That woman who goes 'ISA ISA baby'

( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:44, 13 replies)

Peaches Geldof
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(penrose your dog's got tits, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:39, 5 replies)

While we're on the subject of using the English language
It's not 'haitch', you tits! It's 'aitch'!

Sometimes h-rid can be rational...
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:38, 4 replies)

People who say "obligated"
It's "obliged" you fucktards...
(penrose your dog's got tits, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:34, 11 replies)

People who are professionally successful despite being fucking awful at it.
It happens a lot these days

F'rinstance, there's loads of singers who either can't hit a note more than half the time, or if they can, can't be heard unless they have a radio mic strapped so close to their mouth that it looks like a piercing. Examples include Geri Halliwell (can't sing, but does it loudly), Madonna (can't sing loud), Britney Spears (can't sing or do it loud), any reality TV Cowell sockpuppet who has to be Autotuned to death to be able to get anywhere near the notes written. Leonard Cohen and Bob Dylan can't sing for shit these days (Cohen never could). They are terrific songwriters, but if they ever go near a microphone I'll give them a Chinese burn somewhere it won't heal.

Actors who can't act - almost every single soap star who hasn't been seen in anything before they start out in soaps is cast because they're so like the written character they don't have to act. This is an advantage in the frenetic pace of soaps where agonising about plot and character would drive sane people mad, but anywhere else (aside from sleb cameos e.g. panto) it's easily exposed as "being a shit actor".

Any singer or actor who, after they've already hit the big time, starts having singing or acting lessons is a case in point. (Fair enough if you're keeping existing skills sharp, but if you're acquiring them in the first place you can fuck off.)

All the current senior execs in the banking industry.

Most of the last four or five UK Cabinets (and all the current one, without exception).
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:33, 1 reply)

Unnecessarily long pauses...
When someone gets your attention and then starts to think about what they wanted to say, leaving you waiting for ages until they finish what they had to tell you, I think I shall just start walking away in future.

Oh, and being called 'Mate' by strangers, I'm not your f*cking mate and if I was your mate you'd certainly know not to call me 'Mate' ;-)
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:31, 4 replies)

More of a pet peeve really.
There is a massive difference between informed opinion and spouting your Daily Mail/Express/Sun fuelled prejudices.
Don't come telling me that "Muslims always get their own way" or "it's one rule for them and one for us".
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:30, Reply)

People who, when I tell them I don't drink, insist on saying "Oh, we'll have you drunk by the end of the night"
or some such phrase. That's not my irrational hatred. That's quite rational. The irrational hatred is the thought of myself being drunk.
Now, there are plenty of rational reasons for being Tee Total, but the only reasons that spring to mind for me are things like "that one time I saw someone completely legless" or "when that skanky whore came on to me"

As a side effect, having never drunk anything intentionally means that as soon as I take a sip of the inevitable spiked drink I instantly get that warm feeling in my extremities, you know, the kind that happens when you're cold and you drink a really hard liquor. Happened to me with a Coke that was spiked with Reef. That, and the really fruity flavour gave it away.
(Canazza is mostly listening to Yes, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:27, 6 replies)

I really hate
People who have an irrational hatred of something, just get over it you freaks.
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:26, Reply)

People who
when asked how they are say 'Not three bad'
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:24, 1 reply)

Oh and also
A recent development, people who say "I'm going for/had an Indians" I hate them it's an indian or a curry!
(Mong goose, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Kids in band t-shirts.
Of bands they've never seen. Bands who probably broke up before they were out of short pants. Bands whose lead singers died before they were even born. Punk bands. As if anything in your soppy little life has ever been punk.

Yes. I'm talking to you. With your coconut-scented hairstyle and your designer skinny jeans and your fey little mummy's boy face and a Ramones t-shirt a fucking Ramones tshirt you whining bourgeouis fop-haired wannabe CUNT

And relax.

Wuv oo.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:23, 6 replies)

SCSI hardware
and I cannot think why I hate it. I've only ever had one SCSI cd writer and it was pretty much problem free.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:17, 5 replies)

Here's a really irrational hatred:
Koalas.
I just feel like they're taking the piss.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:17, 1 reply)

It's NOT IRRATIONAL!
*blows dust off post*
Ancient Pearoast ahead....


*Gets on soapbox again*
Poor grammar and spelling
This is not an irrational hatred; this is entirely valid.

I'm afraid I do not ascribe to the view "I had a poor education/I've got dyslexia/a spot on my bum" - Why? Because education is not the entire responsibility of a school.

The law states that parents have the legal responsibility to ensure their children are educated, they in turn often (but not always) hand their children over to the local state run schools to do the job.

However, children are only in school for part of their time each day, likewise most people have finished in education by the time they are eighteen or twenty-one. Learning goes on throughout your life, so if you didn't pick up the basics of communicating efficiently with your fellow humans at school, learn now!

The same applies to dyslexia - as a child you may not have the intellectual resources to get around your particular form of dyslexia, but do not, ever, use it as an excuse for bad English - as an adult you have the ability to find out where to get help and often with a dyslexic brain you are also able to think far more creatively than non-dyslexics…Leonardo Da Vinci, Albert Einstein, Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison, John Lennon, Pablo Picasso. Don't tell me they couldn't articulate themselves or communicate sufficiently because of their dyslexia.

So, onto the pearoast:-



Firstly if you have problems with spelling - no need to feel any shame or fear, it's a common problem and also one easily dealt with. Use Firefox. Set up the English Dictionary Automatic Spell Checker. Each word you misspell will appear with a dotted red line underneath. You need only click on the word and you will be given the opportunity to choose the correct spelling. Alternatively write your QOTW offering in Word or similar and run a spell check.


Secondly if you are unable to use proper English Grammar either purchase or borrow (from a library - if there are any left around you) a copy of the excellent 'Eats Shoots and Leaves' by Lynne Truss. This deals with most common problems and will put you on the path to righteousness. For the more pedantic out there purchase a copy of Strunk and White's 'Elements of Style'.

As a small note….


Its - this is the possessive version - e.g. The monkey grimaced; its turds were massive.

It's - this is a contraction - a shortening of two words - It and Is - e.g. It's nearly the end of the week; time for a new Question.

Their, There and They're

Their - Possessive - Their house - the house belonging to them.

There - Positional - Over there - Their house is over there.

They're - Contraction - They are - They're over there in their house.

Also beware of homophones - these are not phones from nokia (ha!) but words which sound the same but are spelt differently.

Your (possessive - belonging to - Your fart was smelly.
You 're (contraction)You are smelly.

There is also the abomination that is commonly known as the Greengrocers' apostrophe - as in Tomatoe's, Potatoe's
's means it belongs to someone! It's tomatoes, potatoes, vegetables.

Plurals are shown by a simple s or es

Please, please for the love of all that's good and ginger be aware of these few small rules - use a spell checker, read your post before you click Post and most importantly ensure you know how to use (what is for the majority of you) your FIRST language!

And now I can return to my dusty cupboard.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:15, 14 replies)

Queen
I've always disliked nearly everything they ever did, as far back as I can remember (up to and including Bohemian Crapshoddy)

I used to think it was because Freddie Mercury was annoying. Then he died, and I realised that the one who really twanged my wires was Brian 'I'm rich enough to ignore anyone who says my hair makes me look a total cunt, and besides it matches the barnet on my raddled ex-soaper missus' May.

Some of the tunes are appealing enough to my lower brain functions that I'll find myself tapping my foot in time with them if they're on a pub jukebox or the like, but as soon as I notice I'm doing it I hate them even more.

There's only one decent song Queen ever recorded, and that's "You're my best friend". The reason? John Deacon wrote it, not Mercury, May, or Taylor.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:13, 2 replies)

dancing
I've never tried salsa dancing, but that's because I just don't fancy having a go. It doesn't appeal to me in the slightest, no more than joining a Sunday league football team, or getting a tattoo.

However, my mate and his wife has taken it up and it's taken over their lives. He never stops banging on about it. I'd say three-quarters of his Facebook posts mention it and ALL of his wife's posts are about salsa.
Because he doesn't stop prattling on about it, and repeatedly nattering me to go along to try it out, it's gone from indifference to a complete hatred of salsa dancing. Before, my opinion would've been "Meh..". Now it's "I would rather stand on an upturned bacon-slicer slowly getting shorter and shorter.

They have become salsa-bores, a variant of ski-bores. Actually, I wouldn't mind having a go at skiing. By that I mean sliding down a mountain on the snow rather than wanking off a bloke either side of me.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:12, 6 replies)

People who say Cheers





Cheers
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:11, 8 replies)

I hate Stonehenge.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:10, 4 replies)

People who say or write 'Legos'
Not 'Lego' or 'Lego bricks'. Agh. Gun them down with hammers. Or something.

And if you think that's not irrational enough for this QOTW, you haven't seen quite how sharp I would want the hammers to be. And you're now as equally annoying as people who say 'Legos'.
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:06, 14 replies)

People who use the word "monkey" to include apes
Yes, I know that monkey is an acceptable generic term for primates in informal speech. But not to me it isn't. Grrrr.

I mean, really, there are only 5 types of ape, it's not difficult...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:06, 6 replies)

I bought myself a Cadillac last April - quite a nice shiny new one.
It was a stupid move, because the damn things are no good when you're driving off road in Ireland. Several times, the damn thing got stuck in the mud and I had to ask a neighbour with a tractor to help me pull it out. "Nice car" he said, with a tiny grin he didn't try nearly hard enough to hide. Still, when someone is helping you, you've got to be nice about it.

I spoke to my local mechanic, and he said "What you want is a new set of tyres". I couldn't see how that would help, but he'd been straight with me in the past. So he suggested a local manufacturer, who was doing innovative things with natural fibres. I kitted the car out with four new tyres and a replacement spare, and my new Eire CIEN All-Hay Treads made every drive up the dirt track as smooth and problem-free as it was made-up.

I sold the car, but I still use the same mechanic to service my Accord.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:04, 3 replies)

Woody Allen
I know a lot of people that think he's a film making god.

I just hate every thing he's made / been in. I couldn't even watch Ants because he was in it.
(chilling, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:04, 9 replies)

People who don't let you answer the questions which they ask you
EG "Do you know where the car keys are?"
"Ye.."
"...cos if I don't have them right away our cat will die"
"I'm trying to tell..."
"...look at him, his eyes are swollen and he's coughing like an asthmatic"
"Christ luv, they're...."
"...you're not going to let him die now are you? This is urgent you know!"
"THEY'RE OVER THERE YOU TWAT!!!!"
"...........oh he's coughed up a hairball now. Can you get a cloth?"

For fuck's sake.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Coughing
People who try to cough quietly, so as not to bring attention to themsleves, causing them to produce little 'ahooo' noises every 5 seconds.

Cough properly once, a nice big deep lung clearer and shut the fuck up you irritating, asthmatic sounding, bellend!

Also people who sniff continuously...cunts!
(Pectacular Almost spectacular...but somethings missing!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Truly irrational
√2, √5, and the natural log thingy e
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:02, Reply)

The word "orientate"
I maintain that the verb is "to orient". Otherwise the active state would be "orientatation", which is clearly crap.

This is irrational because I've realised that there is a case for having both, with subtle shades of meaning. But it still makes my teeth grind.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:01, Reply)

people who fill silence with noise
this includes people who sing, whistle and hum...

seriously shut the fucking fuck up, there is no need for you to make any noise, you're just walking down a corridor/doing the dishes/about to be shot in the back of the head with a crossbow by me
(Clashrock is being stalked by his brother on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:59, 3 replies)

Clubbing.
Clubbing. Does anyone really go clubbing now that animal cruelty is so much at the forefront of our minds? Moles, seals, badgers, whatever. I mean what's the point if you're not going eat the meat or wear the fur.

Oh sorry? You mean you're going out to a night club??
(ymmit, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Morrissey
Fucking CUNT. My hatred for him knows no bounds. I want to imprison him in an oubliette for a month with only rat carcasses to live on, then release him and torture him to death slowly and forensically over a period of months, only letting him die when he has gone irretrievably insane.

Neil Morrissey, I mean. Knobhead.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:57, 2 replies)