasted my Jesus, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 11:46, Reply)

Overheard at Alien Vs Predator screening...
Her: What's that?

Him: That's an Alien.

Her: What's that?

Him: That's a Predator.

Her: What's happening?

Him: They're fighting.

I can see how you'd get lost in the complicated plotting and subtextual metaphor of watching exactly what it says on the poster happening on screen.
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 11:40, Reply)

blondes
I told a blonde joke to my blonde friend. She didn't get it.
( slippery doctore, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 11:35, Reply)

Over heard at screening of Schindler's List

Woman 1: What did you think?

Woman 2: It was very moving, but I was very disappointed.

Woman 1: Why's were you disappointed?

Woman 2: There was no break for a choc ice.

Hmmmn. I can see how you'd fancy and ice cream while watching the Holocaust in full flow.
(Error 404 - Username Unknown, Tue 11 Jan 2005, 11:35, Reply)